Hey-Hey, Ho-Ho Joe Dumars Has Got To Go

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By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 10, 2014

It is now January 10, 2014. The Detroit Pistons have played a total of 36 games, which represents 44% of the season. Their record is a pathetic 14-22 — a winning percentage of .389 –while residing in what is potentially the worst winter sport conference in the history of organized athletics. They are currently on a six-game losing streak –All against teams that were UNDER .500 at the time

As it stands today, the team would miss the postseason again — which is the equivalent of not qualifying academically for Wayne County Community College. All of this leads me to ask the following question ……..

WHY DOES JOE DUMARS STILL HAVE A JOB WITH THIS FRANCHISE?????

My educated guess is that the team is owned by an absentee private equity businessman who lives in Beverly Hills, California and has zero clue how to run a professional sports organization.

Ya know, the same dude who INSANELY rushed the court after a game-winning buzzer-beater by Josh Smith. DURING THE EXHIBITION SEASON.

(I am not sure what video is more entertaining. This one, or the one of Tom Lewand’s DUI arrest. Let’s call it a draw.)

Excuse me if I am not sold that a grown man who couldn’t properly pronounce the names of his players at his debut press conference and who decided to join his team on the court in a celebration over a PRESEASON victory knows how to manage an NBA franchise.

Just a few weeks ago, I wrote an article reviewing the Year in Detroit Sports and made the case that the Pistons were the most enjoyable team to watch in Motown because they hadn’t failed to live up to expectations. Since that column was posted, the team has won one game.

And lost eight.

Look, there is a plethora of reasons why Joe Dumars should currently be in an unemployment line behind Jim Schwartz and Al Borges.

You can start with this nugget. Here are his team’s winning percentages over the last six years.

2009: .476
2010: .329
2011: .366
2012: .379
2013: .354
2014: .389

If Joe Dumars were a leadoff hitter, Billy Beane would be drooling over those on-base percentages. Unfortunately for Dumars, he is the GM of a basketball team even though it is a mystery as to why he still retains that title.

And look at some of the organizations that Dumars’ Pistons team is currently trailing in the standings. The Atlanta Hawks, for one. Didn’t Joe D. take one of that team’s best players via free-agency a few months ago?

Even the Toronto Raptors are 17-17 — and they are doing it AFTER they traded Rudy Gay to Sacramento in hopes of tanking the season for more lottery balls. Unfortunately, Toronto management must not be John Hollinger disciples and didn’t realize that trading Gay would actually make them a better squad.

The Chicago Bulls lost Derrick Rose for the season — again — and yet they have a better record than a Pistons team that has basically been constructed for one goal: Make the playoffs THIS year.

Hell, the Boston Celtics got rid of Paul Piece and Kevin Garnett and still don’t have Rajon Rondo in the lineup and they basically told their fanbase that they were playing for Jabari Parker or Andrew Wiggins; even they are only one game behind a team whose GM is doing everything possible to qualify for the postseason in order to save his own ass.

But the Celts didn’t hire a retread head coach like Maurice Cheeks and instead got creative with Butler’s Brad “Galli” Stevens, who has performed a minor miracle in keeping Boston afloat.

Stevens must salivate at all of the wasted talent on the Pistons roster while he is scraping by with the likes of Jeff Green and Jared Sullinger.

Which brings us to Cheeks. What the hell is this guy getting paid to do? Best as I can tell, the only time he has gotten mad since coming to Detroit is when his fuck buddy found another woman’s lipstick on a wine glass and he became irate with her for questioning him about it.

The Pistons regularly take  leads into halftime only to get annihilated in the third and fourth quarters. Even a total moron who, as of December 19th, thought the Pistons were the most entertaining team in town can can predict that ……

Oops. I was off by nine points. They actually lost by 21!!!! I mean, what does Maurice do during halftime? Flip between Piers Morgan and Rachel Maddow? Peruse AshleyMadison.com?

And it’s not like there isn’t SOME talent on the Pistons. Most teams in the Least would love to have a nucleus of Andre Drummond, Greg Monroe, Josh Smith, Brandon Jennings and Rodney Stuckey.

And it’s not like the Pistons are eight game under .500, but starting to show signs of turning a corner.  With the addition of a new point guard and Smith playing out of position plus Drummond getting a larger role with the team, you could have expected a rough couple of months to start the season.

The only thing a Pistons fan could have asked for is progression from the Island of Misfit Toys and yet they have been regressing on a nightly basis.  How could a team still trying to find itself beat the Heat and Pacers on the ROAD and then go on a six-game losing streak when they should be starting to jell?

But it would appear that Cheeks has no clue what the fuck to do with these guys. That makes only the seventh straight awful head coaching hire by Dumars.  (I know it’s only five, I am using hyperbole here, people.)

But none of the above are the real reason why I believe that Dumars should be axed immediately. Hell, at this point, I would even consider the Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva signings to be water under the bridge.

Look, this team isn’t going anywhere this season. Why the novice owner is so hellbent on a first-round playoff exit is beyond me. Winning 38 games and making the playoffs only to be annihilated by the Heat or Pacers isn’t going to bring fans back to the Palace or get a buzz going in Detroit.

At this point, Gores has to look at his roster and make the decision that his “Playoffs or Bust” edict has already caused irreparable harm to this team. He should cut his losses while he can.

Since Gores foolishly told his lame-duck GM that his job was going to be taken away from him if he didn’t qualify as a postseason sacrificial lamb, Dumars has behaved like a man whose first priority is his own fat ass, and not the future of a $500 million franchise.

Look, Joe Dumars didn’t pass on Trey Burke in the 2013 draft because he thought the Michigan product wasn’t an exciting prospect.

Joe Dumars didn’t pass on Trey Burke because he was worried it would be too much pressure for the “hometown” kid to perform in Auburn Hills. Fuck, Trey Burke is from Columbus and 50% of Pistons fans are probably MSU supporters who couldn’t give a fuck about his collegiate heroics.

Joe Dumars passed on Trey Burke because his OWN job was on the line and he wasn’t going to let a rookie point guard determine his fate. THAT is why he passed on Trey and took Kentavious Caldwell-Pope instead.

Even Joe’s two propaganda machines — Vincent Ellis and Vincent Goodwill — would tell you that.

(By the way, do you know who was the NBA Rookie of the Month in December? ESPN’s top rated rookie as of December 27th? I will give you a big hint.  The player that Dumars compared to Steve Alford on draft night!!!!!!!)

Because it’s always a great decision in professional sports to give your chief executive an ultimatum so that the GM puts his own status above the welfare of the team. And that is exactly what this naive venture capitalist did.

And it has to stop now. Due to Gores’ stubborn unwillingness to amnesty Ben Gordon in June of 2012, the Pistons now must have a Top 8 pick in the 2014 draft in order to avoid sending it to the Charlotte Bobcats.

Yep, for the privilege of taking Gordon’s albatross of a contract off of Gores’ books, Michael Jordan is preparing to receive the Pistons’ first-round pick in the deepest draft since Chad Ford had us convinced that Darko Milicic was Smelly Euro Kevin Garnett.

So now the Pistons are sitting a half-game out of the playoff race and the NBA Trade Deadline of February 20th is fast approaching. Do you have any faith that Dumars will do the RIGHT thing for the future of this team over the next 42 days, or do you believe he will do whatever is necessary to keep his family in Bloomfield Hills?

If you think he will sacrifice himself for the greater good, you probably were sleeping when he signed Josh Smith, traded for Brandon Jennings instead of drafting Trey Burke, and hired a retread coach instead of taking a shot on someone like Stevens.

Gores needs to shitcan Dumars immediately and send Mo Cheeks out the door with him.

The last thing that this organization needs is a GM who is trying to save his own skin and who is on the record as having a moral dilemma with regard to tanking for more lottery balls.

And we aren’t talking about losing in order to get the 5th pick instead of the 9th. We are talking about the difference between having a first-round selection and getting a Grade A prospect or not having one AT ALL!!!!!!

Because if you think dealing Chauncey Billups for Allen Iverson and trading Arron Afflalo for a second-round pick that turned into Vernon Macklin were unmitigated disasters, just wait for this team to miss the playoffs and end up with the ninth selection in the draft.

I am calling my shot now.  The Pistons will miss the postseason and end up with the eighth worst record in the league.  And then someone behind them in the standings will leapfrog Detroit and get into the top three which will result in the Bobcats getting our selection.

Seriously, do you know how hard it is to get ripped off in a trade with MICHAEL JORDAN??!!?!?!? Yet, here we are.

I will always appreciate Joe Dumars for his contribution to the Bad Boys Era championships and for constructing the 2004 title team.

But to quote Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli …..

It’s time to say goodbye.