By Jeff Moss
February 2, 2012
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
The Red Wings are just returning from the All-Star break. The Lions are still waiting for the NFL season to finish so they can get on with their offseason business. The Pistons need to be put out of their misery by Bob Bahara. Allegedly. And Mike Ilitch decided not to unload any of his $2 billion net worth this week.
So with that said, I give you a media heavy dose of the DSR Power Rankings.
Michael Rosenberg
On November 2, 2011, the Free Press’ nebbish columnist wrote the following regarding the Detroit Tigers offseason plans:
“This will be an off-season of small, short-term moves, instead of dramatic long-term moves. Except for a couple of spots, the roster for 2012 is virtually set.”
“But fans should understand that the Tigers won’t compete for the priciest free agents. Their payroll is almost all locked up.”
Some of the pieces might move around. Some might get traded. Some might get hurt. But most of Dombrowski’s chess board is set.
He will try to add a second baseman on the cheap, possibly via trade, and maybe -\-\ maybe -\-\ a third baseman. That is basically it, though.
The Tigers have committed to their 2012 team. They just have to hope it is good enough.
The guy was so wrong on this prediction that I am almost in the mood to go write a couple of one-star Amazon.com reviews of his book, “War as They Knew It.”
But that column wasn’t the only time that Kosher for Pesach lectured Tigers fans that Ilitch wasn’t going to open the purse strings and splurge on his baseball team.
On December 6th he Tweeted the following:
“Of course agents are floating Tigers as free-agent buyers. Their history makes it believable. But this will be a quiet FA season for them.”
He wrote that in response to reports that the Tigers were interested in signing pitcher Mark Buehrle. Which by most accounts, they were.
Not only did Ilitch spend $214 million on Prince Fielder, he offered Roy Oswalt $10 million and most likely was going to attempt to hand Yeonis Cespedes a contract north of $50 million. If he still doesn’t.
Rosenberg’s reporting was so horrid on this story that the only thing missing from it was Brian Cook from MGoBlog.com chasing him down in a parking lot and screaming, “Do you know what countable billions are?!?!!?”
Madonna University
I guess it wasn’t bad enough that the Christian college’s baseball team invited Terry Foster to give a keynote speech at a school of HIGHER LEARNING.
(A man who according to people in the know tell me that T-Fos has turned in articles which refer to “Gorilla Warfare” and who used to spell the Red Wings defenseman/Iditarod racer’s name, “Ewe Krupp.” Bright one we’ve got there.)
Nope, that wasn’t egregious enough for the Material World’s baseball squad.
They went a step further and also asked that human paraquat, Denny McClain, to address their little gathering.
Because, who wouldn’t want a guy who was suspended by MLB for gambling, dumped buckets of water on two reporters, did jail time for cocaine trafficking, embezzlement, racketeering, mail fraud and conspiracy and who assisted in the theft of $2.5 million from a pension fund having access to your collegiate kids?
I guess Jerry Sandusky was previously engaged in a young boy’s ass and couldn’t make the trek to Livonia to discuss his life experiences.
Tom Gage
As idiotic as it was for Evita University to ask “Big Gulp” to speak at the baseball team’s banquet, at least the derelict provided some humor with his barbs aimed at Brandon Inge.
According to a report from Foster, McClain openly mocked the Tigers displaced third baseman by throwing a photograph of the career .235 hitter on the floor and joking that it was the first thing Inge had hit in two years.
(That’s a pretty decent joke. Not as good as the one about the guy who accidentally entered Canada while looking for a Cracker Barrel restaurant and got arrested, but funny nonetheless.)
The Tigers longtime beat writer took umbrage with the current sloven and former 31-win pitcher’s humor and defended Inge by writing, “This is, however, a defense of an individual who’s not whining, hasn’t whined, but was cheaply ridiculed in public for doing so by someone who’s still pouring water over people for a laugh.”
Brandon Inge hasn’t whined? Are you fucking kidding me, Gage? You’ve been covering this team since Alan Trammell had good complexion and you aren’t aware that Inge has been crying about his role on this team for years?!!?!?
Brandon Inge is the fucking epitome of a WHINER. He moaned when Ivan Rodriguez signed with the Tigers in 2004 forcing the Tigers to move him to third in an effort to make room for Pudge.
Not only did he bitch about it, he had the chutzpah to claim that he could be as effective behind the plate as the greatest defensive catcher in the history of the game.
Then he bitched AGAIN when the team traded for Cabrera and he lost his starting gig at third. His whining even carried over to his WIFE (Shani) who went on TV with Bernie Smilovitz and literally told the WDIV audience that Inge was CRYING at night because of the Cabrera trade.
Now Inge is upset again. He isn’t a happy camper according to Jim Leyland.
This is the same loser who was put on WAIVERS by the Tigers last August. If the guy had ANY dignity he would have LEFT the team then. He could have signed with another team and went about his vomit-inducing career.
The Tigers made it perfectly clear how they felt about his production last summer when they risked losing him for NOTHING!!!!!
I mean, does he understand the concept of being DESIGNATED FOR ASSIGNMENT? Maybe he should ask the team’s union steward for an explanation.
So now Inge is shocked, shocked that the same team that traded for Wilson Betemit to replace him just signed one of the TOP FIVE hitters in all of baseball thus replacing him AGAIN?
Look, Brandon Inge is 1/50th the baseball player that Miguel Cabrera is. Yet, when the Tigers called Miggy and asked him if he would mind moving from first base did he tell Cancer Stick that we wouldn’t be a “Happy Camper” if the Tigers added Prince’s 1.000 OPS?
Did he urge Rosangel to call up Don Shane and request a one-on-one interview?
No.
Cabrera took one for the team because he knew signing Prince Fielder was the best way to replace the loss of Victor Martinez and he put the team ahead of his own PERSONAL INTERESTS.
Something that loser.235 hitter has NEVER FREAKING DONE.
But according to Tom Gage, Inge has never whined about his lot in life. Maybe if he covers this team for another 50 years, he will get a clue.
Jeff Riger
How desperately do you want to have a career in radio if you agree to a 2am to 6am shift on a local sports talk radio station?
But that is what this radio travesty agreed to do so he could continue working at 97.1. I mean, the loser has been working at the station for NINE YEARS and he just got demoted to the graveyard shift.
I’ve seen cum rags treated with more respect than Riger. Shit, Brandon Inge laughs at the way CBS Radio keeps demoting Riger.
While it is a noble experiment to attempt a 24/7 local sports network, if it means you are giving microphone access to Bill McAllister, Doug Karsch, Scott Anderson, Terry Foster, Jamie Samuelsen, Eric Thomas and this Muppet sounding fuckstick, you aren’t really doing anyone a favor.
Poor Rob Otto. If you can’t get a gig at The Ticket when they are going 100% local and employing hosts who have less Twitter followers than the company that picks up my dog’s poop in the backyard, you might want to think about a new vocation.
The Pistons
I cannot believe that I was actually worried about this team going on a run during this current eight-game stretch against opponents that I thought might be as horrid as them.
Seriously, has a team in NBA history ever lost by 27 points to a team in the middle of a 1-9 losing stretch? That is what the Pistons did last night when they got punked by the Knicks.
I can’t believe that it has ever occurred, but that is how awful our local basketball team is this year.
Isn’t it just great? Just 138 shopping days until the NBA Draft.
Lynn Henning
Our favorite harmless local media nimrod was back at it this week with a column fretting over the future of Miguel Cabrera in a Tigers uniform.
“The Deacon” continued his “When will the Tigers trade Miguel Cabrera” saga with his latest offering in which he pondered if Nick Castellanos’ eventual arrival in Detroit would result in a Miggy deal.
If you are new to Lynn’s obsession, he once pontificated on the possibility of the Tigers parting ways with Cabrera when Ryan Strieby made his ascent to Motown.
You know, the same Ryan Strieby who Dave Dombrowski removed from the team’s 40-man roster this offseason exposing the young slugger to the Rule 5 Draft.
The Rule 5 Draft where every team in the Majors passed on Strieby.
Then, this past summer, the Tigers selected slugger Aaron Westlake in the THIRD FUCKING ROUND and Henning speculated that the Vanderbilt product could develop into Cabrera’s replacement which would make Miggy expendable in a couple of years.
Because, you know, there are probably a lot of THIRD ROUNDERS out there who will develop into their generations most prolific hitter!!!!
Why this goofball is completely obsessed with Cabrera’s departure is beyond me. I mean, the franchise has developed like three quality position players since Howard Johnson left town and Henning is worried about having to move the future Hall of Famer in 2014 for a prospect who may or may not pan out.
And for the record, when Cabrera’s current contract expires he will be about the SAME AGE as Albert Pujols currently alleges to be.
You might have heard of Pujols, he is the guy whose career is most comparable to Miggy’s. And who just signed a 10-year deal worth up to $265 million!!!!!!!!!!
Finally, did I mention that Henning’s FIRST article about the potential of a Cabrera trade occurred in 2009 when Lynn suggested that the Tigers might be forced to deal the perenial All-Star because of Ilitch’s financial condition?!?!!?!
http://www.blessyouboys.com/2009/11/24/1166366/lynn-henning-dont-rule-out-trading
Yes, a man who was reportedly worth 1.8 billion dollars in 2009 was going to trade away his best player because he couldn’t afford him. Just a year and a half after he signed the guy in the first place!!!!
Well, he was either going to do that or sign another first baseman a few years later for $214 million!!!
Someone might want to check and see if this moron has a tumor on his brain or some shit.