By Jeff Moss
August 5, 2011
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
As Major League Baseball commences their investigation into the illegal poker habits of Alex Rodriguez and his big-money games with known hoodlums such as Tobey Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, I would like the league to expand their investigation.
Because I think we have enough circumstantial evidence that Tigers (mis)manager Jim Leyland is picking his spots and wagering against his team. I mean, after Thursday’s lineup there are only two assumptions that you can make:
1) He is sabotaging his own squad
2) He is the dumbest fucking person on the planet.
And since we have spent hundreds of thousands of words on this website discussing the latter, let’s build the case that Cancer Stick is actually “Bizarro” Pete Rose.
First of all, we know the guy is a degenerate horse player. And if there is one thing that I can spot in this world it is another degenerate horse player.
Legend has it that when Leyland was managing the Florida Marlins years ago he used to send a runner to the track to place his bets. You see, [Joe Robbie Stadium, Pro Player Park, Pro Player Stadium, Dolphin Stadium, Dolphins Stadium, Land Shark Stadium] sits adjacent to Calder Race Course and Leyland would place his wagers for the day from the manager’s office.
Here is an account of Leyland’s gambling history from a Miami Herald article:
“Leyland, when he managed the Marlins, used to send bets to Calder via courier and call (track announcer Phil) Saltzman’s phone to listen to his calls firsthand and find out how his bets turned out. Leyland was so enamored with Saltzman that he gave the announcer tickets to all of the 1997 World Series games played at Pro Player Stadium.”
Look, I am a total degenerate horse racing fanatic who altered the date of my own sister’s wedding because I told her I wouldn’t attend if she had it on Kentucky Derby Day, but even I have never called a track announcer’s cell phone for a race call!!!
And not only is Leyland a derelict, but he is the worst kind of “handicapper.” According to my sources at Northville Downs and Hazel Park Raceway, the guy makes his bets without even studying the Daily Racing Form.
Which is the equivalent of playing the stock market with a dart board or betting on college football team’s because you like their team mascot™ (Josh Katzenstein.)
And not only does the guy bet on horses without doing the proper research, rumor has it his game of choice at the casino is the one-armed bandits.
Yep, when Leyland moved to Detroit from Pittsburgh he decided to stay at the Athenium Hotel instead of renting a house which is within chicken-spewing distance of Greektown Casino. [Insert Mike Valenti Live Commercial Read here.]
And after ballgames you could see the old, grey haired bag of bones playing a variety of slot machines to pass the time before his bedtime.
So this guy’s games of choice are horse racing and slots. Probably the TWO WORST GAMBLES you can make outside of having unprotected butt sex with Magic Johnson.
The track takes out around 25 percent of the take before the starting gate opens and slot machines are REGULATED to guarantee the casino’s winnings.
Leyland would have had a better chance of playing the Dow Jones yesterday than winning long term on either of those two propositions.
So now that we have established that the dude is an idiot gambler, let’s now take a look at his actions this past Thursday afternoon.
Unless you were betting against your own team, can SOMEONE give me another fucking plausible explanation to posting this lineup:
Andy Dirks
Don Kelly
Brennan Boesch
Miguel Cabrera
Victor Martinez
Carlos Guillen
Wilson Betemit
Ryan Raburn
Ramon Santiago
If you don’t think Cancer Stick was betting on the Rangers yesterday, you are instead telling me that Leyland thought his best chance of winning that game against All-Star pitcher Alexi Ogondo was resting four regulars?!!??!!
I mean, Jhonny Peralta hasn’t had a day off since last Friday so I am sure he was begging for the fucking rest. And because the Tigers didn’t play on Monday that means the team’s All-Star shortstop has had three days off in LESS THAN A WEEK!!!!
Is this a baseball team in a god damn pennant race or a part-time job at the Somerset Collection?!?!?!?!? CAL RIPKEN PLAYED IN 2,632 STRAIGHT GAMES yet Peralta has been rested twice since the Smurf movie was released.
And as bad as Austin Jackson has struggled of late, he did get on-base three times Wednesday night and call me crazy, but with Brad Penny on the mound I kind of would want my best centerfielder roaming the spacious Comerica Park outfield.
Before Vegas caught wind of Leyland’s “Tom Kelly Sunday Lineup” they had the Rangers as a -145 favorite. A decent favorite on the road, but nothing prohibitive.
Is there a Tigers fan in the world who saw Ogondo on the mound against THAT lineup and thought there was ANY chance of a Detroit series sweep?!!?!? Shit, the ESPN.com Gamecast “Projected Winner” had the Rangers at 98 percent DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM!!!!
And I understand that Alex Avila couldn’t catch the afternoon following a night game, but are you telling me a TWENTY-FOUR (24) YEAR OLD KID COULDN’T DH WHILE VICTOR MARTINEZ WAS BEHIND THE PLATE!!!!!
Especially since a righty was on the mound and after a lousy July, Avila is smoking the ball in August.
With Mr. Dancing with the Stars on the hill for Detroit and the worst career #1 and #2 hitters in the history of baseball in Detroit’s lineup against Agondo, the odds should have been around -450 in favor of Texas.
And did you hear Leyland’s postgame comments about Penny’s performance? He was positively ebullient over his starting pitcher’s day. He said that the obese hurler was “terrific.”
Terrific? Ummm, Penny gave up four runs in 6 2/3 innings. By my count that is an ERA of 5.40. He allowed ELEVEN HITS AND THREE WALKS FOR A WHIP OF 2.10.
If those are TERRIFIC numbers what kind of adjective does he use when Verlander pitches a one-hitter?
Well, an ERA of 5.40 and a WHIP of 2.10 would be TERRIFIC numbers if you had a sizeable wager on the Rangers yesterday.
Of course, I don’t actually believe that this dumbshit is betting against his own team. He is just a stupid moron with no sense of urgency whatsoever and ZERO killer instinct.
(On Wednesday night the guy actually sacrifice bunted Avila in the FOURTH INNING with human strikeout machines Betemit and Jackson coming up.)
Leyland went into Thursday’s game not giving two shits if the team won. They had already taken 2 of 3 from the Angels and were guaranteed a series win against the Rangers regardless of the day’s outcome.
Just read his postgame statements:
“We finished with a 6-3 record against (Texas) for the year. That’s pretty good. Most teams would take that against the defending champions.”
“We beat Los Angeles two out of three, and then we won two out of three against the American League champions. That’s pretty good, and it took a great pitcher to beat us.”
Does that sound like a guy who was real broken up about the 5-2 loss or a man who was perfectly content with sacrificing a baseball game in August?
And because the team is obviously going to win the AL Central despite him, we are probably guaranteed another two years of this insanity.
I just wonder if Cancer Stick would utilize a similar lineup for Game 2 of the ALCS against the Rangers and Ogondo.
Of course he wouldn’t.
Sincerely,
Alexis Gomez and Neifi Perez