By Justin Spiro
September 26, 2014
For several months I have been telling anyone who would listen that the Detroit Lions were headed toward a VERY successful season. I explained a multitude of reasons why they would be NO WORSE than 10-6, with my official prediction fixed at 11-5.
I have faced significant heat from the DSR regulars for my faith in the Lions. Career failure at everything ever (and unfortunate DSR fixture) Rob Otto joined in the mocking of my prediction on the DSR Forums. Otto sacrificed valuable opportunities to familiarize himself with cardio equipment, all in the name of being extra mean about my “10 wins at worst” prediction.
I battled it out with “The Boss” Jeff Moss on several DSR Podcasts, and was mocked for my faith. But the Lions are off to a pretty solid start! Two wins, one loss, and several winnable games the next month. Things are going to get very difficult for poor Moss at DSR Headquarters if the Lions keep this up. Luckily for Otto, his life can’t get any worse than it already is.
Why do I bring up Otto? Well, Jeff Moss’s support of this never-was has been the biggest debacle in DSR history. Until this whole Lions Season Preview disaster.
Moss thought it would be a good idea to host a webcast with Lions beat writers in a crowded Buffalo Wild Wings during the opening night of the NFL season. This seemed like an awful idea even at the time, but I was assured by Joffrey that the webcast would be held in a “private area” of the BW3 in question.
The “private area” was so exclusive that the webcast was routinely interrupted by a 12-year-old boy bricking shots on the Gameworks style basketball arcade game that was strategically placed about 14 feet away from Moss and his poor co-hosts. Every few seconds the air would fill with either the sound of a bricked shot, or the crazy bell that would go off when the kid drained one.
The BW3 was loud enough with crowd noise, as every turd and their brother cheered for Aaron Rodgers to boost their fantasy football fortunes. When you add in the 12-year-old arcade gamer and Cris Collinsworth on full blast, it was a recipe for disaster. You could not hear ANYTHING the hosts were saying, even just a few feet away. Moss really botched this puppy.
Luckily, Moss mitigated his error by bringing in the worst film crew ever born into this world to document this complete disaster. I know the DSR is on a tight budget, but I would take a panicked Heather Donahue over the amateurs Moss hired. These losers did not foresee any issues with not providing the hosts with microphones, and gave me a condescending look when I was skeptical the audio would translate in the noise tunnel.
Of course, these reputable film experts took their time in delivering the product. It has taken nearly a month for them to deliver the goods. At least it’s going to be worth the wait!
[Editor’s Note: One member of the crew was diligent about the project and assisted Myst as much as he could. That’s the guy who got paid nothing. The dude who accepted the $200 payment did less than nothing and then took the Muss money and went on vacation. What an abomination.]
Anyway, as we prepare for Week 4 of the NFL season, the DSR Lions Preview is finally available for viewing. And “viewing” the video is about all you are going to be able to do, because you will need a certified lip reader to have any concept of what the discussion was about.
We could easily post these videos with the title, “The DSR Reviews It’s Favorite Musicals” and you wouldn’t really know the difference. The only way you know it is about the Lions is that Lions beat writers appear in the frame, and Moss is waving his arms like a maniac.
Enjoy these awful videos. And be sure to congratulate Rob Otto. He is now only the 2nd worst thing on Jeff Moss’s résumé.
And thanks to Dave Birkett, Kyle Meinke and Josh Katzenstein for participating in the first silent Podcast ever produced.
Hope the food was good!!!!!!
Here is the three-part abortion. Better turn on your Beltone.