By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
September 17, 2014

The Detroit Sports Media Circus is back with news about the Tigers television broadcast team; some sports talk radio ratings; the Two Imbecile Vinces asleep on the Pistons beat again; and some other miscellaneous tidbits.

With apologies to Richard Deitsch of CNNSI.com (who does this sort of thing on a national scale), I won’t be discussing WNBA telecasts; Re-Tweeting photos of your children walking to their first day of school; or yelling at Darren Rovell about tennis ratings.

Enjoy ……

The Fox Sports Detroit Tigers Booth Doesn’t Need Any More Stupid

Former Tiger All-Star starting pitcher Jack Morris just finished up a six-game stint as the third wheel on the Fox Sports Detroit broadcast team and one wonders whether this becomes permanent for the 2015 season.

Based on some great reporting by Detroit News national baseball writer Tony Paul, it was discovered that the Tigers and FSD are contemplating adding a third voice to the booth next year.

If FSD does go to a three-man #Tigers booth, they’d probably prefer a pitcher. Hence Morris’ audition. Wonder if they’d reach out to Smoltz.

— Tony Paul (@TonyPaul1984) September 5, 2014

My sources informed me that mainstays Mario Imbemba and Rod Allen weren’t happy with Morris’ cameo appearance and they are less than thrilled with the prospect of him becoming a fixture.

I would normally be ecstatic with any attempt to minimize Bojangles’ role on the Tigers telecasts but the idea of another anti-math dummy like Morris being added to the team isn’t appetizing at all.

I mean, we are talking about a man who despises sabermetrics (partially because those numbers are keeping him out of Cooperstown) and who thinks a starting hurler should be allowed to throw upwards of 150 pitches or until his arm falls off … whichever comes first.

It would also appear that Morris doesn’t have a firm grasp of MLB rules — even though he has been involved in the game for over 35 years. The guy believes a batter gets an RBI for standing at home plate while a runner from third scores on a WILD PITCH. No, seriously.

The last thing the FSD broadcast needs is more idiocy. Allen and Craig Monroe already fill that role quite nicely.

Look, if the Fox executives are hellbent on adding a pitcher to the booth they probably can’t go wrong with either Dan Petry or John Smoltz. Unfortunately, it appears the execs aren’t enamored with Petry — he must be too professional and insightful for these clowns — and no one really knows if Smoltz would be interested in a gig that would feature the grind of a full-season schedule.

(And would a nightly reminder of the Doyle Alexander trade be a great idea anyway? What’s next? Adam Oates filling in for Mickey Redmond when “The Mick” can’t make road trips because of his allergy to silverware? Locking down Doug Fister for the 2025 broadcast season?)

The #2 starter on the ’84 Tigers would be an ideal choice; he has done fine work subbing for Allen in the past; adds excellent commentary with Dan Miller on Fox-2 Tigers pre- and postgame shows; and even filled in admirably on NESN Red Sox games last year when Jerry Remy’s piece of shit son murdered his girlfriend.

I’d take Petry in a second, but my ideal FIRST choice would be a non-pitcher, even if this suggestion has zero chance of occurring. If FSD really wanted to do its viewers a favor they’d hire Gabe Kapler from their parent company — adding some brainpower to this IQ-deficient booth.

Not only is Kapler the best analyst working in baseball today, he has the potential to be the premiere color announcer in ANY SPORT. And while I am basing this on a very limited sample size (about which Kapler would probably criticize me), there is zero question that Gabe’s past experiences as a player; his sense of humor; and his incredible grasp of advanced metrics would instantly give the Tigers announcing team major gravitas.

Could you imagine the conversations between the Baseball Prospectus contributor and that current dummy who can’t even spell wOBA correctly? You’re talking about broadcast gold. It would be like CNN hiring Paris Hilton and Neil deGrasse Tyson to debate physics six nights a week — only this would be more embarrassing for Allen.

Look, I love Gabe Kapler and not just because he is hot and Jewish. Hell, his brainy commentary would be worth listening to even if the Tigers reverted back to their 2003 ways.

Of course, Paul already told me that there is zero chance of this occurring because Kapler doesn’t desire the gig and the Tigers are exclusively considering pitchers as candidates to make Stupor Mario and Bojangles Allen’s lives miserable in 2015.

But, hey, people had been telling me for 17 years to stop wishing for new Faith No More songs and the video below is proof that they were dead wrong. So let’s cross our fingers and hope that Ryan Field can broker this deal between his new bosses and his old supervisors!!!!!!

Come on, Greg Hammaren, get the motherfucker on the phone!!!!!

Sports Talk Radio Ratings

The month of August was an odd one in Detroit sports talk radio as many of the hosts were on vacation. And while it’s not unusual for these guys to take days off right before the football seasons commences, it is bizarre that ANYONE would think pairing Terry Foster with Dan Leach for an afternoon-drive program would be a good idea.

Not that it mattered one bit anyhow. The Tigers radio ratings blitzkrieg once again propelled 97.1 into the #1 slot OVERALL during the eighth month of the year.

And while WXYT-FM enjoyed a robust 7.6 rating, the news was not so good up the dial at 105.1 — where WMGC-FM once again flatlined with a 1.0. In fact, Detroit Sports 105.1 only defeated ONE FM station on the dial in August — NPR’s WDET. I am not even sure THAT counts.

Believe it or not, after 12 months of operation, the only FM station that Drew Lane, Marc Fellhauer and Matt Dery could vanquish is the Marconi equivalent of PBS.

YIKES! What an unmitigated disaster. Maybe FEMA could send Greater Media and PD Jason Dixon some relief because it would appear that NO ONE at that station has a clue how to put a dent in the 97.1 ratings juggernaut. I guess Michael Jackson talk and free car washes administered by the Knockouts isn’t compelling anyone to tune into 105.1

How much longer can this go on? When does Dixon become the scapegoat? How long before Greater Media execs realize they can pay someone a fraction of what Lane is costing them to finish 17th in the ratings? (Yep, a man who used to be #1 in mornings is now slumming it at #17 in the afternoon. What a humiliation of Don Imus proportions to end a career.)

The entire 105.1 experiment has been a total clusterfuck. SOMEONE over there thought it would be a good idea to utilize Drew Sharp and Neal Ruhl as guest hosts in August.

The only problem with that is EVERYONE in Detroit knows Sharp and NO ONE wants to listen to his bullshit trolling.

And NO ONE in Detroit knows who the fuck Neal Ruhl is. (And this is coming from a guy who actually LIKES Neal Ruhl!!!!)

So another month goes by where discerning Detroit sports fans have no viable option when it comes to listening to local sports talk radio.

But don’t you worry, none of this is bothering Lane. According to DSR tipsters, the homophobic race baiter of lowest-common-denominator radio was seen in downtown Chicago in late August, walking around with his girlfriend in what was described as an “almost assured opiate-induced haze.”

What a fucking embarrassment.

The Two Vinces Asleep At The Wheel ….. AGAIN

I am not exactly sure what the Free Press and News are paying Vincent Ellis and Vincent Goodwill to do respectively, but I sure as shit hope it isn’t breaking news.

It’s a well-known fact that any big Pistons-related scoop is going to originate from the Twitter handle of a national NBA scribe (with GoodSHILL and Ellis regurgitating said news and attributing it to “sources”).

Unfortunately for Vince I and Vince II, Adrian Wojnarowski didn’t break the Greg-Monroe-getting-a-DUI-and-urinating-on-himself story, so this went unreported for almost SEVEN MONTHS.

Yep, on February 13th, the Pistons’ power forward with two feet out the door got arrested in Huntington Woods for driving under the influence and proceeded to Dan Leach himself.

(And by the way, who PEES THEIR PANTS with a blood-alcohol level of just over .08???? That’s just SLIGHTLY above the legal limit. Monroe couldn’t hold it in? Does he suffer from that extremely rare urinary tract infection known as uromysatisis?)

How did this story go undetected for over half a calendar year? What do Goodwill and Ellis do all day? Do they have ANY sources on ANYTHING, EVER?

As bad as the Tigers beat writers are — and they are awful — I can’t imagine a Torii Hunter DUI would go unnoticed for almost seven months.

I am pretty sure if Tom Gores ever decides to move his team downtown, these two knuckleheads will show up at the Palace for the Pistons home opener. Unless, of course, David Aldridge tips them off first.

Changes Coming for WXYZ’s “Sports Cave”

With Brad Galli taking a prominent position with Channel 7’s new weekday program, “The Now Detroit,” it would appear his role will soon diminish on the station’s Sunday show, “The Sports Cave.”

I asked WXYZ-7 sports director Tom Leyden to confirm the rumor I had been hearing — that recent hire Justin Rose would be replacing Galli in the near future …..

@JeffMossDSR Eventually, that is the plan. No specific timetable in place. He’ll contribute to show starting this Sunday.

— Tom Leyden (@TomLeyden) September 12, 2014

Unfortunately, Leyden didn’t respond to my second — and more important — inquiry ….

.@TomLeyden Can you also confirm for my publication that Poor Jiff Myst will never be a guest on Sports Cave?

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) September 12, 2014

Why mean?

And Finally …….

Noted five-tool imbecile Terry Foster had quite a week for himself. First, he manufactured an idiotic story into a national controversy and still had time to embarrass himself on his atrocious blog.

After reading this, you’ll understand why “The Truth” refused to take the Wonderlic test in exchange for a $1,000 donation to ALS research generously offered by this websight™ (The Failed Candy Man).

After perusing this blog about his daughter, Celine, I really wonder if the guy would break double digits. Seriously, READ this paragraph and tell me what is wrong with it. Here’s a hint, it’s not the atrocious punctuation.

Yep, C-E-L-I-N-E spelled backwards is E-N-I-L-N-E-C!!!!!!! Are you fucking kidding me???

Nothing tops this dipshit’s inability to spell backwards, but why did he even throw this nugget into that blog in the first place? It was apropos of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

That actually should be the title of his blog. Not “Life is Good …. Blogging in the D” but instead “Apropos of Absolutely Nothing.”

I am sure “Cenline” read her father’s blog and was beaming with pride that this dolt thought she was a “great writer.” That’s like Elaine Benes giving you a high score from the “Dancing with the Stars” judging desk.

Cenline. I mean …..