By Jeff Moss
January 28, 2012
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
Not unlike most media gatherings in Detroit announcing major sports news, the Prince Fielder press conference had enough storylines to make both Eric Bischoff and the writers of a Telemundo soap opera jealous.
From agent Scott Boras’s ridiculous suggestion that the Fielder free-agency courtship didn’t commence until…after Prince and his wife Chanel renewed their wedding vows to Ryan Ermanni’s brain dead questions to “Kyla” at Channel 20’s inquiry about a baseball salary cap to Lynn Henning’s metamorphous from team propagandist to Sam Donaldson-esque pit-bull to Jim Leyland’s thoughts on the 2012 lineup, this formal gathering of the Detroit media didn’t disappoint.
But after watching the entire 48-minute introductory session in its entirety online, there probably will be one indelible image that will stick in my head for years to come.
And that was the apparent frailty of 82-year old Tigers owner, Mike Ilitch. I am no physician and I didn’t even stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but the pizza baron didn’t look like he was in the best of health.
Mr. I appeared incredibly thin, his facial structure almost looked like an implosion had taken place around his cheekbones and when Dave Dombrowski stood up to hand Prince his new Tigers jersey, Ilitch almost got taken out by his own microphone before nearly falling down.
I am not commenting on Ilitch’s physical appearance to be mean or critical, but if you want to know why the ex-Milwaukee slugger just signed a contract that was at least two years longer and for $50 million more than his next potential suitor, I don’t think you need to look much further than his new boss’s physical condition.
It is hard to believe the same man whose ownership decisions (Please See: The Continued Employment of Randy Smith) for over a decade made Detroit’s baseball franchise look like the Pittsburgh Pirates of the American League is the same guy who now employs THREE $20 million plus ballplayers.
It was just over eight years ago that this website organized a protest of Ilitch’s Tigers stewardship after his team suffered a historically awful 119-loss season.
If you would have told me that September evening in 2003 when I was acting as a pallbearer for a life-size Paws stuffed animal funeral outside of Comerica Park that Ilitch one day would sign a first baseman to a $214 million contract when he ALREADY had a first baseman in the middle of a $153.3 million deal, I would have told you that I had some bad Japanese bank loans to sell you.
But it would appear that Ilitch wants to win a World Series DESPERATELY before he croaks and will spare no expense when it comes to his children’s inheritance. Any ill will I continued to hold for the Little Caesars owner treating the Tigers like a red-headed stepchild in comparison to the Wings during the early part of this century has totally dissipated and there is nothing more I’d like to see than his last wish fulfilled.
A Tigers World Series title.
It is a 180 degree contrast to how I feel about the owner of the Tigers next door neighbor, William Clay Ford, Sr.
While we can see tangible evidence of Ilitch’s desire for a baseball championship, his football counterpart in Detroit remains silent and far removed from us peasants.
Maybe Ilitch can give Ford, Sr. an octogenarian lesson on how to elicit the love of this town while instructing your General Manager to win by any means necessary. Ilitch could call the symposium, “Things to Do in Detroit as a Sports Franchise Owner Before You Die.”
Is there any doubt in your mind that if Ilitch currently owned the Lions that Calvin Johnson would be signed to a HUGE deal with a mammoth signing bonus to alleviate salary cap implications, Cliff Avril would get franchised and Martin Mayhew would have direct orders to sign a top flight cornerback and safety this offseason no matter the long term ramifications?
Seriously, can we PLEASE convince Ilitch and Bill Ford, Jr. to schedule this liver spot intervention?
I can just see Mr. I telling Old Man Ford, “Look, Bill, I am 82-years old, I resemble HBO’s Crypt Keeper with a hairpiece and yet I am four years younger than you!!!!!! What the hell are you waiting for? Tell that GM of yours to do whatever it takes to win. NOW!!!! Also, you look worse off than ME. You might want to ask Roger Goodell to start the 2012 NFL season in May.”
Anyway, let’s get back to the Tigers and some of the fallout from the press conference.
Now, don’t take the next few paragraphs of this column the wrong way. Look, I am so ecstatic about the signing that I have been obsessing with multiple viewings of Fielder YouTube videos since Tuesday afternoon.
Reliving Prince’s walk-off home run celebration where he reenacted an earthquake and a tsunami while “knocking down” his Brewer teammates, his game-winning homer in the 2011 All-Star game and my personal favorite, the time where he attempted to enter the DODGERS clubhouse to kick the shit out of Guillermo Mota in retaliation for a perceived beaning.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K26ShOQHGg0
You’ve got to watch that last clip. It resembles one of those “realistic” behind the scenes WWE videos where two wrestlers go at it by the Zamboni entrance of the arena. The only thing missing from this clip is Hunter Hearst Helmsley smacking Ryan Braun with a folding chair.
But the one thing that bothers me about the signing is this delusional thinking by Tigers management that Cabrera can somehow field the position of third base for an entire season.
Ilitch, Leyland and Dombrowski remind me of conservative Republicans who refuse to believe in Climate Change even though every scientist on the planet who is not on Big Oil’s payroll says it is a man-made phenomenon.
So you say Cabrera’s fielding percentage continually declined every season he played the hot corner in Miami? Liberal hogwash!!!
Miggy made FIVE errors in just 14 games in 2008 before getting the gong from Pearl Bailey and a positional switch to first base? That’s just a bunch of Al Gore propaganda!!!!
The Tigers never even CONSIDERED moving Cabrera back to third base during interleague road play in 2011 even though it meant either Alex Avila or Victor Martinez couldn’t play? Even though the team desperately tried to return Avila to his collegiate position of third against the Rockies in a one-game, failed experiment?
Junk science, I tell ya!!!
If Leyland and Dombrowski wanted to tickle my ass with a feather on Thursday, they could have been brutally honest and said the following:
“Here is the story. When we lost V-Mart we had no other option than to sign Prince even though he plays the same exact position as the BEST HITTER in the history of our franchise who doesn’t regularly use the N-Word.
So now we have two first baseman. Look, we know that Miggy can’t play third on an everyday basis. He is just too damn big at this point in his career. So this is what we are going to do. When we play on the road in NL parks, Cabrera will play over there.
On certain nights when our strikeout pitchers are on the mound (Justin Verlander and Max Scherzer) we are going to roll the dice (brought to you by Motor City Casino) and put Miggy at third and PRAY nobody hits the ball to him.
Prince will start approximately 100 games at first and DH about 60 times. Miguel will start the other 62 games at first, play third about 40 games and DH the balance of the time.
But if you fucking think that on nights when Doug Fister or Rick Porcello are on the hill that we are going to field a defensive lineup of Cabby at third, Fielder at first, Raburn at second, Cigar Store Indian Peralta at short and Young in left, well, you might want to smoke whatever David Mayo’s got over there.”
Because, you know, that is exactly what is going to happen when Cabrera inevitably does his best imitation of Manny Horvitz and Sam Franklin at third base during Spring Training.
I am not even sure why the Tigers brass were so insistent about Miggy moving over to third in the first place. Who were they trying to convince that this was a good idea? The fans or themselves?
Or maybe they know that this will fail and Prince will end up having to split time as the Designated Hitter and they want to let the ink dry on the contract before informing him.
It is also possible that they don’t want to admit to an already depressed Victor Martinez that he doesn’t have a position on this team in 2013.
Who knows? The one thing that is painfully obvious based on past performance is that it is ridiculous to think that Cabrera can play 140 games at third base without making around 40 errors.
But that is a problem for another day I guess. For the time being I am just going to look forward to our number three and four hitters punishing the baseball all summer long en route to another postseason appearance.
And hopefully this year will end with a World Series championship for a billionaire who has done a wonderful job of making us forget that he was once a pretty lousy baseball owner.
And that he will still be alive to witness it.
Now you are all excused until July 2nd when we all reconvene for the presser announcing the Wings signing of defenseman Ryan Suter. Someone at Olympia Entertainment, please make sure that Mr. Ilitch’s microphone at the Joe is a little less aggressive than the one from Thursday afternoon.
We can’t take any more chances.