By Jeff Moss
December 31, 2011
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
One of my favorite annual Internet columns was posted this week and it inspired me to bring back the DSR Media Raggies to end this year of the rejuvenated DirtSpurtRig.
The year-end collection of Media Awards handed out by CNNSI’s Richard Deitsch is a must read for any diehard fan of sports and the assortment of idiots who cover these games.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/richard_deitsch/12/28/media.awards/index.html
So in the spirit of Deitch’s work, I decided to wrap-up the 2011 Year in Detroit Sports Writing and Broadcasting with my own collection of “Awards” for the great and the awful in Motown journalism.
And as you can imagine, it was much easier to figure out the honorees for the horrid awards than the positive ones.
Anyway, all winners should look for their DSR Raggie Award in the mail in the near future. Longtime readers of the site will remember that the trophy is a replica of Joe Louis’s fist with a Tampax sticking out of it.
Now onto the awards…
Best Print Journalist
JOHN NIYO, DETROIT NEWS
I am not saying the pickings were slim for this honor, but I’d probably have an easier time selecting the most scientific thinker out of the GOP Presidential candidates.
In the end the choice was fairly easy though as in the last 12 months, Niyo has developed into the best columnist in the city. Which of course, isn’t saying much.
Not only does Niyo consistently have the best takes when it comes to Detroit sports issues (I can’t recall disagreeing with much of anything he wrote this year), he doesn’t litter his pieces with awful jokes that NOBODY laughs at.
His columns are usually straight forward opinion pieces that make sense which in this town is a rarity. The guy doesn’t have an agenda (Drew Sharp and Michael Rosenberg) and he doesn’t write more columns about death, tragedy and eliciting charitable donations (Mitch Albom) than sports.
The highlight of his 2011 writing season was a column about the decimated Lions defeating the Minnesota Vikings which got Gunther Cunningham to cry. And the article didn’t even have anything to do with the five people you meet in heaven while talking to your dying professor when having a little faith.
(I really should write a spoof about all of Frodo Albom’s novellas/movies. It could be my version of “Shriek If You What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth.”)
If anything, the News doesn’t utilize Niyo enough. If that idiot sports editor (Phil Laciura) had any clue, he would be promoting Niyo’s work more prominently on the News’ website and in their print edition.
Of course, we are talking about a paper that employs Lynn Henning and Chris McCosky so I wouldn’t expect anything different in the coming year.
Honorable Mention: Dave Birkett (Detroit Free Press), Bob Wojnowski (Detroit News)
Worst Print Journalist
DREW SHARP, DETROIT FREE PRESS
It was a banner year for the follicle challenged columnist as was well chronicled by the DSR.
In a category that includes Rosenberg, McCosky and Henning, Not the Sharpest Drew won this Raggie by a Secretariat-esque 31 lengths.
His piece de resistance was his column about Justin Verlander’s no-hitter game against the Blue Jays which he clearly didn’t start watching until at least the seventh inning.
The now infamous “weak tap between the mound and third base” has forever become a part of the DSR lexicon.
I am not going to rehash the entire Sharp debacle again as you can read about this journalistic malpractice by clicking on the following links:
http://detroitsportsrag.com/mossisms050911.php
http://detroitsportsrag.com/mossisms071011.php
http://detroitsportsrag.com/mossisms071311.php
The only positive that came out of this moron’s factually incorrect column about a historical Detroit sports event was that it was the impetus for the return of the DSR. I doubt that the DSR main page ever would have been resurrected if not for this dumbshit’s GLARING ERROR.
Sharp continued his career year by writing an atrocious column about former Tiger pitcher Jair Jurrjens in which he stated that Jar Jar’s ERA would be two and a half times higher if he still pitched in the American League.
Completely ignoring the fact that Jurrjens’ ERA since the trade to Atlanta has been LOWER when facing AL competition during interleague play than against NL teams.
Sharp also continued writing columns about Pistons management without disclosing the fact that he is related to Joe Dumars’ second-in-command (Scott Perry), suggested that Penn State should cancel the remainder of its season after the Sandusky Scandal even though the current players had nothing to do with that tragedy and wrote a totally moronic piece about Kirk Cousins’ faith.
Coupled with his normal nonsensical reader baiting trash that he usually writes, Sharp had a terrible Detroit Sports Media year equivalent to Wayne Gretzky’s 215 point season.
In one of the last conversations I ever had with Tom Kowalski we discussed some of Sharp’s transgressions and I had mentioned to him one of Drew’s recent Freep travesties.
Upon asking Killer if he had read the article in question, Tom said, “I haven’t read Drew’s stuff in years.”
Man, do I miss that guy.
Honorable Mention: Michael Rosenberg (Detroit Free Press), Chris McCosky (Detroit News), Lynn Henning (Detroit News)
Best Announcing Team
KEN DANIELS & LARRY MURPHY (FOX SPORTS DETROIT – RED WINGS)
I am not sure I ever truly appreciated the work that Daniels does on Wings broadcasts until he recently missed a game to attend his father’s funeral.
Filling in for the Ontario native that evening was Matt Shepard who did such an horrendous job I suggested on Twitter that Daniels could have done better from the sofa of his dad’s House of Shiva.
Hockey is easily the most difficult game to pull-off a quality play-by-play call yet Daniels’ does it flawlessly. My main problem is that I can’t stand his homer of a partner, Mickey Redmond.
There are many Wings broadcasts where I am forced to hit the mute button because I can’t take the incessant ramblings of the former 50-goal scorer.
Thankfully, due to “The Mick’s” bizarre condition where he is somehow allergic to silverware, Redmond can’t always travel for the team’s away broadcasts.
So during a majority of road games, we get to hear one of the best color announcers in all of sports, Larry Murphy.
The Hall of Fame defenseman is one of the more insightful broadcasters you will ever find and is a joy to listen to especially in comparison to the caricature that Redmond has become.
If Murph ever unseats Redmond for the full-time color gig on FSD broadcasts, I will promise never to mock #55 again with the “Whoop! Whoop!” chant that used to cascade down upon him whenever he returned to DC to play against the Washington Capitals.
Honorable Mention: George Blaha & Greg Kelser (Fox Sports Detroit – Pistons), Dan Miller & Jim Brandstatter (Detroit Lions Radio)
Worst Announcing Team
MARIO IMPEMBA & ROD ALLEN (FOX SPORTS DETROIT – TIGERS)
The only thing worse than Jim Leyland’s lineups is the broadcast team that we have to endure while watching Tigers games on TV.
These two slapdicks make Sean Hannity and North Korea’s Evening News look fair and balanced.
You’d have a better chance of Leyland quitting smoking cold turkey than Impemba or Allen EVER saying anything remotely critical of the Tigers organization.
The highlight of the year was the night of the Wilson Betemit trade when these two jackasses REFUSED to address the deal during the early innings of the game because they didn’t know how to handle the “sensitive” nature of how this was going to affect Brandon Inge’s status with the team.
Allen might as well wear panties and a cheerleader outfit when covering the Tigers considering what an absolute homer he is.
And when Allen isn’t on his knees blowing Dave Dombrowski or Leyland, he is talking up the 93 jobs he had in baseball previous to getting the FSD gig.
Or his “crucial” role on the 1984 Tigers where he had a whopping 27 at-bats more than I did for that championship squad.
My personal favorite Rod Allenism is when the Tigers blow a late inning lead and his microphone goes completely silent. He acts like a jilted lover who just can’t get the words out to describe how he feels.
There are half innings that go by when Allen does his best “The Artist” imitation and refuses to utter a single word. Very professional.
The Tigers previous FSD color announcer is the reigning National League Manager of the Year and our current one is a buffoon most known for chasing a Japanese pitcher around a stadium when he is not fraternizing with the team’s African-American players.
I just wish he would have caught that Japanese pitcher, killed him and had to spend the rest of his life in an Asian jail cell.
Honorable Mention: Matt Shepard & Rob Rubick (Lions Preseason)
Best Sports Talk Radio Show
MIKE VALENTI & MATT DERY (WHEN TERRY FOSTER ISN’T THERE) – 97.1 The Ticket
Okay, before the emails and Tweets start flooding in about what a Valenti kiss-ass I’ve become, let me acknowledge the history between the DSR and the 97.1 host.
Yes, I called out Valenti when he first got to town for badmouthing the site when we nailed the WXYT upheaval story.
Yes, I ridiculed him for not appearing with me on Fox-2’s “Sportsworks” when Foster got called into his candy shop (“I let Abs lick the lollipop”) on late notice and couldn’t appear with me on that program.
Yes, I wrongfully brought his girlfriend (now fiancé) into the “war” when reporting that she didn’t like him covering games at night.
And yes, I played a practical joke once and shutdown the DSR Forums and pretended like we were all going to start posting at his Sports Inferno site.
Which means according to some readers of this site and some fans of his that we can never say anything nice about each other. Whatever.
If Chevy Chase could attend Howard Stern’s wedding, I can surely state that the only time I really can digest Detroit sports talk radio is when Valenti and Dery are bantering and “The Truth” is off watching one of Celine’s soccer games.
When Foster is absent from the show it doesn’t degenerate into the normal schtick coma where Valenti and Foster play good cop/bad cop.
You know the incessant bit where Valenti is the mean asshole and Foster is fucking random downriver skankage.
On days where it is just Mike and Matt talking sports it is easily the best sports talk radio program in town.
Of course, Johnny Knoxville faced tougher competition in “The Ringer.”
Honorable Mention: The Two Hours I Co-Hosted with Russ McNamara on WDFN Last Week
Worst Sports Talk Radio Show
KARSCH & ANDERSON – 97.1 The Ticket
Winning this award is the Raggie equivalent of taking down the WWF 20-Man Invitational Battle Royal at Wrestlemania IV and Doug Karsch and Scott “The Gator” Anderson just happen to be the “Bad News” Brown of this category.
Trust me, being the worst sports talk show in this town ain’t easy. The competition is stiffer than the Miss Texas Beauty Pageant.
But these two douche bags take the cake. And I mean that literally when it comes to Anderson.
Forget for a moment that they consistently have the WORST sports takes anywhere in Detroit.
(Opinions that Valenti regularly mocks on his show after these morons finish their shift.)
Just ignore the HORRID “comedy” bits that Anderson comes up with when utilizing his “impersonations.”
Or their unlistenable Monday mail-it-in bit of “Champ and Chumps.”
The fact that their Twitter handle is “BigClam69” and Gator cackles like a schoolgirl whenever that number is obsessively mentioned (even though I’d lay 12-to-1 odds that he has never found himself in that position) on the air is excruciating radio.
When mixed with Ann Arbor Douglas the Third’s constant teases leading into breaks you have to wonder what kind of person would regularly listen to this drivel.
I only tune in every few weeks just for some DSR material. If you actually enjoy this lowest denominator sort of radio I would advise mixing Gatorade and Anti-Freeze for breakfast tomorrow morning.
Oh and did I mention that on occasion Darren McCarty sits in as a guest host? I hope the next time D-Mac sits in on the show, he steals Karsch’s credit card for a Greektown gambling excursion.
Honorable Mention: Anything involving Jeff Riger, Matt Shepard, Ryan Ermanni or Pat Caputo
Media Member You’d Most Like to Get A Lap Dance From
LAUREN, FOX SPORTS DETROIT
I find it hilarious that the Fox Sports Detroit Girls’ last names aren’t made available. Maybe Fox is afraid that some lonely dude will stalk one of these hot chicks and Lauren or Allison will end up in Scott Anderson’s Kenmore chest freezer.
The yearlong debate in the Motor City has centered around who is hotter between these two sources of eye-candy. It is a more contentious issue than if the Pistons should have re-signed Rodney Stuckey.
And even though it was rumored that Allison was dating the star of “Captain America” (Chris Evans), I’ve got to give the nod to Lauren.
And to me, it isn’t even a close call.
Honorable Mention: Allison (Fox Sports Detroit), Art Regner (WDFN)
Worst Article or Blog of the Year
JEFF RIGER (97.1 – The Ticket) – Homer or Sergei? You Choose!
In March of 2012, this site will celebrate its 9th Anniverary.
During that time I have read numerous articles and blog posts that I thought were potentially written by Benny from L.A. Law. (Like that current pop culture reset? I would have gone back further, but I don’t remember any ruh-tards from Hillstreet Blues.)
But the most infuriating and idiotic post I have EVER read was written earlier this month by Jeff “Career Never-Was” Riger. A guy who has enjoyed the janitorial position at the “The Ticket” while hosting late night shows that nobody listens to. He has been doing this for almost a decade now with no promotion whatsoever.
This fuckwad is seriously one of the dumbest people that I have ever encountered in my life and that isn’t hyperbole.
This dysfunctional moron had the audacity to write an “article” stating that, “Tomas Holmstrom, when his playing days are over and we hope that time is not soon, will go down and (sic) the better Red Wing then (sic) Sergei Fedorov!”
Forget the two glaring grammatical errors in that Down’s Syndrome of a paragraph and TRY to focus on the fact that someone in this world thinks Holmstrom was a better Red Wing than SERGEI FUCKING FEDOROV.
Yep, a guy who MAINLY played on the FOURTH line his entire career in Detroit and who was only valuable in approximately 15 square feet of the ice surface was a better Red Wing THAN a guy who once won the Hart Trophy and the Selke twice.
A perennial All-Star who is considered one of the two best two-way forwards that played in the NHL during the 90s. (Peter Forsberg being the other. I wonder if there is a Denver version of Riger who thinks that Keith Jones was a better Avalanche player than Fopa.)
A dude who Scotty Bowman would place on defense on occasion and who the Hall of Fame coach said would have won the Norris Trophy if he kept him there all season long.
The same Sergei Fedorov who has a higher PLAYOFF point per game average than STEVE YZERMAN and about the same as GORDIE “MR. HOCKEY” HOWE!!!
I mean, do you remember when Pete Karmanos signed Tomas Holmstrom to a ridiculously front-loaded free-agent tender sheet to play in Carolina?
Or that almost $10 million a year contract that Homer signed to score goals off of his ass in Anaheim?
Yep, Fedorov only cared about himself and not the team which is why Bowman threatened to trade him to Ottawa because he refused to learn how to be responsible in his own zone.
Oh wait, that wasn’t #91 at all, that was Yzerman.
The guy averaged over a point per game in the postseason, can you imagine what he would have done if he wasn’t selfish and only cared about himself?
After this abortion of a blog posting was made public by the DSR, I received numerous emails from members of the local media lambasting Riger’s position and his lack of intellect.
My favorite note was from someone who is a very respected writer around these parts. And someone that I had no clue even read the DSR prior to this message or knew it existed.
This media member told me that the first time that he ever encountered Riger, that he wanted to punch the asshat in the face and that in the years since, Riger has done nothing to change his original impression.
That this guy is employed is remarkable, but it probably isn’t easy finding someone to work that shift for the peanuts he must make.
I just hope when Fedorov enters the Hall of Fame in Toronto in the next couple of years (mainly on his Detroit resume) he doesn’t break down and cry about the fact that he never lived up to those lofty standards of the “Demolition Man.”
(Also, as pussy-whipped as Fedorov was by Anna Kournikova, he never took a picture of Anna K. in a wheel barrow.)
Honorable Mention: Drew Sharp’s Free Press column on Jair Jurjjens, Lynn Henning’s Campaign to get Dave Dombrowski the MLB Commissioner job
Best Detroit Media Twitter Account
MATT DERY – 97.1 “The Ticket” (@derynba)
Because most Detroit media members just want to play nice in the sandbox and not upset their brethren, their Twitter accounts are generally lame.
“The Count” or “Diesel” or “Mt Dry” is one of the few Detroit media personalities who will actually call out another member of the local media on their stupid takes.
Being in the position of update anchor, Dery’s Twitter account is also a place where you can find breaking news.
And his Twat humor doesn’t resemble an 82-year old man sitting by the shuffleboard court shooting the shit at Del Boca Vista like some others in this city.
And (full disclosure) he is a fan of my Twitter account which didn’t hurt his cause either. Not to mention the constant Stern Show resets.
Honorable Mention: Dave Birkett (@davebirkett), Mike Valenti (@mikevalenti971) Michael Stone (@stoney16)
Worst Detroit Media Twitter Account
TERRY FOSTER (@terryfoster971)
Let’s see here.
Foster’s Twitter account isn’t informative.
He isn’t funny.
Or clever.
He gets bored and acts like Twitter is the old AOL late at night when he starts trying to have inane conversations with his followers.
But his worst transgression is this terrible meme he has tried to create where he states that so-and-so called him with some dumb idea and that he hung up on said imaginary person.
A good example of this sort of T-Fos creativity would be something along these lines:
‘Matt Millen called me and wanted to draft a wide receiver. I hung up on him.’
With that type of material, I am surprised he hasn’t changed his last name to Stangel and joined the writing staff over at Letterman.
Honorable Mention: Michael Rosenberg (@mike_rosenberg), Lynn Henning (@lynn_henning), Chris McCosky (@cmccosky), Jeff Riger (@riger1984), Dave Hogg (@stareagle), Pat Caputo (@patcaputo98)
Media Feud of the Year
JOHN U. BACON VS. MICHAEL ROSENBERG
Because a majority of the media members in this town are pussies who don’t want a confrontation at the Comerica Park press box buffet, I will have to give the nod to this battle over the content of Bacon’s book, “Three and Out.”
In his recollection of Rich Rodriguez’s tenure at the University of Michigan, Bacon accused RosenNebbish of:
1) Having it out for RichRod from the coach’s first press conference.
2) CRYING to linebacker Larry Foote about the negative reviews his book was getting on Amazon.com by disgruntled RichRod supporters.
3) Eating milchigs with a fleishigs fork and not burying said fork in his backyard.
Ok, I made the last one up. He didn’t really out Rosenberg for breaking Kosher law.
This potential doozy of a fight never took off because Bacon refused to address Rosenberg’s Tweets about the supposed “inaccuracy” of his book.
I tried to get an interview with Bacon in an attempt to throw gasoline on the fire, but that inquiry never received a response.
Maybe the rumors of Gregg Henson returning to WDFN will come true and we will have a legitimate media feud in 2012.
Honorable Mention: Me vs. Gregg Henson, Me vs. Michael Rosenberg, Me vs. Pat Caputo, Me vs. Lynn Henning, Me vs. Drew Sharp, Evan Jankens vs. Vince Ellis and Goodwill
Media Member Most Likely to Fellate a Detroit Athlete
RYAN FIELD (Fox Sports Detroit)
One of the most embarrassing media scenes all year came during the Tigers AL Central clinching celebration in Oakland which was televised live by FSD.
While the Tigers were popping champagne in the away clubhouse, Ryan Field was joining in on the fun. Decked out in a AL Central Division winning hat and t-shirt, Field partied alongside members of the organization.
If that wasn’t bad enough, Field posted a picture of himself and Miguel Cabrera wearing matching divisional clinching outfits on his Facebook and Twitter accounts.
He was rightfully called out nationally by Deitsch for his blatant disregard for basic journalistic ethics.
What a fucking fan boy.
Honorable Mention: Rod Allen (Fox Sports Detroit), Kristina Hancock (WDIV)
AND NOW SOME TECHNICAL AWARDS THAT WERE HANDED OUT YESTERDAY AFTERNOON AT THE RAGGIES BRUNCH …
Media Member Most Likely to Tuck His Balls Under His Asscheeks Not Unlike Ray Finkle in Ace Ventura
JAMIE SAMUELSEN (94.7 – WCSX)
Best Local News Sports Anchor
DAN MILLER (Fox-2)
Most Asinine Sports Radio Take
RYAN ERMANNI (WDFN) STATING THAT HE COULD HIT .200 IN MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL OVER THE COURSE OF A SEASON
Best Beat Writer
TOM KOWALSKI (MLIVE.COM/BOOTH NEWSPAPERS) – January 1st through August 30th
DAVE BIRKETT (FREE PRESS) – August 31 through December 31st
Best Homemade YouTube Video Attempt at Getting a Radio Job
DAMON W. PERRY (HABERDASHER)
Jay Leno Award for Taking a Supposed Friend’s Gig
SEAN BALIGIAN (WMAX – 96.1)
TV Commercial on a Sports Related Program That Made Us Want to Gouge Our Eyes Out
ANY SAM BERNSTEIN AD
Best Newcomer
ANWAR RICHARDSON** (MLIVE.COM/BOOTH NEWSPAPERS)
** – Couldn’t think of any other newcomers
Best Coverage of the Tour de France
WOODY WOODRIFFE (FOX-2)
Officer Barbrady Award for Inaccurate Reporting
CHRIS McCOSKY (DETROIT NEWS) – FOR HIS MIS REPORTING ON TWITTER OF THE FACTS SURROUNDING NDAMUKONG SUH’S TWO-GAME SUSPENSION FOR STOMPING