Why Is The Internet Conspiring Against Poor Juff Mist?

Posted on by admin by

maz_coffin

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 15, 2015

Some days you wake up and it just seems like the world is against you. Today was one of those days; it appeared as though I was being trolled by everyone from Pope Francis to Detroit Sports 105.1.

It all started this morning when I was obsessively checking Twitter to see what I had missed over the last seven hours and I learned the Pope had done a heel turn overnight.

It’s not like I expect a lot from the Catholic Church — given its condemnation of Galileo; turning a blind eye to the Nazis’ crimes against humanity; and horrid coverup of diddling altar boys.

But this Pope seemed to be different from the others. He focused his attention on the poor and tried to minimize the Church’s obsession with social issues. Hell, he even announced that atheists and dogs could get into heaven, for Christ’s sake.

Well, all of that goodwill came crashing down this morning when he made the following asinine statement ……

“One cannot provoke, one cannot insult other people’s faith, one cannot make fun of faith.”

This comment occurred shortly after a condemnation of the lunatic terrorists who killed the French cartoonists who dared mock the Prophet Muhammad. Of course, that is where he should have stopped. Instead, the Pope moronically attempted to minimize free speech with that above quote.

He even “jokingly” suggested that people mocking religion should expect a punch in the face. Sorry, Jorge, religion deserves derision because it’s absolutely ridiculous, destructive and mind-numbing.

Of course, I will only belittle Christianity and Judaism on this site because I like my vital organs exactly where they are ….. inside my body.

The next shoe to drop was the following Tweets from MLive Lions beat writer Kyle Meinke and the co-sign of the Freep‘s Dave Birkett ….

Can you imagine the suggestion that the Lions consider a player’s marital status as he is coming out of college? I am not looking to kill the messengers here. I actually believe this might be true.

Which, if true, is extremely disturbing since it is my belief that anyone who gets married BEFORE 25 years old these days should be thrown in a looney bin. Not to mention that most GREAT athletes have fucked their way through the phone book.

Caldwell is going to award bonus points for a dude getting married and having TWO KIDS before he leaves college? That sort of idiotic behavior should be viewed even more warily than a three on the Wonderlic.

I mean, that pussy party Derek Jeter enjoyed during his entire career sure put a damper on his legacy. Aaron Rodgers sure seems to be struggling even though he is 31 and doesn’t have a nuclear family.

I am also guessing that Caldwell doesn’t realize one of the best players he ever coached — who is still single — is such a cocksman that he is known to save his used condoms in a mason jar for posterity.

Anyway, I guess Pastor Caldwell’s nuptial beliefs should be the least of my concerns with the in-game dolt.

I am so happy that Ebron and Van Noy were in committed relationships when the Lions drafted them. That’s so wonderful. Call me bi-polar, but give me Odell Beckham, Jr. with syphilis and Joel Bitonio with gonorrhea for all I fucking care.

But my day wasn’t over. Detroit Sports 105.1 decided to troll me on their Twitter account …

I mean, posting the picture that led the Lions to call the Allen Park police on me while announcing that Matt Dery thought Caldwell earned an “A-” this season? This was obviously a passive-aggressive response to my report that the station might be flipping formats soon.

Well played, Greater Media intern, well played. Of course, I wasn’t going to let that taunt go without a retort ….

drew_coffindery_coffin

Welp, I guess I should expect a phone call from the Ferndale police at any moment.

Finally, my own FOLLOWERS even tried to put my on tilt …..

I really need to get off Twitter™ (Mike Valenti) before I develop a bleeding ulcer.