By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
February 11, 2014
I don’t know what kind of cruel Sadie Hawkins-esque “Yes, I will go to the dance with you…Oh, wait…No, I won’t” game Fox Sports Detroit host Lindsey Hayes is running on me, but it has become quite mean.
For weeks I have been trying to get the new FSD employee to follow me on Twitter. I think my Detroit sports insight would be valuable to the Wisconsin transplant.
Some [Please See: Justin Spiro] will accuse me of only desiring Hayes to follow me because she is a younger and taller version of my wife, but that isn’t true. Well, not entirely.
(Spiro is kind of the Rust Cohle to my Marty Hart when it comes to this matter. Although, I am probably the Michael Jordan of being a son of a bitch.)
I have basically pulled the George Costanza “opposite” ploy and have gone against every instinct I have when conversing with Hayes on Twitter. In other words, I have been nice and complimentary. When she asked some nonsensical questions of Mike Babcock after a recent Wings game, I refrained from bombing her.
I made her a #15 seed in the DSR’s Worst Detroit Media Personality tournament and if John Niyo wasn’t so great and didn’t hog all four #16 seeds she would have earned that prestigious honor as well.
Hell, last week I even implored all of my Twitter minions — both living and in bot form — to follow Ms. Hayes, which helped to push her over the 2,000 follower threshold.
I figured that gracious gesture would surely get me a “follow” from Lindsey. I mean, she follows one of the ex-Bachelorettes, Paws and Dolly Parton for Christ’s sake, so I didn’t think I was asking much.
We’re talking about PAWS!!!!
Anyway, I woke up this morning with glorious news. On the two-week anniversary of rolling out of bed to discover an email from an Allen Park detective, I received this joyous message from Twitter…
“Lindsey Hayes is now following you on Twitter.” It was like an early Valentine’s Day present!!!!! Hell, Twitter was so excited for me that they sent this email at 2:45 in the MORNING.
Of course, being the neurotic Jew that I am, I could not leave well enough alone and just accept this email as evidence that Lindsey had finally caved and had become a DSR devotee. Nope. I had to double-check to verify that my dream had come true. And that is when I found this …..
Now, if Lindsey was truly following me, there would be a “FOLLOWS YOU” graphic to the right of @LindseyHayesFSD. But there isn’t.
So what kind of cruel ploy is Lindsey Hayes pulling in getting my hopes up and then crushing them like a tuna fish sandwich underneath Scott Anderson’s derrière?
I might be a monster, but even monsters have feelings. I am pretty sure Pixar even made a movie about that.
I am still attempting to get to the bottom of this, but I am guessing Shannon Hogan is pulling the strings.
Poor Jiff Myst.