Lynn Henning’s Duplicitous Joakim Soria Columns


By Jeff Moss
July 24, 2014

Earlier this week I wrote an article taking Lynn “The Deacon” Henning to task for ALL of his horrible Detroit Tigers takes and his basic lack of baseball comprehension. In that article, I compared his always-wrong opinions to former Vice-President Dick Cheney’s continued spewing of misinformation about the Iraq War.

What I didn’t know when I posted that blog a few days ago was that I would be back in this space comparing Henning to one of Cheney’s buddies …… disgraced former President Richard Nixon.

As you all know by now, late last evening the Tigers completed a trade with the Texas Rangers for the bullpen help they desperately needed. Dave Dombrowski shipped Texas natives Jake Thompson and Corey Knebel back to their place of birth in exchange for Joakim Soria.

Before I get to the Detroit News and Henning’s scandalous behavior in this affair, I probably should give my own opinion of the deal, which can be summed up in this one Tweet ……

Yes, that’s how ecstatic I am about the acquisition; I’d give it analingus. Why do I think this swap was so great?

1) Soria was the best relief pitcher available. Better than Huston Street. More reasonably priced than Jonathan Papelbon. Better stuff than Joaquin Benoit. HE WAS THE BEST ARM Dombrowski could have received and he went out and got him.

The dude can throw a variety of pitches for strikes. He has not allowed a HOME RUN this season in that Dallas-area bandbox (which is a re-creation of old Tiger Stadium) or anywhere else for that matter. Finally, Soria has struck out 42 batters this season while only walking FOUR!!!!! It is still July and Soria has a WAR of 1.7.

Do you know how hard it is for a relief pitcher to have a Win Above Replacement of 1.7 in July? That’s Mariano Rivera territory. Speaking of Rivera, here is what BRILLIANT Fox Sports Live commentator Gabe Kapler had to say about the deal in a ransom-note-quality Tweet:


2) Not only did Dombrowski acquire Soria, he paid LESS than the Angels did for Street. So let’s see, DD got the better arm and he didn’t have to give up Willie Adams (a prospect similar to Jose Rondon, who WAS included in the Padres/Angels deal).This is the Bizarro Fister Trade.

3) Dombrowski is playing with house money when it comes to trading away prospects. Even if Thompson and Knebel both develop into fine pitchers, so what?

The Tigers window currently resembles the shield doors on ice planet Hoth when Han and Luke were missing; this is their LAST BEST CHANCE to win it all. Could they win a World Series after this season? Of course, but a team with Max Scherzer in his prime has an infinitely better chance than one without him.

And what are the chances that Thompson and Knebel will burn us in the future? Let’s ask Andrew Miller, Francisco Martinez, Jacob Turner, Gorkys Hernandez, Rob Brantley and Cameron Maybin — when he gets back from his amphetamine suspension — THAT question.

The next prospect that Dombrowski regrets trading in Detroit will be his first; neither Knebel nor Thompson is on ANYONE’s Top 100 prospect list. In fact, they’d only be considered decent prospects for an organization with a quality farm system.

4) Soria isn’t even a rental. They have one of the best relief pitchers in the game for next season at the reasonable rate of $7 million.

5) This bullpen could now be a huge asset in the postseason. IF Joe Nathan can straighten himself out, you could have a RHP arsenal of Soria, Joba Chamberlain, Nathan and Al Alburquerque. As for lefties, Drew Smyly most assuredly will pitch out of the ‘pen in October. Do you think a southpaw who has an opponent’s OPS of .430 vs. lefties might be useful in the playoffs?? Hell, even Robbie Ray might have some value as a situational lefty by then.

So there you have it, I love the trade. Those were my thoughts both before the deal and after the swap, which brings us to Lynn Henning. Believe it or not, the Detroit News isn’t just an online publication.

They STILL print an actual paper which is delivered to the homes of the elderly. The computer illiterates can even purchase it from a newspaper box on the street or from their local CVS. There is also a print edition that is delivered to out-state areas like Grand Rapids and Kalamazoo; it has a really EARLY deadline so they can print it and deliver it to these distant locales.

Why am I telling you about this? Because in the out-state edition today, there is an article by Lynn Henning that you can’t find ANYWHERE ELSE. This edition just might become more valuable than the Billy Ripken “FUCK FACE” card. Thanks to a loyal reader, I have an image of the above-referenced Henning column ….


It might be a little hard to read, so let me help you:

Jake Thompson, Detroit’s top pick in 2012, is known to be one of the pitchers trading teams relish. He is 20 years old and earlier this month was upgraded to Double A Erie from Single A Lakeland.

He is 6-foot-4, 235 pounds, a right-hander, and is the brand of upper-tier rotation starter teams see as support columns for a future contender.

The Tigers will not be interested in parting with Thompson — not even when their 2014 pennant hopes might well hinge on building up a bullpen that failed last October and cost the Tigers a splendid shot at a world championship.

Yep, just as this paper was being delivered to Lansing and Lapeer, the Tigers did the EXACT OPPOSITE of what Henning had opined. (I have yet to confirm if this column was also in the local editions, but I will check into it later today.)

The Tigers will not be interested in parting with Thompson — not even when their 2014 pennant hopes might well hinge on building up a bullpen that failed last October and cost the Tigers a splendid shot at a world championship.

Hell, the ink might not have even been dry on the print edition when Jon Daniels and Dombrowski agreed to the trade sending Thompson to the Dallas Metroplex!!!!!!

How many times can this guy be DEAD FUCKING WRONG before he retires in utter humiliation?

Anyway, Henning being wrong isn’t something new, so what makes this case extra special? The Detroit News online edition looks as if Henning NEVER wrote this horribly wrong column. You can’t find it. There is no link for it anywhere.

Instead, Henning quickly wrote ANOTHER column AFTER the Soria trade in which he warned Tigers fans of the pot of gold they just shipped down South. Now, trust me. This asinine piece is just as horribly misguided as the original but at least you can’t FACTUALLY PROVE IT YET. We will just have to wait a couple of years.

How disingenuous is it for the News and Henning to scrub the original piece? Luckily, the DSR has tentacles all over the state of Michigan to uncover this duplicitous behavior.

Coincidentally, just TWO DAYS AGO, a follower of mine sent a Tweet to Henning busting his balls about always being wrong. That message came on the heels of my previous “Henning is an Imbecile” article. Here is Lynn’s response: 

“You guys” means THIS website. And I keep a one-sided scorecard??????? Are you fucking kidding me? I am not the one trying to make columns disappear into thin air, Henning. Even Vijay Singh thinks this behavior is deplorable.

Especially for a church-going man.

UPDATE at 2:26pm

Henning now is stating on Twitter that he never wrote that the Tigers WOULD NOT part with Jake Thompson even if it meant costing the team the World Series. I can’t even believe what I am reading …….





What color is the sky in Lynn Henning’s world??!???!??!?!?!??!