By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
August 19, 2015
Lately it seems we here at the DetroitSportsRag have been attempting to do nothing but create havoc for the Motown sports media members — from our shenanigans on Twitter to paying a Howard Stern whack packer to prank Anthony Fenech and Lynn Henning.
I am not even sure if this is a website following Detroit sports organizations and the journalists who cover those teams any longer or just the Motor City’s version of the Suicide Squad for awful athletic media coverage.
Whatever the case may be, a couple of our long-term bits came to a head on Tuesday evening across two time zones. Due to the coincidental timing of our multi-pronged attack, the site’s second-in-command, Justin Spiro, stated August 18th was like the DSR’s version of 9/11.
First, Spiro (@DarkoStateNews) launched an offensive against Tigers’ manager Brad Ausmus on the North Side of Chicago. The man behind the “Fire Leyland” protest three years ago at U.S. Cellular Field took his act across town to protest the continued employment of the Ivy League Mimbo Imbecile.
Spiro in 2012
Spiro Last Night
The last time Spiro tried to get a Tigers skipper axed, it led to this hilarious scene with Miguel Cabrera ……..
This time, Miggy didn’t take Spiro’s sign. Instead, someone in the Tigers organization bitched about the “Fire Ausmus” poster in the front row behind the team’s dugout during batting practice. Spy was told he couldn’t display it again or he’d get tossed.
This occurred after the team’s first base coach Omar Vizquel bashed Spiro for being an awful fan and bailing on the franchise in its time of need. Uh no, Omar, we are just displaying our frustration with your math-challenged boss.
Poor Gyro was not thrilled that he couldn’t hold his signs up for the Wrigley faithful.
Anyway, here is a close-up of the signage in question …..
On the same evening as Spiro’s Tigers/Cubs game in the Windy City, the crew back in Michigan had our first opportunity to deliver the 2015 Worst Detroit Sports Media Tournament trophy to Scott “The Virginal Manatee” Anderson.
We learned on Monday that the Whale would be making a 97.1 appearance at a bar in Berkley and a group of approximately ten of us decided this would be the perfect time to pounce on the unsuspecting dolt.
So I picked up the engraved trophy and a blow-up sex doll. I placed a “Gator’s 1st” t-shirt on her and we made our way to Berkley.
Yes, I am turning 43 years old next month. No, I am never going to grow up.
So, the DSR degenerates scoped out Patrick J’s Irish Pub for the best way to present Anderson’s awards. We had Thomas Vander Schaaf do some reconnaissance ahead of us as he engaged Anderson like he was a big fan of the morbidly obese homer jackass.
The 97.1 “Ticket Girls” even gave Thomas a t-shirt.
Poor Manatee. Had no idea TVS was setting him up for the harpoon. Gaining Anderson’s confidence is the worst thing Vander Schaaf has done since he murdered Natalee Holloway in Aruba.
I know you can’t wait for the actual Periscope video we took of this presentation so without further ado …..
Yikes. Anderson had no idea what to do or where to hide. It was like he was trying to calculate WHIP. And if you feel bad that we humiliated Anderson in front of ZERO 97.1 listeners (we were pretty much the only ones paying attention to him) then you should listen to this audio:
Have you killed yourself yet or are you still reading this? Still feel guilty?
Didn’t think so.
Poor Vander Schaaf though did feel some remorse. After we left (upon being told to exit stage left by the manager of the establishment) the poor kid stuck around and STILL had to act like he was Anderson’s #1 fan.
The 43-year-old virgin was so shaken by the experience that he clung to the DSR spy like he was his security blanket. This went on for close to ten minutes with TVS not being able to explain that he was in on the prank.
This is absolutely the worst thing that Vander Schaaf has done since he killed Stephany Tatiana Flores Ramírez in that hotel room in Peru.
But the night was far from over. Believe it or not, the MOST shocking thing to occur was yet to come.
After we were banished from Patrick J’s Irish Pub we went across the street to 24 Seconds bar where, incredibly, Rob Parker was sitting at the bar. I shit you not.
If you aren’t familiar with why we despise Waab, you should click here, here and here. Like we needed any reasons other than his fraudulent Kirk Cousins bullshit and the whole RGIII “cornball brutha” fiasco.
So we may or may not have chased Parker out of the bar TMZ-style and videoed ourselves bombing the guy. And Parker may or may not have tried to run me over in his beater of a Jeep Cherokee after said discussion.
You will have to watch the video to know for sure!!!!!!
It’s really too bad that Parker missed me because I am not sure there would be a more apropos way for me to exit this world.
The trifecta of the Chicago Tribune Tweeting out a picture of the “Fire Ausmus” sign, the incredible video of Anderson getting humiliated in Berkley and Parker attempting vehicular manslaughter of Poor Jiff Myst led to the Facebook post of the year ….
The DSR. The only place in the Western Hemisphere where being compared to Mohamed Atta is actually a compliment.
I wonder what we have in store for tomorrow …..
UPDATE: Now we know what is in store for tomorrow. Miggy did it again!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha.
And yet the fireworks were STILL not over. When Spiro unleashed his “Hire Acta” sign in support of Manny Acta, an anti-math Tigers shitbag started a fight with Justin.
This exchanged ended in some chubby fuckface assaulting Spiro and putting him in a headlock. Here is that video. Please email DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com if you know this thug’s name ….
