Irrelevant Ashley Burchfield Is a Real Dipshit

This is how irrelevant frat-boy-looking blogger Will Burchfield is to me. The online content creator for this city’s pathetic excuse for a sports station is also a walking, talking Ambercrombie & Fitch ad with fewer than 1,000 Twitter followers who actually Catfished HIMSELF through a DSR Instagram account last year.  And I didn’t even bother to write about it.

Oh, it’s true. It’s damn true™ (Kurt Angle). Last October, Burchfield contacted an Instagram account that was set up by this website to covertly follow the antics of certain Detroit sports media members. He did this completely unsolicited.

Honestly, we weren’t trying to dupe anyone with this account. We merely wanted to monitor certain activity. To disguise the actual user, we did utilize a fake hot girl as our social media avatar, but there was zero intention to engage or bait anyone with this handle.

But that didn’t stop “Burchie Kid” from trying to hit on this follower of his in a creepy Anthony Weiner-esque manner. OBVIOUSLY, after he made first contact we couldn’t refrain from playing along.

Here are the screen grabs from this encounter ….


“Myyyy gosh you are gorgeous, what’s up girl?”

“How’d you find me? I’d remember if we met in person, believeeee that”

“We should meet up!”

Is that how these millennials hook up these days? I am old and only interested in other couples so maybe this is standard operating procedure for folks in their twenties, but Jesus Christ, does this actually work? Does adding additional, pointless letters to actual words act as some sort of aphrodisiac?

Anyway, why am I posting this nine months after the fact? Mainly due to the fact that I find it funny. But also because Don Juan De Burchfield has been incessantly defending Al Avila’s decision to trade J.D. Martinez to Arizona in exchange for three magic beans.

This nonsense reached critical mass earlier today when Burchfield attempted to compare the Martinez deal to a trade the Royals completed for Melky Cabrera. Here was the exact Tweet from this douche bag that set me off ….

There are so many reasons why this message is absolutely ridiculous, but we can start with the point that Martinez is an exponentially better baseball player than the former ‘roid abuser. But that’s not even the worst of it.

There is something that has been bothering me since Avila dumped a 4.5 WAR stud (when he is healthy) for three nondescript prospects from the WORST farm system in baseball — the cherrypicking these Avila apologists are doing regarding prospect ratings.

I have no issue if anyone wants to quote either Baseball America or Keith Law‘s ESPN Insider information but to attempt to defend your point by utilizing the propaganda on MLB Pipeline’s prospect rankings is disingenuous and asinine. We are talking about a website run by MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL and their past rankings have been an abortion.

Just take a look at the 2015 MLB Pipeline rankings for the Tigers …..

They had Steven “Benjamin Button” Moya as the Tigers’ #2 prospect!!!!! In 2015. Let me explain something to you: There was NEVER a time when Moya was considered a better prospect in Detroit’s organization than either Beau Borrows or Christin Stewart. From the MOMENT that duo was drafted, they were universally ranked higher than Moya.

The same thing goes for JaCoby Jones. The second the Joakim Soria trade was consummated, Jones was ahead of Moya. Unanimously. Except on a prospect site currently run and monitored by Rob Manfred. 

It’s more dishonest to use MLB Pipeline as a source than Donald Trump hanging his hat on Rasmussen poll numbers. Can you imagine a fan of another franchise getting excited over acquiring Moya in 2015 at the deadline and then spouting off that he was the Tigers’ second best prospect? That’s EXACTLY what Burchfield is doing TODAY!!!

Here is what Law wrote on ESPN regarding the Tigers’ haul:

And Law was not alone in that sentiment ….

But Casanova over here is STILL stating that the Tigers received the D-Backs second best prospect. When everyone in the WORLD knows that’s a bunch of bullshit.

Team broadcast partners, I guess.

Anyway, there is another part of Burchfield’s defense of Avila that is equally as grating and ignorant: his take that a trade can only be evaluated in the future and not in real time. This is Question #1 on my Sports IQ Test and anyone in the metropolitan Detroit area should know this is a patently false belief based on two historical Motown deals.

The Tigers made a very good trade in 1987 when they acquired crafty right-handed starter Doyle Alexander in exchange for a middling prospect named John Smoltz. It was a fair-market deal for a reliable starting pitcher by a team in the midst of a pennant race with the Blue Jays.

The trade didn’t become GREAT when Alexander went 9-0 with a 1.53 ERA the remainder of that season, propelling Detroit to an AL East crown.

And it didn’t become DISASTROUS when Smoltz went from a run-of-the-mill farm arm to a Hall of Fame starter/closer during his illustrious career.

Because you don’t judge a move like that years down the line. You JUDGE it the DAY it occurs based on a novel concept called VALUE.

It’s the same reason why the Pistons didn’t somehow “win” the Grant Hill trade when a gun was pointed at Joe Dumars’ head and he was forced to acquire Ben Wallace and Chucky Atkins. Everyone in the basketball galaxy knew the Pistons were fucked the day that sign-and-trade occurred and Hill’s subsequent injury issues and Wallace’s career arc don’t change that.

Maybe “Burchie Kid” would understand this concept better if he were even a twinkle in his dad’s scrotum when the Alexander/Smoltz deal occurred. He was probably still shitting a diaper when G-Hill left Auburn Hills.

Of course, I can explain this concept further if you’d like to discuss it over coffee at Starbucks on Woodward.

But I expect you to bring me a dozen roses.

Belieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve thatttttttt.

(You can follow Moss on Twitter @JeffMossDSR. You can discuss this article on Facebook by clicking here. You can also go fuck yourself if you’d like. Totally up to you.)

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