By Jeff Moss
July 9, 2011
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
I am so fucking aggravated that I have to start writing this article on a Friday night, but I don’t see any way around it.
I mean, I just finished my normal work week of dealing with asshole, penny-pinching insurance adjusters in burnt out buildings AND I also squeezed in three columns that probably totaled nearly 6,000 words.
I figured after penning “Sports Radio Mossisms”, I could enjoy my weekend. Take in the new comedy, “Horrible Bosses”, bet on some ponies on Saturday, maybe dine at Ruth’s Chris on Saturday evening and then get ready for the Sunday season premiere of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”
Things were looking “Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty …… pretty, pretty …. good.”
But then I woke up on Friday morning to the following Drew Sharp headline, “Jair Jurrjens wouldn’t be an All-Star with Tigers” and I realized that my weekend wasn’t going to commence until I had time to decimate that stupid, bald, piece of shit.
I am such a narcissist that part of me believes that this dumbfuck is actually baiting me at this point. My story about his journalistic malpractice (http://www.detroitsportsrag.com/mossisms050911.php) had to get back to him and he must be writing these asinine columns in an attempt to stroke me out.
(Considering I emailed “Not The Sharpest Drew” that article, Tweeted him that article and sent it to him via carrier pigeon, I am pretty sure he read it.)
When I digested this latest column I couldn’t believe what I was reading. This partial-birth abortion of a scribe actually had the audacity to downplay Jar Jar’s fantastic season because:
A) He doesn’t throw 150 mph like that idiot Guitar Hero obsessed, professional box mover, Joel Zumaya.
B) He pitches in the National League.
Sharp actually intimated that a kid with a 1.87 (and little devils don’t go to heaven) ERA, a 12-3 record and a WHIP of 1.07 is somehow the beneficiary of weak NL batting lineups AND that if he pitched in the American League he would be a .500 pitcher.
Seriously, this borderline ruh-tard gets PAID actual currency to write columns like this. Cash fucking money to author absolute drivel for a major daily newspaper that is becoming more of a joke every single day.
So let’s take a look at Stuttering Sharp’s major suh-suh-suh-suh-pposition. That poor Jar Jar would get eaten alive by the big, bad bats of the American League.
Well, lookie here. I actually spent 30 seconds researching Jurrjens starts this season against AMERICAN LEAGUE TEAMS. Because, you know, Drew, there is this little thing called Interleague play nowadays. You might have heard the Tigers’ insane manager ranting and raving about it a few weeks ago.
The Tigers’ former prospect started two games in AL PARKS in the past MONTH which means he had to face that boogieman we know as the Designated Hitter.
In his first start he matched-up against the second best hitting team in ALL OF BASEBALL. The Texas Rangers. A team that not only slammed its way to the AL Pennant in the fall of 2010, but did so in a park that makes the old Tigers Stadium look like a pitcher friendly venue.
(And for the record, that SCARY Rangers lineup was mostly neutered in the World Series by the superior pitching of the San Francisco Giants IN FIVE GAMES.)
In that game on June 19th, Jurrjens threw 5.1 innings. He gave up one run. And he got the win. Now, I am not exactly a math wizard, but the kid’s ERA for the game was 1.69.
In the other game he pitched in the frightening Junior Circuit, Jurjjens faced the Baltimore Orioles at Camden Yards. Another hitter friendly park.
Here was the Curacao native’s line in that matchup:
9 innings (I think they call that a complete game)
1 hit
1 walk
ZERO EARNED RUNS
WIN
So in his two AL starts, Jurrjens’ had an ERA of .63 and a Won/Loss record of 2-0. POINT SIX THREE!!!!! And the guy who supposedly would be a .500 pitcher if he still pitched for the Tigers had a winning percentage, of, oh, ONE-FUCKING-THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In 2008 through 2010 Jurjjen’s faced American League teams on six different occasions. In 39 1/3 innings of work, Jar Jar gave up a grand total of 7 EARNED RUNS.
In other words, his career ERA against AL squads since he became an Atlanta Braves pitcher is 1.34!!!!! Folks, I wish I was making this up. I really do because I am really sad that this is the kind of “journalism” we have to deal with in Detroit.
If it wasn’t bad enough that Tigers fans have had to watch a former prospect absolutely thrive in another city, we now have to have our intelligence insulted by a guy who probably hasn’t seen one Atlanta Braves game all season long.
I could go on and on ripping this knucklehead and exposing his horrible statements, but what is the point?
When I flat-out demonstrated that the guy wrote a column about Justin Verlander’s no-hitter without even watching the game it barely made a blip on anyone’s radar. So why would anyone expect the Freep to ever do anything about this scourge to the newspaper business?
Can someone do me a favor and check and see if Sharp has a cousin in the Tigers’ front office™ (Scott Perry)?
Jason Bateman and Jason Sudeikis, ya better make me laugh tonight.