Pick A Lake, McCosky

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By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
July 13, 2016

I am not going to lie to you. I absolutely hate Detroit News baseball writer Chris McCosky. Like, not phony distaste. I literally can’t stand this miserable motherfucker.

For as long as I can remember, the man has been filling up the pages of the News with articles universally sympathetic to team management. He also has an utter disdain for his audience and I’ve been told by SEVERAL of his colleagues that he is a piece of shit human being.

This fucktard has been a pox on every single team he has covered during his tenure in Detroit and, unfortunately, he has been on the beat for all four professional teams in town.

And the one common trait he has displayed when covering the Tigers, Wings, Pistons and Lions is an absolute submissive deference to team management and a penchant for accepting whatever bullshit any given organization is trying to sell him. On top of his awful personality, the man is a dim bulb.

Just look at his face, for Christ’s sake. It SCREAMS “dope” ….

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I mean, have you ever met a guy who LOOKS like that and who isn’t a complete imbecile?

Of course, none of this is new. This dipshit is one of the top five reasons the DSR exists in the first place. Instead of DetroitSportsRag.com, this place could have easily been called Fire Chris McCosky or Awful Chris McCosky or Dead Chris McCosky. 

So why am I writing about this single-celled amoeba today? Well, it’s the baseball All-Star break and Officer Barbrady decided to release his Detroit Tigers first-half grades. And boy, this Born-Again Bonehead didn’t disappoint.

Let’s start with the fact that Anibal Sanchez (the worst starting pitcher in baseball during the first half of the season), Mark Lowe (the worst relief pitcher before the break) and Anthony Gose all received non-failing grades.

Yep, that triumvirate of pig vomit each received a “D” from McCosky. Like, Gose was so bad in Detroit that he got shipped out to Toledo where he eventually became the team’s FOURTH outfielder.

In AAA.

And that was before the former Blue Jay prospect had words with his manager Lloyd McClendon and was promptly demoted to Double-A Erie earlier this week!!!!!

Anthony Gose is having some bizarre Benjamin Button experience where he will most likely end the season in the New York-Penn League after starting it in MLB.

What does a guy have to do to get an “F” from this human stain? Forcibly sodomize the Mud Hens mascot? Take a dump on Jamie Farr‘s chest??!!?

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How can you NOT give Lowe, Sanchez and Gose each an “F”? It’s absolutely remarkable.

But things actually get worse. Barbrady gave Andrew Romine a “B.” Yes, THAT Andrew Romine. The loser with a WAR of -.3, meaning he is WORSE than a Replacement Level Player you could scoop up from the International League at any moment.

A dude with an OPS south of .600.

That guy gets a “B” while eighth-inning set-up man Justin Wilson receives a “C.”  Wilson has stabilized the back-end of the bullpen and opposing hitters have a slash line of .244/.284/.323 against the lefty.

Those stats are similar to Romine’s output so maybe that’s why Wilson received a “C.” McCosky must think those are outstanding offensive numbers or some shit.

But we were provided Peak McCosky with the the grade he handed out to manager Brad Ausmus, who should be on the horn with the Unemployment Insurance Agency for the State of Michigan, not preparing to coach this team in the second half.

The BEE PLUSS (B+) grade alone doesn’t do this moron justice, so I will post the entire reasoning as well. I have no idea what is going on with the News’ typos in this image, but you will get the point ….

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Reading that explanation almost sent me into a Cosmo Kramer/Mary Hart epileptic seizure. He’s managed the bullpen masterfully? Are you fucking KIDDING ME?

How many times in the last few weeks alone has he refused to use K-Rod, (J) Wilson or Shane Greene in a tie game in the seventh inning or later?!?!?! And what was the Dartmouth Dummy’s learning curve on figuring out that Lowe couldn’t get anyone out?

How many times in the first half did the team’s closer (and best reliever) go a FULL WEEK without pitching?!?!?!

He managed the bullpen masterfully?

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“Welp, duh, I talked to Buck Showalter and duh, he told me that, uh, duh, Ausmus was a great manager, um duhhhh ….”

Wow. That’s like using Dick Vitale as a source for an opinion on a college basketball coach. Or going to see a movie because it got a good review from a TV station in Kokomo, Indiana that you’ve never heard of.

Get the fuck out of here, ya subservient imbecile. Does McCosky write this shit with a red ball gag in his pie hole?

But here was my favorite quote …

“He’s adept at distilling what’s relevant and useful from all the statistics and data.”

Yes. And Bashar al-Assad is a wonderful humanitarian. I refuse to rehash why that quote is patently ridiculous so just read my last two god damn Ausmus pieces if you want to know my reasoning behind why that is absolutely offensive to anyone with a freaking brain.

Remarkably, Ausmus received a higher grade than VICTOR MARTINEZ!!!!! V-Mart currently has an OBP of .353 and a slugging percentage of .514. And this is a dude from whom we didn’t know WHAT we were going to get coming off his awful 2015 season.

Victor has been an incredibly pleasant surprise and that resulted in him getting the same grade as ….

Andrew. Romine.

Ya gotta believe me.

I know it’s only July 13th, but you can stop keeping track of the worst “article” of the year for our year-end “Raggie Awards.”

This asshat is going back-to-back after taking home the tampon trophy last year with his piece stating that Al Avila was a genius for bringing Ausmus back for the final year of his contract.

Sense a pattern?

You might remember just two months ago when a CO-WORKER (George Hunter) of Barbrady’s at the Detroit News called his paper’s Tigers’ beat writer an Ausmus apologist. Yes, that actually occurred.

This wasn’t the DSR saying that McCosky was in the tank for the manager he covers, it was the Detroit News’ wellrespected crime reporter ….

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PICK A LAKE!

(You can follow the writer of this piece on Twitter @JeffMossDSR. Also, you can join in on the discussion of this article on Facebook by clicking here.)