By Jeff Moss
June 18, 2012
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
As you are well aware by now, a major aspect of this website is dissecting the idiocy of the Detroit Sports Media for your reading enjoyment.
We were Fire Joe Morgan before Fire Joe Morgan, except I am not nearly as good as those geniuses and I am currently scrutinizing the ignorance of fucksticks like Scott “The Whale” Anderson and “Medicated” Jason Beck and not a head writer for an NBC sitcom starring Amy Poehler.
Over the years I have dissected the words of so many idiots that they are all starting to run together. But I am not quite sure I have ever read an article that made me so angry that I had a hard time keeping my focus when writing a retort.
Well, until tonight when I started angrily pounding out the words to this blog post in retaliation to Pat Caputo’s RETARDED take on Quintin Berry’s current role on the Detroit Tigers.
I could take the hyperbolic route and state that this “blog post” is the most asinine take I have ever read. But unfortunately, it is not even the dumbest thing that this shit for brains has ever said.
We are talking about a barely functional human being who actually went on the 97.1 airwaves last summer and bitched that he didn’t like the Doug Fister trade because the tall righty wasn’t winning games in Seattle.
Yep, WINS. A stat that was minimized by ANYONE who knew ANYTHING about baseball right around the same freaking time that medical practitioners stopped using maggots to heal wounds. I mean, we are talking about WINS here when Fister had a tremendous ERA, excellent WHIP and other exceptional advanced metrics.
And if you ever want to have some real fun, go read this little bitch’s articles about the 2004 Detroit Pistons AFTER they made the Rasheed Wallace trade. I am pretty sure Capluto is still stating there is no chance in hell that Big Ben and Chauncey are going to win a Larry O’Brien Trophy.
It is hard to believe that anyone can be as dumb as Caputo looks and speaks, but here we are.
Anyway, here is my response to Caputo’s blog that has me spitting out nails at this very moment. This halfwit of an Oakland Press writer’s comments are in italics, mine are not. Most of you will be able to easily follow those instructions. Caputo is already lost.
Quintin Berry went 5-for-5 in the Tigers’ victory over Colorado Sunday, and he is suddenly being hailed as a savior for the club.
Suddenly being hailed as a savior? Who is hailing the guy as a savior, you dumbfuck? Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh are shocked and appalled at this HORRID attempt at a straw man argument.
Do you know what rational Tigers fans are ACTUALLY saying about Quintin Berry? That he is a better option at this point in time than either Don Kelly or Ryan Raburn. NOBODY is comparing him to Jesus Christ, Muhammad, L. Ron Hubbard or Ricky Henderson, ya jackass.
The only thing intelligent Tigers fans are saying, is that a guy with an OBP of .409 and OPS of .845 and who by the way is 9-for-9 in stolen base attempts should be playing over:
Don Kelly. A career loser who currently is batting .190 with a .284 OBP and an OPS of .534.
Ryan Raburn. A guy who can never hit before the All-Star break, fields like Caputo thinks and who currently has an OPS 80 points LOWER than “Quad-A” Kelly.
It would not take a SAVIOR to be a better alternative than Raburn and Kelly. Hell, a pedophile priest would do.
The idea Berry is “fresh and new, a youthful infusion of energy into the Tigers lineup” is laughable. He is older than both Delmon Young and Brennan Boesch.
First of all, who the fuck is saying ANY OF THIS?!?!?!? He is fresh and new to the MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM IN DETROIT, though. What people are ACTUALLY stating is that Berry’s speed is a commodity that nobody (not even Austin Jackson) else on the roster can replicate.
When Boesch had a 4-for-5 night, hitting a home run, driving in two runs and scoring two at Wrigley Field recently, there wasn’t the start of “Boeschemania.” Young isn’t having a very good season offensively based on his career numbers, but he was 10th in AL MVP voting as recently as 2010 and did hit three home runs and have an OPS of 1.170 in a tight, five-game ALDS victory over the Yankees last fall. There is a track record there.
Well, ya idiot, there was no “Boeschemania” because even after a recent hot stretch (relative term for Boesch in 2012), he still possesses an OPS of .641.
You probably aren’t any better with math than basic comprehension skills so let me break this down for you. Berry has an OPS 200 points higher than Brennan AFTER his “hot stretch.”
And also, shit for brains, BOESCH IS IN THE LINEUP EVERY DAY AND NOBODY IS SAYING HE SHOULDN’T BE.
Furthermore, Berry’s relic, ruh-tard of a manager isn’t telling your neutered pal, Jeff Riger, that it is not difficult to keep him out of the lineup. Kind of like Jim Leyland did FOUR TIMES on Sunday afternoon after Berry went 5-for-5.
In between bites, of course.
Which brings us to Delmon Young. Another dude who is in the batting order almost every single day no matter how awful he has been this season.
I LOVE how this disingenuous, marble mouth mentions Young’s 2010 season which is looking more and more like an anomaly every single day.
What a selective and devious “journalist.” Why didn’t Pat mention the fact that Young has an OPS of .682 THIS YEAR. Or that DY’s OPS in 2011 was .695.
Or that the Minnesota Twins (a lousy team that had him batting SEVENTH) traded the defensive liability to a divisional rival for two nondescript relief pitchers.
Hey “Pamphlet”, why not reference that other franchises were so worried about Dave Dombrowski acquiring Young last August that not one executive attempted to block the POST non-waiver deadline deal?
The Twins gave him up for peanuts and the Indians and White Sox couldn’t have cared less that Young was traveling to Detroit. Two teams that were still very much in competition for the AL Central title at the time.
And yet, having said ALL OF THAT, Quintin Berry wouldn’t even be replacing this albatross in the Tigers current lineup.
That decision would only occur once Andy Dirks returned from the Disabled List which might be four weeks away.
Plenty of time to discover if Berry is the real deal or more reminiscent of his earlier minor league days.
The criticism of manager Jim Leyland not playing Berry more is foolish. He is picking his spots where Berry can have an impact. Leyland rode Berry while he was hot, sat him when he cooled down and put him out there on Sunday against a right-hander with an ERA pushing seven and a WHIP over 1.8, Jeremy Gutherie.
Leyland isn’t foolish for not playing Berry? OK, so you think that Kelly or Raburn are better options against RHP than the speedster RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?!?
Also, Cancer Stick didn’t sit him when he cooled off. Berry stopped playing when Jackson came back because the Tigers were playing in an NL park without the DH and our moron manager figured that playing a one-dimensional Delmon Young was a better choice.
In fact, thanks to research compiled by Detroit News beat writer, Tom Gage, Berry’s stats in May and June are VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL. Here is the exact Tweet from the longtime scribe:
“Consistent? #Tigers Berry was 13-for-39 in May, is 13-for-39 in June, with same # of runs, doubles, triples, walks and RBI in both months”
What were you saying, SLOB?
In truth, the biggest reason is the Tigers have been able to turn it around is the return of Austin Jackson, who replaced Berry in the Tigers’ starting lineup.
Please, please, please give me the list of Tigers fans who believe that Quintin Berry is the reason for this so-called “turn around.” I am dying to see it since Berry hasn’t even been playing much in recent days.
And while Jackson has been INCREDIBLE this season when healthy, I’d say most reasonable Detroit baseball followers would state that the HORRID TEAMS they have been facing over the last week is the biggest reason for the “turn around.” If you can even call it that YET.
According to Caputo, if you think that Berry should play over RABURN and KELLY, you also believe that Quintin discovered the cure for polio, was the shooter on Seal Team 6 that took out Osama bin Laden and taught Sully Sullenberger how to land planes in water masses.
But Quintin Berry is, at best, a role player, and a relatively small piece of a much bigger puzzle.If the Tigers are forced to ride him – if Young, Boesch, Dirks, Ryan Raburn don’t come through – they will be on the train to nowhere.
A train to nowhere? Hmmmm. Like sitting there twiddling your thumbs at the 97.1 studios at 14 mile and Orchard Lake just in case there is a rain delay during the Tigers game and broadcasting regularly from 8pm to midnight with fellow dunce, Dennis Fithian. That sure is a coveted time slot. Or how about writing for that Pulitzer winning newspaper of yours, pal?
And just when I thought this jackhole couldn’t write anything worse than that GARBAGE, he Tweeted the following out in defense of his inane blog:
Look, he’s done well, but his impact on the Tigers actually winning games lately has been little. And that includes Sunday.
Yesterday, he was on base five times and scored 1 run. The previous two weeks, it was a moot point because he wasn’t on base
The guy is actually blaming Berry for only scoring once yesterday. Never-mind that he was on base FIVE times, stole one base and also pestered Jeremy Gutherie enough that the Rockies pitcher balked.
I guess it was QUINTIN BERRY’s fault that Miguel Cabrera grounded into a double play or that Prince Fielder couldn’t drive him home.
You might think that point to be ridiculous, of course we are talking about the same numbskull who didn’t like the Doug Fister trade because the Mariners couldn’t provide him with enough run support.
The Detroit Sports Media. Getting more offensive by the minute.
And now I will quote Jack Lemmon’s character from Glengarry Glen Ross:
“I’m done with ya.”