By Jeff Moss
January 25, 2012
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
In my last column on this website (posted on January 20th), I wrote the following about Detroit Tigers owner, Mike Ilitch:
“Look, if your net worth was $1.5 billion and you were 83-years old, how much of that cash would you hand over for a legitimate chance to fulfill a childhood dream?
We will soon find out Ilitch’s answer to that query.”
Well, on Tuesday at around 3:01pm via Jon Heyman’s Twitter account, we discovered the answer to my question …. about $214 million worth of his personal treasury.
In the biggest free-agent acquisition in the freaking HISTORY of this city, the Tigers signed Prince Fielder to a whopping nine-year deal that will pay him $23.77 million per.
After a winter of inactivity that culminated with the devastating offseason injury to Victor Martinez last week, I penned that article last Friday in which I basically begged Ilitch to live up to his September promise of adding one or two big bats to the team’s lineup.
I am guessing that at some point over the weekend, Ilitch asked himself if he should make this type of financial investment in the left-handed hitting machine or go conservative with his baseball team thus leaving more of a largesse to his offspring.
“Should I acquire a power-hitting corner infielder who has averaged 40 homers over the last five seasons or leave Denise enough cash to finance her own gubernatorial run against Rick Snyder in 2015?”
“Would it be better to protect Miguel Cabrera with a guy coming off a .981 OPS or bequeath Mike, Jr. enough funds to get higher off cocaine than Bronson Pinchot in True Romance”?
In one of the single greatest days in Detroit sports history, Ilitch decided to chase his lifelong dream of a World Series by eschewing the advice of his General Manager and financial planner while going all-in on a pennant.
I mean, Prince Fielder? Are you fucking kidding me?
And my obnoxiously positive opinion on this signing isn’t some late in the game conversion because he decided to sign with Detroit. I have been beating the drum all offseason that Prince was the best free-agent available and a superior long-term option to Albert Pujols.
For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why the Marlins were willing to offer Pujols the MacArthur Causeway, Joe’s Stone Crab, the Rascal House and the Fountainebleu, but weren’t even the slight bit interested in Fielder.
It was absolutely shocking to me that Prince was still available with Spring Training lurking right around the corner.
Let’s just look at a comparison of Pujols and Fielder over the last three seasons:
Pujols: 42 HR, 117 RBI, .409/.598/1.007
Fielder: 39 HR, 115 RBI, .409/.547/.956
I guess if all things were equal you would give the advantage to Pujols based on recent past performance. But all things are not equal.
Even if you believe Pujols’ birth certificate (and not everyone does), the Angels new first baseman is at least 4 ½ years older than Fielder.
And let’s make fun of Fielder’s physical stature. Yep, let’s joke about his frame and weight. And while we are doing that can we mention in the last SIX SEASONS Prince Fielder has missed a grand total of TEN FUCKING GAMES?!?!
Cecil’s estranged kid has been one of the most durable players in MLB since entering the league yet we are supposed to believe that he is going to suddenly fall apart playing in a league with the Designated Hitter and a manager who is a bigger proponent of rest than most Jewish mothers.
And even though Prince has proven to be less injury prone than Pujols and is much younger, he just signed a contract for less money and length than Albert!!!!
And people are actually worried about this move? Are you people [Mentally Challenged]?
Let me say something to the idiots who are concerned with the length of the deal or the fact that the team’s defense will suffer if Miguel Cabrera plays third base regularly or that Victor Martinez won’t have a position in 2013 ….
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
The Tigers just signed the preeminent free-agent in the 2012 class and you want to nitpick on how this will impact the 2020 season?
That’s the equivalent of hitting the Lotto and bitching about the taxes.
We actually live in a town where a columnist (Drew Sharp) for one of the two major newspapers stated, “It makes absolutely no sense paying two guys who basically are the same player more than $45 million annually.”
Yep, I was just saying yesterday how awful it would be if the Tigers had a LEFT-HANDED VERSION OF MIGUEL CABRERA sans a drinking problem. What a curse!!!
This move isn’t just incredible for the upcoming season, but for YEARS to come. Because of his precociousness, Fielder entered the majors and started accruing service time at an extremely young age meaning his free-agency coincides with the PRIME OF HIS FUCKING CAREER.
The guy gets on-base, walks, hits for power and is a savvy base runner. And now he is going to bat behind the best hitter in all of baseball. Think he will get a few pitches to hit, jackasses?
The dominos that will start to fall because of this signing are almost incalculable. Can you imagine the smorgasbord of strikes Brennan Boesch is going to get while hitting in front of two potential MVP candidates?
And if you want to pitch around Prince and Miggy then you are going to have to serve up heat to Delmon Young. A guy whose appetite for fastballs can only be equaled by his desire for butt sex with Penthouse strippers. Allegedly.
And I haven’t even mentioned that this potentially could be the end of the Brandon Inge Reign of Terror in Motown. If you can believe Spanish-language websites it would appear that Cabrera is intent on moving to tercero base.
And while I am dubious that Cabrera has enough dexterity to regularly play that position, I am not about to let common sense get in the way of a decade long dream of a starting lineup without a guy who can’t hit his weight.
(I am just DYING to get the reaction to this move from “No More Mr. Nice Guy – No More Mr. Cluhhhhheeeeeeeen.”)
I mean, a few days ago we were being prepared for the acquisition of Johnny Damon, Carlos Lee, Vladimir Guerrero, Raul Ibanez or Bobby Abreu.
You know what all of those guys have in common other than the fact that they aren’t 20 percent the player that Fielder happens to be?
They are all OLDER right now then Prince will be at the END of this contract!!!!!
I love this move so much that I don’t want to stop writing about it so instead of coming up with a clever ending at this point, here are ten other thoughts I have on this monumental acquisition:
1) Why would anyone care how Ilitch spends his money anyway? At about the same point in his life, Pistons owner William Davidson donated $75 million to help build a hospital in Jerusalem.
Look, I am never going to Israel so I would prefer that my Detroit franchise owners spend their money on talent as opposed to medical centers in the desert.
If Ilitch wants to increase his team’s payroll to $150 million a season until he drops dead, the last thing anyone should do is question that commitment.
A simple thank you and Little Caesars carry-out would suffice.
2) I am not a big fan of actually attending games at this point in my life and would prefer the comfort of watching in my family room, but I feel indebted to Ilitch for making this commitment.
I definitely plan on visiting Comerica Park more this year than I have in the past out of gratitude to Ilitch and anything less than record setting attendance this season would be an embarrassment.
3) If you are a Tigers fan you should start petitioning Bud Selig to increase the number of Wild Card teams IMMEDIATELY.
It has been rumored that one more team will be added to the postseason with the two Wild Cards facing off against each other in a one game playoff. The only questions seems to be if this new format will commence in 2012 or 2013.
Considering the Tigers probably will be able to start positioning their playoff rotation before Flag Day, it would be quite beneficial if Tampa and let’s say the Angels had to play a winner takes all matchup just to have the right to play us in the ALDS.
4) I am guessing Chicago White Sox General Manager Kenny Williams has had better weeks. First, his son (Kyle) chokes away the 49ers playoff hopes on Sunday. Then his divisional rival absconds the premier free-agent left on the market.
Would it shock anyone if by Friday, Kenny comes home to find Oney Guillen banging his wife?
5) Does anyone know if Lynn Henning has filed his Detroit News article on how this signing will affect Aaron Westlake and Ryan Strieby?
6) I’ve written it repeatedly this offseason and I will reiterate it again here. If you can swap Jacob Turner for a current #2 or #3 starter then you do it.
This team’s window isn’t small (almost the entire team is in their prime or just entering it), but why wait for a 20-year old to develop if you can trade him for instant help?
With the signing of Fielder there probably isn’t an urgency to make a move like this before the season starts, but unless Turner is in the rotation by mid-July and significantly contributing, why wouldn’t you go and get a 27 or 28 year old starter who can put us over the top NOW?
7) Even after this season, Victor Martinez will still have two years and $25 million remaining on his contract. I don’t imagine that there will be a huge trade market for a guy that can only DH and who is coming off a major ACL injury.
Which leads me to believe that this organization is delusional enough to think that Cabrera can make the transition back to third base.
Well, either that or the Tigers intend on trading Martinez in the offseason which surely would involve the team subsidizing V-Mart’s contract.
The more I think about this signing, the more it would appear that Ilitch has been given a year to live, is part of some bizarre Brewster’s Millions scenario or his children really pissed him off over the holidays.
8) After the news of the Fielder signing leaked out on Twitter, I made a joke on the social media platform that the Ilitch owned Motor City casino would immediately begin only paying even money on Blackjack and all pushes would go to the house.
One person actually responsed with the following:
“I’ll never go there again that’s a joke.”
Never overestimate the intelligence of your Twitter followers.
9) The only negative in this whole situation is that Prince hasn’t even passed his physical nor has the team officially announced the signing and I am already SICK of the talk about Prince’s childhood McDonald’s commercial with his dad or how he used to hit home runs as a 12-year old at Tiger Stadium.
This has the potential to reach “Did you know Jerome Bettis is from Detroit?” levels before the guy even plays a single game in the Olde English D.
10) It is a great time to be a Detroit sports fan. The Tigers are about 1 to 5 to win the AL Central. The Lions are a couple of defensive additions away from being a Super Bowl contender. The Red Wings currently have the best record in the NHL. And the Pistons are right in the middle of the Anthony Davis Derby.
I might have to get used to writing these type of positive articles more often.
Shit.