By Jeff Moss
February 16, 2015
And you thought the Super Bowl ending was excruciatingly close and dramatic? Well, it wasn’t even the biggest nail-biter during the short month of February.
That honor surely will go to the 2015 Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality Tournament which ended earlier this evening with a brutal, knock-down match-up between Lynn “The Deacon” Henning and Scott “The Whale” Anderson.
The DSR has now completed three of these tourneys; this was the first time the final was even remotely close.
In 2012, Michael Rosenberg annihilated Terry Foster. Last year, Foster crushed Vincent Goodwill, Jr. 69% to 31% after spending two years with revenge on his mind following that 2012 RosenNebbish beatdown.
The oddsmakers assumed we’d get another blowout in the 2015 Final as Mr. Imperfect went off as a double-digit favorite over the 40+-Year-Old Virgin. What Johnny Avello could not have guessed is how desperate Anderson was for this victory.
In a dirty trick that would have had Karl Rove and Ric Flair drooling, Anderson — who probably has never been on a date in his life — asked the following question on his 97.1 show Monday ….
“Would taking your significant other to see the movie 50 Shades of Grey help you get laid?”
And with that utter lack of self-awareness, what many thought would be a Henning coronation turned into a back-alley brawl reminiscent of Gore/Bush 2000, Easy Goer vs. Sunday Silence in the 1989 Preakness and Arturo Gotti/Mickey Ward.
This match was so tight that with well over over 1,000 votes tabulated and fewer than 30 minutes left on the clock it was still a dead-heat. Some members of the DSR Elite couldn’t handle this barnburner with a few being taken to local hospitals for immediate medical attention.
The voting took place on two separate platforms. Readers were allowed to vote on the DSR Facebook page and the main website homepage. From the moment the last game tipped off, it was clear that Henning was the choice of the Facebook group with Anderson being the main page preference.
And this instant classic went down to the last second with the eventual champ winning by TWO VOTES!!!!! The final percentage was 50.08% to 49.92. You couldn’t make this shit up.
So which participant’s name will be inscribed on the ML Curly Cup — the most prestigious media trophy in Detroit — next to the names of RosenDweeb and Foster?
And the 2015 Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality is …………..
In a monumental upset, Scott Anderson defeated the prohibitive favorite in a Battle Royale that will be discussed for YEARS on this website.
I am not sure I can provide salient analysis yet because I am still in shock over this outcome. Henning entered this tournament as a 3 to 5 favorite to cut down the nets at Lafayette Coney Island and when he crushed Foster in the quarters and Drew Sharp in the semifinal it seemed the final result was a fait accompli.
What we have been able to gather from exit polling is that Anderson pulled off the impossible with his rare combination of fanboy homerism; lack of sports knowledge; anti-mathematics and metrics worldview and overall condescension to intelligent sports fans.
No one can question Anderson’s worthiness in bringing home the ML Curly Cup this year, but defeating Henning after his record-setting 2014 campaign is going to take some getting used to.
The one thing you can say about the three winners of this event is they are diverse. We have had one Jew, one African-American and one gentile manatee.
Now all that is left is the trophy presentation to the Whale, which will take place sometime in the near future. You will not want to miss it. We are planning on spending more money on that than a Hamptons Bar Mitzvah.
Well, that and this …..
Thanks go out to the thousands who participated in the voting and have tolerated the many Tweets on the subject.
Finally, I’d like to express gratitude to Justin Spiro, Adam Fuhrman, Jasper Apollonia and Jonathan Thomas for their assistance with this monumental and time-consuming endeavor.
See ya next February!!!!!!!