By Jeff Moss
February 13, 2o17
Even my self-imposed hiatus due to the election of an Orange Fascist Narcissist could not stop the inevitable ….. the return of the DSR’s Worst Detroit Sports Media Tournament. Today, we announce the bracket.
But before we get to the 68 entrants, now would be a good time to answer some of the questions you people have been asking me on Twitter over the last couple of months about the 2017 edition of this event.
Can there be a back-t0-back winner?
The short answer is no. The long answer is this ….
As you know, the 2015 champion was Drew Sharp, a victory largely based on Sharp’s plagiarism scandal which occurred when the Freep columnist lifted an article from blogger David Harns about MSU QB Connor Cook’s relationship with Miranda McCoy.
Sharp died on October 21st so the committee decided it would be in poor taste to include him in this year’s bracket — even though he was eligible based on his contributions from February until October.
Unfortunately, we never were able to deliver the trophy to Sharp. He was fired from his radio gig at 105.1 shortly after the tourney — where he’d have been a sitting duck at a public remote — and Miranda never got to live her dream ….
Of assisting us with handing over the hardware to Not the Sharpest Drew.
Can anyone repeat as champ in 2017?
There is only one person eligible to win this for a second time and that’s morbidly obese radio personality Scott “The Virginal Manatee” Anderson.
The 2016 winner is dead and the 2011 recipient Michael Rosenberg hasn’t been eligible for years since he left the Free Press for Sports Illustrated.
And we have left Terry Foster out of the bracket in 2017 because of the two strokes he suffered last year. We’ve given T-Fos a medical redshirt as we feel bad that he went through that health struggle and had to return to an abusive relationship with his radio partner, Mike Valenti, who seems hellbent on getting Bonechip removed from the show.
It’s clear to anyone who’s listened to the show since Foster’s return that he is not fully recovered and that Valenti’s behavior has been deplorable. I mean, even the DSR has backed off the man.
Hopefully Foster — the 2014 champ — will soon fully recover and regain eligibility in 2018.
What was the biggest controversy inside the committee conference room?
Easy. Whether or not Lansing State Journal dope columnist Graham Couch was eligible. It was my contention that since he is based in Lansing, he should not be included.
My thought process was that this would set a precedent which would pave the way for allowing the entry people like Bill “Huge Pile of Shit” Simonson out of Grand Rapids or Ryan Schussolini™ (Miguel Lokuta) — errrr, I mean Ryan Schuiling — based in Lansing.
The committee ended up convincing me that since Couch’s work is regularly featured on the Freep website he is once again included in the bracket.
Any other difficulties in seeding the bracket?
Probably the biggest difficulty was figuring out what to do with the unprecedented number of media personalities who worked in this market in 2016 but no longer have a gig.
We are talking about all of the Detroit Sports 105.1 personalities like Matt Dery, Tom Mazawey, Ryan Ermanni and Rico Beard. Former Freep Press MSU beat writer Joe Rexrode left that gig to become a columnist in Nashville.
And finally, longtime scourge of the city Rob Parker left a low-paying job at Channel 20 to occasionally work with human waste like Skip Bayless on Fox Sports. Hey Jamie Horowitz, thanks for taking that trash off our hands!!! I’m still shocked that Parker’s beater Jeep Cherokee made it out to Los Angeles.
Anyway, we considered the morons on a case-by-case basis. Parker ended up being left out because he was BARELY part of the Detroit sports media as a newsreader on WXON. The others are included, but their seeding was impacted.
For example, Dery is now a teacher at U of D Jesuit High School where I am sure he still is the highest seeded member of their faculty.
Why no “conference tournament” games to determine the 68 entrants?
In past years we basically included every member of the Detroit sports media. We’d play about 10 conference tournaments to determine the last 10 slots. This made the damn contest way too long.
So the committee had final say over the 68 entrants. We will play four play-ins just like the NCAA Men’s tourney.
So don’t email me asking why Bernie Smilovitz or Rod Beard aren’t included. Everyone was considered. If they aren’t in the bracket, we didn’t feel they were one of the 68 worst personalities in 2016.
Who are the four #1 seeds?
Three of them probably won’t come as much of a surprise, but one is a real shocker based on past tournaments.
Both members of the “Karsch and Anderson” program on 97.1 earned #1 seeds over the last 12 months. That’s how AWFUL that program is. This is quite a feat, but both Doug Karsch and Scott Anderson fully deserved the “honor.”
From their utter lack of sports knowledge to completely disregarding math to suggesting that the Red Wings should trade for Connor McDavid of the Edmonton Oilers to insulting Andreas Athanasiou by comparing him to Quintin Berry to their constant fanboy defenses of the local teams, this pair had an off-the-charts season.
And that doesn’t even touch on the fact that the program barely ever discusses sports (which in hindsight might be a good thing).
Nobody, and I mean nobody, dumbs down the sports discourse in this town like the Sexless Whale and Benedict Karsch.
Chris “Officer Barbrady” McCosky once again snagged a #1 seed and is poised to make a deep run in this tourney.
This is a direct quote from a McCosky column in October ….
To quote David S. Pumpkins, “ANY QUESTIONS?!??!?!?!?!???”
But the real surprise is the fourth #1 seed …..
[Brad Galli just came because I referenced a Tom Hanks skit on Saturday Night Live.]
Red Wings radio color man Paul Woods. A dipshit who has only been included in this tournament once before — as a #14 seed in 2012. We will delve further into why Woods deserved a #1 seed this year in our full preview article coming later this week, but here are just a few reasons …..
- Nobody is worse at their JOB in Detroit than Paul Woods. I dare you to listen to the guy try to talk for a three-hour broadcast. Nobody is uhhh …. less ….. uh …. capable of …. uhhhhh … speaking for a living than Woods. And that’s only because Stuttering John Melendez is no longer the ANNOUNCER for the “Tonight Show.”
- Not a game goes by where Woods doesn’t attack hockey’s advanced metrics. And it usually comes in a sentence explaining why Corsi wouldn’t tell you about the contributions of Luke Glendening or Justin Abdelkader.
- He will NEVER criticize Ken Holland Listening to a broadcast would make you think the Wings’ GM is handing Woods notes during the game. If I had a dollar for every time this asshat said the Wings would not have made the playoffs in 2014 if not for the David Legwand trade I could retire. A deal that sent Calle Jarnkrok, a 2nd round pick and Patrick Eaves to the Predators.
- Here is a typical exchange between Ken Kal and Woods. The play-by-play man will mention that Jarnkrok used to play with the Wings. Woods will then go into a long diatribe about how Jarnkrok isn’t that good and the Wings needed Legwand in order to extend their playoff streak (THEY DIDN’T). Woods will downgrade Jarnkrok by saying something like “Well, how good can he be? He only has seven goals this year.” Moments later, Woods will then rave about a defensive play that Riley Sheahan made and then state “There’s more to this game than scoring goals, Ken.” THIS FUCKING HAPPENS EVERY GOD DAMN GAME!!!!!!
Fuck Paul Woods. May this garbage …. uhhhhh ….. hockey player turned …. uhhhhhh …… horrendous radio personality ….. uhhhhh … make a deep run in this ….. uhhhhhh ….. tournament.
And with that, here is the bracket …..
The games will start later this week. In the coming days we will roll-out the tournament preview and other assorted gimmicks.