By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
October 6, 2014

I am a huge mark for movies that begin at the end and then work their way back to that final scene over the next two hours or so. And I don’t care if it’s a classic film like “Pulp Fiction” or an average time filler like “Confidence” — I am a total sucker for this bit of storytelling chicanery.

The reason I am bringing this up today is that if you were to produce a movie of the 2014 Detroit Tigers season, you’d HAVE to go all Quentin Tarantino and begin with the following scene ……

The Tigers on the verge of elimination. Down 0-2 in the ALDS with a runner on second base, nobody out and needing at least one run to extend the season into extra innings. A franchise with an approximate payroll of $165 million, the Tigers’ season is hanging in the balance …..

….. and BRYAN HOLADAY AND HERNAN PEREZ are being called upon by B[r]ad Ausmus to salvage the season. Seriously, imagine for a moment that you knew NOTHING about the 2014 Detroit baseball team and, before the opening credits even rolled, this is what you were dropped into.

With lefty Orioles closer Zach Britton on the mound, the narrator explains to the audience that the Tigers backup catcher had a .380 OPS vs. southpaws in 2014. And when that loser predictably couldn’t lay down a bunt and struck out, the next potential savior was a weak-hitting middle infielder who only had FIVE at-bats in the major leagues this season!!!!!

How did we get to THIS point???? What could have transpired over the last 11 plus months since their last postseason debacle — at Fenway Park — that the Tigers’ fate was being determined by Holaday and Perez?

And there’s the rub. ALL of this could have been avoided. There was no reason the 2014 season had to end like this. Almost ALL of the contributing factors to the Tigers’ elimination yesterday were inflicted by either Dave Dombrowski or Ausmus. It’s why neither should have a job with the organization when this team heads to Lakeland in February.

How could a team with the last three AL Cy Young Award winners, Miguel Cabrera, Victor Martinez and a gift from heaven in the body of J.D. Martinez get swept by a Baltimore team that was missing Manny Machado, Matt Wieters and Chris Davis?

I mean, Dombrowski has the unmitigated gall to whine about a depleted team because he lost the services of Jose Iglesias, Andy Dirks and Bruce Rondon? Buck Showalter was managing a squad with arguably 60% of its best offensive contributors watching from a suite.

The reckless malpractice from Detroit’s GM and his idiotic, hand-picked field boss is the STORY of this season and it is why this recent era of Tigers baseball will likely end without any World Series jewelry.  It’s the most devastating waste of talent, funds, competitive advantage and fan support we have ever seen around these parts.

Where do you even begin with the atrocities of Dombrowski and Ausmus? It would be easy to begin with the Doug Fister travesty of last December but I have already written 25,000-plus words documenting that holocaust and I don’t have the energy or the inclination to add to that total.

[Of course, I would be remiss if I did not mention Fister’s NLDS gem earlier today where he out-dueled San Fran’s Madison Bumgarner in typical Doug Fister fashion: 7 innings pitched,ZERO runs allowed, WHIP of 1.]

But let me just point out that a team that just got swept by a debilitated Orioles squad largely due to their anemic bullpen and bench production probably could have used SOMETHING in return for one of the Top 15 starters in all of baseball.

Or how about this? The Tigers gave up approximately 653 runs in the eighth innings of this particular ALDS. Can you imagine trading Fister and neither Ian Krol nor Robbie Ray are able to provide ANY relief in the 8th during the ensuing season?

Let me put that in a little context for you. This past JUNE(!!!!) in the MLB Draft, the cute-as-a-button Kansas City Royals drafted pitcher Brandon Finnegan 17th overall.

Finnegan has already made two postseason appearances for the Royals, assisting them in knocking out the Angels. In 1 2/3 innings pitched, the [for now] CONVERTED STARTER has yet to allow a run and actually picked up one of K.C.’s three wins.

I am going to spell this out for you. 184 days after the Tigers acquired Krol and Ray, the Royals DRAFTED a 21-year-old kid who is contributing mightily out of their ‘pen. I mean, Finnegan was ostensibly in Sociology 201 when he found out about the Fister abortion and yet he is getting huge outs for the Royals while Ray and Krol DID NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE!!!!

[Finnegan is ALREADY a more productive bullpen draftee than ANY of Dombrowski’s failed assets of recent years. In just FOUR months, he has already surpassed Chance Ruffin, Ryan Perry, Kevin Ziomek, Andy Oliver, Cody Satterwhite, Scott Green, Luke Putkonen, Cole Green, Kevin Whalen and Brett Jacobson. I am sure I am missing some of the other “major-league-ready arms” “Divot Chin Dave” has been bragging about for years, but I figured that partial list was depressing enough.]

And how about that bullpen, folks? Like, who could have forecasted the Joba Chamberlain collapse? We are only talking about a guy who, in 2013, had an ERA of 5.64, a WHIP of 1.74 and a predictive FIP of 5.64. That was the dude who was pigeonholed into the 8th inning after a good first half of the season; it ended up being a total disaster post-All-Star break when Ausmus failed to realize Chamberlain’s first half was an anomaly.

Even when Dombrowski attempted to fix the awful bullpen, his imbecilic manager refused to accept the gift. The absolute mishandling of Joakim Soria is so unforgivable that it defies belief.

After acquiring the consensus best available reliever at the deadline, the Tigers proceeded to use him like a Broadway understudy for the remainder of the season, pretty much wrecking him in the process.

You will never be able to convince me that Ausmus didn’t injure Soria in Toronto on August 9th when — after not even WARMING UP Soria for days — the neophyte manager RUSHED him to get ready during another Joe Nathan meltdown.

After bailing Nathan out of a jam in the ninth inning, Soria attempted to go back out for the tenth. He wouldn’t be seen again for another month, but was lights-out in September. His September ERA of 1.35 and WHIP of .45 still couldn’t get him promoted to the role of set-up man or closer though.

And then came October. After not pitching for EIGHT days, Soria was total puke garbage on two separate occasions when trying to clean up someone else’s mess. That someone being the guy he should have replaced weeks prior as the go-to 8th inning guy (Smelly, Stinky, Unshaven Chamberlain).

Would the reliever whom Dombrowski acquired in exchange for his 3rd- and 5th-best prospects in his organization been more effective if he had pitched in ANY of the three weekend games against the Twins during the final regular season series?

Would the games in Baltimore have ended differently if Soria had been allowed to start a clean inning instead of inheriting Joba’s crap sandwiches? I have no fucking clue but it sure would have been nice to find out.

But the Joakim Soria debacle wasn’t even the biggest bullpen travesty during the postseason. That would be the team’s handling of Anibal Sanchez — which totally cost them Game 2 at Camden Yards.

Between Nathan, Chamberlain and Ausmus’ abandonment of Al Alburquerque as a late-inning option, it was abundantly clear to ANYONE watching this team recently that the Tigers weren’t going anywhere in the playoffs without Sanchez playing a vital role as a reliever.

Since Dombrowski refused to step in to ensure Sanchez was available for multiple inning appearances, what did Ausmus do? Even though there were MULTIPLE occasions to get the 2013 AL ERA champion some work, he pitched Sanchez ONCE in the final week of the season.

Then the Mimbo used Sanchez’s lack of thrown pitches as an EXCUSE as to why Sanchez couldn’t have AT LEAST pitched the eighth inning on Friday afternoon after allowing ZERO base runners in two innings of work while striking out a pair.

In other words, Ausmus CREATED the situation in which Anibal was only allowed to throw 30 pitches that day and then used it as a crutch when the shit predictably hit the fan.

Oh … and this might be a good time to mention that limiting a starting pitcher to a pitch count of around 30 after missing seven weeks is total bullshit in the first place. Because the Detroit sports media is too lazy to do this sort of research, I have done it for them.

Here are just a few examples of game logs of starting pitchers who missed SIGNIFICANT time and then returned sans rehab appearances:

The Yankees have quite the investment in Tanaka. Between the posting fee with his team in Japan and his seven-year contract, the Steinbrenner brothers are on the hook for 175 MILLION DOLLARS.

Anyway, as you can see in the above graphic, Tanaka missed 75 days. In his first game back he threw 70 (!!!!) pitches. Sanchez missed only 49 days — for you sabermetric geniuses, that’s 26 fewer — and was limited to 30 tosses!!?!??!?!?!?

Did I mention that Sanchez only had a pectoral issue, while the Yankees were afraid that Tanaka needed Tommy John surgery??!??!?!?! What the fuck!!!

Now, here is the 2013 game log for Jered Weaver ….

As you can see, Weaver missed 52 days (3 more than Anibal) and, without a rehab assignment, threw 86 pitches in his FIRST start off the Disabled List!!!!

I could seriously go on all day listing examples of starting pitchers not being treated like Stage-4 cancer patients when coming off of injuries, but I will only provide one more.

Here is the 2013 game log for potential 2014 AL Cy Young Award-winner Corey Kluber ….

Kluber missed 33 days of work and, in his first game back, he went five innings and threw 64 pitches.

Meanwhile, Sanchez was limited to 14 pitches in his first relief appearance back and then, somehow, could not pitch the 8th inning of a crucial postseason match-up because ….. WHY? I have no god-damned clue why.

The Tigers’ season pretty much ended because of that non-sensical decision.

Of course, it wasn’t over until Sunday afternoon when Holaday and Perez failed to score J.D. from second base — not that anyone could have predicted the Holaday strike out or the Hernan double play.

Oh wait, yes, pretty much ANYONE could have predicted that disaster. On September 4th, I wrote an article warning Tigers fans that a situation could occur in the postseason where we needed a catcher to get a hit off of a tough lefty reliever and there wouldn’t be anyone on the roster to deliver due to Ausmus’ stubborn refusal to play James McCann.

(Click to Zoom)

Yep, James McCann wasn’t on the playoff roster because he couldn’t be trusted to handle the team’s starting pitching. Even though in the last game he started, McCann caught a Justin Verlander gem.

It wouldn’t have been a “smart baseball move” to have McCann up against Britton with the season-saving run on second base instead of Holaday — even though McCann’s OPS vs. lefties in Toledo was .879!!!!!!!

And no one is comparing Eugenio Suarez to either Cal Ripken, Jr. or an in-his-prime Nomar Garciaparra with the bat, but why the hell was Hernan pinch-hitting in that situation and not Suarez? Perez had FIVE at-bats in the majors all season long and his biggest contribution came from sitting on the damn bench.

Self-inflicted wounds. When comedian Artie Lange attempted to kill himself a few years ago, he downed a gallon of bleach; stabbed himself nine times in the gut; and slit his wrists. The suicidal Baby Gorilla laughs at the self-inflicted damage Dave Dombrowski and Brad Ausmus caused this past year.

This season was a total clusterfuck from the moment a high school kid Tweeted out that Fister had been dealt to the Nationals and the misery and aggravation couldn’t have ended in a more perfect fashion — with these two scrubs deciding our fate.

For that reason alone, Dombrowski and Ausmus should be shown the door and a new era should begin. I am sick and tired of hearing about Dombrowski’s supposed brilliance and how he “won the trade deadline” again. Fuck that. Stop owning the Central and July 31st and win a WORLD SERIES with all of your inherent advantages.

Yes, thanks to their FANS who have shown up at Comerica Park in droves through tough economic times and have religiously tuned in to Fox Sports Detroit in record numbers only to be inundated with the grills of the Bernstein Bearisters, the Tigers have been able to outspend the rest of their divisional competition.

In 2014, Detroit had a $70-million payroll advantage over the Royals — and that was BEFORE we traded for Soria and David Price at the deadline while Dayton Moore did nothing. (And wouldn’t the Ned Yost-led Royals winning the World Series before we do be the final ignominy in a decade of humiliations?)

In 2013, the Tigers had a $25-million payroll advantage over the next AL Central squad; in 2012, it was $38 million.

We have collected Cy Young winners and MVP candidates like a hoarder at an estate sale and yet we have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT. And please, save me the bullshit about being competitive for a decade and being SPOILED for not enjoying the run.

Sorry, I stuck with this team when they stunk with Cecil Fielder and Mickey Tettleton but were fun to watch and I didn’t give up on them when they lost 119 games in 2003. Hell, I went to the last few games of that genocidal season against the Twins.

I will watch them if they are good or bad because I am a diehard fan of this organization. Being “competitive” draws in the fans who didn’t know this team existed until Magglio Ordonez and Ivan Rodriguez came aboard.

I WANT TO WIN A WORLD SERIES after 30 years of waiting. And if that means being terrible for a couple of years, so be it. I find nothing soothing about this decade-long V.I.P. room-lap dance from our baseball team; it has resulted in the biggest blue balls in the world outside of Big Mouth Smurf.

And speaking of the Smurfs, how about that pile of human excrement Danny “Gargamel” Knobler? You might remember “The Knob” from his days covering the Tigers for Booth Newspapers or his stint at CBSSports.com before he got pink-slipped.

Well, he has now been relegated to near-obscurity working for ESPNNewYork, but he did have time to insult Tigers fans over the weekend with this complete and utter bullshit ….

Amazing how Tiger fans have turned into entitled Yankee fans. Season is disaster unless they win World Series.

— Danny Knobler (@DannyKnobler) October 3, 2014

We’ve become entitled like Yankees fans? The season is a disaster if we don’t win the World Series? We haven’t won a god-damned ring in 30 years, you cockbag!!!!!

The Yankees have won FIVE championships since Bill Clinton was elected President …. the SECOND TIME and WE are entitled?!?!!?!?! If you were born in 1980, you probably have ZERO recollection of the ’84 World Series and yet at 34 years old you are “entitled” according to this fuckstick — a man whose wife is supposedly one of those Asian mail-order brides.

Yeah, we’re entitled. And “Little Orphan” Annie was spoiled by Mrs. Hannigan. As DSR #2 Justin Spiro Tweeted, you can’t spell “entitled” without TITLE and it’s been longer than a generation since we’ve won one.

And now our LAST best chance to win a ring has passed without a title. The future is hazy at best with the precarious health of Mike Ilitch being an unknown factor when it comes to budget; Max Scherzer almost assuredly leaving town; Victor Martinez’s status in doubt; and $60 million of payroll being allotted annually to Miggy and JV while they age.

For all of the great things Dombrowski has done in Detroit, he has still failed to accomplish the one bucket-list item Mike Ilitch desired more than anything. And this isn’t an Oakland A’s fan crying about Billy Beane failing to win a World Series on a shoestring budget while having to reinvent the wheel every season.

No, Dombrowski was brought here 12 years ago by Ilitch to win a WORLD SERIES. Not to get embarrassed by a lesser Cardinals team in 2006; blow the division in 2009; get humiliated by the Giants in 2012; witness his bullpen cost the franchise in 2013 and then do nothing to fix that major issue again the next season.

He’s had more than enough time to fulfill his mission and has not been able to do so despite having every advantage at his disposal. So what can we expect from him when his budget is reduced; he is hamstrung by two $30 million-a-year contracts and the Royals are a credible threat?

It’s going to take creativity to keep the Tigers relevant; how can we count on an executive who couldn’t solve the most fixable issue in baseball — the bullpen — to navigate these troubled waters moving forward?

A $70 million-plus payroll advantage over the still-alive Royals and your Achilles’ Heel (again) was the BULLPEN. Not the offense — which was second in all of baseball — or the armada of Cy Young starters. THE BULLPEN.

The engineers of the Death Star — who left the most powerful battle station in the galaxy susceptible to a Rebel Attack because of the THERMAL EXHAUST PORTS — scoff at Dombrowski’s continued failure to address this issue.

This team has failed miserably in the area of drafting players who can walk in and contribute with team-friendly, pre-arbitration-eligible deals. And it’s not like ANY of the prospects Dombrowski dealt for Miggy, Fister, Sanchez, etc. have panned out elsewhere, meaning there MUST BE a systemic issue among the Tigers’ minor league affiliates.

Or, going back to the Brandon Finnegan example, it would appear that Texas Christian University does a better job of preparing prospects for the major leagues than does anyone in Lakeland, West Michigan, Erie or Toledo.

How much more corroboration do we need that this current management team cannot properly train minor league prospects or evaluate high school and collegiate talent before calling it a day? It’s been TWELVE YEARS!!! Arapahoe County prosecutors have less evidence against “Dark Knight Rises” theater gunman James Holmes, for Christ’s sake.

Dombrowski’s final failure in Detroit should be his refusal to intervene in September when his overwhelmed rookie manager stubbornly wouldn’t play McCann or Tyler Collins; or replace Joba with Soria and finally not giving Sanchez extended work in TWO blowout losses against the Twins.

You will notice I haven’t spent ANY time in this article discussing possible ways to fix this team. First of all, it’s too soon. I am so fucking pissed off and spent from this season that I have no energy to start discussing potential James Shields or Andrew Miller signings.

And what would be the point anyway? How much time did I waste suggesting ways to fix the 2014 team, including starting David Price in Game 2 — which almost assuredly would have meant the Tigers would still be alive right now.

Look, it would not be the first time that Olympia Sports fired a very successful General Manager because he couldn’t win the big one. Just ashhhhhkkk Bryan Murray about hissshhhh failure to acquire a big-time goaltender when he washhhh the GM of the Red Wingsshhh.

Go out and find a sabermetrically-inclined Jewish nerd General Manager in the mold of Andrew Friedman, Jon Daniels or Theo Epstein; hire Manny Acta to manage this team; and give Pedro Martinez the pitching coach gig.

Or keep doing what you are doing, Ilitch Family. Because who wouldn’t want to be SPOILED with the label of being a modern day version of the early-90s Buffalo Bills; the late-90s Cleveland Indians; and the current version of Mitt Romney.

Enough is enough.

I could go on and on about the misery this team’s management and players inflicted on us, from Dombrowski’s awful decision to not qualify Jhonny Peralta because god forbid if he accepted a one-year, $14.1 million deal for a WAR of 5.8; to Andrew Romine’s refusal to take an off-speed pitch for the team on Sunday; to this team getting completely shut down by BUD NORRIS, but what is the freaking point anymore?

And of course, this column will get mocked by the dolts who have bought into the Dombrowski narrative that is constantly spun by the national and local media and the Uncle Tom blogs like “Bless You Boys.”

I mean, how can you fire a GM who has won the AL Central four straight times and reached the World Series twice?

Ask yourself this ………

Is there any fucking way the Red Wings GM could go TWELVE seasons without winning a CUP and keep his gig?

If you answer that question “NO” — which is the CORRECT ANSWER — ask yourself why the man’s baseball team should be any different.