By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@Gmail.com
July 17, 2013
Over the last few weeks the DetroitSportsRag main page has been dominated by topics not really concerning the Tigers, Lions, Red Wings and Pistons and I am not a huge fan of the direction I’ve been steering this place.
When the DSR was created over ten years ago we wanted to strike a balance between commenting on the Motor City’s professional teams and critiquing the local sports media.
Unfortunately, in the last month the apocalypse that has become Detroit sports journalism has overtaken this website to the point that I never penned a column about the Josh Smith signing (I like it a lot) or the Wings deals with Stephen Weiss and Daniel Alfredsson (Ken Holland finally did something right) or the Tigers continued struggle to runaway with the American League Central (shocking as always.)
Instead all the content has been focused on the buffoonery of Terry Foster’s destined to fail quickly restaurant in Fraser, the new FM “sports” station that should be up and running in August, Ryan Ermanni’s best imitation of J.T Dolan and Matt Dery’s unceremonious departure from 97.1.
The tipping point for the moral compass of this site (hahahahahahaha, I can’t even type that with a straight face) came late Saturday evening when I received an email from a reader of the DirtSpurt regarding Andy Dirks. It would appear that the Tigers left fielder pissed someone off because I received a full frontal photograph of the struggling outfielder in my inbox.
Which means in the last two weeks I have seen cock photos of 40% of the outfielders on the Tigers active roster. This isn’t why I started the DSR and I really don’t want this place to become DetroitDongSpin.com.
So I went to bed Saturday night trying to forget that I just had viewed Dirks’ schlong and promised myself I would wake up Sunday morning and write an actual article about the team Long Dirks Silver plays for.
Now, I normally wouldn’t pen a Tigers Report Card column. I think handing out midseason grades is the laziest sort of mail-it-in article anyone can write. But, I made an exception this one time because I figured it would be a good way to comment on the Tigers current situation and rip on the two idiots who posted their “Report Cards” for the Freep and the News.
So, I will be providing George Sipple’s grades from the Free Press and Tony Paul’s from the Detroit News and of course the CORRECT grade. Mine.
Al Alburquerque — Freep: C+/News: B
Paul gave this guy a fucking B? On what planet has Al Alburquerque earned a B? He started off the season so horribly that a team DESPERATE for bullpen help sent a pitcher they were depending on to freaking Toledo because he couldn’t find the strike zone. His BB/9 is an alarming 8.14. His FIP is 4.21. The only positive thing ABQ has done this season is not bang a Tigers groupie that he met on Twitter. And these two jackasses give him a passing grade?
DSR Grade: D
Jose Alvarez — Freep: B/News: B
Alvarez made four appearances as a spot starter in the first half of this season. One was good. One was so-so. And two were LOUSY. In what world does a FIP of 6.01 get you a “B?” Even on the Pope Jon Paul Morosi the Third grading scale that is generous.
DSR Grade: C-
Alex Avila — Freep: D+/News: D
Who gave Paul and Sipple the progress report for this one? Tigers exec Al Avila? Grandpa Ralph?
An All-Star just a couple of seasons ago, Avila’s first half offensive numbers are putrid. An OBP of .280? Down 72 points from 2012. An anemic, Neifi Perez-esque slugging percentage of .297? A wOBA of .264?
How long are we going to blame Avila’s poor offensive performance on Jim Leyland’s asinine decision to play him almost exclusively at the end of the 2011 season? Even when the Tigers had wrapped up a PLAYOFF spot? Even in blowout games? Forever? Oh, ok. That’s good for me also.
The only thing sparing Avila an “F” is he does seem to handle the pitching staff pretty well and I do feel bad about the managerial malpractice Leyland committed on this guy’s knees during the 2011 season. Kathy Bates could not have done worse damage than Cancer Stick.
The fact remains that Avila couldn’t hit a lefty right now if Steve Carlton came out of retirement throwing 60 miles per hour. Or better yet ….. Mark Schlereth’s dumb kid.
[Dumb Moss Edit: I received an email from Tony Paul this morning. He actually gave Avila a “D.” I apologize to Tony for bashing him when I was dumb enough to think he gave Alex a “C” when that was actually the freaking designation for the POSITION he plays! Hey, just be happy I didn’t crucify Sipple for giving Rick Porcello a “P.”
I take 75% credit for this moronic move. The other 25% goes to the editors of the Detroit News who decided to make Paul’s Report Card a Bleacher Report-esque slide show. Please stop doing that.]
DSR Grade: D-
Joaquin Benoit — Freep: A/News: A
Not much to say here. The guy has been great all season long and has been perfect since moving into the closer’s role. He has lowered his home runs allowed per nine innings from 1.77 in 2012 to .48 in 2013.
I would have given him an A+, but through no fault of his own I am downgrading Benoit for the Tigers ANNOYING social media assault to #BackBenoit for the All-Star game.
The team even embarrassingly teamed up with the organization that SWEPT them in the 2012 World Series to get Benoit the last spot on the squad. You remember the San Francisco Giants, right? A team that this season is currently seven games under .500. Just fucking kill me already.
DSR Grade: A
Miguel Cabrera — Freep: A+/News: A+
Well, this monster is having a much better season in 2013 than in 2012 when he won the AL MVP and the Triple Crown. So what grade do you think he should get?
The third baseman is the best hitter in the HISTORY of the franchise. Yes, including Ty Cobb and the guy Ty Cobb would have called a kike (Hank Greenberg) if he played with him.
Do I even need to quote his stats to make my point? I will just say this about Miggy’s 2013 season in comparison to 2012. His OBP is up. His slugging percentage is up. His OPS (obviously based on the last two comments) is up. His wOBA is up. His RC is up. His Fafaflunky+ is off the charts. And yes, the boogeyman composite statistic of WAR that sends Tigers fans screaming to the hills like little girls is way up also.
Which means that Cabrera is having an historic season and you idiots overrated his 2012 campaign which wasn’t even as good as his 2010 and 2011 seasons because of an anomaly. (That anomaly being Josh Hamilton drinking too much caffeine and drying up his corneas during the last week of the ’12 season.)
Hell, Miggy could have threatened to blow up a restaurant, break his wife’s cell phone, bully a fat kid in the lobby of the Townsend Hotel and make jokes about Steve Gleason’s ALS during the first half of this season and still received an A+.
DSR Grade: They Don’t Make a Fucking Scale High Enough
Phil Coke — Freep: D/News: C-
I mean, Tony Paul gave this worthless piece of human debris a C-? Think about that for a second. A passing grade for this LOSER!!!!
Do you want to look at his conventional stats? His 0-5 record. His 5.83 ERA which doesn’t even do his awfulness justice? His WHIP of 1.50?
I am not saying that Phil Coke is horrid when he inherits runners, but he couldn’t be more accommodating to them if he called Metro Car Service to escort them around the bases.
The ONLY thing you can say about Coke is that his [mentally challenged] manager shouldn’t be putting him in against right-handed hitters. EVER. The pitcher who actually sort of started off this season as the team’s CLOSER is actually BETTER this year against righties than in 2012.
If you think an opponent’s OPS against of .932 is an improvement over 1.050. Hey, congrats Phil, instead of turning every righty into a version of Cabrera, you have just made them Mike Trout. Let me slap a C- on this report card!!!!
If Leyland is going to continue to insist on pitching this IDIOT against lefties in the second half of the season then Dave Dombrowski should send him to Toledo so that can’t occur. He still has options. And don’t let the jackass even drive down I-75 when he gets demoted. Have him run full steam out of the bullpen like he is entering a game and don’t let him stop until he reaches Fifth Third Field. Or gets hit by a semi.
This redneck is a situational option at best as his lefty opponent’s OPS of .627 would attest.
DSR Grade: F
Andy Dirks — Freep: C-/News: C+
Dirks is one of the bigger first half disappointments on the team after an excellent 2012 year which is why I suggested the Tigers upgrade over him during last offseason.
While not many people thought he would maintain an OPS of .857 in 2013, his drop down to .649 is staggering.
As I wrote in this space last November, I’d still love to see Dombrowski put together a mega-package to acquire Giancarlo Stanton (who has struggled this season) with Nick Castellanos being the centerpiece.
But if not, it might be time for the Tigers to call up their number one prospect if Andy Dicks (errr, I mean Dirks) doesn’t turn it around immediately after the All-Star break.
Only his near flawless defense prevented him from receiving an F. And of course his awesome performance as Matthew on Newsradio.
DSR Grade: D
Octavio Dotel — Freep: D/News: (No Grade)
Why did Sipple grade a guy who pitched 4 2/3 innings during the first half of the season and who is probably done for the year. Was he bored during jury deliberations of his trial for killing Trayvon Martin?
About the ONLY thing Tony Paul got right was not giving Dotel a grade.
DSR Grade: Please, I already wasted too much time on this
Darin Downs — Freep: C/News: C
Another bullpen disappointment after a solid 2012 audition with the Tigers as this lefty has turned into a less hillbilly version of Coke.
His opponent’s OPS vs. right-handed hitters? .942.
His opponent’s OPS vs. left-handed hitters? .653.
Look familiar?
We’re probably just days away from Downs growing a mullet and some talentless, sycophant tool from the west side of the state creating an awful @DarinDownsBrain Twitter account.
DSR Grade: D
Prince Fielder — Freep: A-/News: B+
Of all the grades doled out by Sipple and Paul, this is the biggest effing joke of them all? An A- or B+ for Prince in 2013? Are you kidding me?
Now, granted, the team’s first baseman did have an outstanding April in which he hit seven homers, knocked in 27 runs and posted an OPS of 1.008.
But since then he has been one of the biggest reasons for the Tigers inconsistent offense.
In May his OPS was .738. In June it was a little better at .788. And in July it is down to .762. Those are decent numbers for your seventh or eighth hitter, but not a guy you are paying $214 million over nine years to protect Miguel Cabrera!!!!
And did I mention he MIGHT be the WORST fielding first baseman I have ever witnessed. The guy stinks defensively and he is going on three months of average offensive numbers. He is so putrid in the field that the best play by a Tigers first baseman in 2013 is from a dude who is coming off micro-fracture knee surgery. AND WHO ISN’T EVEN A FIRST BASEMAN!!!
For this, Sipple thought Prince deserved some sort of “A?”
The most bizarre aspect of Fielder’s season is that he is actually doing better versus lefties than righties. In his CAREER, Prince has an OPS of .977 vs. RHP and .806 vs. LHP.
This season? .883 vs. lefties and .803 against righties which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
If the Son of Cecil actually starts bashing righties like he did in the first eight years of his career and maintains his numbers against LHP he might earn an A- or B+ by the end of this season. (And if the Tigers are going to win a World Series, he better.)
Until then, those grades are fucking moronic.
DSR Grade: C+
Doug Fister — Freep: B-/News: B+
I am really confused about Fister’s first half. At some points he has looked great. And then on other days he appears to be First Inning Jeremy Bonderman.
His advanced metrics aren’t bad and considering he had as many HITS as Alex Avila against LHP in the first half of the season, I will give him the benefit of the doubt.
(No seriously, he does. Fister and Avila both have ONE hit against lefties in 2013. Doug actually has an OPS of 1.334 in three at-bats. And while you might think that is an incredibly low sample size, our imbecile manager makes decisions based on similar samples all the time.)
DSR Grade: B-
Avisail Garcia — Freep: C/News: C-
The only thing that Garcia proved in his 88 plate appearance cameo is that he either isn’t ready for the big leagues or when he does come back he needs to play more regularly.
In Detroit the young outfielder had very Andy Dirks 2013-like numbers while in Toledo the Venezuelan is killing the ball with a 1.061 OPS.
The price that Dombrowski is probably going to have to pay in the next 17 days for not doing enough to fix the pen in the offseason compounded with ABQ and Brayan Villarreal pitching like crap and Dotel getting hurt is the loss of Garcia who is the most likely prospect to be dealt before the deadline for a relief arm.
DSR Grade: Not Fair to Grade
Torii Hunter — Freep: B+/News: B
When the soon-to-be 38-year old outfielder signed with the Tigers last winter the only thing a Detroit baseball fan could hope for was a duplication of Hunter’s 2012 season in Anaheim.
And considering Hunter’s .389 BABIP during his last year in an Angels uniform that was kind of asking for a lot. But offensively that is EXACTLY what Torii has given the Tigers.
His OBP in 2012 was .365. It is currently .352.
His slugging percentage in 2012 was .451. It currently is .458.
The difference in OPS between the two seasons is a negligible .06.
Hunter has been an almost perfect #2 hitter in front of Miguel Cabrera and is a large reason that Miggy is on pace for 164 RBI. There are only two complaints I have with Hunter so far which kept him from an “A” grade.
First, he has been WAY too streaky at the plate. In April his OPS was .911. In May it was .666 and a mic in my hand™ (Esham.) Things didn’t get much better in June as Hunter’s OPS was a weak .676. And in July the current All-Star is on fire again with an OPS of 1.053. Dude makes Brandon Knight look like a model of consistency.
Secondly, the nine-time Gold Glove winner has looked lost defensively for most of the first half. In fact, you would think the way Hunter is so uncomfortable with the right-field wall that the inanimate object might be gay or transgender.
Overall though, Hunter has been a fine acquisition. Hell, he didn’t even Tweet anything stupid when the Supreme Court struck down DOMA.
DSR Grade: B
Omar Infante — Freep: A/News: B+
Remember last year at this time what an abomination the second base position was for the Tigers? There was the Brandon Inge audition. Then the Ryan Raburn debacle. Things were so bad that exhuming Charlie Gehringer’s corpse was a better option than Rabinge.
Well, Infante has done a tremendous job of solidifying this position on the diamond since he was acquired from the Marlins. There have been no signs of the defensive struggles he had last year after coming to Detroit and Infante has been great with a bat in his hands.
The only thing the second baseman did wrong in the first half of the year was not get out of the way of a dirty Colby Rasmus slide in Toronto a couple of weeks ago which landed him on the DL.
DSR Grade: A-
Austin Jackson — Freep: B+/News: A-
I have no fucking clue why the Tigers centerfield received such glowing grades from the Free Press and News because his 2013 season has been kind of a disappointment.
His OBP and slugging percentage are both down from last year. In fact, his OPS is more than 100 points lower than it was in 2012.
Even though Jackson claimed during the offseason that he planned on stealing more bases he only has six swipes this year.
So why did Tony Paul and George Sipple grade Jackson out so high? Well, maybe these two morons are big fans of that imbecile Eric Thomas who works the graveyard shift for 97.1 ….
DSR Grade: C+
Don Kelly — Freep: C/News: C+
It isn’t a big secret that I am not a fan of Don Kelly’s work. When the Tigers designated him for assignment last summer I threw a pizza party. When they brought him back and then got rid of him AGAIN in the fall, I figured we were FINALLY done with Nice Guy Don.
But I have to take emotion and bile out of the grading process and give everyone a fair report card and it cannot be debated that Kelly is having his best season as a professional baseball player.
In 111 at-bats (only two less than he had in all of 2012) Kelly possesses a .344 on-base percentage which is 33 points better than his previous career high. His .414 slugging percentage is also 33 points higher than his previous best.
Now, would I be thrilled if Kelly got DFA’d again tomorrow? Yes. The utility player has a career OPS of .646 and I don’t want water finding its level during the playoffs when Torii Hunter gets banged up or some shit.
But, believe it or not, for a first-half grade of Don Kelly I am going higher than both Sipple and Paul.
DSR Grade: B (You can get up off the floor now)
Victor Martinez — Freep: C+/News: C-
Tigers fans (me included) probably expected too much of V-Mart too soon after the DH missed the entire 2012 season because of a seriously fucked-up left knee.
One of the positives during the first 94 games of the season has been the offensive progress Martinez has made. Just look at his OPS by month this year:
April — .564
May — .590
June — .722
July — 1.033
And as bad as Martinez was in the first two months of the season, his latest surge has his production comparable to where Delmon Young ended up in 2012.
Basically, I have no idea how to grade V-Mart because all of the factors mentioned above.
DSR Grade: This is why these types of articles are fucking stupid
Jose Ortega — Freep: C/News: [No Grade]
I refuse to grade Jose Ortega on an A through F scale. It is beneath me. The reliever will be graded Pass/Fail with no further comment.
DSR Grade: Pass
Brayan Pena — Freep: B+/News: B
Pena isn’t very good defensively.
His offensive stats are below average.
He doesn’t compliment Alex Avila well because he can’t hit lefties either. Pena’s OPS versus LHP this season is a pathetic .493.
The best thing I can say about Brayan Pena is that he never went 0-for-6 in a play-in game while leaving ten men on-base nor did he have an OPS of .050 in 20 postseason at-bats during the 2012 playoffs. That’s 1-for-20 folks.
Yep, the only reason Pena didn’t get a “D” is because he isn’t Gerald “Fucking” Laird.
DSR Grade: C
Jhonny Peralta — Freep: A/News: A-
Well, Detroit’s starting shortstop has struggled this season. With an OBP of .313 and a slugging percentage of .331 the Tigers just aren’t getting enough out of the bat of their SS.
Ohhhhhhh …… wait. Those aren’t the numbers of the Tigers shortstop. Those are Danny Worth’s numbers in Toledo. You know, the guy that Detroit News columnist Lynn Henning campaigned all offseason to replace Jhonny Peralta.
Tigers finally pondering Danny Worth as next year’s ss. About time. Play he made Sunday was a game-saver. Bat concerns? Heard of J. Peralta?
— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) October 9, 2012
Danny Worth with a 400-foot double, RBI single, and RBI double. Fans can hoot. But Tigers might give him a longer audition.
— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) March 8, 2013
Deep double up the LC gap by Danny Worth. Tigers have to be wondering.
— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) March 9, 2013
And those are just Henning’s Tweets. How about this column from November 20, 2012:
One little hang-up: What do the Tigers do about shortstop?
And I have an answer: Danny Worth — with reinforcements should Worth hit as miserably as some fans are convinced he will.
Worth has the range and arm to chop down at least 60 of those ground balls that eluded Peralta in 2012. For those whose eyes and personal metrics say it was closer to 80 ground balls, no argument here.
Thankfully, Henning is just the GM’s lapdog messenger pigeon and not the ACTUAL GM. Meanwhile, Peralta is having a resurgence at the plate where only Jose Reyes has a better OPS in the American League at his position. And he is playing his typical steady defense (with very little range) in the field.
Of course there is that whole Biogenesis nonsense to worry about in the second half of the season, but I have faith in the player’s union fighting that witch hunt to the death.
DSR Grade: A-
Rick Porcello — Freep: C+/News: B
I’d like to grade Rick Porcello. I have thoughts about Rick Porcello. Unfortunately, I am barred from commenting or critiquing Rick Porcello until the Michigan Court of Appeals makes a decision on the case of The People and Darko Milicic vs. Jeff Moss dba DetroitSportsRag.com.
DSR Grade: Pending Court Injunction
Luke Putkonen — Freep: B/News: B
Signs you are wasting away your remaining days on the planet? How about, ya just spent five minutes going over Luke Putkonen’s FIP, xFIP, WAR, BABIP, LOB %, HR/9, SO/9 and BB/9.
JD Harmeyer’s spoon collection thinks I need to get a life.
DSR Grade: B-
Evan Reed — Freep: C/News: [No Grade]
This would probably be a good time to tell you that I have a really cute nephew named Evan who plays T-Ball for the Dodgers and I would rather grade him than an interchangeable garbage time reliever.
Poor kid has NO IDEA that his bi-polar uncle once had a funeral outside of Comerica Park in 2003 when the Tigers lost 119 games for that stuffed animal he is holding.
DSR Grade: C- (That is for my nephew Evan who needs to work on his hitting and paying attention on the field. Maybe a little more time in the batting cage and a little less playing Wii “Mario Super Sluggers.” I refuse to give Evan Reed a grade.)
Bruce Rondon — Freep: C-/News: Incomplete
Some nights he has looked very good. Some nights he has looked very bad. Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck. Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle. Hahahaahaaha. Try to get THAT song out of your head for the rest of the day, suckers.
Anyway, it is WAY too early to grade a player who has pitched the equivalent of ONE complete game in the Major Leagues. Actually, it’s fucking moronic.
What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights I don’t know.
Good luck with all of that.
Anibal Sanchez — Freep: A/News: A
You can make an argument that Sanchez has been the second best starting pitcher on the Tigers this season. Hell, you could make a stronger argument that he has been the BEST starter on the team than if you tried to say he was as low as third. Look it up. The difference between Max Scherzer and Sanchez isn’t as great as the disparity between Sanchez and Justin Verlander.
Sanchez’s xFIP is 2.75 compared to Max’s 2.88. Verlander’s? 3.64.
I am still amazed that Sanchez is on the roster though since noted insiders like Tony Paul and Lynn Henning of the Detroit News wrote that there was ZERO CHANCE Anibal was returning to Detroit last fall.
And it is a good thing that Sanchez is having a career season since the main asset the Tigers traded away to get him and Omar Infante is pitching his ass off in Miami.
You remember Jacob Turner? Yeah, well, he didn’t go all Cameron Maybin and Andrew Miller on the Marlins after leaving Detroit and is settling in nicely as the team’s second best starter behind Jose Fernandez.
Which might be a good thing if Dave Dombrowski ever wants to fleece his previous employer again. Once in awhile you have to let your mark win at three-card monte. Even a carny knows that.
DSR Grade: A
Ramon Santiago — Freep: C-/News: D
It would appear in Detroit that you need to be a creepy ass cracka to elicit venom from the fan base and become a divisive figure.
Every year it seems the more demented members of Tigers Nation (I am not only the President, I am also a member) pick out a Lilly white member of the roster to scapegoat and scream for their instant removal.
Brandon Inge.
Ryan Raburn.
Don Kelly.
Phil Coke.
Those four make Silas in the Da Vinci Code look urban. How else can you explain the vitriol spewed over those losers while Santiago seems to get a free pass?
In 2012, Santiago had an OBP of .283 and an OPS of .555. And those numbers look like Ryne Sandberg’s 1984 season in comparison to Ramon’s 2013 stats.
.160 Batting Average
.236 On-Base Percentage
.247 Slugging Percentage
.483 OPS
This guy has been epically horrible now for the last year and a half and yet NOBODY ever says boo about him. The reason probably is that no one actually thinks he is good so people like me have nobody to rail against. It wasn’t just that Inge and Kelly sucked, it was that they actually had their fans and defenders.
Ramon just needs to thank his lucky stars that he doesn’t have Captain America looks and that 235-pound chicks from River Rouge don’t fawn over him while wearing his jersey like a moo-moo.
DSR Grade: F
Max Scherzer: — Freep: A+/News: A+
I love Max Scherzer. If the Tigers still had those god awful “Who’s Your Tiger?” spots, Max Scherzer would be my Tiger.
I don’t only love him because he is 13-1 this year. Mainly because I am not a child or a relic manager who puts stock into such things.
Nor is he my favorite player on the roster because his advanced metrics are as impressive as his 13-1 record. And it’s not because he had developed into the best starter in baseball since about the day I MORONICALLY suggested he should be the team’s closer.
Yes, of course those are all factors. But, if Don Kelly’s brother committed suicide he wouldn’t instantly become my favorite member of the organization. But there is something that is so powerful about the loss Scherzer suffered and how he has transformed himself into a monster on the mound since that tragedy which makes a loser like me who cries every time he watches Les Miserables relate to him.
(Something the patrons of a Starbucks in Lexington, Kentucky had to witness firsthand when I started bawling in a coffee shop because I idiotically read this article about Alex Scherzer in April.)
I also love Max Scherzer because he doesn’t want to talk about Alex’s death. Let me tell ya, if my sister offed herself, the last person on EARTH I’d want to share my feelings with is Lynn Henning. And John Lowe and Jason Beck wouldn’t be too far behind either.
I love Max Scherzer because not only is he one of the team’s best players, but because he might be the smartest member of the organization. Not only do I want Scherzer to start any potential Game 1 playoff matchup this season, I would also request that he immediately be hired as a player/manager and the team’s GM.
As far I can tell, Max Scherzer is pretty much the only sabermetric disciple in the ENTIRE organization. His deceased brother was a brilliant kid who loved numbers and who taught Max the value of advanced stats. This is a passage from the article that made me cry in front of a bunch of strangers:
By 2009, Alex himself was enrolled at Missouri and majoring in economics. In his free time, he flung at his brother the baseball metrics he’d been studying: BABIP, FIP, WAR. To Max, they sounded like another language. “Pitching runs the game,” he would say. “Not numbers.” But Alex wouldn’t let it go. Max was on the cusp of something big, Alex said: Sure, Max gave up his share of home runs, but he had the velocity to overwhelm hitters, he was striking out roughly a hitter per inning and was walking about three batters every nine innings. The advanced stats showed Max could be a star.
While Alex was trying to explain to Max his full potential his employers (mainly Leyland) were telling him that he was thinking too much. Something that his manager never has been accused of.
I love Max Scherzer because when asked if he would take any advice from Justin Verlander about starting this year’s All-Star game he said:
“I wouldn’t listen to a word he says with his start last year. He’s talking to everybody else except me. He set the bar really low.”
I love Max Scherzer because he has been trying to convince Verlander to start paying attention to analytics even though JV has steadfastly refused.
So, when Max Scherzer leaves Detroit after next season via free-agency to the highest bidder you will only be losing a starting pitcher. I will be losing an ace and a potential manager and General Manager. And my best friend.
DSR Grade: A+++++++
Drew Smyly — Freep: A/News: A
Not much to pontificate on here. Just think what a mess this bullpen would be if Smyly wasn’t having the kind of year he is enjoying.
Of course, his imbecile manager has lessened Smyly’s potential impact by converting the lefty from a pitcher who can throw multiple innings in a given game to a standard 8th inning set-up man.
But it’s not Smyly’s fault his manager is a senile dillhole.
DSR Grade: A+
Matt Tuiasosopo — Freep: A/News: A+
I’ll admit, when Tuiasosopo made the team out of Lakeland I laughed it off as some sort of joke. And I am not sure what was funnier, that this guy was coming off an OPS of .690 in Buffalo of the International League in 2012 or that he was the cousin of noted Manti T’eo prankster Ronaiah Tuiasosopo.
Hell, in preparation of Tuiasosopo’s arrival I created my own Jon Stewart sound drop that I could use whenever he failed.
Well, as you can tell by the paltry 194 views on that page, he hasn’t failed much.
Tuiasosopo is pretty much everything the Tigers needed and didn’t get last summer when they acquired Jeff Baker from the Chicago Cubs. The former Mariner who never contributed much of anything in Seattle took a 1.071 OPS into the break.
And for a guy who only made the team to face left-handed pitching (SMALL SAMPLE SIZE WARNING!!!! SMALL SAMPLE SIZE WARNING!!!) Tuiasosopo actually is performing better against righties.
You people want Chris Davis to give a blood and urine sample? Can you imagine if the Orioles slugger was the one related to noted Manti T’eo prankster Ronaiah Tuiasosopo?
It would seem that Matt Tuiasosopo is as lucky that he only has 85 at-bats as Ramon Santiago is for being born in the Dominican Republic and not Pittsburgh.
DSR Grade: A+
Jose Valverde — Freep: D/News: [No Grade]
He never should have been brought back. He never should have been given the job of closer. He shouldn’t be in Toledo right now trying to make his way back to Detroit. He never should have lied about receiving another Major League contract offer from the Yankees. He never should have tried to throw a split-finger fastball to Lorenzo Cain. He never should have two-tone colored his goatee. He never should have developed a drinking problem according to sources which involved many trips to a liquor store near his Downtown Detroit apartment. Allegedly. He never should have fornicated with Jhonny Peralta’s wife. Allegedly.
Any other questions?
DSR Grade: F
Justin Verlander — Freep: B-/News: C+
I am not as down on Verlander as a lot of other people seem to be. Yeah, he isn’t having a typical Justin Verlander season. But, he hasn’t been THAT bad.
His FIP in 2012 was 2.94. It is 3.23 now. His xFIP in 2012 was 3.31. It is 3.64 now. It isn’t like he has turned into Tim Lincecum or Barry Zito or some shit.
And his BABIP is currently the highest it has ever been. So maybe, just maybe he has been a little unlucky to go along with his increase in walks.
DSR Grade: B-
Brayan Villarreal — Freep: F/News: [No Grade]
What did the “F” grade that the Freep gave Villareal stand for? Fucking a groupie?
In seven appearances in Detroit the dolt reliever had an ERA of 20.77 and a WHIP of 3.69. I mean, nice numbers.
Then he got sent to Toledo where he is walking batters at an alarming rate of .75 per inning.
Yoko Ono, Robin Givens and Jessica Simpson have nothing on Ashley Couturier.
DSR Grade: Is there anything two rungs below an F
Jim Leyland & Coaching Staff — Freep: B-/News: C
The Tigers run differential is +89. The Cleveland Indians run differential is +25. So it makes perfect sense that the team with the +64 in run differential and the organization that has a 68 million dollar advantage in payroll ONLY has a 1.5 game lead over the Tribe at the All-Star Break.
You can use any metric you desire to figure out that the Tigers should have won at least five or six more games during the first half of the season which would have given them a nice cushion in the AL Central.
And while you can lay some of the blame on a lack of “clutch” hitting or bullpen woes, the MAJOR REASON THIS TEAM IS UNDERACHIEVING AGAIN IS THEIR SHITBAG MANAGER!!!!
Now, I have already written about 6,000 words on the first half of the year so I am not about to go on another 2,500 word rant against Cancer Stick.
But when the sum of a team’s parts don’t add up to the whole, yeah, I am going to blame the imbecile who:
- Thinks it is good idea to bunt Torii Hunter in the FIRST INNING of a baseball game.
- Continues to give Hunter the bunt sign when he knows damn well that IF the sacrifice is successful that he is taking the bat out of the hands of the best hitter to play this century.
- Actually has allowed Phil Coke to face right-handed batters 58 times this season.
- Found the one person less competent in the world to coach third base in Tom Brookens. If you were going to replace Gene Lamont, how about doing so with SOMEONE with third base coaching experience in the Major Leagues? Nope, just move Brookens from first to third. When Leyland is looking for a doctor does he go to an ophthalmologist for a prostate exam? I mean, they’re both doctors. Why not? How Brookens hasn’t already ended V-Mart’s career in the first 94 games is a miracle in itself.
- Keeps asking players who can’t bunt to attempt to sacrifice. I can’t find a stat on Fangraphs for failed sac attempts by a team in a year, but the 2013 Tigers MUST be on some sort of record pace. YOU HAVE A TEAM BUILT AROUND THE THREE-RUN HOMER, YOU DOLT!!!!!
- Has ZERO feel on when to take a starting pitcher out of a baseball game.
I could go on and on about Leyland’s decision making process, but nothing tells you more about this fossil than his quotes regarding HIS decision to select Chris Tillman over Hiroki Kuroda for the last spot on the AL All-Star team.
Now, every single stat known to mankind favored Kuroda over Tillman. And it isn’t even close. Except one.
“I looked at it very thoroughly, and at the end of the day, I added Tillman because I just felt like … I’d almost be embarrassed not to take a guy that’s 11-3 to the All-Star Game,” Leyland said. “I thought he deserved it. I think when you have 11 wins by the All-Star break, I think that’s pretty hard to keep a guy off.”
He looked at it throughly? What the fuck does that mean? That he perused BOTH the W and the L columns? I mean, if you looked at it thoroughly you wouldn’t have selected who you did!!!!!
I am so depressed that crucial in-game decisions are being made by a caveman who would pick Tillman over Kuroda. Which leads us to …..
DSR Grade: F
Dave Dombrowski & Front Office — Freep: [No Grade]/News: [No Grade]
I have been defending Dave Dombrowski on this site for years now. It is hard to give the next commissioner of MLB™ (Lynn Henning) a lot of grief for the roster he has complied mainly through his shrew trades.
Remember when most Tigers fans were up in arms over the Curtis Granderson and Edwin Jackson for Scherzer and Jackson deal? Yeah, how did that one work out for ya?
He acquired the greatest hitter in the history of the franchise for two draft busts.
Double-D raped Seattle so badly in the Doug Fister deal that the Mariners ass is still bleeding as Detroit recently re-acquired the centerpiece of the trade (Francisco Martinez) for pennies on the dollar.
Dombrowski acquired Jhonny Peralta (an All-Star shortstop) for Giovanni Soto who is currently in AAA pitching out of the Columbus Clippers pen with a 5.19 ERA. (Sorry, can’t find his xFIP anywhere.)
Need I go on? Because I can.
But at what point does ANY of this matter if he is going to continue to employ an inept manager who continues to cost his team victories by the bushel load?Like, what does Dombrowski think when his manager makes comments like he did regarding Kuroda vs. Tillman? Does he agree with that flat-earther mentality?
Allowing this dinosaur to pull the strings on a $150 million payroll in 2013 is the equivalent of Rick Hendrick hiring a blacksmith to be Jimmie Johnson’s crew chief.
And unless I am wrong, the General Manager is in charge of hiring the manager so I have to include that in Dombrowski’s grade. (Actually, I am only writing this to get DSR co-creator Gregg Schultz off my back once and for all regarding this subject.)
The only other issue I have with Dombrowski this season is the GM’s thinking that this Model-T manager would be able to manage a bullpen-by-committee which is probably going to end up costing him dearly at the trade deadline.
For all the good Dombrowski has done since taking over for the Son of Tal Smith in 2002 if Mike Ilitch dies without a World Series ring it will have a lot to do with Dave’s stupid loyalty to his antiquated subordinate.
An “A” for talent acquisition. An “F” for keeping Jim Leyland employed.
DSR Grade: C
Tigers Broadcast Announcers — Freep: [No Grade]/News: [No Grade]
Do you like broadcasters who eat with their mouth full?
Are you fine with the fact that in the last eight years “Stupor” Mario Impemba and Rod “Bojangles” Allen have NEVER criticized Jim Leyland ONE TIME?
Do you own an English to Craig Monroe translator?
Are the blotches on John Keating’s face disturbing to you in HD?
Is it enjoyable to listen to Allen question why Mike Scioscia wouldn’t put the sacrifice bunt on with MIKE FUCKING TROUT at the plate?
My hero in life is Eugene Polley. Who is Eugene Polley you may ask? He invented the MUTE button for Zenith. Hell, if Polley didn’t die last year I would blow him for sparing me from the Fox Sports Detroit announcers. I still might.
DSR Grade: F
Tigers Print Media — Freep: [No Grade]/News: [No Grade]
Well, the fact that I had to write a 7,000 word article about the state of this organization because none of the eunuchs who cover this franchise are capable of doing so probably is a good hint to their collective grade.
DSR Grade: F