By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
November 23, 2012
When Barry Sanders retired from the NFL via a facsimile machine on the eve of Training Camp in August of 1998 there were two camps of Lions fans on the topic.
The vociferous majority blamed it all on the greatest player in team history and labeled the guy a quitter. They called him a coward for running to London, England while leaving his teammates holding the bag. When the Ford Family later sued #20 in an attempt to retrieve money they felt owed to them, this pathetic fan base supported the litigation.
Hell, the best running back ever EVER couldn’t even attend a Pistons game at the time without having his grill splashed all over the Palace Jumbotron and he had to suffer the indignity of getting BOOED by his former supporters.
Then there were fans like me who refused to blame Barry because we knew EXACTLY how he felt about his hopeless situation playing for a monumentally inept owner like William Clay Ford, Sr. The only difference between trapped Lions fans who were stuck supporting this atrocious organization and Sanders was WE weren’t risking a debilitating injury or a shortened lifespan 16 times a season for this clueless abomination.
So Barry quit. He gave up. Dude had enough of the losing and the circus sideshow and he meekly exited the merry-go-round, which was currently being run by the team’s most recent embarrassing hire, Bobby Ross.
After Barry retired I made the conscious decision to never FINANCIALLY support the Lions under Ford, Sr.’s stewardship again. This included a boycott of all memorabilia and ticket purchases for home games. Considering I am not a Nielsen family, I didn’t see the harm in actually watching the travesty unfold on my television.
In fact, I hadn’t been to Ford Field since the year it opened in 2002 and I only lifted my embargo on that occasion because I had a free ticket to the Greektown Casino suite and I was curious to get a look inside the team’s new digs.
My decade long absence from the former Hudson’s Warehouse of Horrors ended on Thanksgiving Day though when I received a pair of free ducats from a business associate. Personally, I didn’t want to break my Jeff Backus-esque streak of non-attendance, but my wife had never been to Ford Field before (or ANY NFL game for that matter) so being the incredibly mediocre husband that I am, I caved in.
And I can tell you with absolute conviction that I’m thrilled that I attended the overtime debacle against the Houston Texans. In fact, the 34-31 defeat instantly ranks as the third best professional football game I have ever witnessed firsthand only trailing Ford, Sr.’s singular playoff victory during his inept six-decade ownership (the Cowboys in 1991) and the Michigan Panthers defeat of the Oakland Invaders in 1983 which earned them a berth in the USFL championship game.
It has become a cliché to say that every Lions loss is a microcosm of the Ford Era, but this one truly had it all.
A deluded home crowd still grasping at the faint hope of a postseason appearance even though running the table was as likely as Ford leaving the game in a Lexus SUV. A sterling performance by a Hall of Famer at a skill position whose career will probably be flushed down the toilet in Detroit with Calvin Johnson currently playing the role of Barry Sanders for this generation. The Lions snatching defeat from the jaws of victory on multiple occasions. And last but not least, an inexcusable coaching performance by the latest horrid head coach in Detroit Lions lore.
As a 40-year old sports fan from Detroit I have seen an inordinate amount of coaching malpractice during my lifetime. From Wayne Fontes to Brad Park to Michael Curry to Luis Pujols to Rod Marinelli, we’ve seen it all in this city, but I have never witnessed a coach single-handedly cost his team a victory like Jim Schwartz did yesterday.
And remember, this is being typed by a person who can’t legally come within 500-feet of Jim, Patrick or (Don) Kellie Leyland.
We should have seen this epic Schwartz meltdown coming a mile away since the warning signs have been there since day one of his hiring. The man has an ego the size of Aaron Gibson’s waist, constantly exhibits a total lack of discipline and possesses the fatal flaw of believing he is WAY more intelligent then he actually is.
Coming off a 2011 season in which the Lions made the playoffs (no, they really did, trust me, there is a banner at Ford Field and everything) by default when they failed to beat ONE team with a winning record and were the chief benefactors of injuries to Jay Cutler and Matt Forte, Schwartz entered 2012 more smug than ever.
And while Thursday was Schwartz’s pièce de résistance it wasn’t like this was a banner season for him anyhow. The total lack of urgency shown by his offensive coordinator (Scott Linehan) who continues to force feed a running game that isn’t there. Schwartz’s total failure to get his players to behave on or off the field. The epically awful OT decision in Nashville to attempt to draw the Titans offside on 4th and 1 instead of GOING FOR IT when his defense was an absolute mess that eventually led to a miscommunication between Dominic Raiola and the rest of the team that cost the Lions a winnable game.
And don’t even get me started on the coaching staff’s complete inability to straighten out the accuracy problems of Matthew Stafford who has taken a giant step backwards this season which no doubt has SOMETHING to do with his lousy mechanics.
I could go on and on about Schwartz’s atrocious 2012 season, but at some point I do have to mention the three horrendous decisions that he made yesterday that cost the Lions ANOTHER victory.
Of course, I have to start with The Alpha Jim’s reaction to Justin Forsett’s 81-yard run touchdown that wasn’t. This was a Perfect Storm of ALL of Schwartz’s psychological issues.
He desired attention. He wanted EVERYONE to know how mad he was. He wanted to show the viewers watching across the nation his brilliance. Seriously, Damien Sandow thinks Schwartz needs to get over himself.
- The Intellectual Savior of the Masses
So the head coach threw the red challenge flag as violently as he could to make it all about Jim Schwartz even though doing absolutely NOTHING would have led to the desired result.
The play culminated in a TD. It was going to be reviewed regardless. But, just like many of his players he didn’t have the necessary discipline to let it all play out.
Now, if you listen to the feckless eunuchs in the Detroit Media today, they will hem and haw about the outrageousness of the rule that negates the instant replay review if the head coach decides to behave like an infant without his or her pacifier.
The merit of the actual rule is meaningless. IT IS THE RULE. Coaches don’t get paid SEVEN FIGURE contracts to abide only by the rules that make perfect sense.
Guess what? The fact that marijuana possession is a felony in Michigan is insane. It’s an awful law that you can actually do jail time for carrying weed. But, you aren’t going to see me, Snoop Dogg and B-Real toking it up at your nearest police precinct anytime soon because IT IS THE FUCKING LAW OF THE LAND.
Absolving Schwartz in any shape or fashion due to the legitimacy of the rule or any future plan by the NFL to change it is just typical Detroit sports media malarkey.
The beauty in this fuck-up happening to Schwartz of all people is just too rich. This is the same lunatic who TWICE last season lambasted others for not knowing the rules.
The first occurred in Minnesota when he told the head ref to “Learn the FUCKING rules.”
And more famously when he mocked Jim Harbaugh for NOT KNOWING THE RULES when the then rookie 49ers coach tried to contest a play that wasn’t challengeable which led to a San Fran 15-yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct. I mean, sound familiar?
The fact that Schwartz cost his team a game for something he has mocked others in the past for is awesome on so many different levels. Usually on holidays I tune into the SyFy channel for parables about man’s vanity and hubris in the form of a “Twilight Zone” marathon, but this Turkey Day I received my lesson at Ford Field.
Of course, this incident completely distracted the “Can’t Chew Gum and Walk at the Same Time” Detroit sports media to the point they virtually ignored an equally awful Schwartz blunder.
In overtime, after watching Gary Kubiak settle for a long distance field goal by refusing to pass the ball which culminated in a missed 51-yard attempt by Shayne Graham, Schwartz decided to one-up that ignorance.
On their next drive, the Lions had the ball and a first down at the Texans’ 28-yard line. Linehan then called two running plays up the middle for Joique Bell which resulted in a one-yard cumulative loss.
At that point, Schwartz MORONICALLY sent Jason Hanson and the field goal unit on the field. On THIRD down. Instead of running another play to make the FG attempt a little easier for AARP’s favorite placekicker, Schwartz decided to outsmart himself again.
The ONLY reason you would ever kick a game-winning FG on third down is to protect against a bad snap. Under that worst case scenario, the holder could just fall on the ball and another attempt could be made on FOURTH DOWN.
Except for one thing. This was already a 47-yard field goal. Under that explanation, Schwartz was attempting the game winning kick on third down just so he could salvage a near 60-yard attempt if the shit hit the fan.
Are you fucking kidding me with this demented logic?
Not to mention, this game wouldn’t even have gone to overtime if in one of their 4th quarter drives in which the Lions had the ball in Texans territory they could have added a field goal to make it a ten point game.
On one occasion, Stafford tried to reach Johnson in the endzone from the 36-yard line before getting sacked to move out of Hanson’s range.
On their penultimate regulation drive, Detroit had the ball again at the 36-yard line before a sack forced them to punt. AGAIN.
I don’t know, maybe the Lions could have run a quick slant or a screen pass since the Caucasian reincarnation of Bruce Smith and Reggie White (J.J. Watt) was destroying their offensive line ALL GAME LONG.
If the Lions were literally TRYING to lose this game the coaching staff couldn’t have done a better job.
Coaches and managers aren’t there to win or lose games. That is the domain of the PLAYERS. But, on numerous occasions this season the Schwartz staff has been directly responsible for an “L.”
It reminds me of the ending of Glengarry Glen Ross when office manager Williamson gets his asshole reamed out by Ricky Roma for speaking out of turn in front of a client which eventually cost Al Pacino’s character a $6,000 commission and a new Cadillac.
WHAT YOU’RE HIRED FOR, is to help us… does that seem clear to you? TO HELP US, not to… FUCK-US-UP… to help those who are going out there to try to earn a living… You fairy. You company man.
The only thing missing was Calvin Johnson walking up to Schwartz after the game and asking him …
Where did you learn your trade, you stupid fucking cunt, you idiot? Who ever told you that you could work with men? Oh, I’m gonna have your job, shithead.
This is what happens when you think you are god’s gift to coaching. When you believe that you are smarter than EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET.
You throw the challenge flag when an epileptic seizure rendering you incapacitated would have done the trick. You attempt 47-yard field goals on third down. You dine at the Union Woodshop in Clarkston with a hot blonde in her late 20s and tell other patrons that she is a “friend of the family.” Yeah, and Flo Rida’s song entitled “Whistle” is truly about a girl humming a tune and not sucking a cock.
And you treat your contract extension like some sort of State Secret, the details only known to Tom Lewand, Martin Mayhew, Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley.
If Jim Schwartz had the jewelry collection of Vince Lombardi and Bill Belichick COMBINED, his attitude would be reprehensible. Instead, he has a career record of 22-36. A winning percentage of 38%.
After the game I was walking out of Ford Field and a group of Texans fans were celebrating their team’s latest victory which has them in the driver’s seat for home-field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs.
It was then I realized that Houston’s entrance into the NFL as an EXPANSION team occurred the SAME SEASON that Matt Millen took over as President of the Lions.
In 11 years of existence, the Texans are experiencing a better season at 10-1 than anything we have witnessed during the Ford regime of terror.
Of course, they have an owner in Bob McNair who a couple years back didn’t like the direction of his franchise so he decided to dedicate his full attention to getting them to the Super Bowl.
Mr. McNair sold his massive thoroughbred racing operation (from broodmares to sires to horses still in training) to the leader of the United Arab Emirates so he could focus all of his efforts on the Texans and just a few years later they are on the cusp of a championship.
Unfortunately, the Lions are the product of William Clay Ford, Sr. dedicating all of his time to the Lions since November 22, 1963. Uh huh, Thanksgiving Day just happened to be the 49th anniversary of two calamities. John F. Kennedy getting assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald and Ford, Sr. gaining sole ownership of this once great football franchise.
When do we get an Oliver Stone film documenting our tragedy?
Anyway, I wasn’t mad at the Houston fans or even jealous of their success while exiting the dome even though they haven’t paid their dues like we have.
I just find of felt like Eponine watching Marius and Cosette embrace from afar knowing full-well it is never going to happen for me.
And there is nothing worse as a sports fan than apathy. Like, the loss didn’t bother me at all. Quite the contrary, I rather enjoyed it.
Which means if Bill Ford gets his act together when the Old Man dies and this team ACTUALLY wins a Super Bowl I doubt I will ever be able to enjoy it as much as a Red Wings, Tigers or Pistons championship.
I have experienced too much losing and humiliation and mismanagement to fully invest myself in this pathetic organization any longer and once the losing stops getting to you the ultimate high of victory is never attainable again.
And people wonder why I want to throw a party when the Old Man dies. He MURDERED my love of the Lions and I don’t see it ever coming back.
This is the point in my column when I NORMALLY would call for the heads of Schwartz, Mayhew and basically every employee of this team that has enjoyed a Country Club existence.
Sorry, I just don’t see the point.