By Jeff Moss
June 29, 2011
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
What do racist Republicans, the Man in Black, Albert Finney, Lynn Henning, Pizza! Pizza! and Pete Rose have in common? They are all a part of Tuesday Morning Mossisms™.
“You Can’t Take It With You, All Them Things That Money Buy, You Won’t Need Em When You Die” – Esham Smith
On July 20th Mike Ilitch is going to turn 82-years old. Well, I haven’t seen his birth certificate™ (Tea Baggers), but according to Wikipedia, that is the Tigers owners’ birthday.
I bring this up because I wonder what a man of his age was thinking Sunday afternoon as the team he has owned for 19 years retired the number of his first manager, Sparky Anderson.
I am curious if when he looked into the eyes of Sparky’s children he regretted that this ceremony didn’t occur when Anderson was still among the living.
Or when he looked into the Arizona Diamondbacks dugout and witnessed Kirk Gibson and Alan Trammell’s silent protest (they apparently refused to appear on the field for the unveiling) did he wish that he would have buried his replacement player grudge that he held against Sparky before it was too late.
But the question I really wonder the most about is what kind of priority a World Series victory is for the Little Caesars midget, err, I mean magnate.
I’ve got to think by the time you reach the age of 82 you start wondering how much time you’ve got left on the clock and what you want to accomplish in your remaining years on the right side of the grass.
And since Sparky died at the age of 76, I wonder if on Sunday Ilitch put two and two together. The Tigers’ owner has received a fair amount of criticism for not honoring Sparky BEFORE he croaked thus robbing the Hall of Famer of his final pre-death eulogy.
I just hope that there was genuine remorse on Ilitch’s part and he realized that he doesn’t personally have many more shots at World Series glory himself.
As I write this column the Tigers now have a 1 1/2 game lead in the AL Central over the faltering Indians. There is no question Detroit should be considered the favorite to win their pathetic division, but they are a severely flawed team thanks to some idiotic offseason decisions by GM Dave Dombrowski.
On Sunday the team had three guys in the lineup whose batting average are currently under .210. And to make matters worse, all three of them were free-agents this past offseason and the Tigers were under no obligation to bring them back.
And while Magglio Ordonez will hopefully rebound with every passing day that his ankle heals, how much longer can this team throw Brandon Inge and Ryan Raburn out there and expect to win a pennant?
In the series finale against Arizona, Raburn and Inge went a combined 0-for-5 when the game was on the line. (Inge did get a hit in the bottom of the eighth to increase the Tigers lead from four to six, but it was basically the equivalent of a Kris Draper empty net goal.)
Inge had led off the eighth inning with an out and then the game-winning rally began in earnest when Jim Leyland inserted Don Kelly as a pinch-hitter for Raburn.
This team can’t possibly win a World Series with these two pieces of human excrement at the bottom of the lineup. Their COMBINED OPS is only slightly better than Miguel Cabrera’s. I don’t want to say that an inning where Raburn and Inge are due up is depressing, but I’d rather go to YouTube and watch Johnny Cash’s video for the song “Hurt” and then wash that down with a viewing of the last ten minutes of “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead” then watch those two affronts to on-base percentage.
Which gets us back to the urgency Ilitch feels about winning a baseball title. In the last five years he has watched his team:
1) Choke away a World Series against an inferior opponent.
2) Flop twice after the All-Star break and fall out of contention.
3) Lose a play-in game to the Twins after a monumental collapse of historical proportions.
And not once in those four years of contention has the team made an earth shattering move to assist in making a final push for the team’s first championship since 1984.
Well, Mike, you are now 82-years old and you’ve got a team that once again is in the hunt. What the fuck are you going to do about it this time?
In a recent column (http://www.detroitsportsrag.com/mossisms061311.php) I addressed the team’s recent frugal approach and why I am concerned that they won’t be buyers at next month’s trade deadline.
Take a look at the following chart which details the Tigers, White Sox and Twins disturbing spending habits in the last three seasons:
2009
Tigers — $115 million (5th in all of baseball)
White Sox — $96 million
Twins — $65 million
2010
Tigers — $122 million (6th in all of baseball)
White Sox — $105 million
Twins — $97 million
2011
White Sox — $127 million
Twins — $112 million
Tigers — $105 million (10th in all of baseball)
In the last three years the Tigers have gone from FIFTH in all of the majors to THIRD in their OWN DIVISION!
Theoretically the Tigers SHOULD have some money to throw around at the trade deadline and make an impactful™ (Tom Gores) acquisition to put this team over the top. And I am not talking about some bullshit Band-Aid like Sean Casey or Aubrey Huff.
Back in the days before the NHL instituted a salary cap Ilitch always said he would do whatever was necessary at the trade deadline to bring a Cup to Detroit.
JUST ONCE it would be nice if Ilitch did the same for the Tigers. Whether Dombrowski can pick the bones of the Chapter 11 Dodgers or pull off a Jose Reyes miracle (highly doubtful) or even kick the tires on the struggling Hanley Ramirez (DD does love Florida Marlins and expensive guys hitting under .220), THE TIGERS HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!
Mike, if you don’t and you never witness your beloved Tigers wining a World Series under your stewardship, it will be your funeral. Literally.
Did Ya Need Further Proof That Lynn Henning is Retarded?
I have been meaning to get to this for a while, but haven’t had a chance to squeeze it in. A couple weeks ago, Lynn Henning, the bi-polar reporter for Detroit News wrote a recap of the Tigers’ penny-pinching draft.
One of Detroit’s selections was a power hitting first baseman named Aaron Westlake. The team took the Vanderbilt slugger in the third round (106th overall.)
Now, keep in mind that the Tampa Bay Rays alone passed on this kid about 24 times before the Tigers drafted him and baseball draft expert Keith Law advised that Westlake is a one-dimensional power hitter who can’t do anything else very well.
So this is what Henning had to say about this guy who the team just took 106th overall:
“As for Westlake, it is painful but prudent to remember Cabrera will not play in Detroit forever. He is signed through 2015. He turns 30 in 2013. At some point during that 2013-15 time frame, reality suggests the Tigers probably will trade him rather than extend a costly contract. You can’t say that with any assurance. But it would make sense, particularly if the Tigers were able to sell high, which is where you definitely price Cabrera. It also becomes doable if the team has a big, powerful first baseman waiting in the wings.”
So this jackass already has the Tigers considering trading Cabrera when he is in the PRIME of his career (30 through 32 years old) and potentially replacing him with a guy who was passed over 105 time before getting selected earlier this month.
And for the record, can someone remind me the last time the Tigers traded away a superstar in the PRIME of their CAREER? Which is what Henning is suggesting they probably will do with Cabrera.
I will give you a hint how long ago that occurred. The guy we traded? His FUCKING SON will be the premiere free-agent available this offseason. HIS SON!!!!
Hey Lynn, go soak your head.
And Finally …
It has been 75 days since the Pistons season ended and forward Charlie Villanueva has not been involved in an ALLEGED domestic violence incident. It might not sound like much, but for CV31, it is like a Pete Rose-esque hitting streak. Well, maybe that is a poor choice of words.