By Jeff Moss
July 12, 2012
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com

If there is one thing this website has established in the 14 months since it was resurrected from the dead it is this …….

Oakland Press columnist and WXYT-FM scrub, Pat Caputo, might possibly be one of the dumbest primates residing on this planet.

Not that this should come as a shock to anyone who has ever read his articles, listened to him attempt to enunciate or had the misfortune to witness the slob demanding an excessive amount of guacamole on a burrito at Chipotle.

Stupidity pretty much oozes out of this guy’s pores and his idiocy goes back many years.  You might remember Capluto from his Rusty Hardin-like defense of Randy Smith right until the day the former Tigers GM was axed by Dave Dombrowski.

Or his constant negative comments about the 2004 Detroit Pistons, even AFTER the team acquired Rasheed Wallace.    Pretty sure the dumbass was doubting their championship chances as late as Game 5 against the Lakers when Darko Milicic broke his hand.

But it would seem this schmuck is getting worse and worse by the day.  From his takes on Quintin Berry of late to today’s Moronic Media Quote of the Day.

THIS MAN is so awful that I couldn’t even limit the MMQOTD to just one citation so I had to induct Caputo’s ENTIRE blog post from this past Monday.

The topic of his inane ramblings? That striking out on free agents Zach Parise and Ryan Suter might be “the best thing that could have happened to the Red Wings.”

And that was not even close to the most ignorant line from this travesty.  Here are some of the real gems …..

And the Red Wings offered $90 million for him? They are fortunate he turned them down, getting $98 million instead from the Minnesota Wild, who paid a similar amount for Parise.

Even last season, even in his 40s, Lidstrom was considerably better player than Suter until he took a shot off his ankle which greatly hindered his play.

A considerably better player by what measure? Suter had more points than Lidstrom.  His team advanced deeper into the postseason even though Suter didn’t have the benefit of two world class forwards playing in front of him (Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg) and Suter also played nearly three minutes more a game than Nick.

Why did Suter average a whopping 26:30 of ice time while Lidstrom was down to 23:46 a a game, you might ask?

Because the Wings didn’t want Lidstrom playing a lot when the team was shorthanded.  They were afraid he was going to get hurt blocking a shot.  Pretty reasonable fear.

Because.  You know.  That is what happens when a 41-year old tries to play a younger man’s game.  INJURIES.

It is an impossible science to determine who was more effective last season, but it would be a close call either way.  Well, unless you are Pat Caputo.

Honestly, two Ryan Suter’s don’t equal one Nicklas Lidstrom.

Yep, it would take TWO Ryan Suters to equal one aging legend who, oh by the way, didn’t score a point during the Wings-Predators playoff series.

Putz Caputo will argue that was due to #5’s injury. Because, who could foresee that occurring to the oldest skater in the league?

Ryan Suter. Was given more ice time by his coach, Barry Trotz, than Shea “Fucking Weber” this past season. And Caputo thinks that Lidstrom is STILL twice the player in 2012-3.

I don’t know, call me bi-polar, but if Nashville’s head coach thinks it is wise to play Suter MORE than a man who has been a finalist for the Norris Trophy the last two years, he probably is PRETTY DAMN GOOD.

For those of you who get offended when I call this man a retard I say,  “Your witness.”

Here’s a simple question: All things equal, including salary for the coming season, would you trade Pavel Datsyuk and Niklas Kronwall for Suter and Parise?

Ummm, this is relevant HOW in your world, you dumbass? This wasn’t a trade. These were FREE AGENTS in the prime of their god damn careers. It was going to cost nothing in assets to acquire them. And the length of their contracts is a sham that is about to get snuffed out in the next CBA anyhow.

If Caputo thinks these are really 13-year contracts, he probably also believes that he works for a relevant newspaper instead of one that has been downsized to nothing.

Also, this is the SAME Pat Caputo who a couple years ago was blabbering that Parise was a better player than SIDNEY CROSBY. But, when the Wings lose out on the guy, he is just another overpaid forward whose +/- in the playoffs was indicative of overrated ability.

Is there anyone in the hockey world who thinks that the NEW JERSEY DEVILS would have reached Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals without this kid?!!?!!?!!?

And it’s too early to dismiss the Red Wings as a hockey team. They still have as good a shot as any team in the Western Conference to reach the Stanley Cup finals this coming season.

They have as good a shot as any team in the West to reach the Finals.

Let that soak in for a second.

They have as a good a shot as any team in the West to reach the Finals.

Are we talking about the same organization that just got eliminated by Nashville in five games (a team that got obliterated by the Coyotes in the next round) and who just lost Brad Stuart and a defenseman that according to Caputo is worth TWO RYAN SUTERS??!?!?!?!!?!?

Like, we just lost a pretty good D-Man in Stuart and TWO Ryan Suters.  And we haven’t replaced any of them yet!!!!!!

And now that the team has whiffed on UFAs, if they do replace those stalwarts, it will result in the loss of actual players from the current roster thus creating a deficiency elsewhere in the lineup.

That team has as good a chance to reach the Finals as anyone else?

Ummm, okay. Look, if the Winger himself was still around, I don’t even think HE could write this column with a straight face.

This makes me sad. Not that a man with these sorts of takes is employed by the Oakland Press. Nobody reads that piece of crap anyway.

Or that he has a gig working a graveyard shift at 97.1 where he regularly treats Dennis Fithian like an indentured slave.  I mean, listen to that chemistry one even.  Bob Bashara is jealous of Caputo’s dominatrix ways.

No. What bothers me is that Dan Miller continues to give this dillweed a platform on his Sunday night, “Sportsworks” program. Way to continue to dumb down the sports discourse in Detroit, Dapper.

And I like Dan Miller personally and he is an avid reader of this website, but you are now officially part of the problem as you show no inclination to be part of the solution.   Continuing to give the likes of Pat Caputo airtime is an unforgivable act.

My critics keep telling me that there is no need to name call.  That my message is lost when I get personal with these so-called journalists.

I am sorry, maybe this shit means too much to me, but this continued affront to common sense and reasonable thought IS PERSONAL FOR ME.

And nothing about me or this fucking website is going to change anytime soon.