By Jeff Moss
September 28, 2014
I am not sure if you are sick of reading articles recapping Detroit News baseball revisionist history writer Lynn Henning’s pathological thoughts, but I am sure as shit sick of memorializing these inane takes for posterity.
Truth is™ (Deanna Bentley), I ignore 98% of this man’s drivel whether he spouts it in his columns, during radio interviews or on his favorite sewage delivery service of choice ….. Twitter.
But even though I am trying to juggle watching the Tigers play in a crucial game and Lions vs. Jets while keeping track of my wagers at Belmont Park — I can’t ignore today’s Henning nonsense.
You’d have to read this Tweet to believe it. While INSANELY continuing his “Can’t Judge the Doug Fister Trade Yet” World Tour, Mr. Imperfect spewed the following absolute lie on the TwatBox:
In WHAT WORLD does this has-been (never was) actually believe Doug Fister was the Tigers’ fifth starter, EVER!?!?!?!?!?
Umm, hey, ya nut, who started Game 4 of the ALDS last season with the Tigers’ season on the LINE?!??!!? Was that Rick Porcello or Doug Fister? Yep, with the team on the brink of elimination, Jim Leyland turned to FISTER against the A’s when trailing 2-1 in the series!!!!!
The guy whom Lynn Henning thought was the team’s fourth starter? In FIVE games, he pitched ONE inning out of the bullpen.
I actually felt bad for this old man; I was starting to believe he is suffering from early-onset Alzheimer’s. But then Henning went one step further and proved that this isn’t dementia, he is just a really dumb fucking guy.
Porcello was a better pitcher than Fister a year ago? By which measure?!?!?!?
In 2013, Doug Fister had the superior ERA, WHIP, FIP, xFIP, WAR (Fangraphs and Baseball-Reference), opponent’s OPS …….. Oh, what the fuck is the point?!??!?!?! This man clearly has a cognitive disconnect.
But Henning wasn’t done …..
Yeah, Leyland had no number designation. He just let Fister start in the ALDS and ALCS while Porcello was relegated to bullpen duty. No depth chart at all there.
Then when Henning was getting bombed by various Tweeters, he went to his typical M.O.
First, with some lame dig from his 1959 Book of Old Man Insults:
Then, his favorite past time: accusing EVERYONE on Twitter who thinks HE is a dumbfuck of being ME …..
Hahahhahaa. Hey, dipshit, I have two accounts. @JeffMossDSR, and one where I LURK to follow all of the imbeciles in the Detroit Media who have blocked me. By last count, that was like 40+ dolts. I don’t Tweet from THAT account because if I did and got blocked by someone, I’d have to create an ENTIRELY new lurker account.
And I don’t have time for that because most of my time is spent dealing with your CRAZY opinions.
Listen, cunt, I am only going to explain this to you once. When I want to get in touch with you, I will email your ignorant ass. These other people who are contacting you are not me. They are either individuals who have never heard of Jiffy Myst or followers of mine who also believe you should be institutionalized.
Thousands of people follow me on Twitter. Thousands of people read articles like these. I don’t have to waste my time telling you that you are a moron because, thankfully, others do it for me.
And trust me, if I WERE to create a fake account to contact you, it wouldn’t have a HORSE RACING TWITTER AVATAR!!!!!!
I am not Mansoor. Or @BrickTamland, @Stoney16 @johnfloto, @yoyomo007 or @stephen_soviar either.
That would be like you trying to hide your identity with a fake Twitter account utilizing this picture ….
Go get your boy, @TonyPaul1984.
Yeah, that isn’t me either, Lynn.
Oh, and one last thing. Doug Fister is probably going to finish in the top five of National League Cy Young voting this season after posting a 2.41 ERA, a 1.08 WHIP and a WAR of 4.6.
In other words, if ALL of the National League teams converged and formed ONE TEAM, Doug Fister might be the FIFTH STARTER on THAT squad.
Ya know, the guy the Tigers traded for a situational lefty who can’t even help them in September of THIS year and the Robbie Ray Experience — the loser southpaw who gave up four earned runs in one inning pitched last night
Shrivel up and die, AARP Boy.