Every Detroit Sports “Blogger” Sucks Ass EXCEPT ME

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By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 28, 2014

Detroit is infected with a virus and it is deadly. This particular strain first infected the mainstream media. It then spread to bought-and-paid for propagandists who masquerade as “journalists” but are actually PR flaks for our professional sports teams.

The Motor City sports version of Contagion then infiltrated the television networks who consider the Wings, Pistons and Tigers their “broadcast partners.” And now, the virus has spread to its final destination …..

The Detroit sports blogging community.

If it isn’t bad enough that we can’t get a truthful or critical look at the “Big 4” in the major dailies and we get propagandized when turning on the radio or Fox Sports Detroit, this madness has now infested FAN BLOGGERS.

I mean, we are talking about FANS. Not career journalists who are afraid that a critical column will lead to a lack of access or worse, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT FANS.

Look, I haven’t spent much time in the past ripping other bloggers because I usually don’t read their drivel and I have my hands full with the mainstream morons.

And most of these “fan”-run sites are just a collection of douche bags angling for Uncle Sugar (the Freep or News) to give them some sort of legitimacy by placing their blogs on the Internet-only versions of the major dailies.

These sellouts like Kurt Mensching of Bless You Boys and Doc Worn at [Please] Walkoff [the] Woodward [Sidewalk and Get Hit By A Bus] are despicable characters whom I’d love to see rot in hell one day if I believed in such a destination.

But prolific Red Wings blogger George Malik of Kukla’s Corner makes those two goofballs and Piston Powered‘s Dan Feldman look as probing as the Fainaru Brothers.

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And when I say prolific, I really mean diarrhea of the keyboard, as this Malik kook has over 80,000 Tweets. I Tweet a lot. And this screwball has 50,000 more Tweets than I do.

And I really shouldn’t call these bloggers “fanboys” because at least actual fanboys have the capacity to be critical. Seriously, go read a Dark Knight-obsessed nerd’s opinion of Joel Schumacher’s “Batman and Robin.” Those geeks don’t defend that garbage, they RAVAGE it. So, let’s just stick to the term “slapdick” since Malik refuses to rip on Ken Holland when the Wings GM provides us with his version of George Clooney (Todd Bertuzzi), Chris O’Donnell (Dan Cleary) and Arnold Schwarzenegger (Mikael Samuelsson).

How big a mark is this guy for the Wings and their piss-poor management of late? Let Sid Haig™ (Michael Bochenek) elaborate in his own words …..

I don’t believe that the Wings want to “shop” their nuclear deterrent–he’s just had a rough couple of games since the Winter Classic and needs a kick in the pants.

In the Red Wings’ world, it is much, much better for Sheahan, Glendening and Jurco to return to Grand Rapids and help the Griffins defend their Calder Cup title instead of sitting in the press box, and in the Red Wings’ world, come playoff time, the Nuclear Deterrent (Bertuzzi) and the Good Guy in the Locker Room and on the Bench (Cleary) are playing.

Can you imagine a Red Wings FAN writing that? There is no WORLD in our infinite galaxy where playing Todd Bertuzzi and his two points through the last 27 games over Riley Sheahan makes sense. Malik opines that Bertuzzi has had a couple of rough games since the Winter Classic. What about the other 25 where he has ONE goal???!?!?!?!?!

Riley Sheahan has three goals and five assists in limited action over TWELVE GAMES. Anyone want to take a bet that the “Nuclear Deterrent” doesn’t register eight points during the rest of his CAREER?!!?

And the Wings don’t need an over-the-hill, useless SDI-like player in the lineup. They need someone who can SCORE.

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I mean, I can ALMOST understand management using tired phrases like “Good Guy in the Locker Room,” but a fucking fan of the team? And what makes the guitarist from Anvil think this team will make the PLAYOFFS if they send down their productive “kids” for the albatrosses who have constantly failed to produce this season?????

Last time I checked, the Wings were in a dogfight for a wildcard spot in the East and they are only in that position because of the play of their youth.

We keep hearing from apologists like Malik that injuries have been this team’s downfall in 2013-14. NO. They’ve been a fucking godsend. If it was not for all of the infirmary runs, Tomas Tatar might still be eating popcorn in the press box; Gustav Nyquist could still be wearing a Griffins sweater; Sheahan would still be known best for his Teletubbies outfit and not his sick hands; and Tomas Jurco’s ETA in the “Men’s League” would be 2018.

At this point, I could do a comparison of the production of the Wings who still aren’t old enough to rent a car from Avis versus the has-beens Holland and Mike Babcock insist on bringing back year after year, but what is the freaking point? This video is way more aesthetically pleasing than another chart proving my thesis.

That Tweet was from Sunday!!!!!! Can you imagine obsessively watching this team and not being irate that there is even the remote possibility that some of these young players could soon be exiled back to Van Andel Arena??

But this management suck-up isn’t just trying to douse the fans’ enthusiasm for the “kids,” he also goes out of his way to be disingenuous in his pursuit of being Holland’s wingman …..

From 3-1 to 4-2 to a 5-4 shootout loss. Too familiar. Too predictable in a trap game labeled as such. Too much of the same.

And after all the gains the Wings made, we have to wonder whether the “veteran presence” really is needed down the stretch–and the answer seems to be “yes,” as much as it pains me to say that given the way Sheahan, Jurco and Glendening have won spots on next year’s team.

Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? The Wings didn’t lose to the Panthers on Sunday because they lacked a veteran presence. THEY LOST BECAUSE OF THAT VETERAN PRESENCE AND THEIR HEAD COACH!!!!

The Jurco-Sheahan-Tatar line was on the ice for two tallies — including the video I posted earlier, which was reminiscent of the glory days of the Russian 5 — and they didn’t allow a goal against.

Meanwhile, Babcock made the asinine decision to put a forward (41 year-old Daniel Alfredsson) on the point for a power play in the last few minutes of a game the Wings were WINNING by a goal. That horrible choice led to an odd-man rush and the short-handed, game-tying goal.

And this jackass thinks a veteran presence would have averted that disaster? Who should have been on the ice with the Wings nursing that lead? Chris Chelios? Ted Lindsay? Red Kelly? Should we have exhumed Sid Abel’s body?

Don’t worry, this gets better. Take a look at this defense of Holland’s recent moves from Malik…..

Hahahahahhahaha. I don’t think even Ken Holland HIMSELF would utilize this defense if he had a Twitter account. DeKeyser? Well, if it wasn’t for Jim Nill’s relationship with the DeKeyser family, the defenseman probably would have ended up elsewhere.

Holland was just extremely lucky that Nill didn’t get the Dallas GM gig a couple of months earlier or DeKeyser would probably be skating for the Stars now.

Luke Glendening? Yeah, let’s build a monument outside the JLA for that acquisition. Is this slappy serious? In 27 games, Glendening has NO goals, three assists and is a -6. He is a decent defensive forward with no offensive ability at all and Malik is trumpeting this as some sort of evidence of KH’s greatness?

And Alfredsson signed in Detroit because of his fellow countrymen. Holland might as well have been a McDonald’s drive-thru worker when inking the Swede. This is how that transaction went down. J.P Barry (#11’s agent) called the Wings GM and said, “Alfie wants to come to Detroit.” And Holland said, “OK.”

Please remind me not to hire George Malik to represent me if I ever get in trouble with the law. Do I even have to counter that joke of an argument with Holland’s decision to target Johan Franzen over Marian Hossa, the signings of Samuelsson, Jordin Tootoo, Carlo Colaiacovo ……? Shit, even I am tired of reciting all of Holland’s recent flameouts. Forget I mentioned it.

Over the last few days, I have been bombarding this apologist on Twitter for these asinine takes along with many others. Seriously, you try to navigate through 80,000 Tweets looking for the plum examples of his ignorance. And even though Malik continues to argue that the kids need to head back up I-96 for the corpses of Bertuzzi and Cleary, he attempts to play it both ways with Tweets like this:

OH MY GOD!!!!! He was there when Tatar found out that Babcock’s constant lobbying for Cleary to return had finally paid off. He was THAT close and he saw Tatar go “gray.”

I mean, this is like the loser hockey blogger version of “I was getting off the subway when the first plane flew into the World Trade Center.”

He constantly is reminding people he was there when all of the blood drained from Tatar’s face.

WHO FUCKING CARES, ya jock-sniffing douche bag? Are we supposed to be impressed by this? Do you want to know what the payoff is for Malik in all of this? Remember a couple of months ago when Jared Cowen elbowed Pavel Datsyuk in the head and Brendan Shanahan didn’t suspend the Senators defenseman for the infraction?

Well, the former Wings power forward personally called Malik to explain the decision from the League’s perspective. Why did the Hall of Famer phone Malik, of all people? Because Ken Holland told him it was a good idea!!

To say that I was shocked to be informed that Shanahan wanted to speak with me was a little shocking is an understatement, and to hear, “Well, I’ve been talking with Kenny Holland, and you’re a good voice for the Wings” is more than a little flattering, so all of this comes as a big surprise and it’s not taken lightly.

Yeah, do you think you will ever get an honest appraisal of Ken Holland from this guy?

When Detroit GMs mention me, they are telling security to escort me out of the building or making contingency plans to keep me out of press conferences. Malik? He gets the GoodShill Housekeeping Seal of Approval. And then this compromised sellout has the audacity to question MY loyalty to the Red Wings in numerous Tweets …..

Fantasy hockey? The salary cap? If Ken Holland can’t figure out how to keep Jurco and Sheahan on the roster when their COMBINED salary is less than $1.5 million …. well ….. he should immediately throw himself off of the Ambassador Bridge.

I am not suggesting that Holland concoct a way to rid himself of all the dead contract weight that HE is responsible for so he can trade for an offensively-minded defenseman like Brian Campbell, but I do expect him to be able to keep league-minimum players who are outplaying the old anchors.

It’s the equivalent of asking your accountant to keep you from getting charged with tax evasion. Not much of a bar to clear.

And fuck off and die for questioning my resume as a FAN of this franchise. I have been attending Wings games since I was six years old. My family has had season tickets at the Joe Louis Arena for four decades. I have traveled to D.C. and Carolina to watch this team compete for the Stanley Cup.

I was so distraught at the end of Game 7 in 2009 versus the Penguins that if Nick Lidstrom would have beaten Marc-Andre Fleury to tie that game in the dying seconds, I would have missed it, as I was already trying to leave my seat because I couldn’t stomach watching Sidney Crosby celebrate a title in my presence.

I have lived and died with this team for my entire existence on this planet. I am sorry that I am not going to sit back and watch Holland and Babcock make terrible personnel choices and not voice my displeasure WHEN I HAVE A VOICE AND AN AUDIENCE TO WHOM I CAN AIR MY GRIEVANCES!!!

These decisions aren’t made in a vacuum. They have consequences for us as fans. Tatar is CLEARLY one of the best six forwards on this team and is constantly a threat to score. He is today. He was in October when he was a healthy scratch for eight of the first nine games of the season. And most importantly, he would have been during the Chicago series last spring when he was netting SIXTEEN goals in the AHL postseason and he could have been a difference-maker in a series this franchise lost by ONE SOLITARY GOAL!!!!!!!!!

But I don’t give a flying fuck to hang around Traverse City to ask Anthony Mantha what kind of protective cup he wears. And I sure as shit don’t want to be viewed as an ally to this management team that has put the Wings behind the eight-ball over the last couple of seasons by refusing to play these prodigies.

And it’s not like ANYONE is pointing out any of this crap out to Wings fans. The team is totally ignored on the sports radio stations because none of those dolts have a clue about hockey.

None of the columnists feel confident in challenging Holland because they still view him as the GM with the Midas Touch — even though his recent history makes him more comparable to another mythical figure …. Medusa.

And I am pretty sure that all of the Wings beat writers are petrified of Babcock and his Super-Sized ego.

So I will continue to fight the good fight for the Red Wings fans out there who care more about this franchise advancing in the playoffs than than they do about reporters getting a gold star on their foreheads from the team’s GM.

It’s a Men’s League.

The Kid’s Aren’t the Answer.

Ken Holland’s philosophy is getting rebuked on a nightly basis and everyone in Red Wings Nation is ecstatic that this team FINALLY has something to look forward to once Datsyuk and Zetterberg retire.

Well, everyone except the team’s GM, who, it seems, is embarrassed that his farm system is putting him in an awkward position.

Seriously, how fucked up is that?