By Jeff Moss
July 10, 2016
The other day I Tweeted out to my acolytes that now that Detroit Sports 105.1 is sleeping with the fishes, I will have a lot more time on my hands to focus on the third-trimester abortion down the dial with the call letters WXYT-FM.
To be quite honest, I have been pretty easy on “The Ticket” for the last couple years while concentrating more on its impotent rival. Why did I do this? Mainly because I gave up on 97.1 being a viable option for Detroit sports enthusiasts YEARS AGO. Fuck, it’s not even a sports station.
And with only so much time in the day, I made the conscious decision to direct most of my energy towards the Greater Media property in the foolish, naive and ultimately wrongheaded belief that my words would be heeded by management. I was hopeful that we could’ve had a decent alternative to Pat Caputo discussing “Black Lives Matter” or Bill McAllister pontificating on man bags.
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And sports talk worth saving
I dreamed that analytical thought would never die
I dreamed that Buzz Knight would be forgiving
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed and we are back to a one “
sports guy talk” town so I now have ample free time to provide a laser-like focus on 97.1’s horrendous product, which is today’s topic.
Over the last few years, the CBS Radio entity has attempted to provide opinion pieces on their blog from various young, minimum-wage imbeciles, mainly because their on-air “talent” is incapable of contributing such content themselves.
Mike Valenti being one shining example.
The first dope the station hired to post articles on 97.1’s websight™ (Terry Foster) was a clueless buffoon named Ashley Dunkak who, in her first article for “The Ticket,” stated that Grant Hill was TRYING TO DO THE PISTONS A FAVOR when he abandoned Auburn Hills for Orlando!!!!!
I quickly eviscerated this dunce in one of the most controversial pieces the DSR has ever published. Michael Stone told me personally that the Dunkak article was the reason why he switched him from being a follower of @JeffMossDSR on Twitter to BLOCKING ME.
(Spoiler Alert: It’s not the reason Stoney blocked me. It was just a convenient excuse he gave. The real reason he “how abouted” Poor Joff Mess was because he is too thin-skinned to handle criticism.)
Anyway, when Dunkak finally decided she wanted to make more than $12 an hour, she left CBS Radio’s blog for something called “The Packer.” I can only imagine her first article there harkened back to the the time when Reggie White wanted to do the Philadelphia Eagles a huge favor so he signed as a free-agent in Green Bay.
So 97.1 had to find a replacement for Dunkak and they landed on a woman with the same first name who somewhat resembled Dunkak. Her name was Ashley Scoby and she was just as terrible as the first Ashley.
The highlight of her tenure at “The Ticket” was when this “journalist” ADMITTED that she wouldn’t have mentioned Andre Drummond attempting to kill this site’s former managing editor (Justin Spiro) if she had known ahead of time that Spiro worked for the DSR ….
I was starting to think that CBS had a “Stepford Wives” factory where they just churned out clueless female bloggers named Ashley until I saw that they had replaced the departed Scoby with some dipshit kid named Will Burchfield.
For the last month or so this child has been churning out awful blog posts on the station’s website but this clueless wonder is so under-the-radar that I hadn’t even bothered to address his stupidity. Well, that was until this weekend when he wrote a blog so fucking deplorable that I have to address it –whether he has 192 Twitter followers or not.
Take a look ….
Now, I am not going to relitigate the entire Pavel Datsyuk departure. You can read the totality of my remarks about Pavel’s treasonous, selfish and duplicitous behavior by clicking here.
But I am not going to idly sit by as this fucking asshat toddler attempts to exonerate Datsyuk for leaving the Wings high and dry after committing to a three-year, FRONT-LOADED deal, knowing full well the ramifications if he left early for his homeland.
Look, I am not going to waste your time rehashing the fact that Datsyuk went to Ken Holland in the first WEEK after his extension kicked in and told his GM he wanted to leave, or how Holland and the Ilitch family had to threaten Datsyuk with a KHL blockade if he attempted to go home in 2015.
Or that the “CLASSY” Datsyuk prioritized Team Russia over the franchise that made him a multi-multi-multi millionaire. Or how Datsyuk NEEDLESSLY put off surgery last summer that ended up costing him a month and half of the 2015-16 season.
Nope, I am not going to delve into all of that minutia again. But I am going to comment on this passage from Ashley** Burchfield’s Datsyuk love letter ….
And here we go again with the lazy and uninformed narrative that dumping Datsyuk’s contract came at a “relatively minor cost.” Umm, we don’t KNOW THE COST yet but, basing the deal on recent history, we can assume that in a few years we will look back at that Arizona trade as an unmitigated disaster.
(** — From this point forward I will be referring to Burchfield as “Ashley Burchfield.” Not in a derogatory misogynistic fashion, but similar to how the wrestling stable “The Dudley Brothers” named everyone “Dudley” even though they CLEARLY weren’t brothers, or even related.)
First, by moving down from 16 to 20 in the NHL Entry Draft, the Wings had to pass on a defensive prospect (Jakob Chychrun) who at one time was considered the second best player in the ENTIRE DRAFT, behind only Auston Matthews.
An advanced-for-his-age, puck-moving defenseman who was considered a top ten talent by most draft observers. A kid who could threaten for a job in Glendale THIS SEASON and who most likely will be in the NHL at some point in 2017 or 2018 at the latest.
And after passing on Chychrun, the Wings ended up picking a player who most likely would have been available in the second round and who most draft gurus labeled as a PROJECT.
For Christ’s sake, Holland himself said that Dennis Cholowski would probably have to play three or four years at St. Cloud State before even formally entering the Wings organization. Where he most likely will have plenty of opportunities to visit the Frederik Meijer Gardens and Sculpture Park while he gets extra ripe playing for the Grand Rapids Griffins.
And bypassing the chance to draft an almost NHL-ready defenseman with offensive potential and instead selecting a riddle wrapped in an enigma wasn’t the only potential pratfall from the trade with the Coyotes.
The move also freed up nearly seven million in cap space for Holland to spend in a mediocre free-agent market that lacked the one thing the Red Wings needed …..
A top-pairing defenseman!!!!!!!
Handing Holland that kind of dough with no reasonable chance to sign Steven Stamkos was the equivalent of giving $5,000 to a sailor just off the boat during “Fleet Week” and pointing him towards the Red-Light District while advising the seamen that condoms would not be necessary.
And the man who brought you the Plan B’s of Mikael Samuelsson, Jordin Tootoo, Stephen Weiss and others didn’t disappoint when he handed out a ridiculous term and contract to Frans Nielsen and then insanely re-upped with Darren Helm.
The damage of Datsyuk leaving a year early, causing Holland to panic by dealing his contract and wasting cap space on Nielsen and Helm could reverberate for YEARS — not unlike the albatross contracts Holland handed out to Niklas Kronwall and Jonathan Ericsson in the recent past.
IF Datsyuk fulfilled the commitment he made to the Wings, they’d still have #13 (And who the fuck wouldn’t rather have him than Nielsen, Helm, Thomas Vanek and Steve Ott?), they would have drafted Chychrun and, when Pavel left NEXT YEAR, they’d have that money to potentially spend on Kevin Shattenkirk, Jamie Benn or Brent Burns.
So save your fucking bullshit that the Coyote trade “ensured that his departure wouldn’t leave the team in a financial bog moving forward.”
What do you think giving a 32-year-old CENTER a 6-year, $31.5 million contract does? Or handing out nearly $20 million to HELM accomplishes?
Oh, right. A FINANCIAL BOG MOVING FORWARD.
But INCREDIBLY, that wasn’t even the most offensive part of this Ashley Burchfield blog.
Check out this uneducated and uniformed take by this infantile dumbass …
The Coyotes’ lack of savvy?
The Coyotes’ lack of savvy?!!?!!?!?
The Coyotes’ fucking lack of SAVVY?!?!?!?!!??
Are you SHITTING ME with this gibberish? Arizona wanted Chychrun. BADLY. They had him ranked as one of the top two defenseman eligible in the ENTIRE DRAFT and they jumped at the opportunity to pick him at 16.
And all it cost the prospect- and draft selection rich franchise was a second round pick to get him. They don’t give a FLYING FUCK about burying Datsyuk’s 7.5 million dollar cap hit.
Actually, I shouldn’t say that. They were actually DESIROUS of adding that financial boondoggle to their balance sheet because, even WITH Pavel’s dead money, they were still almost EIGHT MILLION under the salary cap floor.
The alternative to picking up Datsyuk was pulling a Ken Holland and throwing out ridiculous contracts to underserving players, but instead their sabermetric genius of a General Manager, John Chayka, picked up the Datsyuk tab and smartly saved his dough for down the road when adding a premiere free-agent to his core of Oliver Ekman-Larsson, Max Domi, Anthony Duclair, Dylan Strome and Christian Dvorak WOULD MAKE FINANCIAL SENSE.
And god damn if rattling off those names doesn’t make me want to adopt the Coyotes as my NHL team moving forward.
And for this douche bag Burchfield to impugn the savvy of what Chayka accomplished in the Datsyuk transaction is beyond the pale.
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, DUMMY.
Of course, there were some people who enjoyed the defense of Pavel Datsyuk by Ashley Burchfield. Just take a gander at who “Liked” his post on Twitter …
Yep, “Pavel Datsyuk” and his dwarf mortgage broker/agent Dan Milstein. Who, coincidentally enough, runs Pav’s social media accounts.
This adolescent jackass blogger is already fitting in perfectly with this weak-ass media town. Placate the fanboy dummies while ingratiating himself to the teams, players and their sycophants.
He must be under the tutelage of Bob Wojnowski already.
(You can follow the writer of this piece on Twitter @JeffMossDSR. Also, you can join in on the discussion of this article on Facebook by clicking here.)