By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
September 24, 2014
As I begin to type this column, the Tigers have defeated Chris “Bushnell” Sale in the crucial series finale and the Cleveland Indians are leading the Kansas City Royals 3-0 in the bottom of the third inning.
So why am I so angry? Why am I as despondent as I have been all year about this Tigers team? Well, let’s just say you are on an airplane flying from DTW to Las Vegas cruising at an altitude of 35,000 feet in smooth air. There’s nothing but blackjack tables and affordable “Hollywood 9” prostitutes in your near future.
The caveat being you know the pilot is suicidal and has plans to crash your Airbus into a mountain at any moment. Would you be relaxed or sitting on pins and needles trying to figure out a way into that god damn locked cockpit?
Well, in my nightmarish scenario, the captain of that airplane is Brad Ausmus and I am sorry if I am not jumping up and down and grabbing my asscheeks over a potential two-game AL Central lead.
Because, after what I have witnessed over the past few days, the AL Central title is the only thing this team is winning if Ivy League Surfer Boy Mimbo Imbecile is allowed to retain his grip on the control yoke.
There are only four games left in the regular season and, incredibly, we are still at a point where Joakim Soria is being used in a non-essential role. This would be borderline insane if the Tigers had the bullpen of the 1997 New York Yankees. Breaking news ….. they don’t.
A team that was so desperate for late-inning relief at the deadline that they traded away their BEST starting pitching prospect (Jake Thompson) AND their TOP reliever in the system (Corey Knebel) for the dominant Soria has basically treated him as if he were carrying the Ebola virus.
Soria can’t get a sniff as the closer or even as the primary set-up man even though the gentlemen who are currently holding down those roles are total puke garbage. Joe Nathan has completely lost his fastball velocity due to old age and puts so many men on base that he is more traffic guard than relief pitcher at this point.
And Joba Chamberlain? Well, not to go all Dennis Green on ya, but he is who we all thought he would be after an excellent first half. Since the All-Star Break Chamberlain has been awful, posting a Nathan-esque 5.32 ERA.
Soria not being allowed to steal ONE of those TWO jobs from these losers? That would be like the President of ABC telling Leonardo DiCaprio there were no lines for him in a “Growing Pains” reunion show.
This behavior by Ausmus is so insane that I still can’t believe it is occurring. How outrageous is this managerial malpractice? Even a man who has made an entire CAREER of being dead wrong about EVERYTHING gets it …..
Again, and it must be repeated: How the Tigers (Ausmus and his bosses) continue to tempt disaster by their Nathan stubbornness is amazing.
— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) September 24, 2014
You’ve got to go with Joakim Soria as closer. Simple. Obvious. An imperative.
— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) September 24, 2014
Instead of making the PAINFULLY OBVIOUS decision, the Tigers have relegated Soria to humiliating mop-up duty. In the last 10 days, Soria has entered twice with the team trailing by at least two runs. Today he pitched the ninth in a 6-1 game.
What’s next? Sentencing him to 100 hours of community service at the Capuchin Soup Kitchen?!??!?!??
The best part about Soria’s Wednesday afternoon janitorial services was that it CLEARLY was only the THIRD-worst move Ausmus made that day with the division title hanging in the balance.
[Did I mention that Soria had an incredible easy, 1-2-3 ninth inning that included a wicked 68-mph off-speed pitch that has Dayan Vicideo STILL shaking his head?]
This shit-for-brains manager actually started Bryan Holaday against Chris Sale even though …..
1) Chris Sale is the best left-handed pitcher on Earth not named Clayton.
2) Bryan Holaday entered the contest with a .395 OPS versus SOUTHPAWS this year. .395. A slash line of .157/.195/.200. That is HISTORICALLY awful.
3) Bryan Holaday stinks defensively. In fact, the only run the White Sox scored on Wednesday came after this abomination air-mailed a ball into right center field on a stolen base attempt by JOSE ABREU. Ya know, the fleet-footed, 6-foot-3, 255 pound Cuban version of Vince Coleman.
4) The last time the Tigers faced a lefty starter, rookie James McCann started and had two hits in the first game of the hyper-important Royals series last weekend. Detroit scored TEN runs that evening. Oh and the kid who supposedly can’t start because he isn’t familiar with the team’s pitching staff also caught a Verlander gem.
In what fucking world do you start a guy with a THREE-NINETY-FIVE OPS vs. lefties against Chris “Nikon” Sale?!?!??!?!?!?!
And bat Holaday SEVENTH ahead of Rajai Davis who this season is absolutely annihilating left-handed pitching. The guy who batted ninth today has a .381 OBP and .558 slugging percentage vs. LHP.
And he batted NINTH. Because why would you want a dude with speed and a .381 ON BASE PERCENTAGE hitting in front of Miguel Cabrera and Bo and Luke Martinez??!?!?!?
Brad Ausmus is so [Trout] damn sabermetric averse that he makes Jim Leyland look like the love child of Bill James and Keith Law.
Every single castrated member of the Detroit Sports Media should be focusing on this subject on a daily basis. Instead they get distracted by nonsense like Sale beaning V-Mart when that won’t have any real life consequences until next spring when these two teams meet again.
But what do you expect? This is a town that provides airtime to two sub-humans on the team’s FLAGSHIP station during mid-days who don’t know how to calculate WHIP!!!!!
I shit you not. Benedict (Doug Karsch) and the Orca (Scott “The 40+-Year-Old Virgin” Anderson) couldn’t figure out what the stat meant.
We aren’t talking about SIERA or even OPS. We’re talking about WHIP. The fucking definition of the stat is in the ACRONYM.
W(alks)
H(its)
I(innings)
P(itched)
These two rocket scientists were confused about Joe Nathan’s WHIP. Ya gotta believe me. I am guessing they are also totally confused about the stated goal of the N.A.A.C.P.
Or how about retired columnist Bob Wojnowski? How can you expect him to opine on any of this when he can’t even grasp basic facts about this pennant race. Just take a gander at this Tweet from last night ……
I would love for this slob to explain how the Royals game had ANY impact on the Tigers clinching a WILD CARD berth. It was a Mariners loss which had just occurred that mattered. This guy actually calls himself a SPORTSWRITER. He understands that KC is in the same division as Detroit, right?????
And if that isn’t bad enough, there have been multiple BLOGS written recently defending Brad Ausmus,
including one by the pathetic website “Bless You Boys.”
The crux of that holocaust of an article?? Well, Ausmus is basically doing all of the same things that Leyland would have done — and Leyland was great — so why are you people so upset?
Yep, after listing off a litany of mistakes that Ausmus has made in 2014, this cockbag went with the “Yeah, Kim Jong-un is an oppressive dictator who feeds his own people to swine, but he really is no different than his dad, Kim Jong-il” rationale.
And that wasn’t even the most offensive portion
of this trash. This was actually posted in the “article” ……
Instead, they have seen a manager make all the classic managing moves: particularly moves that infuriate the intellectual corner of Tigers fandom (which I’m happy to say resides right here at BYB).
The intellectual corner of Tigers fandom?!?!?!?!? Are you effing shitting me with this?
Let’s take a gander at SOME of the comments made by the “intellectual Tigers fans” in that particular community lately:
[Torii] Hunter may be slower with age but is still a very smart outfielder. He is well above average out there.
at least in KC it seems that almost every Royals fan supports Yost. Saw multiple signs in KC yesterday saying “In Yost We Trust.” Too bad Tigers fans can’t be the same with Ausmus. It is his first year and he will get better. They did sign him for 3 years.
For a first year manager I think Ausmus has done a fine job.
Personally, I feel with all the off-season changes that the Tigers have actually exceeded expectations. Anytime you have MAJOR changes in a team roster, there is a window of doubt. This team has come together and proven their worth!
This isn’t Wayne Gretzky-like cherrypicking either. It took me about 60 seconds to find those and I will even spare you all of the “Don Kelly is My Tiger” shit just in case you fucks are eating your Frosted Flakes while reading this.
The sad part about all of this is the World Series is very achievable for this team. Verlander and Cabrera look like they have finally rebounded from offseason core-muscle repair surgery.
The back-end of the bullpen COULD be deadly if the dumbest Ivy League graduate not named Jon Paul Morosi or George W. Bush would replace Nathan and Hut with Soria and Anibal Sanchez.
The Tigers’ arranged ALDS playoff date is sans Manny Machado, Matt Wieters AND Chris Davis. And the Angels won’t have the services of their Cy Young candidate (Garrett Richards) in October.
But how can you trust Ausmus’ judgment after all we have seen since the end of March? I mean, the San Francisco Giants starting PITCHER from last night has four home runs and eight RBI more than a man Ausmus has batted sixth in his lineup TWENTY-SIX TIMES THIS SEASON!!!!!
And based upon his decisions of September 24th, it would appear that Ausmus has not learned a damn thing.
I keep waiting for Dave Dombrowski to come down from his Comerica Park Ivory Tower like he did on July 31st when he instructed Ausmus to pull Austin Jackson from the field because of the David Price trade; only this time he would implore his “skipper” to pitch Soria or play McCann vs. lefties.
But I guess this divot-chinned moron is okay with Ausmus ignoring every basic mathematical concept known to mankind.
Let me tell ya, if I bought my wife a Louis Vuitton purse for her birthday and she refused to use it as an accessory when we went out for Saturday night dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse — but used it as her gym bag for Jazzercize — I would be fucking livid and I’d SAY SOMETHING!!!!
There are only two people in the free world who seem to understand why Soria is not the closer by now.
Unfortunately for Tigers fans who have watched this team get humiliated in two World Series to inferior teams that missed the postseason the following year; witnessed the collapse of 2009 and Game 163; suffered through finishing last in the AL CENTRAL in 2008 after adding Miggy; and who had to endure a bullpen meltdown in 2013 that cost us that elusive ring ………..
Those two gentlemen just happen to be Brad Ausmus and Dave Dombrowski.
Now, excuse me while I brace for that inevitable head-on collision with the Rocky Mountains.