My Tigers Rant (In the Midst of an 8-Game Win Streak)

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PerryGaylord1968

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
August 5, 2013

It takes that rare asshole who can write a negative Tigers article while the team is in the midst of an eight-game winning streak, has won 12 of 13 and currently are more games over .500 than at any point during the 2012 season.

But after Sunday’s performance by Jim Leyland, Prince Fielder and Austin Jackson coupled with the 50-game suspension of Jhonny Peralta, well ….. I gotta be that asshole.

Yes, the Tigers are currently riding a hot streak, but that might tell you more about their putrid opponents than Detroit’s baseball team.   Beating up on the Phillies and the White Sox of the world is nice and all, but when the Wolverines starts the season annihilating Western and Eastern Michigan, does anyone extrapolate that out to a BCS championship appearance? Ummm, no.

This organization was embarrassed in the 2006 World Series, utterly choked away the division in 2009, lost the 2011 ALCS and got humiliated in the 2012 Fall Classic and has not won a title in 29 years.

The ONLY way this season will be judged a success is if it culminates with  a parade down Woodward in early November and anything less would be an abject failure.  Which brings me to Sunday afternoon.

Was Jim Leyland TRYING to lose that game against the White Sox? I mean, if he wasn’t he sure did everything in his power from the moment he woke up yesterday morning to fuck up the potential sweep.

First, he decided to bat Don Kelly third in the lineup.  As a friend texted me after the batting order was posted that, “Don Kelly didn’t even bat third on his Little League team.”

I would say that NO MANAGER has ever slotted a hitter with a career OPS of .640 into the most crucial spot in the lineup, but Leyland has actually done it before with Kelly.

And what was Leyland’s reasoning for giving “Quad-A Don” this prestigious location in the team’s batting order? He didn’t want to mess anyone else up by moving them out of their normal spot.  Even though the team’s second best hitter probably won’t EVER play another regular season for this organization.

If Leyland would have moved Peralta up to the three spot for this ONE game, what the hell were the potential ramifications? Screwing with the head of a guy who has spent the entire season under the Biogenesis cloud? A guy who is going to be sitting on his couch for the next two months anyway?

Then came the ninth inning with Leyland’s team clutching to a one-run lead.  Leading off the final frame for the Sox was Paul Konerko with two lefties behind him.

So, Cancer Stick let Drew Smyly (who struck out Adam Dunn to end a threat in the eighth) pitch to Konerko.  Some dolts on Twitter were upset by this move because the Chicago first baseman was 4-for-6 in his career against Smyly.  That ridiculously low sample size didn’t bother me at all because I am not a mathematically challenged moron who needs his mommy to feed him applesauce through a straw.

What did aggravate me though was Konerko’s 2013 splits against righties and lefties.  This season the broken down former All-Star has an OPS of .989 against LHP and an OPS of .566 vs. RHP.

For you flat-earthers out there, let me put this in a language you can easily understand.  Konerko against southpaws is Miguel Cabrera and against righties he is Ramon Santiago.

Jim Leyland had his choice of those two and decided to pitch to Miguel Cabrera.

His reasoning? You aren’t going to believe this shit.  Conor Gillaspie was due up after Konerko. A lefty. A lefty, by the way, who was NEVER going to face Drew Smyly in a million years. And who didn’t come to the plate when Robin Ventura pinch-hit Jeff Keppinger which led to Leyland brining in Jose Veras.

Well, that and Leyland ACTUALLY mentioned the small sample size of Konerko vs. Smyly.

“Obviously, I knew Konerko was 4-for-6 off him. But he had no extra-base hits, and Gillaspie’s hurt us with a couple long balls. I wanted to be in a situation where, if they wanted to leave him (Gillaspie) in to hit, I’d have the left-hander. I didn’t think it was impossible for Konerko to get a hit, obviously, but I thought he’d keep him in the ballpark, which he didn’t do.”

Incredible. This imbecile actually considered the six at-bats, but still used Smyly because none of the four hits were for extra bases!!!! With no mention of Konerko’s 2013 splits. I swear I am going to have a stroke. The Tigers are being managed by a man who could not pass seventh-grade Algebra. I am convinced of it.

And while Smyly has been exceptional all year, even his splits showed that he is way more dominant against lefties than righties.  In 2013, left-handed hitters have a .170 on-base percentage vs. Smyly and an anemic .133 slugging percentage.  In fact, Smyly hasn’t given up an extra-base hit to a lefty all season long!!!!

Meanwhile, righties were enjoying a .640 OPS versus Smyly this season when Konerko came up to the plate.  You know, the career OPS of the Tigers #3 hitter on Sunday.  So that must be good.

But “Emaciated Grossness” wasn’t done with his managerial malpractice for the day.  Even though he had about five guys in the lineup who he could have pinch-hit for at any moment, he waited until the bottom of the tenth inning to insert Torii Hunter.

Instead, he allowed Ramon Santiag0for4 to hit in the bottom of the ninth with a runner on second base and one out.

Then in the tenth after he FINALLY threw Hunter into the game (who predictably singled to center), he let Kelly (HIS #3 HITTER FOR THE DAY!!!!) come to the plate and attempt a bunt.

Now, you have to keep in mind that before Hunter singled, Matt Tuiasasopo was waiting in the on-deck circle to pinch-hit for Dong Kelly.  But that all changed after Hunter reached base which eventually led to Kelly popping up a bunt for an out.

It was abundantly clear to ANYONE watching the game at this point that Cabrera wasn’t even available to pinch-hit because if he was you OBVIOUSLY would have let him bat for Kelly in that situation.  Runner on 1st.  Nobody out.  Can’t walk the guy, right?

WRONG!!!

Cabrera actually led off the twelfth inning which would lead you to believe that Miggy suddenly healed with the help of Victor Conte’s “cream” or some shit between the 11th and 12th because there would be no other REASONABLE explanation to keep the best hitter on the planet on the bench when he was indeed ready for one plate appearance.

Nope.  After the game in his media scrum Leyland explained to the eunuchs in attendance that he was just waiting for the right moment to put Cabrera in.   Amazingly these IDIOTS didn’t ask the relic why the right moment wasn’t an inning earlier when he bunted with Kelly.

Instead Jennifer Ham(sandwhich)mond asked the manager some asinine rambling question about the importance of going 8-0 on the home stand.   And then the other jackasses inquired about the pending arrival of a long-relief man (Jeremy Bonderman.)

It is a sad state of affairs when I am upset that the hard-hitting SHANNON HOGAN wasn’t in the locker room asking the tough, Mike Wallace-esque questions.

No questions about Kelly batting third.  No probing about Smyly vs. Veras and no follow-up at all regarding the delay tactics in pinch-hitting Hunter and Cabrera.  Or as I like to call it, just another day at the office for the Detroit Sports Media.

And while everyone in the media is giddy about the arrival of Jose Iglesias because he has a sick glove the fact remains the Tigers didn’t lose the 2012 World Series because of DEFENSE.  They couldn’t fucking hit.

And we probably got a pretty good preview of what to expect from the young Cuban infielder on Sunday afternoon.  Some sick plays in the field coupled with two situations with runners on third base with less than two outs where “Hispanic Adam Everett” failed to drive in the run either time.

And I probably wouldn’t have an issue with the Dombrowski’s forced-hand decision to improve the team defense at short in exchange for about 200 OPS points if:

1) Prince Fielder wasn’t total puke garbage.  In a game where his offense was needed more than ever, this lard ass went 0-for-5 to lower his OPS on the season to a PATHETIC .789.

$24 million dollars per year for the 16th most productive FIRST BASEMAN in MLB.

If you think the Tigers can win a World Series with Prince Fielder fielding like Stephen Hawking and hitting like a 4-year old girl, you are fucking delusional.

It is August 5th and Fielder has the same exact offensive WAR as Kelly.  Point-oh-four.

What a colossal nightmare, but don’t worry, some in the Detroit Media think he has been A-OK.

2) The dude (Austin Jackson) who some minimum wage workers without health insurance benefits believe is the Tigers MVP is wasn’t having a lousy offensive season as well.

I mean, Fielder’s OPS has gone down 151 points since last year.  Jackson’s has crashed 134 points.  And the guy who supposedly took PEDs in the spring of 2012 and not during 2013 has increased 133 points.  Ohhhhhhhh, okay.  Please explain to me why the fuck I am supposed to care about PEDs and HGH again. I am waiting …

3) The Tigers weren’t getting lousy production from left field when a RHP is on the mounds as Andy Dirks’ OPS is down a whopping 195 points from 2012.

4) The team’s starting catcher didn’t have an OPS of .632 and that is AFTER Alex Avila had a very productive month of July.

I mean, even if the Tigers hold off the Indians and Royals, win the ALDS and the ALCS while relying mostly on their pitching would you have any hope that the 2013 World Series would be any different offensively than 2006 and 2012 if god forbid we have to face Clayton Kershaw, Zack Greinke and Hyun-Jin Ryu?

Which is why this talk of banishing Peralta forever because of his suspension is nonsensical as well.  If Jhonny sprained his ankle yesterday and you could guarantee his health on September 27th you’d take him back with open arms.

And this Biogenesis suspension should be no different.  When Peralta is done serving his time for whatever transgression Bud Selig and his SS investigators nailed him on, he should be allowed back with the Tigers ASAP.

There is no moral high-ground in a sport that glorifies some cheaters (Gaylord Perry in the Hall of Fame) while demonizing others, has a commissioner who once turned a blind-eye to steroid abuse when it benefited him and almost assuredly had the ball juiced after canceling a FUCKING WORLD SERIES (poor Montreal Expos) and to this date can’t come up with a drug test that catches the offenders and instead has to hope scum like Tony Bosch will turn state’s evidence.

Enjoy tonight’s game in Cleveland!!!!!