By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 13, 2013
On January 20, 2009, the worst fears of many were realized. And no, I am not talking about lunatic right-wing concern that an African-American was being sworn in as the Commander in Chief by Chief Justice Roberts.
Approximately 535 miles away from Washington D.C. — where the socialist Kenyan from Hawaii was commencing his plan to take away your health insurance™ (Fox News) — Clear Channel utilized that cover to rid itself of bloated payroll in an accounting trick at their compound at 12 Mile and Halsted in Farmington Hills.
Just as Dick Cheney was being whisked away from the nation’s capital in a Tie Fighter Advanced x1 bound for Wyoming, Cheap Channel was notifying Michael Stone, Bob Wojnowski and others at WDFN-1130 that they were being dismissed.
It was the death knell of the first sports talk radio station in Detroit. It was the end of any competition for WXYT-FM and the beginning of the dark ages for anyone in this town interested in a quality discussion about the Tigers, Pistons, Lions, Red Wings, Wolverines and Spartans.
For four long years, 97.1 operated with impunity as the only serious option for “sports talk” in the Motor City. And they abused that position with horrid hosts, a terrible format and discussions focusing on just about everything except athletics.
Yes, there were times when WDFN attempted to resuscitate their old format with local programming, but that ship sailed when Clear Channel refused to move the once-dominant station to 106.7 on the FM dial. There are still rumors that Matt Shepard hosts a morning show on that channel, but Arbitron Ratings have failed to confirm the show’s existence.
And Sima Birach, Jr. even tried to wage a David v. Goliath War with “The Ticket” at one point by aligning himself with ESPN Radio and broadcasting on the AM dial with a group of has-been hosts that would have depressed even the old professional wrestlers who try to eke out a living signing autographs at VFW Halls in places like Topeka and Des Moines.
I am telling ya, Virgil has nothing on Mark “The Man” Wilson.
Many of us who couldn’t lower ourselves to flipping on 97.1 begged, pleaded and implored someone …. ANYONE …. to mount a resistance to that horrid product being delivered on a daily basis.
And, after years of innuendo and false, hope we finally were granted our wish. Not only a new sports station to challenge 97.1, but one on the FM dial with the backing of a quality company in Greater Media.
At 3:00pm on August 12, 2013, WMGC ceased playing the soundtrack of menopausal women’s lives everywhere and became the new Detroit Sports 105.1.
Now, I have been inundated with requests to give my opinion on the new sports talker in town, but I have resisted until today. I figured that I had to give the upstart at least 90 days to work out the kinks (and there have been many), get their lineup in order and attempt to develop their own voice in the face of the long battle ahead with the CBS-owned station down the dial.
But before I get into my review of the ESPN-centric 105.1 endeavor, let me first give you a brief synopsis of their competition that is so ripe to be taken down.
Look, I am not talking about ratings or Talkers Magazine platitudes here. If you want to judge something based on consumption, I guess McDonald’s offers a better meal than does the Rochester Chop House. Trust me, Michael Harrison has never listened to a second of “Valenti and Foster,” and any list proclaiming that “Karsch and Anderson” is one of the best sports talk shows in this country is totally based on revenue and ratings.
Anyway, let’s start with the morning drive program. It’s pure, unadulterated trash. It’s a sports show like Prince Fielder is a clutch, svelte baseball player who lives and dies with his team’s success.
Hell, if Mike Stone wasn’t a HOST of this program I doubt even he would ever tune in. A couple of years ago — when we were still on speaking terms — I spent an evening with Stoney. I picked him up at his palatial West Bloomfield home and we proceeded to Hazel Park Raceway for a night of degeneracy.
My impression of our conversation from that evening was that even Stoney knew his show wasn’t good. He seemed a little embarrassed by the sports to pop culture ratio and even acknowledged that he didn’t blame me for not listening.
But unlike a lot of my readers, I at least understand why he is doing it. It’s a job. With a good salary. In the city where his family resides.
What I can’t comprehend is the secrecy behind his co-host’s last name. I mean, we live in a world where Kate Upton and Brooklyn Decker go around flaunting their last names, but a chick who looks like Tom Arnold’s ex-wife (the first one) guards her family name like Carly Simon protects the identity of the source material for “You’re So Vain.”
Or maybe Sara’s last name is really Morningshowwxyt like her Facebook states. I guess she COULD be a Native-American.
Whatever the case may be, the show is terrible and the only thing worse than keeping Sara’s identity a mystery like nuclear briefcase codes is listening to Bill McAllister opine about sports.
Actually, do I really need to go into the deficiencies of the other programs? If you are reading this article, you already know my feelings about the 40-year old cross-eyed virgin, the Gucci shoes wearing studio gangsta, the part owner of Foster’s Closedhouse™ (Justin Spiro) and the radio host version of the stripper in the VIP area unbuckling your belt during the last 15 seconds of Nickelback’s “Shakin’ Hands.”
“Coming up after the update, we will tell you about the player the Tigers MUST target this offseason …… and if you want another lap dance, that will be an additional $25.”
Which, after 1,000 words, brings us to my opinion on 105.1.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.
THE GOOD
While Matt Dery’s afternoon program is not perfect, it is currently the best sports talk show in the market and there isn’t a close second. Do you know what you can count on when you tune into Dery’s show between 12pm and 3pm weekdays?
A discussion about SPORTS. Not light-rail. Not food trucks. Not Mike Duggan or Emergency Managers or streetlights. SPORTS. For three solid hours every day. SPORTS.
And since I am one of those jackasses who actually wants to hear a sports discussion when I listen to a SPORTS station, I kind of like this deviation from the norm. Seriously, we live in a city where a guy getting on the air and talking about SPORTS on a SPORTS station is the anomaly. Ya gotta believe me.
There are, however, a few adjustments that I think Greater Media should make to improve Dery’s program. He needs a co-host. Because everyone needs a partner. For the most part, I despise shows with a solo commentator because it usually results in an echo chamber.
I am letting it slide for the time being with Dery because of the content and the smorgasbord of interviews. Plus, the former update guy is still transitioning into his current role, which is a lot different than just piping in every once in awhile in between Mike Valenti trolling Michigan fans and Terry Foster talking about his supposed Downriver whores.
And speaking of interviews, how about fewer idiots like Lynn Henning and more Jonah Keri and Keith Law? He has access to ESPN talent but Dery instead gives a platform to a guy whom he used to mock on a weekly basis in emails to me?
Dery’s producer (Tom Mazaway) has done a quality job of obtaining all sorts of guests for Diesel (and Ryan Ermanni and Rico Beard when they were holding the fort down until Dery’s non-compete at 97.1 expired), but how about you update your Rolodex and get rid of paid shills like Mike O’Hara and Tim Twentyman?
More national perspective and less retread nonsense from our awful local media would be appreciated.
And while we are discussing the good, kudos to Mazaway for breaking the “Jim Leyland is retiring” story and scooping all of the lazy idiots who cover the Tigers for a living.
Mazaway has also done a nice job of procuring interviews when breaking news develops, like when he snagged former Phillies skipper Charlie Manuel to discuss his delusional desire to manage the Tigers.
THE BAD
Well, where do I start? There is a lot of bad. You’ve got a morning show that 105.1 is contractually obligated to air that NOBODY in Detroit wants to hear. And if anyone was desperate enough to listen to Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic, they could find it on SiriusXM anyway.
The fledgling channel also devotes two hours of precious broadcast time to Colin Cowherd’s syndicated program. Why? I have no freaking idea because people in Detroit have never consistently supported a national show. Also, you can get the full three hours of The Herd on satellite if you are that big a fan.
As I referenced at the press conference announcing the flip from adult contemporary to sports at 105.1, sports fans in Detroit are provincial and want to hear local programming. Even if that means putting up with an obese virgin who is obsessed with the number 69.
Yet program director Jason Dixon has idiotically decided to give 97.1 a six-hour head start before Detroit Sports 105.1 starts talking about …. ya know …. DETROIT SPORTS.
And even with those issues, the biggest problem with the new station is the reason Greater Media made the switch in the first place. The “Drew Lane Show” is supposed to be the centerpiece of the channel and the catalyst for competing with 97.1, but it is a train wreck that needs an immediate makeover.
Now, I am not an imbecile nor am I one of these naive morons who thinks an FM sports station can rely solely on sports talk. So my issue isn’t even the percentage of time Lane and Marc Fellhauer discuss pop culture issues.
Hell, my main problem is when Lane IS TALKING ABOUT SPORTS. You know how Fox Sports One has positioned themselves as the anti-intellectual, pro-jocularity alternative to ESPN? Well, it seems that Lane is utilizing that same David Hill playbook.
Lane loves him some Donnie Kelly and Mickey Redmond. And statistics like RBI, Win/Loss records and batting average. If it’s not bad enough that Lane doesn’t seem to care about new stats or understand them, it is even worse when he decides to formulate an opinion on the air about a player or a potential opponent.
On a few occasions during the Tigers regular season, Lane and Fellhauer decided to attempt to break down a potential World Series opponent by printing out the NL team’s statistics and going down the team’s entire lineup by quoting a players batting average. Exclusively. Like it’s a meaningful statistic.
And it’s not like it would be drastically better radio if Drew were instead rattling off OPS or stats like FIP or BABIP or tERA but at least it would be more educational for his audience. And this isn’t an isolated incident, but a pillar of the show; I heard the same type of analysis last week when Drew was deciphering Prince Fielder’s 2013 year and his postseason career.
Nothing brings the program to a screeching halt like a host reading box scores and stats. And this is done on a consistent basis.
The sports discussions on the program lack any depth whatsoever and resemble a couple of guys talking at a bar who are basically regurgitating crap they read in the newspaper. My cleaning lady, who does nothing but surface wipe my furnishings, can’t believe how superficial this crap is.
Then there is the overall tone of the show. Now, I wasn’t a listener of the “Drew and Mike” program on WRIF so I have no frame of reference, but I can’t believe that Lane’s persona has evolved very much over the years.
Just imagine for a second that Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corolla were still doing “The Man Show” on Comedy Central in 2013 instead of evolving, respectively, into a cutting-edge late night talk show host (relatively speaking) and an interesting Podcaster with a large audience.
Well, the “Drew Lane Show” is the sports talk radio equivalent of large-breasted chicks in bikinis jumping up and down on a trampoline in slow-motion. Without the aesthetically-pleasing visual.
The “Keep It Stiff” stuff and laughing at double entendres is just as awful as Scott Anderson’s obsession with sexual innuendo, the only difference being that Lane and Fellhauer have actually been inside a vagina.
And the whole show seems like one giant excuse to obsessively play sound bites. Sometimes you would think you are listening to a drop show with some sports and pop culture talk intermingled. It’s the radio equivalent of someone ordering a cup of coffee and then putting six sugars and four creams inside.
But enough of my commentary for a moment. Here is a review from DSR Emeritus Contributor Ladbroke BRC:
Are you going to review Drew’s show soon? Heard it for the fifth time today. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that three of those five times have been him and his co-host unapologetically reminiscing about the old Drew & Mike days.
It didn’t sound like something that just sprung up, either. The segment was to invite their old white trash audience up to call up and list some favorite audio drops. I have heard fewer than a dozen segments in total, and yet this was already very familiar.
In the next segment, they interviewed Chris Osgood. It started out being about his gig at FSD but quickly devolved into stories of old retired Wings and their reunion games up in Traverse City. Yarns about Malts, Drapes, Redmond and all the other Downriver faves. The segment ended with Redmond screaming like a wrestling announcer about an Osgood/Roy fight. Drew: “I could listen to that clip of Mickey ALL DAY.”
D&M was always white trash, but this might be worse. This is white trash and dedicated to recalling white trash fondly. It’s the most unevolved show I have ever heard and I almost called in today just to ask them why on Earth I would ever consistently listen to this trash instead of downloaded podcasts of guys who are actually trying.
And therein lies the problem. The show has no idea what it wants to be and making it the flagship of a new sports station is the proverbial square peg in a round hole to the third power.
And I haven’t even touched on some of the awful takes (Post Notre Dame game: Devin Gardner might turn pro when the season ends) or the number of factual errors the pair makes.
THE UGLY
Ryan Ermanni.
HOW I WOULD FIX IT
I already offered Fellhauer my assistance in destroying 97.1 but my magnanimous proposition wasn’t accepted. In the spirit of full disclosure, here is the missive I sent to Fellhauer after he informed me at the Drew Lane press conference in that I stole the show with my questions and asked for my contact info, supposedly for Drew.
I know that you guys are angling yourselves as the “nice” alternative to 97.1 and I am anything but nice and I have a toxic reputation in this town AND there are people working at your station who’d like to see me dead, but with all of that said, any help I can provide content-wise, I am available. Not looking for financial renumeration at all. We have a mutual interest in destroying your competition. Let me know.
Well, I am still waiting for a response. And since I am not going to get one, here is my five-point plan to improve the struggling upstart:
1) Get rid of Cowherd’s show and give Dery the 10am to 2pm slot so he can have a fair shot against “Benedict and the Whale.” Furthermore, pair the “Diesel” up with Rico Beard, who did an admirable job as Ermanni’s partner in Dery’s current time-slot before getting marooned to the weekends with “The Gambler.”
Not only does Beard deserve the promotion, it really is inhumane to make the dude work with Ermanni. Even Chiwetel Ejiofor, Django and Brunhilda didn’t have to suffer THAT much.
2) Completely revamp Lane’s program, starting with moving it to 2pm so it can directly compete with “Telephone Tough Guy and African-American Matt Prentice.”
The second thing I would do is fly in Fred Norris from New York so he could give a master course in drop etiquette.
Then I would add a third person to the mix. That person would HAVE to be a hardcore sports junkie who wouldn’t be afraid to challenge Lane when he says something idiotic.
That human being is definitely not Fellhauer, who, on most occasions, sounds like the Nation of Islam chorus behind Louis Farrakhan at speeches.
And it is 2013. It would be appreciated if Fellhauer dialed down his frat-boy-style homophobia. Even if he is just joking. Which I hope he is. It’s not funny. It’s not fun.
3) Add more local programming, even if you have to do it on the cheap. There isn’t nearly enough Detroit-centric discussion on 105.1 and this could easily be remedied by giving some recent Specs Howard grads a shot at nights or on the weekend. I mean, could they POSSIBLY be worse than Jeff Riger, Dan Leach or Eric Thomas? The answer is no.
4) The one complaint I get in emails and on Twitter is that the Red Wings are completely ignored in this town on sports talk radio. Now, we all know that this isn’t really Hockeytown. That moniker should be saved for Montreal, Toronto or just about any city in Canada.
But 105.1 could at least corner the niche NHL market if they separated themselves with a weekly Red Wings-related show and spent more time discussing the team during their existing local shows. Art Regner would be an obvious choice for this type of programming.
Here’s another idea. ESPN is your sugar daddy. And ESPN has a relationship with TSN in Canada. So why not have at least have one weekly appearance on Dery or Lane’s show with guests like Bob McKenzie, James Duthie or Darren Dreger?
I mean, would you rather listen to well-respected TSN panelists, or to another folksy tale from “The Mick??”
Please don’t answer that question.
5) Here is the most drastic suggestion, but it is inevitable. The initial program director at any new station is basically the equivalent of the first head coach or manager of an expansion team. They are hired to be fired, and Jason Dixon isn’t going to be any different.
The prerequisite for this gig should have been someone familiar with the market and Dixon clearly isn’t. He was previously a PD at an ESPN station in North Carolina and before that he spent seven years working for the Tampa Bay Lightning.
(I am only assuming his connection to Detroit was working for Palace Sports and Entertainment when Bill Davidson owned the Lightning.)
The ratings have been lousy so far since the switch, as Lane’s show isn’t even doing as well as Billy Joel and Celine Dion tracks. I am not sure 105.1 wouldn’t be doing better right now if Lane and Fellhauer were introducing Bing Crosby and David Bowie’s version of “Little Drummer Boy” instead of discussing potential Tigers offseason moves.
So, when Dixon is eventually made the scapegoat for 105.1’s failures, Greater Media executives will need to hold their noses and hire former WDFN and WXYT program director Gregg Henson to right the ship.
Now, Henson and I have quite a history together. In the same way that the Givens and Crowders have had their issues. There was the time Henson Tweeted a rumor that my mom had an affair when my parents were married. I responded by attacking his wife’s looks, which included a Twitter poll on whose wife was hotter …. mine or his.
(The results were far from scientific, but my wife won.)
He has gone after me by painting me as a loser with a blog who can’t get a job in radio and I have retorted that he ran his Jungle Java in Texas into the ground. And who could forget his Tweet that he’d rather have George Zimmerman babysit his two sons than Trayvon Martin?
But I call shit down the middle. It is why I can have personal animus toward Matt Dery and still admit that he is doing a damn fine job. If I was looking for a date for my mom or a new head of the NAACP I would probably choose someone other than Henson. But there isn’t anyone more qualified for the next PD at 105.1.
105.1 needs to take 97.1 head-on in this battle and Dixon refuses to do so. There should be daily attacks on the garbage radio going on at “The Ticket.” Promos mocking Scott Anderson’s obsession with sex even though it is even money that no chick has ever seen his pecker. (And not because of the fat rolls covering it, either.)
Not only would the blitzkrieg attack be entertaining to 105.1 listeners, it would also rattle the douche bag personalities at the competition. Those shitheads are more tin-eared than MLB umpire Bob Davidson.
Terry Foster was so eager to talk to ANYONE who hated me that he INITIATED a three-day text message discussion with someone who supposedly was protesting the DSR on Twitter. That person turned out to be one of my henchmen.
Once upon a time, Valenti was so obsessed with my articles on this site that he was ordered by co-workers to cease and desist from clicking on them. You know who told me that? Terry Fucking Foster himself.
I can’t even imagine how that pair would react to the Gregg Henson “Chuck Swirsky” treatment if they were getting bombarded and mocked at 105.1. But it sure would be hilarious.
When I asked Lane back in August if 105.1 would engage WXYT, he said no. He defended that position by recalling Howard Stern’s entrance into the market back in 1997 and how Lane and Mike Clark ignored the King of All Media’s presence on 97.1 and how it was a winning formula.
The only problem with that correlation is that Drew was #1 back then and not the challenger. He didn’t have to engage Stern because he already had his audience and the advantage of being LOCAL, not syndicated.
It’s a lesson that Dixon hasn’t learned when programming the station and one that Lane is clinging to erroneously.
Look, Henson wants to come back to Detroit whether he will admit it or not. And the station that DOES bring him back will be getting one motivated motherfucker. You think Emily Thorne is obsessed with exacting a pound of flesh? That little charade in the Hamptons would be child’s play compared to the atomic bomb 3-G would most likely set off.
And that is exactly what this market needs. A war. Everyone is so fucking nice to their colleagues. Oh look, Dery is promoting 97.1 call-screener Josh Holub’s comedy dates on Twitter. Isn’t that so nice?
FUCK THAT. We want blood. A return to the glory days of the 1130/1270 battle. You know, something COMPELLING to make me want to tune in instead of listening to my iPod or Pandora or satellite.
That is exactly what you would get with a Gregg Henson administration and I, for one, am willing to look past the warts (unlike all of Gator’s prospective dates).
We finally got the second FM station we were looking for and, if nothing else, we do have ONE viable program at this point for our daily SPORTS fix.
But Greater Media as a company totally abandoned the female demographic in Detroit when they flipped the switch in August, which should have designated that they were all-in.
But what we are getting is nothing close to resembling pot committed and I can’t imagine they are happy with a 2.6 rating.
The potential is there. Now take off the goddamn gloves.