Jeff Moss
detroitsportsrag@gmail.com
December 20, 2012
Mr. Goodwill,
Last night, I sent you an email inquiring why you weren’t covering that evening’s Pistons/Raptors game at the ACC in Toronto.
I was advised by DetroitSportsRag legend, Brian “Spilt/Brung/Bo Knows/Christmas Ornament” Richard Coburn, that Terry Foster was blabbering all over his 97.1 talk show that he was making his “annual trip” to cover the Pistons in Ontario because you cannot gain access to Canada because you do not have a Passport or an Enhanced Driver’s License.
(I want to thank Mr. Brungings for this info since I would never have been tipped off to this story otherwise since I’d rather jam an exacto knife into my eardrum than listen to those two douche bags pontificate about school shootings between 2 and 6pm weekdays.)
As you know, you cannot gain entry into our friendly neighbor’s land unless you have a passort or the Enhanced License issued by the State of Michigan. This practice began in 2009.
Anyway, you responded to me via email that you weren’t on the Pistons beat last night because, “I have two older grandparents that I don’t get to see at all. Won’t be home for Christmas and wanted to spend some time with them while I could…”
Something seemed a little rotten in Denmark about your reply though. I was told by various sources that Foster didn’t seem to be joking AT ALL about traveling to Toronto because you can’t get through customs.
So I spent part of my afternoon at the Farmington Community Library perusing old copies of the Detroit News. I had to do this because for some reason, your employer archives old issues like Ollie North and Fawn Hall treated Iran/Contra paperwork.
I guess I would do the same if I employed Chris McCosky, Lynn Henning, Tom Gage, Tony Paul and Vincent GoodShill, Junior. But, I digress.
So, here is what I found …..
On December 23, 2010, a game story appeared in the News regarding the Pistons 115-93 victory over the Raptors. Terry Foster wrote that article.
On January 15, 2011, the Pistons defeated the purple dinosaurs by a score of 101-95. Terry Foster made sure to write in that recap that Detroit was victorious without the services of Richard Hamilton. Again, you were AWOL.
Even more peculiar than that was the following nugget. The Pistons traveled to Toronto on February 22, 2012. The FOUR librarians who were assisting me in retrieving this information (no exaggeration) could not find any recap in the Detroit News for that game.
From my research it doesn’t appear that the News sent ANYONE to cover the Pistons 103-93 loss. Instead, there was a NOTEBOOK entry from YOU that didn’t recap the previous evening’s matchup at all.
Hell, my crack team of FOUR librarians (unfortunately, none of them looked like Lucy Coe) couldn’t find one instance where you traveled up the 401 to earn your keep.
So, is it just a coincidence that you NEVER travel to Canada to cover the Pistons when you are the beat writer for the team? Are your grandparents allergic to games against teams in provinces?
You also informed me yesterday that the News doesn’t send you to cover road exhibition games. I guess that is why you didn’t attend the Pistons preseason games in Toronto and Winnipeg. Right? Or was that more BS?
I can only think of three different scenarios to why you NEVER enter Canada to do your JOB ….
1) You are too lazy to take your birth certificate to the nearest Secretary of State office and obtain an Enhanced Michigan Driver’s License. Something that took me about 45 minutes to accomplish when I had to do the same for my vocation. But, even Jeff Spicoli, Smokey from the “Friday” movies or The Dude would have been motivated in the last THREE YEARS to get a necessary piece of documentation to do their JOB.
2) You have some sort of legal issue which precludes you from entering Canada. This option is currently 2-to-5 in the DSR Sportsbook and is getting pounded by the smart money.
3) Terry Foster has a mistress in Etobicoke or Mississauga and he tells Celine that he has to cover for you when the Pistons are in Toronto so he can get some action. Based on what Matt “The Weasel” Dery once told DSR correspondent Justin Spiro about Foster’s monogamy, I guess this is plausible. I am still going with Door #2 though.
Anyway, I am not a trained investigative reporter. And going Woodward and Bernstein on your scrawny, Piston shilling ass isn’t exactly the same as taking down a crooked President.
So, can ya PLEASE just tell me why you never travel to Toronto to cover the Pistons? It would save me a lot of time and you some aggravation.
And please spare me the sick grandparents story.
Less people are buying that story than your uncle Rob Parker’s apology for calling RGIII a “cornball brother.”
Finally, if something is nefarious going on here, your mentor Terry Foster is a hell of a guy for bringing this to light.
Very Truly Yours,
Jeff Moss