By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 14, 2015
You might have heard the story today about the 12-year-old boy from Yukon, Oklahoma who wrote EVERY owner of an NFL team in an effort to figure out what franchise to root for since he is from a state that doesn’t have an NFL team.
You can read the boy’s letter to Jerry Richardson of the Panthers above. The Carolina owner was the only owner to respond to the little boy.
Anyway, with his handwritten campaign to locate the team he should support for the rest of his days on Earth, Cade Pope gave ME an idea.
Ya see, I am also looking for a new organization to support. After 42 years of heartache and incompetence… I am ready to move on. I am looking for a franchise that will win a road postseason game during my lifetime, not one that tries to have me arrested.
I think this ESPN graphic will give you a good idea why I am in the market for a new NFL team to cheer on.
So I am penning personalized letters to the other 31 NFL teams looking for a new beau. It’s like the “Bachelor” mixed in with brain injuries, domestic abuse and poor officiating.
Here is my handwritten missive to Zygi Wilf. I will be sending similar letters to the other 30 owners and will update you if I get any responses ….
If you can’t read my HORRID writing, here is the translation from hieroglyphics …….
Dear Zygmunt Wilf,
Hello. My name is Jeff Moss. I am 42 years old. I’m an insurance adjuster and barely play any sports. I’ve been a fan of the Lions my entire life and realize this relationship is not good for my health.
I am ready to pick a NEW NFL team to cheer on for a lifetime!!!
I am writing you and all of the other NFL teams to ask why I should choose your team to become my “new team.”
I can’t decide which team to choose and I live in a state that does not have a competent franchise. They also attempted to get me arrested last year for making fun of William Clay Ford, Sr. on my website. I wasn’t aware he was the Prophet Muhammad.
Anyway, please tell me why your team is the best and why I should be a fan.
Please keep in mind my “last team” hasn’t won a road playoff game during my lifetime; has only won 1 postseason contest at all [during that span]; hasn’t been to a Super Bowl; passed on Randy Moss (to your team’s benefit); had a player die on the field; had another player get paralyzed from the waist down in front of me; had another player die while cutting his lawn(!!!); had [a] coach BEG to get fired; employed Matt Millen for like 8 years; got fined under the Rooney Rule (and never paid it); and had its best player retire prematurely because he was sick of ALL the losing.
Did I mention they also called the Allen Park police on me over a freaking cartoon!!!
Je Suis Jiff Myst!
Oh. They also bully the local media while promoting their own bought-and-paid-for “journalists” on their website.
They are really a despicable tin-eared outfit and I am looking for the EXACT OPPOSITE in my next team.
I can’t wait to hear from you!
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Jeff Moss