By Jeff Moss
December 17, 2014
It takes a lot to shock me, but I am completely in awe of the ignorance, idiocy, contradiction and tin-eared behavior that I have witnessed over the last 48 hours. I figured that dealing with the Detroit sports media on this website for the last 12 years prepared me for anything …….
…… but nothing could have readied me for the living embodiment of dumbfuckery that is Bill Simonson. I am sure most of you are wondering who the hell Bill Simonson is. Well, if you live in the Metro Detroit area, you probably have no clue because this douche bag broadcasts outstate to negligible audiences.
Also, he doesn’t go by Bill Simonson; he uses the moniker, “Huge.” I mean, who the fuck refers to themselves as “HUGE?????” Sigmund Freud is breakdancing in his grave over that self-given nickname. And don’t you worry, we will get back to the subject of names very shortly.
Anyway, this moron popped up on my radar a couple of days ago when the DSR started getting some major attention, both locally and nationally, for our Jim Harbaugh scoops. This knucklehead then decided to chime in, even though nobody gives a rat’s ass about his uninformed opinion:
Well, a blogger in Pennsylvania (Gregg Henson, who is a well-connected program director in Pittsburgh with good Michigan sources) and I are the two this dolt is talking about. You know, the two guys who have been dead on regarding the Harbaugh/U of M story since Day One.
But this white trash oaf wasn’t finished taking shots at this website:
Yeah!!! How could some random blogger take credit for breaking the Brandon dismissal news??!!!!! Let’s go to Brian Cook at MGoBlog to discount that ridiculous assertion …….
Oops. Well, yeah, one of the more influential Michigan-related websites reported that the DSR had the Brandon story first but BLOG is right in MGoBlog’s name!!!! Can’t trust these bloggers!!!!
Look, I didn’t start the fight with this irrelevant West Michigan putz but I was surely going to finish it. As per usual, my social media followers started sending me information about this HUGE cockbag in an effort to assist me in this “battle.”
I started doing my research on this pig, contacted my Brother Shamus and started sending feelers out to anyone who has an axe to grind with Simonson, which seems to be just about everyone who has ever encountered this lump — from Joe Rexrode at the Freep to his former media friend Brian VanOchten and his awful hairpiece.
And in a move I specifically telegraphed just to piss off this pig virus Simonson, I even sent a Facebook message to his ex-wife looking for any additional information I could gather. She has yet to respond.
But before we get to this cretin’s rap sheet of stupidity — seriously, this fuckstick makes Terry Foster look like Dr. deGrasse Tyson — I should begin by telling you that at any moment the West Bloomfield Police might knock at my door and stop me from posting this article.
Why, you may ask? Because Simonson supposedly called the cops on me for mentioning the names of his children on Twitter. No, really. Here is the Tweet I sent out that might land me in prison …..
— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) December 17, 2014
Yes, this radio host who nicknamed himself “HUGE” actually has kids named Legend and Ace. I am sure there is a wing in some Austrian psych hospital dedicated to this man’s complexes. Well, me mentioning his kids’ names in a Tweet — which didn’t even go out to 99.9% of my audience — sent this lunatic over the edge.
You might have thought that this was an empty threat by a dude with rocks in his head, but he also confirmed his 911 call on Twitter ….
Can you imagine the guffaws from the WBPD if this windbag actually called the cops and reported me for mentioning the name of his kid? How did that phone call go down?
Hi, my name is HUGE and I am a big, dumb oaf who named two of my kids LEGEND and ACE. Yes, this is the emergency number for West Bloomfield Police, right? Ok, yes, can you please go arrest Jeff Moss because he made fun of me for naming my kids LEGEND and ACE?
His children’s names are public knowledge; HUGE disseminated that information. I didn’t go to his kids’ school, sneak into the principal’s office and rifle through their files in order to discover this information.
I mean, do you remember when the NYPD SWAT team broke into Howard Stern’s old K-Rock studio on a tip from Kathie Lee Gifford that the King of All Media was making fun of Cody and Cassidy’s names? Yeah, ME NEITHER.
As to Simonson’s absolutely imbecilic takes and behavior over the years I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I guess I will just start with TODAY. Because after lambasting Henson and me about the Harbaugh rumor mongering when Adam Schefter, Ian Rapoport and Jason La Canfora were all stating that Harbaugh was staying in the NFL, the doofus had the audacity to do a complete 180 and Tweet THIS out earlier today:
Can you imagine? This is like finding out that Adam Silver has an African-American goomah whom the NBA commissioner won’t let sit next to Michael Jordan at Charlotte Hornets games — only MAYBE more hypocritical and outrageous!!!!!
But this is the kind of dumb hypocrite we are dealing with here. Remember, this dude is so pissed at me for mentioning his KIDS’ names. Yeah, he is the same imbecile who was once sued in Texas for misreporting that some woman was exposing her breasts and giving lap dances at a party.
That cost him and his radio station over $300,000 in damages …….
My sources indicated to me that this lawsuit and the HUGE damages that were levied against him and Shamrock ended up costing him his job.
Simonson then ended up in Oklahoma where it would appear his racial references in regard to then-Sooners head coach John Blake cost him another gig. Unless you don’t think comparing a blake™ (Michael Bochenek) to BUCKWHEAT is racist.
This is the lunatic who is calling the cops on ME!!!!!! Yep, the moral center of the universe …… Bill Simonson.
After these two escapades, Simonson SOMEHOW landed in the Windy City where, depending on whom you believe, he either did or did not get beaten up by a gang of thugs near the home of the Chicago White Sox.
The police didn’t seem to care much about the situation — maybe they were listeners to his show — and some sources have indicated to me that he might have Morton Downey’d himself.
Eventually, Simonson ended up in West Michigan; I am still not sure how a guy with his history lined up the following sponsors:
I don’t know, I am guessing African-Americans enjoy Brann’s Steakhouse and are sometimes in need of odds-and-ends at Meijer. Are these companies aware that Simonson has referred to a black man as “Buckwheat??????”
Then there are his HUGE sports takes. And if I listed off all of his asinine Wings, Wolverines, Spartans, Tigers and Lions opinions we might be here until 2062. But here are just a few that are especially worthy of derision.
In August of 2012, Simonson predicted that Michigan would go undefeated and that Denard Robinson would take home the Heisman Trophy. Ummm, they most definitely did not.
If that wasn’t bad enough, in SEPTEMBER of 2013, Simonson wrote that Michigan and Michigan State were headed in different directions; the team that was supposedly heading down won a Rose Bowl and then followed that up with another ten-win season while the school heading up is now offering Jim Harbaugh $49 million over six years to bring it back from the fucking dead.
MSU has no life in its stadium, no way to put points on the board, they’re unranked and there’s no vibe with the fans with this football team.
Without that Spartans defense, they would lose every game this year. That is not how you win in the Big Ten and nationally.
A few months later, that team beat Stanford in Pasadena. Ya gotta believe me.
The third trimester abortion also claimed earlier this year that Jose Altuve was more valuable than Mike Trout. Well, did you actually think Biff from “Back to the Future” understood math?
Oh, what is the point? I probably should have just stopped after telling you that he called John Blake “Buckwheat.”
Anyway, after all of this nonsense started on Wednesday, this little bitch went on a social media campaign of insecurity in order to convince me that he is relevant …..
First of all, from what I can gather, Simonson regularly gets defeated in the ratings by Sean Baligian, who operates his West Michigan show out of his basement in NORTHVILLE.
Secondly, it is a big no-no to even mention your Arbitron ratings in this fashion. It’s looked upon as lobbying for “votes” from listeners with diaries, especially in non-metered markets like Grand Rapids.
There literally are about 100 more stories I could tell you about the smallness of Huge. According to my sources, he once tried to get MLive to replace Tom “Killer” Kowalski with his former BFF VanOchten. And boy, would I love to know all of the details about that falling out.
Or how he used to threaten the people in charge of the radio industry website mibuzzboard.com with litigation when anyone would dare rip this asshole a new one. I am told the word “HUGE” actually has been BANNED over at that site.
Sources tell me he is so litigious that he threatened a lawsuit when a rival station started broadcasting an on-air parody of “HUGE” — even though Simonson HIMSELF is a walking, breathing on-air parody.
And I wouldn’t be surprised if this human paraquat sued the DSR over THIS article. Don’t worry, we have more attorneys willing to represent me gratis than I know what to do with.
The funniest part of all this is that I have frequently appeared as a guest on Simonson’s Grand Rapids station (WBBL 107.3-FM) over the last few months. As recently as last Monday, I appeared on Ryan Schuiling’s morning program to discuss various Detroit-related sports stories.
As a matter of fact, I was supposed to be a guest on Wednesday morning to talk about the latest Harbaugh news but you can imagine why that didn’t go down.
Oh well, another bridge napalmed by Poor Jiff Myst.
But I gotta be me.