By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 29, 2015
A few years ago my wife had a miscarriage due to an ectopic pregnancy, which kind of sucked for her because she’d like to have a kid. Now, if she wants to have a baby, I will have to jerk off into a cup and we will have to go through the process of in vitro fertilization, which offers no guarantee of impregnation.
Melissa doesn’t really like being reminded of this fact, which is something the woman who owns the dry cleaner we go to discovered the hard way a few weeks back when she asked my wife if she would be getting pregnant in 2015.
The reason I am telling you this story is it probably wouldn’t behoove me to either text my spouse pictures of sonogram images or to leave photos of infants on our coffee table. Unfortunately, whichever imbecile runs the Detroit Lions website doesn’t understand this very basic human concept.
How else can you explain the fact that the webmaster for Detroit’s football team thought it was a good idea to post THIS today …..
Yes, you are reading that correctly. As part of the asinine hashtag Throwback Thursday nonsense, the Lions organization thought it would be a BRILLIANT idea to highlight “Lions in the Super Bowl.”
At this point you are probably saying to yourself, “But Myst, the Lions have never been to a Super Bowl!!!!” Well, that is correct. We are FORTY-NINE years into this grand football experiment and our franchise has never even come close to the big game.
But the people behind this organization that has won ONE playoff game in 57 years decided they would display pictures of CURRENT players who participated for the title on OTHER teams.
You know, like Golden Tate, Reggie Bush and Matt Prater. Ya gotta believe me. This actually occurred. It isn’t a funny exercise with PhotoShop.
The folks behind New Coke and subprime mortgages are laughing hysterically at this moronic decision by this embarrassing franchise.
HEY!!! Let’s all remind our fan base that we are colossal failures because we don’t have any pictures of OUR OWN TEAM in the fucking Super Bowl!!!!
What’s even funnier about the photo montage is one of the pictures — of Josh Bynes — wasn’t even from the SUPER BOWL!!! These dolts could not even get that right!!!!
As DSR reader Scott Anderson points out, Bynes’ jersey doesn’t have a Super Bowl patch and no Super Bowl has been played in Gillette Stadium to our knowledge. (This Scott Anderson isn’t the one on 97.1, by the way. Our Scott Anderson has actually put his penis in a female’s vagina.)
The Lions also decided to highlight the fact that Jim Caldwell once coached in the game. You might remember Super Bowl XLIV. The match-up where his Colts were four-point favorites and got beat by two touchdowns while Comatose Cigar Store Indian was severely out-coached by Sean Payton.
This franchise finds new ways to amaze all the time. I hear WhiteHouse.gov is so impressed with this marketing strategy that next Thursday they are going to post a photo gallery of Margaret Thatcher, Golda Meir, Benazir Bhutto and Angela Merkel.
This fucking town.
Anyway, for those who are asking why I would mention my wife’s miscarriage and then spend the last 500 words lecturing the Lions about staying away from bothersome topics…
Do you actually think Melissa reads this shit?