Rod Allen — I See You …. And I Want You to Die


By Jeff Moss
July 23, 2014

Last night’s Detroit Tigers game in Arizona versus the Diamondbacks was one of the most frustrating losses in recent memory. It really had it all …. especially the top of the eighth inning when Brad Ausmus and Rod Allen made me wish I was on a Malaysian jumbo jet circling the Gaza Strip with a large banner of Menachem Begin dining on some gefilte fish trailing the plane.

And yes, I could write a blog post about how historically awful Ausmus was last night. I am now calling him “Potato Latka” Leyland, as there is absolutely zero difference between our current manager and the last guy.

With runners on second and third with ONE OUT in the eighth inning and the Tigers nursing a one-run lead — with a bullpen that normally is terrible when Joba Chamberlain IS available — how could Ausmus let Alex Avila face a left-handed pitcher?

Second and third. One man down. THE BALL MUST BE PUT IN PLAY IN THAT SITUATION. So what does Leyland, errrr Body by Brad do? He sends Avila and his .217 batting average, .270 OBP and .574 OPS versus lefties up to the plate.

Against a southpaw.

Oh and did I mention that entering that at-bat, Avila had STRUCK OUT a whopping 26 times in only 68 ABs in similar situations?!?!?!??!!? Alex Avila fails to put the ball in play 38.2% of the time versus lefties and Ausmus let him hit in that crucial situation WHEN THE BALL HAD TO BE PUT IN FUCKING PLAY.

Not to mention,  Nick Castellanos and Rajai Davis were sitting on the [Trout] damn bench. (Davis and his 1.002 OPS vs. lefties did strike out later in the inning, but there were TWO outs and it wasn’t a situation where just putting the ball in play most likely would have scored an insurance run.)

Brad the Surfing Mimbo also pulled Rick Porcello after 77 pitches. National League rules or not, I have been watching this bullpen since March and what occurred after Porcello was yanked in the bottom of the eighth was more predictable than the ending to the third episode of The Leftovers.

And, of course, the game ended with Don Kelly and his .294 SLUGGING percentage at the plate instead of Castellanos. Two-nine-four. Think about that for a second. North Korea has more power.


And I don’t give a shit about lefty/righty at that point. Don Kelly has FOUR extra-base hits all season and that was a situation where ya kinda needed one.

But I digress. This blog is about the Tigers Fox Sports Detroit color commentator. Even for this know-nothing dipshit, he was in rare form during that eighth-inning debacle.

In the top of the eighth, the Tigers had runners on 1st and 3rd with nobody out and Victor Martinez at the plate. Ian Kinsler was the runner on third and Miguel Cabrera was the pylon at first.

I will let Rod Allen take it from there ……

Where to begin with this INSANE commentary? If Allen had just said the exact opposite of every word uttered in that video, he would have been dead on.


“Kinsler stayed in the rundown long enough for Miggy to get to third base but Miggy is such a smart player he was not going to go to third base to create more issues …”

Create more issues for the Tigers? Like what? Having a runner on third base with less than two outs?!!??!!?!?!!? I mean, Kinsler did such a wonderful job of keeping that rundown going that Miggy could have made it to third base …… and then watched Shawshank Redemption. And not just Shawshank Redemption commercial-free on HBO, but Shawshank Redemption on TNT.

This moron actually complimented Cabrera for not taking advantage of Kinsler’s heads-up base-running. I don’t even know what to say. In one breath Allen stated that Miggy could have made it to third base. In the next breath he said it was brilliant that Miggy didn’t.

And that commentary looked like Einstein’s dissertation on the Theory of Relativity in comparison to what followed …..

That actually worked out better for Detroit than it would have worked out. Score would have been tied, but they would have gotten a double play.

Yes, in the eighth inning it was better for the Tigers to have runners at first and second with one out and trailing by one run as opposed to being TIED with two outs and nobody on.

And keep in mind, this is the same shitbag who has never witnessed a SACRIFICE BUNT he didn’t want to make love to.

Not only should have this imbecile been fired on the spot for this awful commentary, someone should have taken him to the desert and stabbed him with a cactus.

This town is so bad. And it’s getting worse by the hour.