The 2017 DSR Worst Detroit Sports Media Tournament Preview

The bracket was released earlier this week and the 2017 DSR Worst Detroit Sports Media Tournament will start in a couple of days. Before the games tip off though, we felt it necessary to provide some thumbnail sketches of the combatants. Some are longer than others as the awfulness of many entrants is self-explanatory.

This is actually Moss’ least favorite article to write all year so Mihir Bhatnagar helped him with many of the “Pros and Cons.” Seriously, if you make it through this entire article you should get a medal.

A more thorough breakdown will come when the tourney is down to the Excrement Eight.

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

THE RONA DANZIGER REGION

1] Doug Karsch, WXYT-FM

Pros: He isn’t Scott Anderson.

Cons: “Open lines: 248-539-9797. We go to Benedict in Ann Arbor. Benedict, you’re on 97.1 the Ticket. Hi Benedict.”

If you subtract commercials, phone calls, “Have you ever” topics, and the amount of time he spends giving out the station’s contact information, Doug Karsch actually talks sports for 47 minutes a week.  And in those 47 minutes you get to hear gems like, “Athanasiou falls down a lot.” Or, “I gotta tell ya, I‘m encouraged by what Martha Ford is doing since taking over.”

Karsch can also lay claim to one of the laziest gimmicks in sports talk radio. “Champ & Chump” consumes 75% of their Monday shows. 80% if you include the time he spends scolding callers on “the rules” of this abomination. “Kevin, you can’t chump an entire team, ya need to narrow it down.”
One of Karsch’s favorite lines is “…in this job, you can’t be reactionary; you have to let things play out. You need to examine a story/game from all angles.” This is precisely why he is constantly 6 months late to EVERY party.

As of February 16th, 2017, the DSR is still waiting for Doug to finally sign off on the Tigers selling Price, Cespedes & Soria.
Unfortunately for Doug Malkin, he is forced to share a studio with Scott “The Gator” Crosby. Otherwise, we’re likely talking about numerous MVPs. Doug epitomizes the late 1990s St. Louis Blues. Solid performer, solid résumé, perennial Cup contender. But sadly, always has to go through the Wings (Lynn Henning), Avs (Anderson) or Stars (Chris McCosky).

Could this be his year?

16] Jim Brandstatter, Lions and Wolverines Radio

Pros: Robbie Timmons married him, so how bad can he be? Not bad as a Lions color shill.

Cons: In completely over his head doing play-by-play for Michigan football on the radio. Seems like a really good guy, but the thought of him on top of Timmons earns him a spot in the 2017 bracket. The Wolverines played Hawaii this past year. Brandy butchered so many names that he could have starred in a sequel to Gangs of New York.

8] Ted Kulfan, Detroit News Red Wings beat writer

Pros: If you missed an Ansar Khan Tweet, wait five minutes and you’ll get it from Ted.

Cons: Probably the least offensive of all the Wings’ beat writers but still a total shill for Ken Holland and the organization. Another of the “diggers” who loves grit and can’t wait to write propaganda about Steve Ott or Luke Glendening.

9] Ken Daniels, Red Wings TV Play-By-Play

Pros: Does a good job with the technical aspects of his job.

Cons: Another in a long line of DRW apologists. Of course, unlike the beat writers, at least he gets paid for his ridiculous shilling for Holland and Company. Probably will sit shiva more diligently over the pending end of the playoff streak than [redacted].

5] Mickey Redmond, Red Wings Color Announcer

Pros: He mainly only covers the team at home because of an odd disease, thus sparing us from his hackneyed “wisdom” for around 35 to 40 games a season.

Cons: A poor man’s Don Cherry who thinks CTE, alcoholism and advanced stats are all make-believe. Luckily, he is allergic to spoons.

12] Vince Ellis, Detroit Free Press Pistons Beat Writer (Play-In)

Pros: That picture of him in a powder blue tuxedo is the gift that keeps on giving.

Cons: Ellis went from a contender to win this tourney during the Joe Dumars’ Days at the Palace to a mere afterthought this year. The only real gripe with Ellis would be his ass-kissing of Tom Gores which leads directly to Gores giving Ellis preferential treatment for breaking stories.

12] Tony Paul, Detroit News (Play-In)

Pros: Nobody covers the Tigers better than Tony Paul. Normally strong politically. Good poker player.

Cons: One of this site’s darlings, Tony Paul had a rough 12 months. He got beat by Moss on the 105.1 flipping formats stories and then didn’t properly credit Joff Mess, which led to a bizarre Periscope; buried the Indians months before they almost won the World Series; and couldn’t stop Tweeting about some amateur golf tournament at Oakland Hills.

Oh. And this ….

Yikes.

4] George Malik, Red Wings Slapdick Blogger

Pros: Can’t think of anything.

Cons: This irrational fanboy didn’t earn his high seed due to his typically awful Red Wings takes over the past year (which included defending Ken Holland for passing on Jakob Chyrchrun when trading away Pavel Datsyuk’s dead contract).

No, Malik is a #4 seed because he participated in a Q and A with the awful agent of Datsyuk (Dan Milstein) without telling the public he was bought and paid for by the miniature mortgage broker.

11] Paula Pasche, Oakland Press Lions Beat Writer

Pros: Nobody reads what she writes.

Cons: Paula loves lists. Well, here is one. Lions beat writers who are better than she is:

1) Justin Rogers
2) Kyle Meinke
3) Michael Rothstein

3] Gregg Krupa, Detroit News Backup Hockey Writer

Pros: If need be, Luke Skywalker could live in this slob’s disgusting beard for a few hours if he is ever freezing in the Hoth cold again.

Cons: The man roots from the press box. Another Holland and Datsyuk apologist. The shift button must be broken on his laptop as he uses more CAPS than Gary Dellabate.

14] Rick Mahorn, Pistons Color Radio Announcer

Pros: He was a member of the Bad Boys.

Cons: People actually listen to the Pistons on the radio to know that Mahorn isn’t good?

7] Tom Mazawey, Unemployed from 105.1

Pros: He’s no longer spewing his AWFUL sports takes on the radio.

Cons: He blamed the victims ….

Do you need anything else?

Oh, ok ….

105.1 tripled their ratings when they got rid of Mazawey and the Gang and flipped to a pissed-on version of SiriusXM’s Backspin.

10] Kyle Bogie, WXYT-FM

Pros: Got us.

Cons: Allegedly a Mike Valenti wannabe. We can’t be sure since we’ve never heard him.

Douche bag.

Looks like he is well on his way to Matt Dery’s career trajectory with that picture. Which means he will be teaching at Catholic Central in 2034.

2] Brad Galli, WXYZ-7
Pros: He’d be a perfect date. For your 12-year-old daughter.

Cons: Well ….

15] Tori Petry, Lions Website

Pros: She’s nice to look at. We can say that as she used to compete in beauty pageants. It’s not misogynistic.

Cons:

 

THE JASON DIXON REGION

1] Paul Woods, Red Wings Color Radio Announcer

Pros: He gives hope to people everywhere who can’t talk that they one day could get a job in broadcasting.

Cons: A total shill for Ken Holland to the point you’d think Holland is handing him notes during the game on what to say. A few weeks ago he actually labeled Jonathan Ericsson and Danny DeKeyser as “shutdown” defenders.

Does not believe in math. Hates advanced metrics. Tries to sell the fanbase that goals, Corsi and possession rate are all overrated and that grit is the only measurable you should concern yourself with.

In a game against the Nashville Predators, he bombed former Wings prospect Calle Jarnkrok for not being a 20 goal scorer while defending the goalless Riley Sheahan moments later.

Says “uhhhh” during one period more than the number of points Wayne Gretzky scored in the 1982-83 season.
An absolute cancer in the Detroit sports media and a reason many Red Wings fans are still clueless about the franchise he works for.

16] Mike Sullivan. Producer 97.1

Pros: Who knows?

Cons: Mike Valenti enabler. Replaced Jim Bentley when Bentley wouldn’t play the role of Valenti’s “Yes Man.”

8] Shawn Windsor, Detroit Free Press

Pros: His doppelganger is now in prison for child molestation.

Cons: I honestly have no idea what this guy did in the past year. I’m just assuming he was as vanilla as he has been in previous years.

9] Jim Price, Tigers Radio Color

Pros: Ripped the Tigers and Ausmus numerous times last season when they weren’t performing well.

Cons: Eats while on-air. Repeats the same phrases over and over again. Hates math.

5] Jeff Riger, 97.1 Talker

Pros: Will ask tough questions when properly employed as a station reporter.

Cons: Had arguably the worst take of the year when he dared to suggest that BARRY SANDERS was overrated. Got exposed big-time when he was Valenti’s co-host for a few months.

12] Tim Twentyman, detroitlions.com

Pros: Will criticize the Lions from time to time. Routinely cites stats from Pro Football Focus.

Cons: Bought-and-paid-for propagandist.

4] Ansar Khan, Wings Beat for Mlive.

Pros: Delivers Red Wings news in a timely manner.

Cons: That news is often incorrect. Still can’t get line combinations/lineups right. Another Holland stooge. Blocks anyone on Twitter who dares to question the Wings organization.

13] Mickey York, Fox Sports Detroit

Pros: Has some killer dance moves.

Cons: Another happy-go-lucky slapdick at FSD. Sense a pattern here?

6] Matthew B. Mowery, Oakland Press Tigers Beat

Pros: Very concerned about the well-being of his child.

Cons: What professional journalist speaks this way? Repeatedly calls Victor Martinez “professional bateador.” Another in a long line Brad Ausmus apologists.

11] Jamie Edmonds, WDIV

Pros: Isn’t Bernie Smilovitz.

Cons: During a 2016 DSR Podcast, former WDIV sports anchor Eli Zaret told us that Jamie’s boss called Eli and said, “I’ve got a problem with this new woman I hired. I think she thinks it’s her job to root for the teams.”

Yep.

3] Lynn Henning, Detroit News

Pros: Proved to be correct on almost everything related to politics from the past year.

Cons: Wrong about almost everything Tigers-related. Had the audacity to claim that Ausmus is one of the “better-regarded skippers in the game.” Still thinks anyone who criticizes him is Jeff Moss. Would be a 1 seed if it weren’t for his political takes.  Do you really need a long summary on why Henning is bad?

14] Mario Impemba, Tigers TV

Pros: Hates Rod Allen as much as we do.

Cons: A stooge incapable of saying a negative thing about the Tigers. Cites fielding percentage as an indicator of a good defensive team.

14] Bob Duff, formerly of the Windsor Star.

Pros: Nobody knows who he is. And since he took a buyout at the Windsor Star, even less than nobody will know who he is.

Cons: Creams his pants at the mention of Steve Ott’s grit. Loves the word grit. Uses the word grit a lot. Blocks people who question his love for the word grit. Also, is a huge anti-math guy.

7] Jeff Seidel, Detroit Free Press

Pros: I can’t remember anything notable he did this past year.

Cons: A hack columnist who thinks he’s funny. So boring that he will never move the needle unless he conjures up a NCAA recruiting violation out of thin-air.

10] Mike O’Hara, Detroitlions.com

Pros: Accidentally Tweeted out “May lesbian videos red tube.” Respect.

Cons: Propagandist. Also questioned the validity of a story about a man being robbed outside of Ford Field after a Lions game.

2] Robert Wojnowski, Detroit News

Pros: A liberal.

Cons: A blithering idiot. Had a myriad of awful takes this past year on a number of different subjects. This populist went on a crusade against KEVIN DURANT because he dared to insult Detroit. Called Klay Thompson a “fake superstar” only to watch him go off for 41 points in an elimination game hours later. Wrote a horrendous Ken Holland fluff piece. Suggested that the Wings buy at the trade deadline after a three-game winning streak despite being well out of the playoff picture. This could very well be Robert’s year.

15] Khang Huynh, 97.1 Producer

Pros: Not Doug Karsch or Scott Anderson.

Cons: Also known as “The Enabler”, Karsch and Anderson’s producer allows those dolts to go unchecked. He sits in those putrid show prep meetings and doesn’t say a peep about their shitty topics/opinions.

THE GENE MYERS REGION

1] Chris McCosky, Detroit News Tigers’ Beat Writer

Pros: Still hasn’t murdered innocent motorists by driving his car into oncoming traffic.

Cons: An absolute sycophant for every team he covers, Barbrady’s actions were no different this past year when he continued to defend Brad Ausmus’ performance at every turn. Produced some of the worst mid-season grade rationales we’ve ever seen. Blocked his own CO-WORKER on Twitter after being called out for being a total shill for the team he covers. Easily one of the favorites to win it all.

A shill, you say?

Yep, Officer Barbrady actually wrote that.

16] Michael Stone, 97.1 Morning Talker

Pros: Will occasionally provide good commentary on the air or on Twitter. Not as lazy as his former radio partner at WDFN, Robert Wojnowski. Still talks to Moss even though he blocked him on Twitter.

Cons: Has access to interview Jim Harbaugh and Ken Holland on-air yet refuses to press them. Recently let Holland give him a four-minute “history lesson” about defensemen in Detroit and refused to interrupt the filibustering. When Holland said any defenseman the Wings drafted last year or this wouldn’t be in the NHL for FIVE SEASONS, Stoney failed to jump in and say that Jakob Chychrun — a player the Wings SHOULD have drafted — is in the NHL RIGHT NOW!!!!

8] Kurt Mensching, Blogger, Detroit News Guest Writer

Pros: Had some beautiful paintings in the film Wedding Crashers. (How many times can we beat that joke into the ground?)

Cons: A total slapdick who preemptively blocks followers of this website on Twitter. Can you tell we didn’t pay much attention to this dork in 2016?

9] Rod Allen, Tigers TV Color Announcer

Pros: At least you won’t fall asleep listening to him speak during a Tigers broadcast, unlike when listening to Kirk Gibson.

Cons: Instead, you’ll get an aneurysm from all of the idiocy being spewed. Hates math. He’s AWFUL and he’s only a 9 SEED!

5] Dave Birkett, Detroit Free Press Lions Beat

Pros: Is capable is being of being a quality beat writer and does his job credibly for the most part.

Cons: Insists on IMMEDIATELY Tweeting out game updates when he knows he is ruining the experience both for fans watching on TV and on Tweetdeck due to the delay. A total asshole move and something Kyle Meinke and Justin Rogers do not do. In fact, most journalists realize this problem and purposely wait a few seconds for people to catch up at home. Not Birkett — even though he has been bashed for it repeatedly.

Also, did this:

That “good read” ended up getting like 74 people fired because Jeff Arnold’s article about a former EMU standout basically amounted to glorifying a cop who was raping prostitutes.

12] Matt Dery, School Teacher (Play-In)

Pros: No longer polluting the Detroit airwaves by calling sexual harassment victims “loose.” Probably won’t be able to progress deep in the tourney due to his being off the airwaves for most of the year.

Cons: We hear he is a tough grader.

12] Dennis Fithian, 97.1 Talker (Play-In)

Pros: Who knows?

Cons: Still allows Pat Caputo to emasculate him…according to people who actually tune in to that garbage.

4] David Mayo, MLive Columnist

Pros: Likes weed.

Cons: This convicted felon wrote an atrocious article about the Tigers’ trade deadline. If not for McCosky’s constant “Ausmus is a genius” columns, this would have been the worst Detroit sports media post of the year. Horrendous Twitter feed. A real sleeper in this region.

13] Grant Long, Pistons FSD Studio Commentator 

Pros: He’s not Mateen Cleaves.

Cons: Probably the biggest Pistons apologist in Detroit.

6] Dan Leach, 97.1 Janitor

Pros: Not gonna lie, we’re kind of entertained by this creature. What grown man says “Swizzle-sticks” and “Awesome-sauce”? Finally moved out of his motel.

Cons: This certifiably insane nutjob is a total moron. Resorted to insulting a girl who rejected him on OKCupid. And then lied about it by stating it was someone impersonating him. WHO WOULD IMPERSONATE YOU???!??

Has bad sports takes, but only eight people are actually listening to his show at 3 am.

11] Joe Rexrode, Former Freep MSU Beat Writer

Pros: Left the market in April to become a columnist in Nashville.

Cons: Continued to shoot down any suggestion that there were issues with Connor Cook’s personality leading up to the NFL Draft when he was still employed by the Free Press. Penned an absolutely disgusting tribute to Drew Sharp after his death in November. He actually had the audacity to write this about Sharp:

Stand-up person? Accountable? This would be great coming from ANYONE, but Rexrode? Let me tell you a little story. One of the first people to learn about Sharp’s plagiarism of David Harns was Rexrode as he was some sort of mentor for Harns.

Harns and Rexrode are friends. And Joe Rexrode KNOWS that Drew Sharp NEVER apologized to Harns for stealing his work. Joe Rexrode KNOWS that he never apologized in pages of the Free Press for stealing Harns’ work. Joe Rexrode KNOWS that Drew Sharp never apologized on the 105.1 airwaves for ripping off Harns either.

Accountable? A stand-up guy? He went to his grave without EVER  making amends with Harns even though Harns tried to put the matter to bed with Sharp SEVERAL times.

And that miserable cyber-troll? He was talking about Moss.

Go to hell.

And say hi to Drew Sharp when you get there.

3] Pat Caputo, WXYT-FM and Oakland Press

Pros: Can’t think of any.

Cons: Read this recent article and it will tell you all you need to know about this dope.

14] Ryan Ermanni, Fox-2 Morning Show

Pros: He’s now a morning news anchor, so we’ll probably never have to hear him talk about sports again.

Cons: A waste of skin. Claimed 105.1’s ratings suffered due to lack of promotion by marketing executives, only to watch its ratings sky-rocket after switching to throwback hip-hop with almost no mention of the station anywhere. We’re going to miss having this clown in the tournament.

This is what it’s come down to for Ermanni ….

7] Graham Couch, Lansing State Journal

Pros: Liberal

Cons: The only thing holding this human hot-take back is the fact that he is employed by a Lansing newspaper. He is seriously one of the dumbest human beings in existence. Claimed Dak Prescott couldn’t read a defense while in the midst of one of the best seasons by a rookie QB in recent memory.

Pretty much buried every team that made the Final Four in 2016 including eventual winner Villanova.

Of course, the one team he did not bury was Michigan State. A team that lost as a #2 seed to a #15 in the first round.

10] Justin Rose, WXYZ

Pros: Seems to able to take criticism in stride.

Cons: A more adult version of Brad Galli. On a Facebook Live chat he was asked how many home runs he thought Jose Iglesias had in his career. He guessed 50. Bright dude.

2] Anthony Fenech, Detroit Free Press

Pros: Didn’t have any drunken, PT Cruiser-related accidents, he said. Didn’t fuck his boss during the past 12 months, he said. Didn’t sexually harass a co-worker, he said. Didn’t get knocked out at a downriver bar for hitting on a married woman, he said.

Cons: An absolutely deplorable human being. Overslept multiple morning radio show appearances due to “alarm clock management issues.” Right. Continually defended Ausmus all season. Counted down the days until Opening Day. Writes like a 9th grader. Took a European vacation in THE MIDDLE OF A PENNANT RACE. Seriously, this guy is worthy of winning it all, and he STILL couldn’t make the cut as a #1 seed.

Thinks it’s funny to troll Detroiters by telling them the weather in Lakeland during Spring Training.

And even though this doesn’t count against him in this YEAR’s tourney, it’s always fun to post this …..

15] Rico Beard, Barely employed in Lansing Radio

Pros: We no longer have to hear him talk about sports.

Cons: A Spartan slapdick who had terrible takes about both MSU and Michigan all year until he was mercifully canned by 105.1. Been absolutely silent lately on Twitter regarding the mess of a program up in East Lansing.

EJ Mitchell Region

1] Scott Anderson, 97.1 Talker

Pros: Single-handedly keeping Metro Detroit restaurants in business.

Cons: Co-pilot of by far the worst sports talk radio show in the city. Knows nothing about sports. Discusses topics that nobody in their right mind would think of. Seriously suggested that the Red Wings could try and trade for CONNOR McDAVID because Edmonton has had money problems in the past. This guy SUCKS. Rightfully earned his number one seed. Total fanboy for the four pro teams. Probably because he is a fat guy that just wants to be loved.

And if you think he shouldn’t be a #1 seed, here are just some of his 2016 takes that make him extremely worthy:

  • Jonathan Ericsson is a good defenseman and underrated.
  • Andreas Athanasiou can’t finish and looks like a deer in the headlights on the ice.
  • The NHL should force every team in the league to retire #9 for Gordie Howe.
  • Stated that the Tigers should try to rescind Justin Upton’s contact back in May. Just think about how moronic that is on various levels.
  • Suggested that Ken Holland ripped off the 26-year-old GM of the Coyotes when John Chayka basically gave up NOTHING to acquire an 18-year-old defenseman who has played the entire season in Phoenix. And who has outperformed every Red Wings defenseman not named Mike Green.

Do I NEED to go on?

16] Jason Beck, Detroittigers.com

Pros: Isn’t Anthony Fenech, Chris McCosky or Lynn Henning.

Cons: Had a fairly uneventful year ostensibly working for the team’s website.

8] Dana Wakiji, Detroitredwings.com, we think

Pros: Great provider of face-off statistics during Red Wing intermissions.

Cons: If only people cared about face-off stats. Does she think face-off stats are an advanced metric? BE LAZIER. Tweets out useless information all the time. Someone pays her for this?

9] Craig Monroe, Fox Sports Detroit

Pros: Largely overshadowed by the other imbeciles on the Tigers broadcasts.

Cons: Always spouting the company line. Well, we think he is ….

5] Matt Shepard, vegetative WDFN and Michigan Basketball

Pros: You can see over him if he’s standing in front of you at a concert or sporting event.

Cons: This bible-thumping midget is an absolute slapdick homer for Michigan basketball. Has a HUGE Napoleon complex. Abhorrent political views. There isn’t a media member that you’d like to punch in the face more than this guy. HE’S ONLY A 5 SEED!!!

Lectured Tony Paul about Donald Trump. Because why would Tony want the option of being able to get married or adopt children after Trump gets done with the Supreme Court?

Fuck this dipshit.

12] John Keating, Fox Sports Detroit

Pros: It’s really hard to think of pros for all these people. This town SUCKS.

Cons: The next tough question he asks will be his first. Cheerleader for the Tigers and Wings. 

4] Mitch Albom, Detroit Free Press, I guess.

Pros: Mihir’s 54-year-old mother and all of her friends love his books.

Cons: Continues to have a conflict of interest in the subjects he covers. Thinks athletes shouldn’t express their political opinions and should just go about their business. Gave Pavel Datsyuk an unfiltered, apologetic forum to announce he was heading back to Russia … on the EVE of the Wings playoff series vs. Tampa.

Seriously, he covers the Lions for a living and opened up a concession stand at Ford Field. When is this elf going to retire?

13] Mark Snyder, Detroit Free Press

Pros: No clue.

Cons: Can we just move on, we’re at almost 5,000 words. YOU’RE STILL READING THIS???

6] Mark Champion, Pistons Radio

Pros: Decent play-by-play guy.

Cons: Terrible opinions on Twitter. Jesus freak. Constantly ReTweeting some religious wacko named Tim Keller. Bill Keenist’s hype man.

11] Dan Dickerson, Tigers Radio (Play-in)

Pros:  Pretty good at play-by-play. Showed he’s better at his job than Mario Impemba when placed in the TV booth for a few games this past season.

Cons:
Is silent on Twitter after a Tigers loss but magically reappears after a win. What a coincidence!

11] Trevor Thompson, Fox Sports Detroit (Play-in)

Pros: Likes porn just as much as the DSR Staff.

Cons: Another bought-and-paid-for cheerleader. Hilariously called Twitter “the devil” during a broadcast this past year.

3] Mike Valenti, 97.1 Talker

Pros: Is capable of producing thought-provoking radio content from time to time.

Cons: Said thought-provoking radio comes straight from Moss’ Twitter feed. Had horrible takes about Jabrill Peppers and Michigan all fall. Whines about a broken political system, yet he refuses to be part of the solution by choosing not to vote. Has taken to abusing his radio partner on-air despite the fact that he is recovering from two strokes. An abject coward who left Twitter because it doesn’t have a 15-second delay and a dump button.

Refuses to attend press conferences where he could make a difference in coverage of the Lions and Tigers because that would mean taking his fat ass out of the comfort of his studio.

Also, employs a trainer for his New York-bred thoroughbred who is a cheat who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the welfare of his horses.

And if you don’t believe me on that subject, how about a higher-up at Churchill Downs’ gambling website? …..

14] Jennifer Hammond, Fox-2

Pros: Has a hot step-daughter. (Moss: What?????? Creepy Mihir.)

Cons: Had a terrible take about Colin Kaepernick.

7] Darren Eliot, Wings broadcasts on FSD

Pros: Does a better job than Mickey Redmond when doing color commentary for Wings games.

Cons: Rushes to defend Ken Holland at any opportunity. During a recent game, he claimed that the Wings would not have made the playoffs if they didn’t trade for David Legwand. Keep beating that drum, shills.

10] Will Birchfield, CBS Detroit website

Pros: Susceptible to being catfished. Of his own volition.

Cons: A total moron. Writes some of the worst articles you’ll ever read. He’d be a higher seed if he wasn’t slumming it for the CBS Detroit website. Seems like a huge douchebag as we found evidence of him bragging about getting banned from a bar in Boston.

Fuck off, frat boy.

2] Helene St. James, Detroit Free Press Wings Beat

Pros: I would say that she has a nice scarf collection, but they are hideous.

Cons: Where do we even begin? An absolute embarrassment of a journalist. Gets wet at the mention of the word “grit.” Churns out Ken Holland puff pieces at an alarming rate. Attacks quality hockey players such as Gus Nyquist and Tomas Tatar for not scoring, but keeps quiet on wastes of space like Justin Abdelkader and Steve Ott.

She also can’t ask a question without fumbling all over herself. Seriously, I implore you to click on this video of the Scarf asking a perplexed Riley Sheahan a question.

The biggest Ken Holland apologist in town … and THAT is saying something. Gets called out by other members of the Detroit media for shilling for the team ….

Seriously, NEVER questioned why Mantha and Athanasiou didn’t play on opening night. Two guys who have nearly 20% of all Wings goals scored even though Mantha missed first 15 games and AA still gets questionable PT.

The best shot this tourney has ever had at breaking the glass ceiling. Can she do what Hillary Clinton could not?

15] Johnny Kane, Fox Sports Detroit

Pros: Isn’t as well-known as Trevor Thompson, John Keating, or any of the other FSD cheerleaders.

Cons: Kane was the FSD reporter when the Pistons clinched a playoff berth last year and Andre Drummond refused to celebrate because he got pulled from the game due to his awful free-throw shooting. Kane REFUSED to ask any questions about the situation.

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