The REAL Reason Mitch Albom Wrote “Dr. Football”

quotas

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 9, 2014

Earlier today I posted an article ripping Mitch “Condescending Baggins” Albom for his latest “mail it in” column posted in the sports section of the Detroit Free Press.

The article — which MIGHT have taken Frodo five minutes to concoct — was a “Q & A” with Albom playing the role of “Dr. Football.” Not to be confused, of course, with famous football writer. Dr. Z (Paul Zimmerman), who has suffered three strokes over the last few years leaving him completely debilitated.

Because even the former Sports Illustrated pigskin aficionado could pen a better column TODAY than this Albom drivel and Dr. Z hasn’t been able to write a solitary word since 2008.

Anyway, I have been able to get to the bottom of the mystery of why the afterlife-fixated diminutive writer would continue to sully his reputation with this sort of work.

You aren’t going to believe this one.

I have discovered that Albom’s contract with the Freep calls for him to write a certain number of articles each year. And if you quickly browse through his archives, you can see he hasn’t been very active in 2014.

From what I have learned, Albom planned on meeting his Freep quota by submitting columns on Lions games and Tigers postseason contests. Yep. Tigers playoff games.

And as we all know, there were only THREE of those contests this fall, putting a crimp in the Keebler Elf’s plans. And as “Deadwood” show runner David Milch always likes to say, “Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh.”

Hey, Mitch you can use that line in your next novella about Elohim, Mother Nature, Father Time or the Easter Bunny. 

Anyway, this is all a numbers game for Albom. He only has 52 days left to meet his quota and, like a cop pulling over unsuspecting drivers at the end of the month for driving six miles over the speed limit, Mitch is getting a tad desperate.

Hence …. Dr. Football!!!!!!

Seriously, this muppet has been honored THIRTEEN times as the nation’s best sportswriter. 13 times!!!! In 2010, he was given the prestigious Red Smith Award for Lifetime Achievement by the APSE. He is world-renowned for his book, “Tuesday’s with Morrie.”

And just this past year he was placed on the ballot for induction into the Michigan Sports Hall of Fame. Not a HOF for writers and journalists but a museum that includes Gordie Howe, Barry Sanders and now Derek Jeter.

And he is defecating all over his legacy with columns like Friday’s where he thinks it is clever to make a “Rural” Meyer joke.

I am not the only one who is noticing how Albom is embarrassing himself at this stage of his career.

Grantland’s Bill Barnwell — the dude who took over Bill Simmons’ NFL picks column when the Sports Douche was suspended by ESPN — Tweeted this out Friday afternoon.

And then NFL writer Gregg Rosenthal chimed in ….

It was then time for NFL.com personality Dave Dameshek to mock Frodo …

We are not done here. This was Sports Illustrated writer Doug Farrar’s take …..

Remember Jason La Canfora? He actually used to write for the Freep. He covered the Red Wings beat for the paper a few years back.

Here is one last takedown from Michael David Smith of ProFootballTalk.com …..

These are public remarks on Albom’s garbage from his well-respected peers. It’s not just another nasty rant from Crazy ‘Ol Juff Myst.

And here is the best part. Even after getting all of that feedback from his brethren, Barnwell was so appalled by Albom’s Special Delivery Jones column that he TWEETED IT AGAIN ……

Hahahahhahahahahahahahahaahaahaha.

In case you missed it, here is this abortion of an article one more time!!!!

This is your legacy, Mitch. You’ve become a laughingstock in your own profession. You have prioritized your radio program on WJR; writing awful books for menopausal women; and adapting those hokey novellas for television movies higher than your gig at the Free Press.

And because you have to meet a quota with the paper, you resort to “Dr. Football.”  How much money is enough, Frodo? You’ve made a gazillion dollars selling your novels so I’ve gotta ask a question ….

How much is your name worth?

Because you might want to start sitting bedside with your sportswriting career every Tuesday for awhile; I just saw a report about it by Ted Koppel on “Nightline” and shit looks REALLY grim.