By Jeff Moss
March 25, 2012
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
There has been a lot of speculation about the future of the DetroitSportsRag over the last few weeks (mainly due to my excessive use of pointed innuendo) and the questions have only heated up over the last few days.
Will the site finally go NxT LvL? Have I been offered a job at the new SPORTS station in Detroit (ESPN1090)? How do I feel about the recently concluded Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality Tournament? Was that contest rigged as one contestant suggested? How do you respond to the continued wrongful accusations by Terry Foster that I am a racist and what is your opinion of Matt Dery’s continued cowardly silence on the matter?
So while I despise “mail (it in) bag” columns because they seem incredibly lazy to me, I feel I have no choice but to address these issues in a “Q and A” format. So with all apologies to Bubba Klem, Brent Hatley, Spice Boy and Gene Lasker, here is the first ever STATE OF THE DSR ADDRESS.
Was the DSR Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality Tournament fixed for me to win because I wrongfully called you a racist? – Terry Foster, Health Style Columnist – Detroit News
Actually, no it wasn’t rigged you semi-functional [mentally handicapped] idiot and not only did you NOT win (crushed by Michael Rosenberg in the Final), the voting was completely transparent on both Facebook and Twitter.
There are a few housekeeping items I should address now that the tourney is over and the Free Press’ own Nebbish has been crowned the most awful member of the Detroit Sports Media in an epic battle.
While seven or eight contestants could have had their own “One Shining Moment”, Rosenberg clearly defeated all comers based on his deceitful behavior regarding the University of Michigan’s “Practice-Gate” scandal where he obviously placed a personal vendetta ahead of any sort of journalistic credibility.
As a matter of fact, Rosenberg cut down the nets after defeating Foster with the exact same scissors he used when stabbing Rich Rodriguez in the back.
In the very near future the DSR will be presenting Nerdy McNerdsalot with a trophy to honor his awfulness. But don’t worry “Sweet 16” participants, you will also be awarded with a ribbon for your atrocious reporting skills as well. (The presentation of the trophy will be captured on video and posted on the Dirt at a later date.)
One of the more bizarre bracket sideshows occurred when DSR correspondent, Justin Spiro, attempted to obtain a comment from the “Fucked-Up Four” competitors regarding their pending battle.
Initially all four jackasses (Foster, Rosenberg, Lynn Henning & Jeff Riger) refused to address their ignominious achievement, but the single cell amoeba who co-hosts the 97.1 afternoon drive show could not help himself.
First, Foster offered up a sensible, “No comment.” Then he idiotically decided to address this continued accusation that I am somehow a racist with the following Facebook message:
“And here is the card your boy plays. When a white guy is bad he simply says he is bad. But Rob Parker, me and Drew all got our jobs because we are black. You dont see racism in that? When he calls Rosenberg Rosen Heb or whatever he called him. You don’t see racism in that?”
First of all, I never said that Drew Sharp, Rob Parker or Foster were hired by the News or Free Press because of their minority status. I have no clue what the newspapers motivations were to hire any of them. Maybe sports editors like dumbfucks who enjoy baiting their audience or journalists who write on a third grade level.
What I do know for a FACT is this. When Foster got his “Sports Doctors” gig at WDFN YEARS AGO, it was because Gregg Henson (the program director at the time) felt he had to hire an African-American on a station that was located in a predominantly black city. This is not conjecture as MULTIPLE SOURCES have told me this through the years.
I was also informed by people at Infinity (now CBS Radio) that Foster was paired with Mike Valenti originally because executives at 1270 were ALSO desirous of hiring a minority candidate at the time.
“Don’t mix that salad with a Diet Dr. Pepper.”
So THAT makes me a racist. Because as a REPORTER, I interviewed many of the key players involved in those employment decisions and they ALL told me that Foster was an affirmative action hire and I passed that information along to my audience.
Oh yeah, I am also a racist according to Foster because I mocked Rosenberg a few months ago by calling him “Rosenheeb” in a column. Except if anything that would be anti-Semitic and not racist and ALSO ……. I AM JEWISH.
If I am “racist” because I made that lame joke about one of my own kind then I guess this comic is a member of the Aryan Nation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHHTRGw1Vf4
And holy piss, this dude must be a Grand Wizard or some shit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFCTJXHrbQg
All I want to know is this, Foster. If I am a racist for just reporting what others have told me, what does that make your own co-worker, MATT DERY, who REPEATEDLY over the years has explicitly informed me that the ONLY reason you still have a job at the Detroit News is because your employers were terrified you would go Perry Farrell on them and file a racial discrimination lawsuit if you were axed?
And if you don’t believe me, why don’t you go and ask “The Count” himself if he ever told me that. And if he denies it, I will PERSONALLY pay for the polygraph tests to get to the bottom of this issue.
“Let me count the ways I am a coward.”
I already even found a company that will assist us in getting to the “Truth.” http://lie-detector-tests.com/michigan_polygraph.htm
Hell, if I have a good weekend at the track, I might even splurge and fly Ed Torian in to conduct the lie detector testing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJbtVBU4wa8
But “The Candyman” wasn’t done engaging my own personal version of James O’Keefe via Book of Face. At 4:50 in the morning (yes, you read that correctly), Foster sent the following CV to my protégé:
“And here is the bad year I’ve had. I broke five stories in the newspaper. i mentor vinnie who covers the Pistons. I won a writing award. Was inducted into the Central Michigan journalism hall of fame. my columns are amonst the most read in the Detroit News. I am one half of the highest rated PM show in Detroit. I talked about quitting the News and the publisher said I am too valuable and they worked out a deal where newspaper would not conflict as much with radio.won a radio award. Wow what a terrible year,And you need to grow up a little.”
He broke five stories? What were they? How diet soda isn’t good for your health? Or that “Special Report” on him trying to fit into one of his old suits? Oh, I know what he is talking about. That Pulitzer Prize expose on how eating late isn’t a plan endorsed by Weight Watchers.
He broke five stories this year? Is this fucking idiot that delusional? (And don’t even get me started on the grammar in that message.)
The Central Michigan University Journalism Hall of Fame? Are you effing kidding me? I mean, can you imagine listing that as a CREDENTIAL? Yep, Terry is enshrined with other historic journalistic legends like Fred Mester, Pamela Klein and J. William Click.
Oh come on, you never heard of J. William Click? He is like the John Peter Zenger of our time.
Anyway, Foster insinuated that his induction into the hallowed halls in Mt. Pleasant took place in the last year. Actually, he was immortalized in 2009 in the same class as Matt Dobek. And let me tell ya, the wrong aught nine inductee committed suicide.
And bragging that you counsel Vincent Goodwill is the equivalent of Robert Bales’ basic training drill sergeant boasting that he taught the murderer of 17 civilians in Afghanistan everything he knew. Like, Goodwill is an AWFUL SHILL and everything that is wrong with the modern day sports beat writer. So, I totally believe that part of your resume is accurate, Terry.
And this HUGE lie about the News desperately wanting to keep you employed is the epitome of absolute denial. We are talking about a newspaper that has treated you worse than Milton Waddams in “Office Space.” Have they taken away your stapler yet?
This is a paper that snubbed you when Rob Parker came back from New York with his tail between his legs and your employers decided to make him a columnist instead of you.
What they did was push you to “Page 2” and came up with a plan to further minimize you in the hope that you would have a tad of dignity and QUIT. Of course, as your update anchor so graciously informed me, that was never going to occur.
So you have spent the last decade writing articles about Celine’s soccer games, Little B’s scholastic achievements, dietary tips and most recently HIGH SCHOOL basketball stories. Seriously, do you have to pay Tom Markowski a royalty?
And you are actually taking credit for the ratings on your radio show where you are nothing but an albatross to Valenti?
This delusional fuckstick is telling Spiro to grow up in a 5am email in which he attempts to list his pathetic curriculum vitae to a guy in law school who believes he is a total joke. Like, I think the DSR JUST MIGHT be in this simpleton’s head.
And I’ve got news for you, I am pretty sure Mike is sick of your act. I know for a fact he is completely embarrassed by your behavior on Twitter and it wouldn’t shock me if he would prefer a new partner.
Why do I think this? Well, a couple of months ago you might remember that I went all New Orleans Saints on your show and offered a $100 Best Buy gift card to anyone who could call your program and bomb the shit out of you.
Then just last week I phoned your show and insulted you on the air only to be dumped by your 30-second delay.
And that doesn’t even mention the Twitter Wars between us or my relentless attacks on you in this space.
So what was your “partner’s” response to all of this? Was he irate that I was trying to fuck with your livelihood or upset that I continue to call you every name in the book whenever I get the chance?
Nope. He wanted to know why when I called 97.1 to mock you on YOUR OWN SHOW that I used the name “Rick” as opposed to my REAL name. Furthermore, I was informed that I wasn’t banned or anything of the sort and I could call whenever I wanted. As Jeff from West Bloomfield.
Well, it is sure to nice to know that your broadcast companion of nine years undoubtedly has your back when it comes to my continued assault on your career. Doug Karsch, Mike Chapman and Aldrich Ames have displayed more loyalty than Valenti has to Foster recently.
And it is well known that Valenti and Foster have had their issues over the years and I am just wondering if Mike has finally had enough. Look, the guy has told ANYONE who will listen that he does 95 percent of the show prep, that Foster is lazy and I am shocked that after nearly a decade of carrying that slob on his back that he isn’t in traction at Beaumont.
But enough about 97.1. This is the “State of the DSR Address” and I just spent 1,500 words talking about Foster.
Oh right, THAT Terry Foster. One of the two journalists I have hired in the nine year existence of the DSR to compose articles for THIS site. The other being Jemele Hill at Foster’s suggestion.
Because, you know, what “racists” are KNOWN to do? Exclusively give African-Americans paying jobs.
What a fucking moron.
And I am talking about me for agreeing to pay that illiterate $125 an article for freelance work in the first place.
Is that all you have to say on this matter? – The Guy Who Asks Jamie Samuelsen Questions in the Free Press
Actually, I have A LOT more to dish on that trio, but I have been advised by my sister, the co-founder of the DSR, my attorneys and agent that I would be better off not emptying my dossier at this time.
The most interesting person who stepped in to stop me from completely destroying whatever chemistry is left on the #1 rated sports** radio show in Detroit was Sean Baligian who talked me off the ledge in the spirit of his late broadcast partner, Tom Kowalski.
The irony of Baligian intervening to unwittingly “protect” Dery was just too rich. Shit, that is such a good story that Tim Rice and Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber should compose a score to it.
Anyway, I have probably said too much as it is, but who the fuck cares? I am sure nobody who I am writing about in this article will read it anyway. Hahhahahahahhaa.
So when is the DSR going NxT LvL? – EVERYONE ON THE DSR
I have been advised by our web designer that the revamped DSR website will be ready for my review on Tuesday which means we are getting very close to burying our 2007 web design.
We will be moving the “forums” back to the main site and off Book of Face when the switch is made.
Do you like 97.1? And as a follow-up do you think they’re good? – Kevin Schultz, US Army
No and no. I like sports. Not discussions about kids wearing hoodies, Maria Menounos on “Dancing with the Stars” or people getting shot in Detroit.
Why are you going to waste your own time doing a mailbag column? – Orange, Downriver Church
This is a press conference not a mailbag. And wow are these are some awful questions. Where is that chick from Channel 20 when you need her? I mean, you wonder why it took ten days to write this trash?
What do you think the chances are that (ESPN) 1090 actually hires you? How optimistic are you right now, with no qualifiers. – Jim “Jum Pete” Petrosky
Well, before I started writing this article I would have said 100%, but who knows after this is published? At some point I would have to think that Buzz Van Houten (General Manager) and Rob Otto (Sports Director) will come to their senses and put the kibosh on this epically awful idea.
Anyway, here is what I can tell you at this point. Within the next week or so I SHOULD have a presence on the newest sports station in Detroit.
And while actual live local programming is at least another month away for a variety of reasons, I have agreed to provide the ESPN affiliate with two-minute taped commentaries for the time being.
The prerecorded rants will be in the spirit of the old Howard Cosell ABC Radio remarks which aired at the end of Cosell’s career. I will be providing WCAR these diatribes three times a week (Monday-Wednesday-Friday) and hopefully they will start airing this week if the logistics can be worked out.
At this time the plan is to call these bits, “Mossism™ Minutes”, but if anyone has a better name for my vitriolic takes I would appreciate the suggestion.
Now, will my involvement with the station lead to a full-time hosting gig? That is yet to be determined although there is definite interest on both sides and if I can figure out a way to juggle my day job, the DirtSpurtRig and a potential 1090 weeknight show, I would love to give it a shot.
Hey, ya fucking loser, I thought you said you never wanted a radio job. What changed? – Random Twitter Haters
Trust me, I am as shocked as anyone that this is even a discussion. Okay, well, maybe I am not as surprised as SOME people in this town who are reading this and throwing up in their Frosted Flakes, but I am a little stunned to say the least.
I have basically spent the last nine years purposely alienating everyone in the media without any regard for a broadcasting career as I was never going to sell out and conform to the homogenized corporate garbage spewed by Cheap Channel or CBS.
But it would appear that 1090 is positioning itself as a renegade outlet which will focus entirely on sports as opposed to Pat Caputo pontificating on Light Rail or Bill McAllister discussing male genital grooming.
And since the only current option in town is a station run by a dancing douche bag who knows absolutely nothing about Detroit sports and the other is really a wolf in sheep’s clothing what do we have to lose?
The main reason though that I am excited about this opportunity is the two men behind this upstart, niche station.
I have been friends** with Otto for almost as long as the DSR has been in existence and trust him implicitly. We have had many conversations over the years regarding what a good local sports station would sound like and I am pretty sure we are both on the same page.
(** – Like, an ACTUAL friendship. Not a relationship that is strictly based on utilizing the DSR as PerezHilton.com or as a weapon to get the word out against perceived enemies.)
And this Van Houten character might be as crazy as I am. He spent many years at 97.1 and I am pretty sure the main draw for him getting involved with the DortSpirt is too piss off his old co-workers at CBS Radio.
And from what I have heard, certain shitbags at the “Eye Network” have already warned Buzz about hiring “that scumbag.”
Anyway, you know the old saying, if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself.
And that is my plan.
Now tell me something, do you have any last words? – Eazy-E
Not really. I look forward to NxT LvL’ing in the very near future and I plan on getting back to ACTUAL sports articles this week instead of worst media tournaments and continued assaults on race card players like Foster.
Like, these people have obsessed about my opinions and rants when I was relegated to a lowly website with ZERO advertising budget, virus issues and an outdated format.
I can’t even begin to imagine the outrage when my enemies read THIS article and their worst fears are confirmed.
To quote the great “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, “”I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass …. and I’m all out of bubblegum.”
And after nine years of beating my head against a wall in this limited format, I have finally run out of Hubba Bubba.