By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 18, 2015
Believe it or not, being married to me is no walk in the park. This manifests itself in a variety of ways, but one particular negative for Melissa Myst is that she is very limited in what kind of car she can drive.
I refuse to assist in paying for a BMW, Mercedes-Benz or Volkswagen because I am still not over that whole six million dead Jews in Germany deal. The optics of driving a Japanese car in Detroit are awful and, if I ever need to take her vehicle on a work job, it could be vocational suicide.
The lease on her General Motors SUV is up in 2016 and she thought she was in the clear when she told me recently that she was leaning towards the new Lincoln MKC, but she was surprised when I informed her that I didn’t want to house a Ford product in our garage.
You can probably figure out why I don’t want to purchase anything from FOMOCO — #1PlayoffWinIn58Years and the franchise owned by the Ford family trying to get me arrested — but Melissa was pretty much at her wit’s end that she had been limited to GM and Chrysler products only.
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There is one person in the local “media” who doesn’t have to worry about the sort of decision that Melissa is currently facing, however — DetroitLions.com “insider” Tim Twentyman.
You see, the man who is the alleged “beat writer” for this abortion of a franchise’s website not only has his salary paid by Martha Ford and Sheila Hamp, he also has the fringe benefit of having a COMPANY CAR**.
Yep, Tim Twentyman is provided a Ford Fusion for his attempt to fool the public into believing he is a journalist and not a bought-and-paid for whore doing the bidding of the Ford family in a public relations capacity.
A company car!!!!! Hahahhhahhahahahaha.
(** — This might be a semantical issue, but if Twentyman drives a Ford product, he gets reimbursed for his expense. If he does not, he isn’t entitled to a stipend. Sorry, but I call THAT a company car.)
So, if you are one of the dummies who actually reads the Lions website for content or are one of this shill’s 52,000 Twitter followers, just know that his direct deposit is authorized by Martha, he’d get a BONUS if the team could ever win a postseason game and he is provided a COMPANY CAR to propagandize for the worst sports organization on Earth.
That’s “journalism” in 2015/2016, folks.
And Melissa? Well, I think we finally compromised with a Range Rover. Yeah, I know it’s not American, but I have always had a fondness for Def Leppard, Idris Elba and Royal Ascot.
After all, marriage is about shared sacrifice.