By Jeff Moss
September 11, 2011
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
One of my favorite articles to write back in the halcyon days of the DSR was the “Power Rankings.” Mainly because I didn’t have to come up with a creative way to tie in a divergent group of subjects or write a witty opening paragraph.
If there is a lazy way to write a 2,000 word article, this would be it.
So let’s take the temperature of a variety of Detroit sports topics in the return of one of the site’s old standbys.
Channel 7 (WXYZ)
As you might know, WXYZ currently has the broadcast rights to the Lions exhibition games. So in an effort to bamboozle the viewers of Detroit’s fourth preseason game against Buffalo, these fucksticks ran a tease for their 11:00 pm news which stated that the Red Wings had made a blockbuster “deal” that was going to upset some of the team’s fans.
Now, I have my Twitter feed hooked up to my body like an IV so if the Wings had made a trade, I WOULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT IT.
Even still, I went to a variety of NHL sites to check and see if Kenny Holland had made a move. And what did I find?
That the Red Wings had signed a deal with Amway products in which the alleged “pyramid scheme” would be the hockey team’s presenting sponsor for the next three seasons.
This tease to trick sports fans into watching Channel 7’s local news was utterly disgusting. I am confident even “Ann Arbor” Douglas Karsch the Third thought WXYZ’s spot had gone way too far with this blatant misrepresentation.
Jim Leyland – Manager of the Year
Now that GM Dave Dombrowski has made numerous trades to replace all of Leyland’s boys (Inge, Ordonez, etc.) in the regular lineup, the Tigers have pulled away from their impotent AL Central competition.
And because of the team’s recent success, there are now whispers from certain morons in the Detroit media that Cancer Stick should win the AL Manager of the Year award.
I haven’t read the criteria for receiving that award, but does it mention anything about batting a guy with a .600 OPS in the three-hole of your lineup until mid-August when you had a plethora of options to improve your batting order (Avila or Peralta to name two) before the Delmon Young trade?
Seriously, how can you pass on placing a guy with a .293 OPS in front of the American League’s #1 and #2 hitters with runners in scoring position?!?!?!
The Tigers are going to win the division this year DESPITE Emaciated Adolf’s asinine moves. I mean, you can win at black jack by hitting 16 against a 6, but it doesn’t mean you are smart. It just means you are a lucky, fucking idiot.
Leyland is the same awful manager that he has been all season long, he just has more tools at his disposal than Ozzie Guillen and Manny Acta and even HE can’t screw this sure thing up.
Giving Leyland the Manager of the Year would be the equivalent of Nobel handing out this year’s Peace Prize to Bashar al-Assad, Hosni Mubarak and Muammar Gaddafi.
There is only one candidate worthy of this year’s AL MOTY and it is the same guy who should win it pretty much every year. Hell, if the NHL’s Coach of the Year is named after Jack Adams, it might be time to rename the AL MOTY after Tampa’s Joe Maddon.
While Dombrowski has plugged every leaky hole on the Tigers roster for Cancer Stick while spending well over $100 million on salary, Maddon has had to compete in baseball’s toughest division with an Opening Day budget of $41 million.
Not only did Maddon lose his star outfielder, his first baseman and a majority of his bullpen (a certain 8th inning specialist named Benoit ring a bell?), the team’s BIG offseason acquisition (Manny Ramirez) tested positive for performance enhancing drugs and RETIRED in April.
Maddon also has had to deal with his one true offensive superstar’s (Evan Longoria) subpar season, but guess what?
There isn’t a Boston fan alive that isn’t terrified that the Rays are going to catch the Red Sox for the AL Wild-Card berth in the last few weeks of the season.
If Leyland somehow wins the AL MOTY award over Maddon it will be the most despicable decision since Roy Jones Jr. was butt-fucked out of his Gold Medal during the Seoul Olympics.
Rob Parker
Just for old time’s sake.
Jerry Green
I am still not sure how a journalist who was fired something like three decades ago for being TOO OLD is still writing for the Detroit News, but Green is still churning out asinine columns on certain Saturdays.
And I usually don’t like ripping on Green because it is kind of mean to criticize a guy who was born before Yoda, but his article yesterday regarding the AL MVP race was just too awesome to ignore.
The column was mainly intended to support Justin Verlander’s candidacy for MVP, but instead degenerated into an attack on sabermetrics. There are a lot of gems in this piece, but here is a paragraph that capsulizes its greatness:
“Imagine, on base percentage plus slugging average — appearing in baseball literature as OPS. It’s like mixing sand with gasoline. Or WAR — wins above replacement, some sort of comparative calculus. Or WHIP, which at least makes some sense — walks plus hits over innings pitched. Still an arcane mixture.”
I don’t even know where to begin with that paragraph other than to say that Phil Hartman’s “Caveman Lawyer” character is embarrassed by Green’s naiveté when it comes to baseball’s new math.
Shit, I am not even sure WHIP and OPS should even be CONSIDERED advanced metrics.
Of course, we are talking about a guy who probably figured out Verlander’s ERA with an abacus.
It is “arcane” to mix walks plus hits over IP? Really, what isn’t arcane to a 112-year old man who probably needs help from a family member to figure out the packaging on a bottle of Metamucil?
After reading this senile column I am pretty confident that Jerry hasn’t already pre-purchased his tickets for the movie “Moneyball” on Fandango.com.
Preparing for Postseason Baseball
As of this writing the Tigers have a 9.5 game lead over the Chicago White Sox with 17 games left. ESPN rates their chances of winning the AL Central at 99.9%.
The only way the Tigers could miss the postseason in 2011 would be to replace the team plane with a Yak-42. (Yikes, even Gilbert Gottfried thinks that joke came too soon. Sorry.)
And while it is extremely important to stay ahead of the AL West division leader in an effort to procure home-field advantage in the ALDS, there are some housekeeping measures that should take place before the playoffs commence.
For one, Justin Verlander should at a minimum be limited to 100 pitches in his remaining starts. It would be more prudent to skip one of JV’s remaining appearances completely and give Jacob Turner another spot start to give the poor guy some rest.
Look, we all know this team is only going as far as Verlander’s right-arm can carry them and it is time to give the ace a little bit of a break before the World Series push begins.
Verlander has actually looked like a mere mortal in two of his last three games including the last start when he gave up two homers to Shelly Duncan. I don’t think it is a good sign when JV gives up two absolute bombs to the actor who replaced Valerie Harper on “The Hogan Family”, but that is just me.
The other move that has to be made soon is one I mentioned last month. Give Alex Avila AT LEAST three starts at third base over the next couple of weeks.
Look, the Yankees and Red Sox pitching sucks ass and RIGHT NOW the Tigers have to be considered a co-favorite to get to the World Series.
IF Detroit reaches the Series it isn’t an option to have to sit either Avila or Victor Martinez potentially for four games so it is absolutely crucial to get Avila some playing time at the hot corner.
You would think a guy who is getting consideration for MOTY from some of the Detroit media slapdicks would realize this eventuality before it is too late.
I am not going to hold my breath though.
Sergei Fedorov
Just for old time’s sake.
Tom Kowalski
One of the more interesting tributes at the public memorial service for Killer was given by Detroit Lions Senior Vice-President of Communications, Bill Keenist. (By the way, that title is just a fancy way of saying that Keenist is in charge of media relations.)
In his speech, Keenist FINALLY admitted something that we at this website have known for years.
Back on January 12, 2005, Killer wrote a very controversial article that stated the Lions were considering releasing QB Joey Harrington. Basically, the team’s coaching staff (Steve Mariucci) had decided that the “Piano Man” couldn’t lead the team to a Super Bowl.
In an almost unprecedented move by a professional sports organization, the Lions (led by Keenist) issued a point-by-point rebuttal to Kowalski’s article, which stated that Killer was full of shit.
(You can read both Tom’s original article and the team’s rebuttal here:
The main source for Killer’s story was Sherm Lewis who had been the team’s offensive coordinator and who at the time had recently announced his retirement.
The Lions went as far as placing a Sherm Lewis quote in their press release rebuttal stating that Kowalski was flat-out wrong.
The one thing the Lions didn’t know is that the DSR was working on the story as well. You see, back in 2004 both Sherm and I used to regularly attend Northville Downs to gamble on the horses.
And Sherm would tell just about anyone at ND who would listen that he wasn’t a fan of Joey, that Joey wasn’t a leader and that Harrington couldn’t direct the West Coast Offense.
After the DSR corroborated Killer’s story, I got some indirect threats from Sherm’s posse at the track that they wanted to “talk” to me. These were some big dudes so I avoided them like a $5,000 claimer in a stakes race.
Sherm’s own SON went as far to call the “Stoney and Wojo” program on WDFN to label me a liar in an effort to refute both Tom and my report.
The only problem was that the story was 100 percent accurate. And while I had to worry about my own personal safety for a couple of months when visiting the track, Tom’s credibility was called into question by the team he covered.
Anyway, after all of these years the truth FINALLY came out during Tom’s tribute at Cheli’s in Detroit. Bill Keenist admitted during an emotional speech that Killer’s story was accurate.
If I was a betting man (and most degenerates who get scoops by hanging out at Northville Downs are), I would wager that Keenist had admitted to Tom years ago that he was right and the Lions management was wrong regarding this huge dispute.
But it was very interesting to me that Keenist mentioned this story during his eulogy of his friend in a very public forum.
And now …. you know ….. the ….. REST of the STORY™ (Paul Harvey.)