By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
September 11, 2012
There are people who read my Twitter account that think I am a total nut job. For example, I received one such message the other day that said the following:
“You are as pitiful as Rayburn’s batting avg”
And that missive was from my only SIBLING so you can imagine what people who are not my sister think about my Tweets in which I attempt to assassinate every Detroit Media member with my keyboard.
But probably the most controversial and divisive behavior that I have exhibited on the Twat Box is my continued assault on Jim Leyland’s ADULT children through the social media platform.
And some of my followers who love the rest of my work can’t figure out what the fuck I am trying to accomplish by berating Cancer Stick’s offspring.
Well, here is the deal. I love the Tigers. They are my favorite professional sports team. You probably could say that my relationship with the franchise is unhealthy and abusive. (Of course, you could probably say that about ALL of the relationships in my life.
I don’t have kids. I have a wife, a dog, two nephews and the Detroit sports teams. That’s about it. And an argument could be made that I spend more time obsessing over the Tigers than the rest of those combined.
If you calculated the amount of time I spend watching the Tigers on TV, following their AL Central rivals on MLB.TV via my iPad, reading articles about the organization written by cuckolded eunuchs and perusing the box scores of Lakeland, Erie, West Michigan and Toledo, you are talking about thousands of hours a year.
Maybe you think that is sick and wrong and a HUGE waste of a life and maybe you are right. But it is the truth. I have loved Detroit Baseball from the first time I witnessed Mark Fidrych talking to a Rawlings and nothing will ever change that.
So just imagine what it feels like to love something THAT much and be forced to endure its management by a derelict you despise on every level humanly possible.
It would be like marrying the woman of your dreams, but despising her mother. Everything is going fine for a few years, you just keep the mother-in-law at an arm’s length distance and pretty much ignore her until one day your spouse informs you that the cunt is moving into your house to spend the rest of her miserable existence.
And not only is your mother-in-law moving down the hall from your bedroom, but everyone else in the family keeps telling you how great she is and that you’ve got her all wrong.
Well, that is EXACTLY how I feel about Jim Leyland and the Detroit sports media that has deified this scumbag for seven years now. John McCain had to endure less torture in a Viet Cong POW camp than I have since this THING got hired by Dave Dombrowski in 2005.
And this is what most in the media cannot possibly comprehend because they are a bunch of mindless fucktards. They love to write that the fans would be agitated with ANYONE who would replace Leyland because that is the nature of baseball.
That statement is intellectually lazy and has absolutely ZERO merit. This isn’t about a decision to not pinch run for Quintin Berry here or resting Jhonny Peralta there.
THIS IS A TOTAL PHILOSOPHICAL CHASM BETWEEN PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO WANT TO SEE THE MAN DROP DEAD AND THIS RELIC OF A TIME GONEBY.
I hate Jim Leyland because he actually thinks that on-base percentage is a “geeky stat.”
I hate Jim Leyland because he fundamentally believes that every team gets players on base and what REALLY matters is the ability to drive in a runner from first with one swing.
I hate Jim Leyland because he is a walking contradiction who on one hand rests players to the point of a lullaby (Peralta, Placido Polanco, etc.) and on the other hand single handedly ruins his CATCHER’S (Alex Avila) knees in late 2011.
I hate Jim Leyland because he believes plate discipline is a BAD THING and that a ball club has to be aggressive in its approach which leads to pitching gems by the likes of Ubaldo Jiminez, Yu Darvish and Samuel Deduno.
I hate Jim Leyland because he has turned the Tigers into the Anti-Yankees. A group of free-swinging lunatics who NEVER get a starting pitcher in pitch count trouble. Like, ever.
I hate Jim Leyland because he is worse at math than Eric the Midget. The man has concocted the perfect formula of managing with his gut and utilizing meaningless selective statistics. He has no comprehension of the importance of SAMPLE SIZE which leads him to sit guys who are 0-for-2 in their career against a certain pitcher.
He actually rested Omar Infante the other day because Infante was 1-for-6 versus the opposing starter while Ramon Santiago was 1-for-3. I mean, you can’t make this shit up.
I hate Jim Leyland because he makes William Clay Ford, Sr. look like the most disloyal person in the universe. (Please See: Raburn, Ryan. Kelly, Don. Inge, Brandon.)
I hate Jim Leyland because he actually believes in bunting before the 8th inning. I hate Jim Leyland because he likes giving the other team automatic outs when the best base stealer in the game is at first base with nobody out.
I hate Jim Leyland because he is a stubborn old man who has such little respect for the fan base that he questions why we care about the LINEUP and spits food at us in HD on the Fox Sports Detroit postgame show. Like, you can’t wait until that media scrum is over to eat your dinner, you disgusting imbecile?
I hate Jim Leyland because he has no comprehension of Reverse Platoon Splits. For example, on Monday night the arithmetically challenged “skipper” loaded up his batting order with righties because LHP Jose Quintana was on the mound.
Even though Quintana’s stats were almost exactly the same versus righties and lefties. In fact, Quintana is more susceptible to extra base hits against LEFTIES.
So did Cancer Stick take that into consideration when making out his lineup for the most important game of the year versus the first place White Sox? No, instead he started the worst hitter in the American League, a 21-year old kid who began the year in Single-A and Gerald “Never Forget Game 163” Laird.
This waste of crumpled up human flesh had no clue that Quintana’s splits didn’t justify removing Andy Dirks, Brennan Boesch and Alex Avila. Because he is too fucking dumb to know better.
The man can find one statistic buried in his three-ring binder (we know he doesn’t use a computer) and convince himself that he is making the “common sense” maneuver even though the man possesses ZERO common sense.
These are all HUGE philosophical differences I have with this lame brain and not normal managerial decision nitpicking.
If the human nicotine cyclone wasn’t bad enough on his own, his media sympathizers who are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome make the situation totally untenable.
NOBODY in the Detroit Media will call for this abortion’s head. Even journalists like the Detroit News’ Tony Paul who openly rips Leyland’s for some of the above moves REFUSES to take the next logical step and demand his pink slip.
Supposedly, 97.1’s Mike Valenti has stated on the air that Leyland shouldn’t return in 2013. Of course, this is the same Mike Valenti who just a few months ago uttered the famous phrase ….. “Jim Gets It.”
On a daily basis we get regurgitation from Lynn Henning that Leyland is still the “Wizard of Woodward” and NO manager in baseball could fix the Tigers troubles.
But the greatest “article” regarding Leyland was posted on the WXYT-FM’s website on Tuesday. It was scribbled on a wall in crayon by some douche bag named Eric Thomas who makes $12,000 a year working for 97.1 hosting a show for truckers at 3:30 in the morning.
The gist of this minimum wage worker’s story was that Tigers fans most likely will rue the day they demanded Dombrowski ax Emaciated Grossness. He actually wrote an ARTICLE in the city of DETROIT stating that most coaching/managerial firings blow up in the fan base’s face.
Detroit. A city that witnessed a very successful regular season coach in Bryan Murray get replaced by a guy who won THREE Stanley Cups in the town.
Detroit. A sports town that enjoyed a World Championship the year AFTER Rick Carlisle was canned after taking the Pistons to the Eastern Conference Finals.
Oh yeah. Detroit. Remember Dave Lewis? That dude averaged 109.5 regular season points in his two years in Motown. How did that Babcock guy do when he replaced him?
I would hope that this loser Eric Thomas would drink a bottle of cyanide and do the world a favor, but who would even notice if he was gone?
And you wonder why I send Tweets to Kellie and Patrick Leyland telling them that their dad is worse than the Holocaust?
Or why DSR contributor, Justin Spiro, has spent the last two days at Cellular Field berating Jim Leyland to the point of getting thrown out of the park TWICE?!!?!?
Yep, a guy wearing a Cecil Fielder throwback jersey got escorted out of New Comiskey for taunting the TIGERS. Ya gotta believe me.
At last check, Spiro had screamed at Dave Dombrowski from about ten feet away this evening that the entire state of Michigan wanted Leyland fired. The Divot Chinned Fuckstick called Spiro, “UNGRATEFUL.”
Ungrateful for what? A monumental collapse in 2009? The train wreck of a season in 2008? Losing to the worst World Series champion ever in 2006? The 2012 season which has been the most infuriating Detroit sports year EVER?
The over/under on Spi getting tossed tonight is the sixth inning and I am going under. Way under.
This is all we have left. Protesting this man’s continued existence through ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
And it is all going to culminate on September 27th at Comerica Park when the DSR celebrates “Jim Leyland Fan Appreciation Day.”
Yep, a bunch of us are going down to the last Tigers home game of the year against the Royals and tell this underachieving bastard exactly what we think of him.
Everyone is invited and the more the merrier.
The media can continue to give this asshat a free pass, but the readers of this site sure aren’t going to stand by a minute longer.
Stupor Mario Impemba and Rod “Mr. Bojangles” Allen. We are coming for you next.