By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 23, 2014
During my lifetime, the three most idiotic examples of blind loyalty I have ever witnessed are the following:
1) Hillary Clinton not leaving Bill after Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky’s DNA-stained dress.
2) Mike McDermott’s frustratingly tolerant relationship with Worm in “Rounders.”
3) Detroit football fans and the Lions.
Every other franchise in Detroit sports can boast a recent, fairly substantial period of time where a championship seemed plausible entering the season.
The Pistons basically had a shot to win a title every single season between 2004 and 2008.
Shit, the Wings have had a window from about the time Sergei Fedorov got on an elevator and walked away from Team USSR during the 1990 Goodwill Games in Seattle and most fans believe it won’t close until Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk are gone.
And the Tigers’ opening for a potential championship commenced in 2006 and probably has at least one year remaining on its shelf life.
The Lions? They definitely haven’t had a window in this century (and if they had, most of their fans would have taken a flying leap out of it by now). Nope, not since #20 faxed his retirement papers into the team and then boarded a plane for Heathrow has there even been a plausible expectation of a Super Bowl party.
Which is why, even though it should be considered a rousing success for a franchise with such a shitty track record, the 2014 season has STILL been all kinds of frustrating.
As flawed as the 2014 Lions happen to be, they were a split in Phoenix and Boston (or their general vicinities, anyway) away from being in the driver’s seat for their first division title since 1993 and home-field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs.
Instead, they have to walk into Green Bay Sunday afternoon and accomplish something they haven’t done since 1991 …… beat the Packers on the road. And look, you can make all of the jokes you want regarding the gap between the last Lions victory in Wisconsin and today….
That “Black or White” by Michael Jackson was the #1 song in the country the last time it occurred; or that George H.W. Bush was President; or that the franchise couldn’t report me to the Allen Park police about angry Tweets because not only was Twitter not around … NEITHER WAS THE FUCKING INTERNET.
Nope. We don’t need any of that; it is painfully obvious just how long ago 1991 was.
Oh yeah, by the way, the Lions haven’t won a division title since 1993, either. I mean, if the team’s title-less streak were a fully functional human being, it would be days away from being able to drink legally in the U.S. What are the odds of going 21 years without winning a division when you have had at least a 20% chance to to so each season, and a 25% chance each season since 2002?!???!?!??
It’s probably comparable to going 23 years without winning a road game against a rival you play on the road EVERY YEAR. Or to winning one playoff game in 56 years.
Which brings me back to my original point. The Lions’ so-called window will most likely close the moment Aaron Rodgers is done lighting them up like a Christmas tree Sunday afternoon at Lambeau. I mean, is there any reasonable Lions fan who doesn’t think that this team is going to LOSE AGAIN in Green Bay this weekend?
And when they inevitably get beat by the Pack — most likely because their offense is as predictable as an old “A-Team” episode — the Lions will have to travel to Dallas and play a first-round playoff game against the Cowboys.
The Lions vs. Tony Romo in a postseason matchup? Talk about the irresistible force against the immovable object. The DSR’s crack research team has scoured the NFL rulebook and we have yet to find a circumstance where BOTH teams can lose a playoff game.
Of course, I just talked to Johnny Avello at the Wynn Las Vegas sports book and he said he would set the money line of “ISIS or North Korea Briefcase Nuking AT&T Stadium” for that potential matchup at -1250.
Only the Detroit Lions could be riding high at 11-4 entering the final week of the NFL season yet have a majority of their fan base believing that the situation is hopeless as to the possibility of advancing in the playoffs; either the Lions are going to have to do something they haven’t done since the Nintendo NES was the dominant gaming console (win in GB) or accomplish something they haven’t been able to do in my lifetime (win a ROAD postseason game).
Someone needs to tell me why the hell I should be optimistic. Have you watched this offense recently? The team was in a life-and-death struggle before finally beating a bad Minnesota Vikings team at HOME two weeks ago and struggled to score against Chicago’s putrid defense last Sunday.
The Bears pass defense is 31st in the league (the last time I checked, there were only 32 teams) and Joe Lombardi couldn’t figure out a way to expose them? Umm, not being able to score against the BEARS PASS DEFENSE is the equivalent of not being able to fuck Jennifer Lawrence’s character in “Silver Linings Playbook” in the period of time between the death of her cop husband and her introduction to Bradley Cooper.
Truth is, the Lions have accumulated those 11 wins on the strength of their defense and an anemic schedule. Jim Caldwell, Joe Lombardi and the mechanic from “The Dukes of Hazzard” were all brought in to resuscitate this offense and have failed MISERABLY.
Last week, I decided to down a shot of Jack Daniel’s every time Lombardi called either a run up the middle on first down or a predictable, bland running play on second-and-ten. By the middle of the second quarter, I was as inebriated as Free Press writer Anthony Fenech on any given Saturday evening.
Here is exclusive video of me driving my silver PT Cruiser up to Jimmy John’s to get some lunch at halftime.
The offensive coordinator stinks. “The Matthew Stafford Reclamation Project” has been a disaster. The only difference between Stafford and Jay Cutler this season is that Mr. Kristin Cavallari doesn’t have the second-best defense in the league bailing him out week after week.
Don’t believe me? Check out this Tweet from MLive’s Kyle Meinke regarding Pro Football Focus’ 2014 ratings …..
And please, PLEASE spare me this narrative that Stafford is having a good year because the team is 11-4. So you are trying to tell me that Martin Mayhew brought in Peyton Manning’s head coach; Drew Brees’ quarterback coach; Crazy Cooter; signed Golden Tate; and drafted Eric Ebron in order to transform Matt Stafford into Trent Dilfer?
You aren’t winning the Super Bowl with this offense and philosophy. You just aren’t. And if you are not a serious championship contender in a season where you win at least 11 games for just the second time in my lifetime (I am 42!!!), what the fuck is even the point?
Which brings us back to that pesky window again. Stafford is now in his SIXTH season; he’s not progressing and his cap hit is approximately $43 million over the next two seasons.
There is a very good chance that Ndamukong Suh’s agent (Jimmy Sexton) is going to handcuff the best defensive player in Lions recent history and force the behemoth to sign a contract with another team.
The Lions had to figure out a way to motivate Nick Fairley, so they allowed him to become a free-agent this upcoming offseason instead of picking up his option; he could walk as well
Calvin Johnson can’t seem to stay healthy for more than two weeks at a time. Don’t look now, but next year Johnson is going to be the same age that Barry Sanders was when he called it quits.
And there is a chance that the defensive coordinator — the ONLY impressive component of the new staff — might parlay the Lions’ 2014 defensive success into a 2015 NFL HEAD coaching gig.
So, yep. Sunday’s game in Green Bay — where the Lions are 7 1/2 point underdogs — is a must win. Unless you think that they are going to either double or triple their total number of postseason wins over the last 56 years in the span of a few weeks while playing exclusively in away stadiums.
And if ANYONE under the age of 25 is satisfied with anything short of a Super Bowl victory THIS season then I don’t know what to tell you.
Taking baby steps towards a title was acceptable for the Isiah Thomas led Pistons in the eighties. The Steve Yzerman and Sergei Fedorov era Red Wings had to lose a Cup final and get humiliated and bullied by the Avalanche before they finally won it all.
The Lions deserve no such patience as they have tortured us for generations and there is no guarantee this season is a building block for jack shit.
Win it ALL or Get The Fuck Out.