By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 28, 2015
It’s time for a rare edition of the Mossisms™; we have some good, juicy gossip and a couple of Detroit Media members to assail.
So …. what do colonoscopies, Steve Grillo, Craig Janney, Morrie Schwartz, Francis Scott Key, Cancer Stick and Lite Light all have in common?
They are all included in Wednesday Evening Mossisms™.
Chris “Officer Barbrady” McCosky Already in Midseason Form
Well, we knew this moment was coming the second it was announced that Chris McCosky would be replacing Tom Gage on the Tigers beat for the Detroit News.
The ignorant and intellectually challenged bastard who has slurped up the juices of Pistons, Lions and Red Wings management during his embarrassing “journalistic” career has already stuck his nose so far up Dave Dombrowski’s ass that his article today should come with a jug of MiraLAX.
Today’s festivities all started when ESPN.com’s MLB farm system expert Keith Law released his rankings of minor league systems with Detroit’s bringing up the rear.
This was expected as the Tigers’ farm system has been putrid for years and is ALWAYS ranked in the bottom third, whether by Law, BaseballAmerica.com, BaseballProspectus.com or whomever else is compiling the rankings.
And it only stands to reason that a team that has traded away half of their top ten prospects in the last year or so would rate poorly.
Of course, this was all lost on the doltish Officer Barbrady, who viewed Law’s opinion piece as an opportunity to carry water for his new masters (Dombrowski, Ron Colangelo, Kate Ready, etc.).
And suicidal Gunga Din didn’t disappoint!!!!
Let me respond with the following ….
Hey, ya shitbag, do you think trading those seven prospects might have played a part in the Tigers’ minor league system being depleted, causing Law to rank them LAST?
That’s like expecting that, just because MC Hammer was wealthy right after “U Can’t Touch This” came out, his bank account would STILL be flush. You child; there is a cause-and-effect relationship that results when you deal away SEVEN commodities.
Also, every single team in baseball — no matter how bad their farm system is — has prospects to trade. There are like 138 rounds in the baseball draft, not to mention the many Central and South American players that can be signed.
Even if you are awful at developing young talent — and by EVERY measure, Dombrowski is horrid at it — you will always be able to deal prospects for established, non-superstar players.
For example, Detroit sent their #1 RHP prospect (Jake Thompson) and #2 relief arm (Cory Knebel) for a dude (Joakim Soria) they never had a fucking role for in 2014!!!! If you are willing to overpay for a dude at the deadline and are approximately 35 games out of first place, you can do it!!!!!
This fool also brags about the team’s farmhands because they acquired Anthony Gose — a no-hit centerfielder — for Devon Travis??? Seriously?
Can you imagine that Dombrowski actually had enough ammunition to acquire a stud like Alfredo Simon? DD’s a regular Christer Rockström, I tell ya.
Do you know how we know that Dombrowski does an awful job of drafting and developing players without a Keith Law ESPN paywall article? We have 13 years of empirical evidence!!!!
In that period of time, the GM has basically only developed Justin Verlander, Rick Porcello, MAYBE Drew Smyly and his assistant GM’s son.
Not to mention that NONE of the prospects whom Lynn Henning has fluffed over the years has amounted to jack shit after being traded away by Divot Chin Dave (except for Andrew Miller, and that was years after the fact in a different role).
Also, this just in, Barbrady …. Kyle Lobstein is not a home-grown talent. He was a Rule 5 draftee.
I am guessing the guy who SHOULD have your job (Tony Paul) knew that, though. This is going to be a LONG year with this piece of human debris covering the Tigers.
Maybe this parody account will help me get through it …..
#BellLetsTalk
The Reason Brendan Shanahan Left the Red Wings
Yesterday, I posted an article in which I stated that Mike Ilitch never lost either a hockey or baseball free-agent that he wanted to keep. A couple of people contacted me and brought up the name of Brendan Shanahan.
Well, the current President of the Toronto Maple Leafs is an extraordinary case because it really was not Shanahan’s decision to leave Detroit for New York. My sources, who were extremely close to the situation, told me a while ago that Catherine Janney-Shanahan (Brendan’s wife whom he “stole” from former teammate Craig Janney) is the one who made the call.
Why? Because Shanahan was allegedly having an affair with Karen Newman. Or at the very least, Catherine thought Brendan was boinking the Red Wings’ national anthem singer.
Now, try to get the image of Shanny doing Newman from behind the next time she is belting out “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
I dare ya.
The Unseemly Relationship Between Mitch Albom and Matt(hew) Stafford
Under normal circumstances, news that a $10-million recreation center for inner-city kids is going to be opened would be fabulous. And the plan announced yesterday to renovate Detroit’s Lipke Park is great.
The only problem with the rejuvenation of the closed building is the partnership behind it. It is extremely unseemly that the lead sports columnist for the city’s most-read daily (Mitch Albom) would enter into any sort of arrangement — charitable or otherwise — with Detroit’s starting quarterback (Matt Stafford).
From yesterday’s Freep article by quality writer Joe Guillen …
Stafford said it was the columnist’s influence led him and his charity — Score7 Charitable Fund — to get involved in the biggest project in Detroit that Albom’s foundation has undertaken.
“I’ve been to quite a few of the events that he’s done,” Stafford said. “I do his radiothon every year. Obviously I’m on the radio with him every Monday of the season and I know what kind of work he does.
“And I knew going into this thing that it wasn’t going to be done any way but perfect. This guy’s going to go all out. Everything he does has a great impact and is run at the top-notch level. I knew he was going to be a great partner in this.”
I knew he was going to be a great PARTNER in this.
Partner!!!!!
Are you effing shitting me with this? The Free Press doesn’t think there might be an ethical issue with their columnist asking Stafford for ONE MILLION DOLLARS, even if it is for a good cause?
So now Dr. Football and the Lions’ QB are partners. Do you think the Keebler Elf Death-Obsessed Novella Writer for Menopausal Women will EVER say ANYTHING critical about his “partner” again?!!??!?
The answer is no. We already have witnessed this in the past with Condescending Baggins. Jim Leyland has worked with Frodo Albom on charity events and the columnist NEVER would write a negative word about the former Tigers manager. Like, ever.
This might be the worst journalistic transgression of Frodo’s career.
Well, except for the time he wrote that Chris Webber couldn’t afford a pizza when he was filthy rich due to a loan from Ed Martin.
Or that time when he made shit up about Jason Richardson and Mateen Cleaves.
Or when he might have plagiarized.
Where was I?
Look, if Albom wants to get in bed with Detroit athletes whom he is PAID TO COVER for a living, that is fine.
Just give up your gig at the Free Press. It’s a win-win for everyone from Detroit’s underprivileged youth to discerning Motor City sports fans.
And Finally …..
Earlier today, Lions tight end Eric Ebron Tweeted out the following …
Planning on partying for #SB49? Let Uber be your DD. Use promo code SB2015 for $20 off your first ride with @Uber
— Eric Ebron (@Ebron85) January 28, 2015
Now, me being the dick that I am, I thought it would be funny to needle the first-round bust. (Well, at least so far.) So I responded with a joke referencing the news that the Lions had to eliminate some plays from their playbook because Ebron wasn’t exactly the quickest learner.
.@Ebron85 @Uber I sure hope the Uber driver knows routes better than you.
— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) January 28, 2015
A few minutes later, the North Carolina product responded with this ..
Well, he might not be worthy of a top ten pick, but at least he has maintained his sense of humor.
I’d still rather have an unfunny Aaron Donald or Odell Beckham, Jr.