By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
July 3, 2013

Whenever I return from a hiatus after not writing main page columns for a long period of time my biggest worry is that I won’t have enough material to maintain regular article updates.

But my most recent triumphant reemergence has been met with such an avalanche of topic ideas for columns that the Tigers have blown a five-game AL Central lead in about ten days and I haven’t even had time to write about it because all of the other crap going down.

Not that I have any earth shattering ideas to add about our constantly underachieving baseball franchise.

I believe Jim Leyland should be fired.  Of course, I always believe Jim Leyland should be axed.  During a winning streak? Yes.  During a losing streak? Yes.  On Christmas Eve? Yes.

I could write a 1,500 word article explaining how Dave Dombrowski miscalculated his bullpen needs during the offseason and even worse made the asinine decision to let Old Relic Jim “gut” his way through a bullpen-by-committee.   Which has gone about as well as a Rod Allen appearance on “Jeopardy.”

I could wrap up any Tigers related column with the suggestion that Dombrowski either attempt something radical like packaging Nick Castellanos, Avisail Garcia, Bruce Rondon and this year’s first round pick Jonathon Crawford (as a Player to be Named Later) in a Giancarlo Stanton blockbuster or call up the Cuban/Greek from Toledo immediately to bat behind Prince Fielder in this dysfunctional lineup.

But I don’t feel like writing that article so instead here is a rambling Red Wings piece that goes off the rails at some point and becomes about Patrick Leyland.

Hey, Ken Holland …. Fuck Off

I am not sure if the Chicago Blackhawks have decided to give Ken Holland a playoff share or not as the Wings GM’s inactivity at the trade deadline and during last summer’s free-agency period helped propel the Hawks to their second Stanley Cup this decade, but Doctor Doolittle was back at it over the weekend.

The NHL Draft was held on Sunday and there were rampant rumors that defenseman like Alex Edler of the Canucks and Keith Yandle of the Seattle Grande Caffe Mochas were available, but of course Holland only did his due diligence and kicked some more tires.

For a moment Sunday afternoon it appeared that the Wings GM actually made a sweetheart of a deal for himself as he sent the Wings 18th overall pick to San Jose for the Sharks 20th overall section and their 58th pick.

To move back just two slots Holland received a highly valuable second round selection in a deep draft.  Hell, Bill Belichick popped half a chubber when he heard of this deal.

And then …. Holland went Kenny Holland on us.

With the 20th pick in the first round the Wings selected Anthony Mantha out of Val d’Or of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League.   Here is the USA Today’s synopsis of the big left-wingers:

Absolutely lethal on the PP and has excellent instincts in the offensive zone. Uses his wide body to gain and hold position around the slot and angle defenders away from the puck. Quite agile and light on his feet for a big man. Outstanding shooter with super soft hands. But honestly, does this guy even have a pulse? Plays with absolutely zero fire or passion.

Wow.  I don’t want to say the similarities to a current Red Wings player are striking, but do Mantha’s Foreurs teammates call him “The Mule?”

Does this guy even have a pulse? Plays with absolutely zero fire or passion.   

That isn’t exactly the type of scouting report redneck, Downriver Red Wing fan wants to read regarding a guy who probably won’t make it to Detroit until the third year that Motor City Casino Arena located at I-75 and Woodward Avenue is the team’s new home venue.

You do have to love Mantha’s sense of humor though.  He suggested at the draft that he planned on making the Wings roster THIS SEASON.  Hahahahahhaa.  Oh boy.  That’s precious.  I mean, does this guy know WHO drafted him?

There is a better chance of Carly Simon telling Edward Snowden and Julian Assange who “You’re So Vain” was written about than this 18-year old kid cracking Detroit’s roster in three months.

The one good thing going for this dude is he has about seven years to find his pulse, fire and passion because he can ask Tomas Tatar’s options about Mantha’s ETA in the Motor City.

And while I didn’t absolutely hate the Mantha Fodder selection since he actually was predicted to go at least five picks higher than when he did, the team’s #58 selection was outright baffling and infuriating.

In Olympia Entertainment’s continued plan to corner the market on every single family member of the Tigers and Wings organization from Brett Impemba to Ben Verlander, Holland and Company selected Tyler Bertuzzi with the other pick they acquired from the Sharks.

Yep.  Todd’s nephew.  With the #58 pick in the ENTIRE draft.  Not the 58th round.  The 58th pick.  Now, why is that shocking?

Because the NHL’s Central Scouting Bureau had ranked Tyler #207 among ONLY North American prospects.  2-0-7.  And that doesn’t include all of the Europeans who were draft eligible.  Two.  Hundred.  And.  Seven.

If you aren’t familiar with the NHL’s Central Scouting program, here is the description of it from Wikipedia:

The NHL Central Scouting Bureau or NHL Central Scouting Services (CSS) is a department within the National Hockey League that ranks prospects for the NHL Entry Draft at specific times during the hockey season. Players are ranked based on how well they will translate to the professional game in theNational Hockey League.

I mean, if Holland was so fucking desperate to select Tyler Bertuzzi, he most likely could have acquired him in the fifth or sixth round.  At the earliest.  Instead, he threw away a second round pick in a draft knee-deep in talent.

This pick made Kory Kocur throw up in his mouth.  Oh.  You don’t remember Kory Kocur? He was the Wings first round selection in 1988 and the cousin of Joey Kocur.

Here are the career stats for Kory Kocur:

Season	Team	Lge	GP	G	A	Pts	PIM	+/-	GP	G	A	Pts	PIM
1986-87	Saskatoon Blades	WHL	62	13	17	30	98		4	0	0	0	7
1987-88	Saskatoon Blades	WHL	69	34	37	71	95		10	5	4	9	18
1988-89	Saskatoon Blades	WHL	66	45	57	102	111		8	7	11	18	15
1989-90	Adirondack Red Wings	AHL	79	18	37	55	36		6	1	2	3	2
1990-91	Adirondack Red Wings	AHL	65	8	13	21	83		2	0	0	0	12
1991-92	Fort Wayne Komets	IHL	69	25	40	65	68		7	3	3	6	49
1992-93	Adirondack Red Wings	AHL	2	0	0	0	0	0	—	—	—	—	—
1992-93	Fort Wayne Komets	IHL	66	21	36	57	77	2	4	1	1	2	6

Notice anything funny about those numbers? Oh yeah. Kory Kocur never played one god damn minute in the NHL.  And he was picked 18th overall.

When will the Ilitch owned teams learn their lesson? Couldn’t Dave Dombrowski have called Holland Sunday morning and shared Patrick Leyland’s career minor league numbers as a cautionary tale.

And it’s not like Son of Cancer Stick was some gimmick selection like Rod Allen’s kid (Andrew) or Al Kaline’s grandson (Colin.)

They thought he could actually play.

I mean, have you seen the Tigers manager’s son’s Single-A stats? Oh, you haven’t …..

Patrick Leyland 2013 Season Stats
Team	LG	AVG	G	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI		BB	SO			OBP	SLG	OPS
LAK	FSL	.168	25	95	6	16	2	0	0	2		3	15			.202	.189	.391
CT	NYP	.154	11	39	3	6	0	0	0	4		1	7			.195	.154	.349
Tot		.164	36	134	9	22	2	0	0	6		4	22			.200	.179	.379

Those aren’t just epically awful stats.  They are “I need to retire and open up a Magic Underwear Store with Cale Iorg horrid numbers.”

Let me put this in perspective for you.  Patrick Leyland is in his FOURTH season in professional baseball.  And he was so awful in Lakeland (high Single-A) that he got DEMOTED to the New York-Penn League.  A level he was supposed to graduate from in 2011!!!!!

Do you know who plays in the New York-Penn League? The prospects who were drafted just THREE WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!! It is the equivalent of flunking 11th grade and doing so poorly that they send ya all the way back to 9th grade.

This humungous bust has an OPS of .349 playing with guys just out of high school.  Two extra base hits in 134 at-bats? Patrick Leyland makes Neifi Perez look like Roy Hobbs.

Like, if you aren’t the son of your organization’s big league manager, when you have a .349 OPS in the NEW YORK-PENN LEAGUE they tell you to start pondering the used car business.

On the bright side, maybe Patrick will run into Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Jessica Biel and have some fun times in Norwich, Connecticut.   I just hope if he does, Freddie doesn’t mention how his old man went out.  Wouldn’t want to give a guy with a sub .400 OPS any ideas.

Anyway, back to the Wings draft for a moment.  The Wings went another season under Holland’s management without taking a Russian born player.

Since 2002, Detroit has selected a grand total of TWO Russians in the draft.  One in the seventh round and one in the eighth.   A franchise that if it weren’t for Russian born talent would be going on a Stanley Cup drought of 58 years has made no effort at all to find the next Fedorov, Kozlov or Konstantinov.

Why? Because Ken Holland is more terrified that the NHL and KHL do not have a player transfer agreement than Jimmy Devellano was about the Iron Curtain.

Did you see how long it took former Assistant GM Jim Nill to select a Russian after becoming the head man in Dallas? About as quick as you can say Valeri Nichushkin.  Obviously Nill has a pair of testicles unlike his former boss and selected the left winger with the tenth pick overall.

Holland refuses to draft Russians, hasn’t made a blockbuster trade in 4,384 days (Slava Kozlov for Dominik Hasek) and as I am typing this he plans only to use a compliance buyout on Carlo Colaiacovo and not the corpses of Todd Bertuzzi or Mikael Samuelsson.

They are keeping Bertuzzi I can only imagine to make Tyler feel at home and they are terrified that if they attempt to buy Samuelsson out that he will claim he is injured and will fight it.

And honestly, if an arbitrator has to decide whether or not Samuelsson is injured and therefore can’t be bought-out, well, I wouldn’t want to be the Red Wings lawyer arguing that the guy is healthy since HE NEVER IS FUCKING HEALTHY!!!

Can you imagine the NHLPA representative fighting that battle? Your Honor, here is a list of my client’s injury history.  Please don’t hurt your back lifting that brief.

YOUR WITNESS.

So, here we are on the verge of NHL free-agency again and I can’t wait for the 2013 version of Tootoo, Samuelsson, Colaiacovo and Gustavsson.

Ohhhh, I am sure that Ken Holland will be kicking a lot of tires before doing absolutely nothing impactful.

Hey, Ken …. here is a tire that you can kick ……..

Hopefully it will fall on you in the process.