By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 15, 2013

I am writing this article more out of duty than anything else, but since Terry Foster is refusing to address the situation, I guess I am going to have to do it.

On October 27, 2013, Foster’s Smokehouse in Fraser went out of business.  As anyone reading this website knows, the restaurant was named after 97.1 jackass host and barely-literate Detroit News scribe Terry Foster.  “The Truth” was a part-owner of this laughable establishment.  His contribution to the endeavor was supposedly his “brand,” some recipes and overall counsel.

His brand.  I mean ….

After the debacle at his Lakeside Mall candy store, it would appear that at least Foster learned the lesson not to invest his OWN money in a food service business.  Either that or Abs gave him an ultimatum.

(Do yourself a favor and read that linked blog post.  I will wait for you to finish …… Done? Good.  Let’s proceed.)

Anyway, Foster’s Smokehouse opened for business on June 25th and had its GRAND OPENING on September 24th.  In other words, this disaster of a dining establishment was open 124 days from its “Soft Opening” and 33 from its “Grand Opening.”

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphires are guffawing over the span of this joint’s existence.

Meanwhile, the atrocity has been shuttered for 19 days now and Foster has yet to acknowledge the place is Matt Dery Dun.  The only mention on Twitter has been some bullshit that they are looking for a new owner.  And that only came in response to questioning about why the doors were locked.  He has written ZERO blogs about the bar since it went belly-up.

Which is odd since Foster couldn’t stop Tweeting and blogging about the place both before it was open and during its limited run.  The shithead wrote SEVEN posts about the place BEFORE they served their first customer.  Not ONE, however, to tell people not to make the trek out to Fraser in case they were under the delusion that the dump was still viable.  And interested in bad food.  And lousy service.

Can you imagine wasting that much time promoting this establishment to your Twitter followers and then NEVER owning up to the fact that it failed?  Unless you consider him FINALLY switching his Twitter avatar from the place’s logo to be some sort of white flag.

This was such an awful idea from the word go.  The location is terrible.  It has already housed other failed restaurants.  And the master plan to utilize Terry Foster’s “fame” was hilarious.  I mean, did Ryan Thierry REALLY think Foster’s Twitter followers would drive to Fraser just because a barbecue place had Foster’s last name on it?

The guy isn’t a celebrity.  He is the laughingstock of a metropolitan area.

Then they opened with limited funds and were counting on sales to generate revenue in order to purchase food.  Which is why NOTHING was ever in stock.

I will leave you with some of Foster’s Smokehouse’s greatest hits.  Here is  feedback from Yelp! and the bar’s Facebook page:

From Stephanie H. on Yelp!

I’m not really sure what they are thinking but it wasn’t a welcoming atmosphere.  For a restaurant that just opened, given it used to be something else, but [it] should be clean and in working order.    Also, I have a feeling that maybe they should have waited until they had the proper funds to stock the place.  The selection at the bar was scarce, half of the sad selection was DeKuyper Schnapps.

After reading a number of reviews, witnessing some unusual things, including one of the bartenders using the bar towel to wipe down his face and then place [it] on the bar, we decided to take off.

Mike R. from Yelp!

You sit there and think “this has gotta be some kinda joke”… “when are the candid cameras gonna come out?”… then you realize it isn’t a joke.  THIS is “boom-bye-aye” Terry Foster’s restaurant! THIS!!  EVERY aspect of this place is just plain AWFUL.

In high school the kids in the food service class put on a little restaurant… Fosters can’t shake a stick at that little joint.

[T]ERRY, ITS TIME TO GET THE SMOKEHOUSE RIGHT, AND IT AINT GONNA BE CHEAP!! BOOM-BYE-AYE BROTHA!

Greg Reynolds from Facebook

Ryan and Terry the owners, do not pay the staff. do not hive (sic) them your business

Anthony Asaro from Facebook

In all honesty, the worst food I’ve had in my life!!!! No flavor at all, and the so called “house sauce” was nothing more than sweet baby rays. On top of the lack of food quality, the so called “manager” did nothing but serve some obviously under aged females shots as he was throwing them back himself. Fosters is a joke as well as everyone that works or visits this so called smoke house,they don’t even smoke or cure [their own] product it all is brought in from another location. If you [choose] to visit this place you will be extremely disappointed

Jessica Miles-Lewis from Facebook

Very poor customer service, and the waitstaff uses the F word a lot, do NOT bring your kids here. 25 minutes and still no drinks, so we left.

Stitch Jones from Facebook

How long have you been open? And how many times have you been under new management? I’ve tried this place twice. Once soon after they opened – fair at best. Then gave them a second chance after being told they hired all new staff (new management) and it was even worse than the first time. Now you are under new management again?! How does that saying go…fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. So…my bad I guess. Too many other places to spend my $ [where they] don’t make fools of their customers and appreciate my business.

I guess Foster wasn’t worried about this nightmare besmirching his good name since he didn’t have one in the first place.

Foster was actually telling people that all of these negative reviews were coming from MY disciples. Umm, I don’t know any of those poor folks, ya imbecile.  Here was Foster’s actual quote about me “sabotaging” his restaurant:

The food is good. One of my problems is I have a group of people who do not like me and they want the restaurant to fail. They are posting bad stuff. I am not saying we are perfect. But 90 percent of the bad reviews have been linked to a guy that hates me. I say you should try it yourself and decide.

I wish I had enough time on my hands to mount a “Michael Rosenberg/Amazon.com” campaign, but I didn’t even need to. That’s how terrible the restaurant was.  Although if Foster wants to make me the villain in this affair, I will gladly accept the credit.  My bio needs updating anyhow.

I mean, we are talking about a place that closed on October 27th.  On October 28th, Foster was still telling his “fans” that the place was open for business and giving menu suggestions.  The restaurant’s Twitter and Facebook admins were arguing on social media as late as October 29th that the place was still serving patrons!!!!!

Yeah, this is the well-oiled machine I had to thwart.

Now that this pathetic chapter is closed in the entrepreneurial life of Terry Foster, one can only imagine his next Jackie Gleason-esque get-rich-quick scheme.

First you had the Candy Express/Seattle’s Best Coffee implosion in Sterling Heights.  Then Foster’s Smokehouse in Fraser.

I am guessing the next failed venture will be a Coldstone Creamery in Centerline or a Yogurtland servicing Madison Heights.   Place your bets now.

Speaking of which, congratulations go out to George Contis and Eric Dristy who  correctly predicted that Foster’s Smokehouse would close on October 27, 2012.  They both won Detroit Tigers tickets to a game in 2014.

At least something good came out of this story.  Well, that and the police report.

Boombaye.