The DSR’s Christmas Card to Detroit Sports 105.1

Posted on by admin by

nerd1

By Jeff “Nerd Sitting Alone in His Basement Tweeting” Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 25, 2014 (The Birthday of Our Lord & Savior)

As the New Year approaches for everyone but the Jews and the Chinese, one of the biggest mysteries on the local sports media scene is how Detroit Sports 105.1-FM program director Jason Dixon still has his job.

Back in August of 2013, WMGC flipped from an adult contemporary format to an “All-Sports” station, finally giving desperate Detroit sports fans an alternative to the genetic mutation abomination known as “guy talk” masquerading as a local sports channel down the dial at 97.1-FM.

After waiting years for an FM alternative to the Bill McAllister Metrosexual Hour; the 43-year-old, Cross-Eyed Virgin Whale/Ann Arbor Benedict the Third program; and the Studio Gangsta Wolverine Troll Show — co-starring his slow adult friend, African-American Matt Prentice, Detroit Sports 105.1 finally arrived.

Unfortunately, local sports fans thirsty for a viable option other than “The Cricket” have been totally underwhelmed by Dixon’s awful programming decisions; we are in a worse position than before 105.1 switched formats because we now have two unlistenable “sports” stations without any hope for a savior.

The 105.1 experiment has been a massive failure mainly because of outsider Dixon’s cluelessness as to the market. For the last 16 months, WMGC has vacillated between a 1.0 and 1.4 rating. Those are historically atrocious numbers and, if it weren’t for Wayne State’s public radio station, Detroit Sports 105.1 would be the lowest -‘rated FM channel on your dial.

The master plan of airing a national morning show that nobody wants to hear (and if they do, they can listen to it on SiriusXM); giving a show to a notorious ratings failure in Ryan Ermanni; not providing a co-host for Matt Dery; and anchoring the entire endeavor around a burned-out grandma who actually figured out a way to talk LESS about sports than 97.1 does was quite an achievement.

But this article isn’t about rehashing all of the above because I am not telling you anything you don’t already know. No, what motivated me to pen this vitriolic column on Jesus of Nazareth’s alleged birthday was a promotional ad 105.1 started airing a few days ago that was a thinly-veiled attack on this site regarding the Jim Harbaugh-to-Michigan news.

You can listen to the bumper below, which is basically a microcosm of the total ineptitude of everyone working at 105.1 …..

“Keep it here for the latest reports and rumors, whether it’s a football insider or some nerd sitting alone in his basement Tweeting that he has — ahem — [cough] a source.”

How fucking dumb are these imbeciles? They are running a promo mocking the people who have been all over this story since day one — while they have provided their audience with absolutely no inside information whatsoever!!!!

This is a station that employs a producer for their afternoon shows who goes on the air and mocks the bloggers who are accurately reporting the Harbaugh story and extolls the virtues of the Adam Schefters, Jason La Canforas, Ian Rapoports and Tim Kawakamis of the world. Ya know, the same NFL writers who are now doing a collective back-track that would make Michael Jackson envious.

These jackholes actually have the chutzpah to mock NERDS who Tweet with sources?!??!??! That would be akin to the Boston Globe running ads belittling Woodward and Bernstein in 1973.

It’s almost 2015 and these talentless hacks are still running with the geeks-in-the-basement line to refer to bloggers? Only “Al Gore Invented the Internet” is a more played-out meme. And you wonder why these losers are getting CRUSHED by a freaking GOSPEL station in the Arbitrons?

And this Twitter NERD with sources is the same guy who broke the story that YOUR radio station was switching formats!!!!!!!! Not to mention that I also was the first to report that David Brandon was out as AD at U of M and TWEETED out the exact time of said press conference!!!!!!!

I seriously am in shock that 105.1 has the unmitigated gall to mock me in an ad when I run circles around these dummies on a daily basis.

Instead of being a Twitter NERD with sources Tweeting from my basement, I guess I could be ….

A racist, homophobe slapdick with a coke-head brother who makes Chris Brown and Ray Rice look like the living embodiment of chivalry.

IMG_6894

Or a radio producer who has a side business where he offers to unwind your kids and deliver tampons to your mother.

Instead of being a dweeb, I guess I could have emulated the guy who cheated on his spouse and then let his scorned ex-wife take his two young children to Indianapolis while he stayed in Detroit to do sports radio updates for Sean Baligian.

I mean, who lets their kids leave the state? When I broke up with my now-wife years ago and she moved back to Orlando, I was ready to hire Ronald Kuby, Gerry Spence, Robert Shapiro and Alan Dershowitz to prevent her from taking my DOG with her.

MY DOG.

Not my CHILDREN.

And finally, I KNOW that I would rather be a dork in my mother’s basement than a washed-up, opiate-addicted, hermit-looking old lady with the posture of Estelle Getty in the “Golden Girls.”

THIS is the battle you want, fellas? You want to take shots at me in promotional ads and read my articles VERBATIM without even mentioning the god damn source? Well, welcome to gorilla warfare™ (Terry Foster).

Mark Twain once famously opined, “Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.” Well, the modern axiom should probably be …

“Never pick a fight with a parasitic, sociopathic blogger who can afford GoDaddy’s cheap bandwidth charges and has no internal governor or editor.”

But don’t worry,105.1 employees. I am sure nobody reads the shit that I spew anyway. There’s nothing to worry about.

OOPS!!!! It looks like Dan Patrick’s producer is trying to muscle in on Tom Mazawey’s moonlighting gig.

I guess I am not going to be welcome at the Matt Dery golf outing for a second year running. Oh well, you can find me in my basement with my protractor, broken glasses with tape and the complete Star Trek DVD compilation, if ya need me.