Grand Opening of Foster’s Smokehouse? Postponed? AGAIN?

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By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
August 14, 2013

It’s been a little busy around the DirtSpurt lately, with the debut of Detroit Sports 105.1 and tons of Tigers news to cover, so I have been a little derelict in my duties as the official correspondent of Foster’s Smokehouse in Fraser, Michigan.

And since the sight™ (Terry Fraudster)™ (Tom “The Gov” Millikan) has added a ton of new readers thanks to Drew Lane pimping of the DSR on a daily basis, I figured I would give an update on Terry Foster’s fledgling restaurant.

(And yes, that was the first back-to-back ™ in the history of this awful place.  You will probably remember that momentous occasion like you would recall where you were when the Twin Towers fell or the first time you threw up in your mouth listening to Scott Anderson discuss sexual positions.)

Here is the latest.   Foster’s Smokehouse opened for business on June 25, 2013.  For you anti-sabermetric folks, that’s 50 days since the “Soft Opening.”  Yep, Foster’s abomination of a food service provider is now FIFTY DAYS into their soft opening.  Which, by the way, is a “soft opening” Guiness Book of World Record holder by a scant 46 days.

But after over SEVEN weeks, TODAY was finally supposed to be the big Grand Opening.  How do I know that? Because Terry Foster told his Twitter followers the same:

Well, it is August 14th. I called Mayor William A. Morelli and Hizzoner won’t be attending this dive tonight. There has been no mention of any big gala on the Smokehouse’s Twitter account. And Foster has been bloviating about the opening of the Cheesecake Factory more than his “own” restaurant as of late.

Something weird was going on so I decided to call the Smokehouse myself to get to the bottom of this. It turns out there will be no Grand Opening tonight. It might be the week after next. Maybe. The most recent delay? Something about the Chamber of Commerce and Keno. What the fuck?!?!!?

Now, this might be a good time to catch the new readers of this site up on my ML Elrick/Jim Schaefer-esque coverage of this insult to fine cuisine.

Here is my initial post about the Smokehouse.

Here is my report on the Smokehouse FINALLY opening after many delays.

Here is my article on the many hypocrisies of Terry Foster from before and after he became a restauranteur, plus a contest in which you people could win Tigers or Lions Tickets for guessing when this place would go out of business.

Here is a post detailing all of the guesses for the contest.

This article detailed the alleged assault of a Audio/Video contractor at the Smokehouse at the hands of Foster’s business partner.

This is the mock commercial I posted on YouTube for Foster’s House of Horrors.

This is an article about my failed attempt to “Catfish” Terry Foster by Justin Spiro.

And finally, here is the actual police report regarding the alleged assault of the contractor.

Yes, I am more obsessed than Lt. Philip Gerard.  I am aware of that.

Anyway, I hadn’t heard much about the Smokehouse dining experience lately so I figured on the eve of the Grand Opening That Isn’t Happening, I would check Yelp! for some recent reviews of Foster’s to see if anything has gotten better.

Hahahahahahhahaha.  Yeah, that’s a good one.   Some of these reviews are kind of long, so I bolded the best comments:

From Andy E. of Fraser, Michigan (dated August 13, 2013):

My fiancé and I eat out all the time. I’ve worked in the food restaurant industry for about 13 years now. I really wish I could give this place a few pointers. We ate at the bar this place used to be. When we walked in, we didn’t really notice anything different. We sat at the bar and our bartender said hi after about 5 mins, without a smile, we ordered beers that were on special. We then had to ask for menus. After going through the menu for about ten minutes we decided what we wanted. The bartender came over and told us what they were out of. Pretty much everything! My fiancé ordered the “fosters wings” and Mac and cheese bites. The wings should be called the ” Sysco/every other bar wings” nothing special! And the Mac and cheese bites were probably something Sysco offered them. I ordered a pulled pork sandwich sub “pulled chicken” because they were out of pulled pork. Sloppiest pile of food on a McDonald’s tray ever. Couldn’t eat this sandwich with my hands at all. I had to ask for silverware and napkins. The chicken wasn’t pulled it was diced… While we watched the tigers game we noticed, who we think was the manager, wipe his sweaty forehead and with the same napkin wipe down liquor bottles. Liquor kills all germs who cares… I used the bathroom and noticed dust all over the sinks and mirror, why wouldn’t you clean the place up since it was last opened… This restaurant will be closed very soon!

From Jeff F. of Macomb County, Michigan (dated August 6, 2013):

First time at Foster’s was last night and I was pretty let down. Met a buddy for some beers and to watch a little bit of the Tiger’s game. Our waitress was great, no complaints there. She was polite and friendly and made sure we didn’t have to wait for a refill on our beers. The let down was in the very basics.

For starters, the restroom was not very clean and both of the paper towel dispensers were empty. Someone’s solution was for someone to leave a roll of paper towels on a wet disgusting sink rather than fill the dispensers. Yes, the roll of paper towels was subsequently wet from the sink and poeple’s hands.

Second disappointment came when my buddy and I wanted to do a shot. We ordered a pretty basic shot just to have out waitress apologize and tell us they dont have that. We ordered a different shot and she came back again and said they didn’t have that either. These were very basic shots, nothing extravagant. So we ended up just having another beer, no shots.

And finally, with a restroom thats dirty, a restroom with no paper towels loaded in the dispensers, and a bar thats void of very basic liquors, it’s kind of disappointing to see the manager sitting at the bar watching the Tigers game for very extended periods of time and going out of his way and acting like child to get his picture taken with some young chicks who were having some drinks.

Here’s a tips Mr. Manager, order the basic liquors and make sure your bathrooms are clean before you decide to watch TV and flirt with customers.
My buddy ordered food, but seeing what the cooks are washing their hands in, I politely chose not to eat.

One last point, there was only 6 other people in the bar while my buddy and I were there and we were there for about 4 hours. The head count  never went over 8 customers.

From Rob W. of Fraser, Michigan (No Date):

I am editing my review from July. This is because of a complaint that was never addressed by management. I posted that I liked the burnt ends so much that I bought a pound to go. Well I got it home and the weight didn’t feel right…so…. I weighed it. 12 ounces not 16 and this was with the carryout container. I emailed Foster’s and told them they had to do a better job of quality control. I bet I wasn’t the only one shorted. I gave them a contact number etc.   nothing, not a word to even say we are fixing this. So I dropped my score. If they ripped me off they are probably ripping others off too. Haven’t ordered anything from there since and probably won’t again. There are other BBQ places to go around here. Too Bad

So to neatly sum up Foster’s Smokehouse for you in a few bullet points, according to actual patrons who took the time to write a review on Yelp! ….

The place is dirty.

The Board of Health needs to come in and attempt a stealth inspection because management is gross and nobody wants to drink Ryan Thierry’s germs.

They are still running out food and beverage.

The beer choices still suck.

They are actually CHEATING people when they place an ounce-specific order.

One person wouldn’t even eat in the establishment because he was afraid that the COOKS were getting their hands filthy WHILE WASHING THEIR HANDS.  Read that paragraph at least twice.  I am pretty sure John Taffer would boil himself in a lobster pot if he ever had the misfortune to enter this joint.

Like, what an unmitigated disaster.  And it is unreal to me that Imbecile Foster would put his name on this Feces Inferno and not attempt to rectify problems when he is personally called upon to do so.

I have been hoping that Foster’s Smokehouse would go belly-up before the actual Grand Opening in an homage to Jay-Z; that dream is still alive.

When I first told DSR co-founder Gregg Schultz that I wanted to have a DSR Event at Foster’s new operation, he told me I was nuts and that he wouldn’t eat or drink ANYTHING served to our crew for fear of management spitting in our food.

Well, it would appear that the DSR Elite aren’t the only ones who should be worried about what they are putting in their mouth while dining at this place.

Fucking gross.