Lynn Henning: The Dick Cheney of Detroit

Dick Cheney

By Jeff Moss
July 21, 2014

In the history of mankind there probably hasn’t been a human being who was more wrong about a subject than Dick Cheney on Iraq and on 9/11 in general.

CNN’s Paul Begala recently posted an article detailing all of the things the former Vice-President got wrong regarding Iraq in a post that almost read as an indictment.

From totally ignoring the Clinton administration’s warnings about Al-Qaeda’s evil intentions within our borders and falsely linking Saddam Hussein and Osama bin-Laden; to the US soldiers being greeted in Baghdad as liberators and the ease with which he said the mission would be accomplished, Begala ran down the litany.

All of this makes it insanely irritating when this awful neoconservative is given a platform on the Sunday morning shows or on Fox News to spread more untruths, lies and misinformation about Iraq or the Middle East.

I just said that there PROBABLY isn’t a person less adept at analyzing an issue than Cheney was re: Iraq, but there is someone locally whose Detroit Tigers opinions might be on par with “We will find the weapons of mass destruction ….” and that’s Detroit News baseball writer Lynn Henning.

And while Henning’s 2005 take that the Tigers were five-to-ten years away from competing in the AL Central; his view that Dave Dombrowski did well when making the Doug Fister trade; or the Twins signing of Joel Zumaya was the “steal of free agency” might not have the gravitas of Cheney claiming Hussein was working on a nuclear weapons program (he wasn’t), it is still incredibly aggravating to read Henning’s continued asinine Tigers takes.

The man refuses to cop to repeated errors in analysis, let alone exhibit any shred of humility in the process. The past week alone has brought a smorgasbord of terrible Henning opinions which are bolstered by flat-out falsehoods.

His Twitter feed from earlier this morning was absolutely incredible even for this lunatic. I will highlight some of his greatest hits and then give you my brilliant commentary.

It started with this imbecile’s position that Dombrowski shouldn’t be pushing ALL of his chips to the center of the table in order to give the 2014 Tigers the best chance possible to win a World Series — a team that has been on the verge of doing so for eight years now but is without a title since 1984.

This franchise has enjoyed MVPs, Cy Youngs, a Triple Crown winner and a plethora of All-Stars over the last decade yet hasn’t earned the ONLY piece of hardware that really matters. The Detroit Tigers have a core group of players that — barring a title — will be seen as the biggest disappointment in Detroit sports history …. in a town that has the DETROIT LIONS playing across the fucking street.

For a team that in all probability will lose Max Scherzer during the offseason THE THOUGHT PROCESS HAS TO BE TO GO ALL-IN RIGHT NOW and I don’t give a flying fuck if that means trading Jose Iglesias, Robbie Ray, Jake Thompson, Jonathon Crawford, Devon Travis or any other farmhand who probably will amount to nothing in the future — just like a preponderance of Dombrowski’s other draftees this century — because who knows what financial commitment Chris Ilitch will be willing to make in the future.

However, Henning didn’t stop there:

If you don’t think the window is closing on this core group you must be in denial, but I am not even going to address that bit of idiocy. A “longshot.” A LONGSHOT? Are you effing kidding me right now?

The Tigers are currently 13 to 2 to win the World Series. Only the Dodgers have lower odds in Las Vegas. A longshot is Mine That Bird winning the Kentucky Derby, ya dipshit, not the co-second CHALK winning it all!!!!!!

Henning then went on to remind his poor Twitter followers about the cautionary tale of the Jose Veras trade ….

Hitting a ton for Single A Houston? Hitting a ton? The kid is in the CALIFORNIA LEAGUE and has a whopping FOUR home runs and an OPS of .762. HITTING A TON?!?!!?!? Let’s just make up shit, throw it at the wall and hope NOBODY looks it up. I wouldn’t exactly call a below-league-average OPS in Single A “HITTING A TON.” What a fucking liar. Also, his name is Danry. It sounds like a bad, stereotypical attempt to make fun of the owner of Golden Phoenix trying to repeat the name “Danny” for a carryout order. We can’t have that in 2014.

And then this IMBECILE went into Doug Fister Trade Defense Mode:

I don’t even know where to begin here. Fister WOULD have made a whopping difference. What team needs a guy with a 2.90 ERA and a WHIP of 1.07? Who needs THAT? I mean, if you still had Fister in the rotation, you could have left Drew Smyly — and his opponent’s OPS of .895 vs. right-handed hitters — in the BULLPEN where he belonged for the time being. OR you could have traded Fister for a BOATLOAD of assistance at the trade deadline.

As I posted earlier this week on Twitter, Doug Fister has a WAR of 13.8 since 2011. Jeff Samardzija and Jason Hammel have a COMBINED: 12.5 WAR in that timespan!!!!! Meanwhile, the Cubs got a HAUL for Samardzija and Hammel (which included the #4 prospect in ALL of baseball) while the Tigers received a situational lefty in Ian Krol — who has been one of the WORST relief pitchers in baseball this season — and a BORDERLINE lefty prospect who couldn’t even be trusted to make an EMERGENCY start against an Indians lineup which is totally advantageous to southpaw starters.

Henning’s evidence that Fister would do the Tigers no good is ONE minor league start by Ray of six innings and Krol’s 2014 season, which has been an absolute disaster. Where is Richard Steele or Mills Lane to step in and stop this drubbing? But wait, I’m not done. Not even close.

You’re making stuff up again, Henning. You’re stretching the truth and you know it. Don’t be a fibbing Fran, Henning, because a lie is a lie. Fans had no trouble with Nathan over Benoit? Well, this fan sure as shit had a problem with the Tigers dealing Fister to free up payroll in order to add the 39-year-old reliever. Of course, only in Lynn’s world did the Fister deal have nothing to do with the Nathan signing, which occurred the next day ….

Welp. It would seem the Martians know more about the internal workings of the Detroit Tigers than this alien to all common sense.


And what the fuck is this nonsense about Benoit desperately wanting to be a closer? If anything, the guy CLEARLY has never given a shit if he was the set-up man or the closer.

If Benoit was so intent on getting a closer’s job, why the fuck did he sign in San Diego where they already had Huston Street? START MAKING SENSE, ya dolt!

Does this guy just Tweet crap out of his ass and FORGET that people can access Google to fact-check his nonsense?

I could go on and on dissecting his Tweets just from TODAY, but what’s the point? The man has a history of being on the wrong side of every Tigers-related issue, resorting to fabrication as the means of justifying his asinine points.

But since I have dedicated an entire article to debunking this moron, there is one more topic I do want to discuss.

Last week, Henning wrote an article in which he handed out his All-Star break awards; his AL Rookie of the Year “ballot” was hilarious. Not that there was anything wrong with placing Jose Abreu first and Masahiro Tanaka second. Look at his pick for third:

Screen Shot 2014-07-21 at 7.51.21 PM

I think we are going to have to travel further than MARS to find a planet where Nick Castellanos has been better than Houston’s George Springer this season. I don’t know Lynn, how about Uranus?

Let’s take a quick look at Castellanos’ and Springer’s stats at the All-Star break, when this nonsense was written.

On-Base Percentage:

Castellanos: .307
Springer: .338

Slugging Percentage:

Castellanos: .394
Springer: .465

Home Runs:

Castellanos: 6
Springer: 19


Castellanos: 34
Springer: 50


Castellanos: -.9 (MINUS. POINT. NINE)
Springer: 1.8


Castellanos: -1.7
Springer: -.5

There is not a single statistic of any value that shows Nick Castellanos having a better season than George Springer. None. Stating that Castellanos has been better should get you a one-way ticket to a mental institution. To actually write that Castellanos is “an easy pick over Springer” in a major daily should get you quarantined.

This man covers the Detroit Tigers for a living and he knows absolutely NOTHING about baseball. He is an abortion. I wish I could come up with additional ways to insult his baseball acumen, but I doubt anything would be worse than comparing my fellow liberal Lynn Henning to Dick Cheney.

I just hope Josh Katzenstein and Tony Paul don’t go hunting with Lynn anytime soon.