By Jeff Moss
August 11, 2011
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
What do “The Natural”, Taking the Wind, Helen Thomas, Gargamel, Death Wish, Magglio Ordonez, Jim Carrey and South Park have in common?
They are all included in Tuesday Morning Mossims™.
Delmon Young – The Savior?
I can only imagine over the last few days that Tigers General Manager Dave Dombrowski was as frustrated with Jim Leyland’s stubborn insistence of batting Magglio Ordonez in the three hole as the rest of the team’s irate fans.
The only difference between the six-year old girl in the Baltimore hotel lobby and me was that Dombrowski actually had the ability to do something about it.
So on Monday afternoon DD finally addressed his $10 million blunder of re-signing Ordonez by trading for outfielder Delmon Young.
You want to know what an epically horrid season Ordonez is having this year?
The Tigers added a guy who 18 teams passed on when he was put on waivers (including two competing for the AL Central crown with Detroit) and who had an OPS of .662 entering Monday’s action AND TIGERS FANS REACTED LIKE THEIR TEAM HAD TRADED FOR THE BLACK ROY HOBBS.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled with the acquisition as well, but mainly because this will hopefully end the career of Ordonez in Detroit.
Which leads me to my two favorite whipping boy subjects:
1) Jim Leyland’s atrocious managing “skills.”
2) The bleeding vaginas who get paid to write about the Tigers.
What kind of indictment of Cancer Stick is that the guy who he has continually scribbled into the three hole of his batting order WAS JUST REPLACED BY A GUY HAVING THE WORST YEAR OF HIS CAREER?
(And we are talking about a guy’s career that includes throwing a bat at an umpire.)
With most competent franchises there is a steady progression of events that take place when one of your aging stars just doesn’t have it anymore.
First, said player gets dropped down in the batting order.
Then he might get platooned.
Finally, he is designated for assignment.
But with Ordonez? NOPE, he was still batting in the MOST IMPORTANT slot in the order right up to the fucking time his General Manager HAD to make a trade to get his .228/.283/.299/.582 ass out of Emaciated Adolf’s every day lineup!!!!!
You people can talk about Bobby Ross’s asinine decision to go for two or Marty Mornhinweg’s choice to take the wind until you are Handy Smurf, blue-in-the-face and I will always maintain that Cancer Stick’s yearlong obsession with batting Singlio in front of Miguel Cabrera was the dumber move.
Say what you want about Boss Ross and Coach Marty, but at least those were in-game, spur of the moment decisions.
This 140-pound bag of bones had hours and hours of deliberation time every single day when writing out his lineup and right up until the moment Dombrowski pulled the trigger with the Twins, Leyland refused to either bench Maggs or move him down in the order.
It was criminal what Cancer Stick was doing but did anyone in the print media who covers this fucking team say a word to the moron?
Of course not. Instead these eunuchs masquerading as “journalists” abided by Leyland’s edict that his lineup was off limits for discussion.
I mean, can you imagine if President Obama declared at his next press conference that he wouldn’t respond to any further inquiries into the unemployment problem?
Do ya think the White House press corps would just STOP ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT THE GOD DAMN ECONOMY?
Hell … fucking … no. They’d probably double the amount of questions regarding the subject.
But this piece of shit manager declares his little edict and Lynn Henning, Tom Gage, Chris Iott, Jason Beck, John Lowe and the rest of those clowns walk into the Tigers’ clubhouse with their cocks buried in their ass like Ray Finkle in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.
The guy has ELEVEN (11) extra-base hits all season long and the worst OPS for a 3-hitter in the modern era and NONE of these asshats had the balls to question the man on it.
One can only hope that Delmon Young solidifies the 3-hole in the order, takes advantage of Cabrera’s Chuck Zito-esque protection, doesn’t eat his way to Type 2 diabetes and can refrain from choking his girlfriend at the Townsend hotel.
And if DY The Sequel does ALL of that I will have my fingers crossed that he will actually play more than three times a week™ (Wilson Betemit.)
And if he doesn’t, don’t count on the pussies in the Detroit sports media to question Leyland about it.
At Least Do It For Stafford
I really don’t want to get into a debate over the level of unnecessary roughness displayed by Ndamukong Suh this past weekend when he once again almost decapitated a quarterback (Andy Dalton.)
Look, I don’t care if the guy gets fined or not. I am sure he is making plenty of dough annoying his fans on various social media platforms with his multitude of endeavors so I am not concerned if Roger Goodell dents his pocketbook.
And I am not really that worried with the 15-yard penalties that Suh accrues when he treats the opposing QB like his personal rag doll. Especially in meaningless exhibition games.
But if I am Jim Schwartz, I might want to sit down with the second year defensive lineman and explain to him that if he continues to go all “Game of Thrones” on the other team’s quarterback’s dome, he MIGHT be asking for retribution on his OWN signal caller, Matthew Stafford.
Remember two weeks ago all of the media hysterics about Carlos Guillen’s salsa dance up the first base line when he was trying to bait Jered Weaver?
It was universally decided that Guillen’s antics were selfish and guaranteed to get the next batter (Alex Avila) some undesired chin music.
Well, what the fuck do you think is going to occur during the regular season if after the whistle Suh violently goes after a McNabb or a Cutler and maims him?
My guess is that an opposing linebacker or defensive end is going to retaliate by targeting Stafford and the last thing the Lions can afford is another serious injury to that guy.
(And I am not sure if you people are aware of this, but Stafford makes Yao Ming and Greg Oden look like the love children of Cal Ripken, Jr. and Lou Gehrig.)
I’ve OBVIOUSLY got no issue with Suh wreaking havoc within the boundaries of the rulebook between whistles, but if he continues this one-man, Charles Bronson routine he is going to be endangering his own guy.
We all know you hate quarterbacks as much as you dislike the Lions beat writers, Ndamukong. But if you ever want to win anything of consequence in Detroit, you better start protecting #9 on your own team.
And since you don’t play both ways™ (Andy Dick), the best way to go about that is by NOT taking any further UNNECESSARY shots at the other team’s quarterback.
Move Along, There Is Nothing To See Here
And speaking of hated Lions’ beat writers, my seven-year disdain for the Detroit News’ Chris McCosky continued last week.
(If you want to know the backstory between the DSR and Officer Barbrady, click here: http://tinyurl.com/3pxvmcg)
I have pretty much ignored this ignoramus for several years while he made a total jackass of himself covering the Red Wings and then moved on to getting his ass kicked for stories by the Freep’s Dave Birkett and MLive’s Tom Kowalski on the Lions beat.
But what set me off in the last couple of weeks is this loser’s continued defense of Leyland while filling in for Sean Baligian on WDFN’s afternoon drive program.
(And as bad as most of the regular sports hosts are in this market, the lineup of substitutes is astonishing. McCosky doesn’t know enough about the team he is CURRENTLY covering to talk for three hours on the radio.
But as big as an abortion as Barbrady is when talking about the Tigers at least he isn’t as bad as 97.1 The Ticket’s recent fill-in guest, Darren McCarty.
The guy has an awful gravely voice and limited knowledge about Detroit sports. And hey, let’s reward a guy who the Free Press reported stole his ex-girlfriend’s credit card so he could run up cash advances at an Alberta casino on a blackjack binge.
The way things are going, I am pretty sure we are just days away from Kwame Kilpatrick filling in for Dennis Fithian and co-hosting a program with Pat Caputo.)
Anyway, McCosky continued his one-man crusade to defend Leyland’s lineups on Twitter by eliciting his son’s assistance. You see his kid had posted a Tweet stating that Leyland was doing the right thing by utilizing his entire roster.
Of course, being the asshole that I am, I immediately sent a message to McCosky’s son, Ryan, asking if Officer Barbrady was his father.
Now, the response that Old Man McCosky posted on his Twitter account in response to my innocuous Twat was unreal.
You would have thought the son in question was some 8-year old that I was picking on and I called the kid a cunt or some shit.
Ryan McCosky is an adult and is actually the coach of a collegiate baseball team. Some school called Concordia University, which I am pretty sure, is a perennial competitor for the College World Series with LSU, USC and Rice.
So how did Officer Barbrady respond to me on Twitter?
“For those who asked: I dont respond to parasitic sociopaths But if the fool pesters my son on Twitter ever again hell’s coming”
Okay, first of all, NOBODY ASKED HIM ABOUT ME.
I went back and looked at all of the Tweets with @cmccosky in them and there wasn’t ONE question about my post directed towards his son.
His kid has 45 followers and I am pretty sure NONE of them knew who I was or what the Barbrady jab was all about.
The guy is just a fucking lying nutjob.
Secondly, SEVERAL local media members have warned me that the guy is a loose cannon and that I should stay well clear of him.
That I should take his warning that “hell’s coming” as an actual threat.
Hahahahahaha. Maybe I should. DSR Senior Legal Counsel, Gregg Schultz, advised that I should apply for a Personal Protection Order against McCosky.
I wonder if there is a place for aliases on the PPO form so I can fill in “Office Barbrady.”
I will keep you updated on the status of McCosky’s threat, but I gotta say that the “Parasitic Sociopath” line is probably the best thing this jerkoff has ever written.
I am actually thinking about getting a DSR business card with “Parasitic Sociopath” as my title.
Move along. There is nothing to see here.
Yet.