By Jeff Moss
May27, 2012
DetroitSportsRag@gmail.com
A couple of months back when I met with then ESPN1090 sports director, Rob Otto, and General Manager, Buzz Van Houten, at a Bloomfield Township Starbucks to discuss a potential afternoon show at their station, the topic of why I would want to get involved with the start-up endeavor was discussed.
Between my day job as an insurance appraiser, the time I spend working on the DSR and the hours I put in each week handicapping horses races, I really don’t have many waking hours left to devote to a daily radio program.
I was already looking into either purchasing Sugar Free Red Bull or 5-Hour Energy Drink in bulk at Costco just to manage what was going to be a ridiculously hectic schedule.
Anyway, there were two primary motivating factors involved in my pursuit of a radio gig at the fledgling sports station that I later found out was “owned” by a total fraud.
One impetus for considering the spot was completely out of spite. Whenever these fucking losers in the media who I criticize respond to my barbs, they ALWAYS PLAY the “you are bitter because you can’t get a job in the business” card.
It is the only thing they THINK they have on me. Because, I am really envious of people like Eric Thomas who are SO FUCKING DESPERATE for any sort of gig in this cesspool of an industry that they would accept a position making minimum wage to broadcast to a bunch of truckers at three in the morning.
And I love this idea that ANYONE who is a critic of something must be jealous and bitter. I mean, does Roger Ebert get this kind of nonsense from filmmakers?
“Oh yeah, Ebert just didn’t like Jack and Jill because he couldn’t get steady work after writing the screenplay for ‘Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.”
Or maybe, just maybe, Ebert is someone with a passion for movies that just thought that an Adam Sandler vehicle that had him playing his twin-sister SUCKED MAJOR ASS.
Look, I am already so far into the head of most of these media jackasses who READ EVERY SINGLE WORD I spew on the DirtSpurt, Twitter and the site’s Facebook page that getting “legitimate” work in their field would just have driven them even more bat-shit crazy.
And while spite was a major motivator and increasing the DSR’s audience to a new audience was another contributing factor, maybe the biggest fringe benefit would have been the potential to get a press pass as an employee of an ESPN affiliated radio station.
Now, even if I would have been hired to work for an actual radio station as opposed to running my own independent website I am not sure the Tigers, Lions, Pistons and Red Wings would have been rushing to provide me a credential anyway.
Somehow, it seems the rules always change when it comes to Poor Ol Jiff Myst.
And trust me, I didn’t want a Tigers press pass so I could get into the games for free. I have never had a problem with PAYING to go see the four Detroit professional franchises whenever my heart desired.
I have Red Wings tickets through my company in the second row off the glass on the blueline, I share a package of Tigers tickets on the third base line, you couldn’t pay me to go see the crap Joe Dumars is currently running out there at the Palace and I have sworn not to step into Ford Field until William Clay Ford, Sr. dies.
Nor do I have any desire to sit amongst Chris Iott and “Medicated” Jason Beck while they joke about mustard stains on Tom Gage’s shirt or giggle like school girls about how Jim Leyland mentioned their name during his pregame media scrum.
And even though a lot of my inspiration for this website comes from the work of Howard Stern, Andy Kaufman and Sacha Baron Cohen, I wouldn’t even want the credential to make a spectacle of myself or ask “Stuttering John” type nonsense.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uc9nI9aQq4o
BUT, I would ask tough and legitimate questions of the managers, coaches and executives in this town because I am not terrified of confrontation and unlike most of these eunuchs, I wouldn’t be frightened by the negative ramifications of potentially getting banned from Leyland’s office if he didn’t like a question I posed.
Because, quite frankly, since Joe Falls died there isn’t ONE PERSON in the Detroit Sports Media who has the balls to raise the tough questions to the people in a position of power.
Instead we get a parade of cowards like Jeff Riger who can’t afford to rile anyone up in fear of losing access or bought-and-paid cheerleaders like Mickey York throwing up the slow-pitch softballs.
You want a PERFECT EXAMPLE of why I would freaking die for a press credential? After the Tigers hit rock bottom and got swept by the Indians on Thursday afternoon, Cancer Stick turned the tables on the gathering media and asked them WHAT THEY WOULD DO if they were the manager of Detroit’s baseball team.
Here were his exact words as quoted by Bob Wojnowski on DetNews.com:
“I’m gonna reverse that question — what would you do with the personnel in the lineup?” Would you bring up different guys? Would you send guys down? Would you hit guys different? I’m not being smart about this, but I don’t really understand what the point is when people say, do something with the lineup. If you mean change personnel, first of all, you can’t just send players out.”
And what was the brilliant response from Wojo when given this equivalent opportunity of a penalty shot sans a goalie in net?
He inquired about swapping Prince Fielder for Miguel Cabrera in the batting order. Like, what the fuck would that do to spark this team? The guy gives you a golden opportunity LIKE THAT and you waste it on something NOBODY CARES ABOUT?!?!?!?!
If it were ME in that office, I would have pulled out a goddamn piece of paper and a pen and WRITTEN OUT EXACTLY what this lineup should look like when Austin Jackson returns from the DL.
AGAINST RHP
1) Jackson, Austin (CF)
2) Dirks, Andy (RF)
3) Cabrera, Miguel (3B)
4) Fielder, Prince (1B)
5) Boesch, Brennan (DH)
6) Peralta, Johnny (SS)
7) Avila, Alex (C)
8) Santiago, Ramon (2B)
9) Berry, Quintin (LF)
AGAINST LHP
1) Jackson, Austin (CF)
2) Dirks, Andy (RF)
3) Cabrera, Miguel (3B)
4) Fielder, Prince (1B)
5) Boesch, Brennan (LF)
6) Young, Delmon (DH)
7) Peralta, Johnny (SS)
8) Avila, Alex (C)
9) Raburn, Ryan (2B)
I would have further explained to Cancer Stick that Don Kelly has no business on this team. That he isn’t fast, he can’t hit and he isn’t even exceptional in the field and he only remains on the roster because YOU, JIM LEYLAND, happen to be sentimental about the guy.
I would elaborate that Berry’s speed is a commodity that shouldn’t be discounted and that he should stay in the lineup against righties until he proves he can’t hit. And even if that is the eventual result, he would be WAY more valuable as a late inning defensive replacement and pinch-runner as opposed to DON KELLY.
I mean, this is a team that in the late innings uses RYAN RABURN as an outfield defensive replacement. The same Ryan Raburn who let a ball bounce off his glove BEFORE THE WARNING TRACK in a game last year for a home run.
The guy is a lousy fielder yet he is being utilized as a DEFENSIVE REPLACEMENT. You can’t make this shit up.
What would you do with the personnel in the lineup? I’d let Santiago start against RHP because he is a superior left-handed option to Raburn and don’t even get me started about his dominance in the field over “Little Jimmy Jackson.”
Would you send guys down? No, I wouldn’t send Quad-A Kelly and his career OPS of .630 down, I would give him his OUTRIGHT RELEASE because to quote Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross …
“Follow my advice and fire (his) fucking ass because a loser is a loser.”
That is what I would have said to Leyland and then we could have discussed our thoughts about I’ll Have Another’s chances of taking down the Triple Crown and I am sure Jim would have thought I was a real swell guy.
I might even actually attempt to petition the Tigers for a press credential this week. Even if they say drop dead it would probably be entertaining.
But until they allow me in the inner sanctum, don’t expect any real tough questioning or thoughtful answers when Leyland turns the tables on these dudes who are more concerned about when the soft-serve ice cream will be available in the Comerica Park press box.
Just continue to expect a steady diet of …… “Jim Gets It.”