By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
August 22, 2014

To tell you the truth, I hadn’t thought of former Detroit Free Press writer and amateur Catskills comedian Michael Rosenberg lately.

Not unlike a Malaysian Airliner, RosenNebbish had basically been off my radar (get it, Mike?) since he became a Sports Illustrated columnist two years ago.

RosenKreplach had been a frequent target of this website due to his horrid takes, his terrible sense of humor …. and, most famously, his own personal jihad against former Michigan football head coach Rich Rodriguez.

In fact, RosenMatzoh was so hated by readers of this site that he EASILY won our first “DSR Worst Detroit Sports Media Tournament” over Terry Foster.

I won’t bore with you with a rehash of the entire sordid RichRod/Rosenberg affair, but, basically, the Freep COLUMNIST decided to go rogue; he became an investigative reporter for once in his life and persecuted the U of M coach over absolutely nothing — all in the name of supporting his old pal, Lloyd Carr.

RosenShofar had an axe to grind so he used the pages of the Freep to run RichRod out of town due to Carr’s personal vendetta against the “outsider” coach. It was shameful and was one of the lowest moments in the pathetic history of Detroit sports media. And that’s saying a mouthful.

But then RosenDweeb took his “talents” to SI and basically drifted off into obscurity. The dork is a NATIONAL columnist and he has fewer than 20,000 followers on Twitter. Just for comparison’s sake, another locally-based national columnist (Dan Wetzel) has over TEN TIMES that number.

Of course, Wetzel is an excellent writer who doesn’t resort to this sort of “humor” on Twitter …..

It took Luis Suarez a week to realize he ate something he shouldn’t have, the exact opposite of my dining experience in Scotland.

— Michael Rosenberg (@Rosenberg_Mike) June 30, 2014

Anyway, RosenDork returned to the local consciousness this week in the most predictable way possible: He used his bully pulpit at his once well-respected magazine to write a glowing piece on Michigan head coach Brady Hoke.

I could go on and on about the awfulness of this written fellatio of the embattled Michigan coach and juxtapose it with RosenDweeb’s take on RichRod after THREE seasons (remember Rodriguez’s fourth season in Ann Arbor? … Yeah, neither do I) or I could lambaste Rosenberg for his awful hypocrisy in the name of defending the “old guard” at U of M, but former DSR contributor Brian Richard Coburn did it much better in the comments section of RosenMenorah’s article anyway.

So just read that ……

Compare and contrast this puffery with Rosenberg’s infamous hit piece on Rich Rod four years ago and it’s clear that MR is a shill for Lloyd Carr’s shadow mafia at UM. An outsider comes in to threaten Lloyd’s legacy: he gets taken down by Rosenberg. A ex Carr assistant comes in to continue Carr’s legacy (whatever the hell THAT is anymore) and he gets a new wax shine. So transparent it’s not even funny.

A new wax shine is a perfect label for this apologetic feature. Shit, I haven’t read a love letter like this in the pages of Sports Illustrated since William Nack ceased writing about Secretariat and Ruffian.

Not only did RosenSukkot attempt to tell a national audience that Hoke isn’t AD David Brandon’s puppet (he most definitely is), he also tried to hoodwink readers into believing the Wolverine football program is on the right track (it’s not) and he had the unmitigated gall to infer that Hoke’s success or failure at U of M is a referendum on GOOD GUYS being able to coach Division I programs!!!!!!!!!!!

“I don’t think Michigan can do any better than Brady Hoke. He really is the kind of person you want your kids to play for.”

He is, he really is, and no, that doesn’t mean he can go 7-6 every year. Hoke knows that. He has no illusions. But it does mean that Michigan will probably give him every chance to succeed, no matter what fans or analysts think.

College football has changed so much over the course of the last decade that it is almost unrecognizable. Hoke believes his ways still work. Maybe we should all hope he is right.

I mean, for the sake of humanity, we should all get behind the Brady Hoke Bus!!! Even the folks in East Lansing and Columbus should support this portly fella in his quest to exorcise all of the demons from collegiate football.

Because he is a good guy. One your “kid” would be lucky to play for because Hoke will always have his back. Even if he is an alleged rapist.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that RosenNerd also whitewashed Hoke’s handling of the ghastly Brendan Gibbons situation in this piece-of-filth column?

So while Rosenberg concocted charges against RichRod regarding excessive practice time that would have made Boss Hogg blush if he had ordered Roscoe P. Coltrane to levy them against the Duke Boys, he wrote this vomit-inducing flowery soliloquy about Hoke.

What an awful human being. How do you look at yourself in the mirror, Michael? And I am not asking that because you are cross-eyed and ugly.

Please scurry back to obscurity as a “national” columnist who is basically a non-factor in the media world.